All girls want to be loved.
It is the truth. No matter how tough a girl plays.
My girlfriend right now used to be a slut. Plain and simple. In the beginning it didn't bother me as my feelings for her weren't that strong, but over the course of being with her for a month now ("being" with her...I'm in London, she's in Vienna), I thought more and more about her sexual "adventures" per se before she met me. In the beginning we were both quite explicit in our retellings of our sexual histories. She has slept with the same amount of guys that I have slept with girls, plus she's had lesbian sex.
After a while this REALLY got to me, deep down in my subconscious, the more I fell in love with her. I guess it's the old madonona-whore complex, however knowing your gf sucked off some dude at his place at 10.30am because she wanted a "good fuck" is really not a pleasing image. Not at all.
So I've been dealing with this issue for about 2 weeks now, and it's gotten quite bad recently, where I think about her fucking other dudes a lot. Apparently this is a very common issue amongst men, as I've researched it, and I'm talking to my therapist about it. There were times when I was thinking I can't handle it anymore and I have to end it with her, knowing she was such a slut in the past. Indeed she slept with me in 2.5 hours of meeting her, so...yeah.
I thought a lot about this entire situation. She seems to be a very confident girl. Talks openly about sex, and her attitude is "hard" I guess you could call it. So on the outside she is a very strong person, an extremely strong frame, broken down only by me at times. I think she felt good about her number, and indeed felt good that she madeout with a lot of guys in the club. I guess she would be the slut in the club every PUA seeks. She drinks heavily when she goes out and enjoys going up to guys and making out with them, and once in a while taking them home. She is an aggressor.
It was extremely difficult for me to comprehend why a girl would behave like that. After all, all we hear about in PUA is that it is difficult to sleep with girls. Girls have anti-slut defense and LMR and all that stuff. Not my girl. She has no anti-slut defense, gave me pretty much no LMR, had no bitch shield or anything. It got me thinking.
She claims she just "likes to have a lot of sex", she told me she "loves sex" and stuff. Cool shit. She definitely does. But I want to go a little deeper here in trying to understand why my girlfriend was such a slut before me. Why she slept around so much. A girl who has no anti-slut defense has no fear of being called a slut. In one way this may seem empowering to women, it may seem like "yeah, I can fuck whomever I want", but really that is just a mask. It is a mask to hide an underlying issue within the girl herself.
Really it comes down to self-respect and valuing yourself as a person. Unfortunately the "double-standard" that men are high value when they have sex with quite a few women and women are "low-value" if they do the same vice versa has truth to it. If a woman fucks a lot of guys it's not that SHE herself loses value as a person, but her sexual market value does. The reason we have this double standard in the first place is because guys value girls less sexually if they've been around. It's hardwired into us. Go into google and search "my girlfriend used to be a slut" and you'll see endless posts of dudes uncomfortable with their girlfriend's sexual history. On the other hand, if a girl restricts her sexual activity to guys she deems "worthy" then her sexual value goes up in men's minds, because she is "harder to get", and so we see her as a prize and value her and respect her more.
Vice versa, a girl values a guy she can "tie down", one that she can "make a keeper", and a guy who sleeps around a lot is harder to tie down than someone who waits for the perfect girl to come along. Therefore a man's sexual value goes up if he sleeps around, purely psychologically. Of course this has nothing to do with any REAL value, but it does have to do with PERCEIVED value. And unfortunately we all have a psyche.
However there is also another aspect to this. A girl who sleep around a lot, well, at least my girlfriend, may think she is empowering herself when she seeks out sex, when she feels like she has the sexual power over a man, however this is not really true. There is a reason why she feels empowered. She does not feel empowered in any other aspect.
A girl with no anti-slut defense does not respect her own body and self image as much as a girl who does have ASD. And I am pretty sure my girlfriend has dated some real losers back in her day. Like real losers. Since she seeks out pure pleasure a high value man isn't really the deciding factor. The deciding factor is "does this guy want to fuck?" My girlfriend jumped around from guy to guy until she met me. She felt very confident talking about it all, however I could tell that she was never happy with these guys. She puts absolutely no value on sex, which I guess in some areas is a good thing, however in other areas it definitely isn't. She is very desperate for sex as well. I'm sure she can't go for more than a couple months without fucking someone.
However the one thing she really never truly valued was a long-term relationship. She had a ltr when she was 16, for 3 years, when the guy broke up with her, then wanted her back. No doubt this must have hurt her. After that she went into the big city of Vienna and started messing around. She went through 7 guys without ever getting into a ltr in 2 years, which I guess is not that much, however never truly looking for a relationship. But here's the catch. Secretly she was. As is every girl. Every girl that "sleeps around" really is just looking to be loved. They use sex to get to that person as quickly as possible, to build a connection as fast as possible, and when that doesn't work out they look for the next one. They may not know it consciously, but it sure is there subconsciously. Every girl who claims she just wants "no strings attached" sex, really is looking for something deeper. Because it is hard-wired. They want to "have fun" but really, the want to be loved. This attitude of sleeping around can come from a variety of factors, and many times it's because the girl doesn't value herself. She sleeps with every guy she's interested in because she's tired of waiting for the right one to come around. However at the same time she's sacrificing her own sexual value.
What's interesting as well is that these girls don't think they can just naturally attract a high value guy. The go out and seek them out. They seek out pleasure, and they seek out sex. Therefore they think of themselves as unworthy, or low value. My girlfriend has jokingly called herself a "cheap bitch", but really that's what she thinks of herself deep down inside. On the outside she's all confident, but deep down she definitely isn't. For some reason she doesn't value herself very highly, but she tries to act like she does.
How do I know this? It's very difficult to see from her behavior, because she is feisty and hardened by life, so she seems to be in complete control. But really she's impulsive, drinks a lot when she goes out, tries to take control of everything which I don't let her, and thinks she's high value because she's an "empowered" woman who can get sex easily. And then I come along and she falls in love with me. What exactly did I do that made her fall in love so deeply and so quickly? She told me she loved me after 1 month of meeting each other, remember.
All I really did was firstly have sex with her, and secondly stay the night cuddling, caressing her. It seems like other guys just never did this. I was quite a fatherly figure in many ways. She values me extremely highly, having forgiven me lying straight to her face (which I am not planning to do ever again btw), and thus shows extremely low self-respect. I mean let's face it, here I am, a guy who lied to her and has the potential to lie to her again, and she still is with me. Any sane, self-respecting woman would think "I can do better" and piss off. Not her. She clung to me like there's no tomorrow, just because I exuded some behaviors that others just didn't. If the second guy she fucked would have had similar behavioral traits to me, she would have stuck with him. Simple as that.
She thought she was an empowered woman because she slept so easily with guys, being able to fuck whomever she wants, but this was just a replacement good feeling. The real good feeling, the one that every girl searches for, and indeed every one of you guys, is love. Being loved is the deep search of every person. This isn't new. But just know that if you ever fall in love with a girl who behaved slutty in the past, there is a deeper issue going on. Don't be intimidated by them. Have sympathy with them. They are just on the lookout like you and me. And they probably don't respect themselves highly either. One of the only reasons we PUAs sleep so quickly with girls is because we know that is the quickest and most efficient way to hook them. Why do we want to hook them? To see if they are potential for a long-term girlfriend ultimately.
And even you guys who think that youre into pua because you wanna be the best. Remember why you got into this in the first place. That's the real reason you're doing it.
Girls are just the same. They're just humans, searching for love. Therefore the madonna-whore complex is really broken down now. We want an angel who is a slut in the bedroom, but only with us. Men cannot process the fact that their girlfriend slept around before them, because it is such a horrid thing to visualize. You love this person so much, and there they are in your mind, cheating on you in the past. But instead of getting mad at them, have sympathy for them. They've been hurt. I don't know if my girlfriend has been hurt badly, but she would be devastated if I broke up with her. She never believed in such fairy-tale love until she met me. And I have sympathy for her because she never felt what real love feels like. She's never been loved in her life, and she was constantly on the search, sub-consciously.
So make sure you think about this sort of stuff deeply before you do anything foolhardy. I've been dealing with this issue for the past two weeks, trying to get over my girlfriend's past. But really, I see it as a very low-value trait in a girl who sleeps around a lot. She's not working hard for it, just receiving pleasure. And she's seeking that pleasure because she's unhappy with her life, and most likely she's unhappy because she isn't loved, or doesn't feel loved. No matter how hard a person is, no matter how hard you are, if you are not loved and do not love someone yourself, you are not truly happy. It's the hard truth.
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