Tr@veler's Lodge



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 Post subject: Re: Tr@veler's Lodge
PostPosted: Fri May 16, 2014 12:22 pm 
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Here is an article from my upcoming e-book, released at some point in time:

The Abundance Mentality

The Abundance Mentality is the mentality that comes from the knowledge that you can get other girls. It is a mentality that helps you stay calm, peaceful, joyful, playful.

Know that when you go out, no set matters. No one girl matters. Why? Because tomorrow you can go out again and approach some more girls. This does not mean don’t try. Try as hard as you can, but try in the right way. Don’t try to get the girl, because the girl does not matter. What truly matters is perfecting your skill. There is real gravity to this. Perfect your skill. You know you are perfecting your skill if you get further with girls over a period of time. You will know it is working.

The Abundance Mentality helps you focus on perfecting the skill, and moves your focus away from putting any sort of worth on getting the girl. Getting the girl is secondary.

The Mentality paves the way for a better relationship, as well. Usually when a guy meets a girl, it is the first girl he’s met in months, and when he starts a relationship with her, he is burdened by neediness. He needs this girl so badly, because it could be months or maybe even years before he meets another. The average guy only has sex with about 7 girls in his lifetime. The average guy believes that girls in his life are a rarity. And they are, because of this mentality.

A player, on the other hand, knows that should he lose this one girl he has now, as much as it may hurt, he can find himself another soon. How soon? Probably next week. Maybe even tomorrow. Therefore he is not needy, he does not place insurmountable value on this one girl. He may like her a lot, maybe even love her, but he knows that should he lose her, because of any kind of reason, he is able to get another girl, because he has the skillset to do so. He trusts in his skills. And he trusts in something deeper. He trusts that even if his skill may not be up to par as it might have been previously, he has the willpower, the drive, to go out and perfect it again and again.

A rich man finds peace not in the fact that he has a lot of money, but in the fact that should he lose his money, he is able to make it again, because he is willing to put in the time and effort. It may take him a month, or a year to get back to where he was, but his willpower is so strong that he pushes through any effort with ease, even finding complete joy in it.

This Abundance Mentality allows for actions that you would usually never do in a scarcity mindset. It allows you to tell the girl that she is open to leave you if she feels like it, which is reverse psychology, because anytime someone ever told you that you don’t have to do something, or you don’t have to stay, you are more likely to do it and more likely to stay, because you have the option not to. Having the option not to gives you a sense of freedom, and the belief that you are able to do what you want. Telling a girl that she may leave you gives her the legitimate option to leave you, and this in turn makes her more likely to stay. If you tell a girl she has the option to leave you, you must fully expect that it is a real possibility, and even though it may hurt, you are able to accept it. Therefore telling her she has the option to leave you must be an honest statement, one you truly mean, not one you use to make her stay, secretly fearing she may actually leave, because it may backfire on you.


Reactivity and Pain

You may think that having an Abundance Mentality causes you to be completely carefree about a girl leaving you, because, hell, you can get another girl tomorrow. You may think this is the level you should reach.

No.

It will always hurt when a girl is leaving you, because you build a connection with her, just like with your friends. You may even grieve a little after she left you. This type of reactivity is fine, as long as you accept it.

And this is what truly changes. Your level of acceptance. You realize over a period of time that pain isn’t bad. It’s OK, and you have the skillset to move on now. You may, and will, be extremely sad when a girl leaves you, or you leave a girl, but you will be able to accept the burden that comes with it and not react angrily when she does leave.

The same goes for when a girl might threaten to leave you. You will still feel discomfort, but your higher knowledge of the game allows you to see it in a different perspective. You will not be needy. Should you have a fight with a girl she will be the one to lose, because you know that a fight in and of itself is pointless. After all, a person in a relationship that fights wants the person to stay deep down inside, otherwise they wouldn’t be reacting so aggressively. They are truly afraid to lose the other person. But the person who accepts that this may be the end, and that he can move on, will remain calm, peaceful, and this, in turn will calm the other person down and things will most likely turn out well if not better than before.

Any type of reaction seeking behavior a girl shows to you, is just a test in the end. She wants to see whether you truly can handle this relationship, whether you’re just like all the other guys, flying off at everything she does, not accepting her for who she is. If you truly accept her for who she is, and know that you can find another girl down the road quite easily, then her behavior won’t have such an effect on you.

How do you get to this abundance mentality?

By going out. A lot. By talking to a lot of girls. A lot. By practicing your skillset. A lot. A guy who goes out 6-7 nights a week will develop and trust his skills much faster and much more profoundly than a guy who goes out once or twice a week.

If you make a true habit of going out 6 nights a week, you know for sure that next week you have 6 nights to perfect your skill. If you only go out once or twice per week, you know for sure that you only have 1-2 nights this week to make something happen, so you put a lot of value on them.

The more you do something, the less value it has. You want to almost completely eradicate the value of your nights, and of girls. The more girls you talk to, the less value any one girl has.

A diamond has such high monetary and emotional value because it is a scarce material. Oxygen has no monetary or emotional value because it is so abundant. We do not even think about it. The same goes for girls. If you only talk to one girl a week, she will have a LOT of value for you, because you will have to wait a whole week until you talk to the next girl. At this rate you might get your next girl in a year or so! If you talk to 100 girls a week, on the other hand, 1 girl will have 1/100th of the value of that other girl, because you are meeting your next girl in the next 10 minutes.

Taking Massive Action

So an abundance mentality is directly related to taking action. Taking massive action provides you with that abundance mentality.

This massive action taking also allows you to perfect your game faster, because you will realize that failing isn’t a big deal. You will try out so many things because you are going out so much that you are going through the trial and error phase for yourself much faster. This means that tonight you allow yourself to expand your game, try new things, new ways of kissing, new ways of pulling, because you do not have to “succeed” at getting a girl tonight. You are able to focus on building your skillset because you are going out so much that at one point it will happen anyway! This is true love for the game.

This is how you become good with women.


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 Post subject: Re: Tr@veler's Lodge
PostPosted: Mon May 19, 2014 7:53 pm 
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So I've been at the girlfriend's since Saturday night, just spending time with her here in Vienna. I am expanding myself sexually in ways I haven't before. I feel like we are swimming in a sexual oasis. However we are obviously also going out and doing things together. Spent the day with her shopping and chilling at the Danube for a few hours.

She told me she loved me last night, and I said it back. We were both drunk, and had very dirty sex. After it she said that I know what she's about to say, but she's afraid. I told her to say it (always make sure she says it first), and she did. I told her I did, too. We woke up today, and I told her I still did, and she said she did, too.

She told me she wanted to tell me 2 weeks ago when I first flew back to Vienna to visit her, but she was afraid it was happening too fast, and was afraid of my reaction. Now, this is a girl who takes life into her own hands, very confident, extroverted, and quite masculine in her behavior at times, in terms of social dominance. However, she becomes a little girl around me, and only me. She's the type of chick that went to the club to get laid, and we talked a lot about male and female interactions. She knows pickup artists exist, and I only said "Cool" and said nothing more, because it was not needed. Anyway, she is extremely aware of social dynamics and interactions, but from the female side. It's very interesting to hear her side of it all. She said she approached guys in bars and clubs. She said the ratio of her approaches to getting approached were 50:50. I told her mine was probably around 95:5. Shows you how much women get approached, and how easily they can go up to a guy and get with them, be it making out or taking them home.

The cool thing is she is sophisticated about it all, and likes to analyse people and situations, which makes for very interesting conversation.

So picture this strong, confident girl who didn't want a relationship being all girly, sweet and vulnerable. It's beautiful to see. She told me she fell in love with me after our first weekend together before I left for London. And this is a girl who's had a lot of meaningless hookups. And I believe the one thing that separates me from all the other guys she's had is firstly my confidence, and secondly my awareness of social dynamics and relationships and my skill. I know when to be dominant, when to be vulnerable, when to be neutral with her, when to be playful, when to be surprising and inconsistent, when to be consistent, when to be sexual, and especially how to talk dirty to her. I talk very dirty to her, but in the right way. Whilst us guys can get turned on physically, women get turned on mentally. Even when she is wet when we're in bed, she might not be completely down for sex, because she gets wet easily and stays wet around me, so I have to turn on her mind, and I talk in a low, sensual voice and tell her all the things I am going to do to her in detail, which pretty much no other guy ever did to her, showing her just how confident I am in saying what I want to and how I push the sexuality to the limits and beyond. I have a real interest in pushing sexual limitations, because, hell, it turns me on so much and I love it, and it provides almost spiritual fulfilment.

This combined with all the other points above, such as being spontaneous, telling her what I think of her whether she likes it or not, doing what I want to do, but then also compromising for her, being inconsistent in the right areas and consistent in the right ones, being loving and caring, being a protector, telling her I'll keep her safe, but also teasing the shit out of her when the vibe is playful and less affectionate, passing all of her "shit tests", provides an incredible dynamic.

Shit be good until now. Let's see how it progresses.


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 Post subject: Re: Tr@veler's Lodge
PostPosted: Tue May 20, 2014 2:18 pm 
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Joined: Sun Mar 30, 2014 1:28 pm
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Long term reader, first time poster.

I've enjoyed reading these reports and they have shaped my game to an extent.

But I must say this, every journey has a beginning and an end.

What is the end here? In the beginning your goal seemed clear. Or clearer. Similar to most on here. But now, I'm not sure.

On your last few posts you are still trying to pick up but your not k closing etc due to the pair bond you have with the Bavarian girl.

As you have k closed another girl does that mean you can now k close multiple other girls? Then if you can, why stop there, why not f close multiple girls. If this 'exclusive' pair bond you have with the Bavarian means that you have to remain 100% faithful to her. I question, why game at all? Why put yourself in that position?

So I am curious, what is your end result here. Surely there must be one. For their to be 'success' their must be a quantifiable goal that can be achieved...no?

_________________
You have gotta want it, as bad as you wanna breath...

Then you'll be successful!

Field reports:
ascending-to-snowsaiyan-vt178492.html


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 Post subject: Re: Tr@veler's Lodge
PostPosted: Sat May 24, 2014 4:17 pm 
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Joined: Sun Aug 14, 2011 10:22 am
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Quote:
Long term reader, first time poster.

I've enjoyed reading these reports and they have shaped my game to an extent.

But I must say this, every journey has a beginning and an end.

What is the end here? In the beginning your goal seemed clear. Or clearer. Similar to most on here. But now, I'm not sure.

On your last few posts you are still trying to pick up but your not k closing etc due to the pair bond you have with the Bavarian girl.

As you have k closed another girl does that mean you can now k close multiple other girls? Then if you can, why stop there, why not f close multiple girls. If this 'exclusive' pair bond you have with the Bavarian means that you have to remain 100% faithful to her. I question, why game at all? Why put yourself in that position?

So I am curious, what is your end result here. Surely there must be one. For their to be 'success' their must be a quantifiable goal that can be achieved...no?
At this point, the result of getting laid isn't my motivation for going out anymore. My love for the game is motivation for going out. I love the game so much, I love coming up with my own ideas, my own practical ideas, concepts, theories, and I love to find out every alleyway in the game. I know the value of going out, I know it reaches far beyond getting a girlfriend or getting a lay. It teaches you deep lessons, makes you into a hustler, gives you experience in areas you would otherwise never have.

The journey is now much more important than an end result.

And no, just because I kissed another girl does not suddenly make it OK to kiss other girls.

The reason I am together with Bavarian girl, is because I love her. That is why. We have a very good, very deep connection, have very similar life values, have very similar life paths, we both want to become filmmakers, we are both conscious of the environment, we are both very aware and skilful in the dating world, are completely open to each other, do not judge each other whatsoever on anything, are playful, and many other things. That is why I chose to be with her. But game is still an important part of my life, if not the most important part.


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 Post subject: Re: Tr@veler's Lodge
PostPosted: Sat May 24, 2014 4:52 pm 
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Here's another bit from my book to come...

More About the Sexual Hook Point

Really, the Sexual Hook Point should be your main concern at the beginning of an interaction, your main focus at the beginning of any pickup. Only after you have reached the Sexual Hook Point does the game actually begin and the lay become a real possibility. Before the Sexual Hook Point there is no need to stress about any one girl whatsoever, because none of the girls here have had the chance to get to like you sexually yet. Therefore the first 3-5 minutes are crucial. Crucial. Rambling is crucial. Do not expect the girl to immediately jump on your dick once you open her. She is not comfortable with you yet.

A lot of guys get frustrated because they believe they are not building enough attraction. What bullshit. They are just not spending enough time with the girl, and they are probably very serious when interacting with the girl. Get out of this habit if you are in it. Unlearn it. Go out and spout shit, pure shit, and stick in there. You have a sense of humor. You have things you like. Remember the last time you had a truly awesome time with your friends, male and/or female. When you were bouncing jokes off each other for a long period of time, not thinking about what the other might think of it. You have it in you. You can tease, you can push people away, you can pull them back in. You can touch people. You’ve given your family members hugs. You can do this. You are already enough. Now all you need to do is get to that stage of complete non-seriousness, and stick with the girl for those 5 goddamn minutes. Just do it. Talk about how you robbed a tiger from the local zoo and made it your own pet, and that she should come visit you sometime so that you can show it to her. Explain to her how you bought 30 islands for the price of a coke can because you knew the right people in Prague to make it happen. Recount the tale of how you saved a 40 year old man from the moon after he got stuck up there searching for moonstones. Let the creativity flow out of you. This is all not real, remember? Nothing here counts. Nothing is real. Build a fantasy world between you and every girl you interact with. Be the fantastical creature that comes from Narnia to tell them the great legends of lost lands. Find that fun within you. Stop talking about how much you like her and how the two of you should go on a date. Stop being all serious and smileless. Have a huge smile on your face, amuse yourself. It All Doesn’t Count.

The good thing about the first 3-5 minutes of pure rambling is that it sets the frame for the interaction. If you have a completely non-serious vibe with the girl that is playful, physical, sexual, then once you have reached the Sexual Hook Point, the vibing will grow out of that. The two of you will continue to talk complete nonsense and build a deep sense of familiarity, because she has never had such an interaction with anyone before. Vibing will be easy for you as well because you are in that vibe of non-serious playful talk. And since you are in this non-serious frame, everything you do is not serious at all, such as going for the kiss, or bouncing her around, or pulling her out of the club. It’s all not serious; it’s all not real. It’s all just fantasy. It Doesn’t Count.


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 Post subject: Re: Tr@veler's Lodge
PostPosted: Sat May 24, 2014 7:46 pm 
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Joined: Sun Mar 31, 2013 12:11 pm
Posts: 361
Quote:
A lot of guys get frustrated because they believe they are not building enough attraction. What bullshit. They are just not spending enough time with the girl, and they are probably very serious when interacting with the girl. Get out of this habit if you are in it. Unlearn it. Go out and spout shit, pure shit, and stick in there. You have a sense of humor. You have things you like. Remember the last time you had a truly awesome time with your friends, male and/or female. When you were bouncing jokes off each other for a long period of time, not thinking about what the other might think of it. You have it in you. You can tease, you can push people away, you can pull them back in. You can touch people. You’ve given your family members hugs. You can do this. You are already enough. Now all you need to do is get to that stage of complete non-seriousness, and stick with the girl for those 5 goddamn minutes. Just do it. Talk about how you robbed a tiger from the local zoo and made it your own pet, and that she should come visit you sometime so that you can show it to her. Explain to her how you bought 30 islands for the price of a coke can because you knew the right people in Prague to make it happen. Recount the tale of how you saved a 40 year old man from the moon after he got stuck up there searching for moonstones. Let the creativity flow out of you. This is all not real, remember? Nothing here counts. Nothing is real. Build a fantasy world between you and every girl you interact with. Be the fantastical creature that comes from Narnia to tell them the great legends of lost lands. Find that fun within you. Stop talking about how much you like her and how the two of you should go on a date. Stop being all serious and smileless. Have a huge smile on your face, amuse yourself. It All Doesn’t Count.
Tr@v, fucking classic advice! Good shit, dude.


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 Post subject: Re: Tr@veler's Lodge
PostPosted: Mon May 26, 2014 1:15 pm 
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Went out to O'Neill's last night and met up with Oz and SnowSaiyan from the forum.

I got in and noticed Oz already in set and thought to myself good shit. I ordered a beer and entered the set. Oz introduced me as Trevor and I played along. It's always amusing for me to see how girls' eyes light up after just a few minutes of talking. I can't remember exactly what I said but I started talking a lot of bullshit, teasing the two chicks, flipping the script on them. I asked them if they want to have a fivesome with us, and one of them playfully said yes. Anyway we split the set and I took on the married girl, who was in all honesty boring as fuck. At this point I really don't care about a girl's reactions anymore and I stopped putting any effort into keeping the conversation going at one point, just totally amusing myself. I sipped my beer and introduced a really long pause.

Anyway it was time to leave the set. Oz got on the phone to speak to Snow, and I continued running the two-set. I told the first girl that I'm now distracting her whilst Oz is gone, and that she should look into my hands and if she's ever been hypnotized. She says no. I tell her to give me her hand, she does, and I pretend to read her palm, after which I tell her that I can't read palms. She's playfully disappointed and I point out her own emotions to her, how anticipation builds up and if one doesn't get a reward the emotion within turns sour. You don't need to know anything in pickup apart from how to talk shit playfully guys!

Anyway, we move on, and Oz and I talk a little, introducing ourselves. We're waiting for Snow. I go to the toilet, and when I return, Oz is in set. Good shit. I come in and he introduces me. I take on one of the older ladies. I notice her giving me the eyes so it's game on. I tell her I can't pinpoint her accent, and I ask if she's swedish. She says she can be if I want her to be. I say I do and that she should be my Swedish girl for the night. She agrees, and I ask her what she wants me to be. She says middle-eastern, and I say Prince. I tell her I'll be her middle-eastern prince for the night. We begin to talk dirtier to each other. I tease her on something and she laughs. I ask her why she likes assholes so much. She says because of the ass. I call her a nasty bitch or something and she laughs. She says that the asshole should take a seat and I look around for a seat and can't find one. She orders me to take a seat and I shout back that I can't conjure up a seat out of nothing. She laughs. I eventually grab a seat and get closer to her. I keep talking into her ear. I tell her she won't be able to handle me, after she asks me whether I can handle her. I tell her I will send her a love poem with one of my falcons. At one point Snow comes into set and she looks at him. I tell her she shouldn't look at him like that. I ask her how she would like it if I looked at her friends like that. She said I should go ahead and I say OK, and I switch to one of her cuter friends. I switch seats and introduce myself to the Slovakian girl. She asks what her friend did and I say she broke my heart. I'm feeling like Hitch in the speed dating scene. I start to talk intimately with her, tell her we're neighbors as she's Slovakian and I'm Austrian. I tell her we should meet up in Vienna and she says yes playfully. I ask her for her Facebook and she gives it to me. Oz and Snow are gone now so I say goodbye and leave the set.

I move up to the smoking area and find Oz and Snow. I introduce myself to Snow and we get to know each other a little bit. He's cool. He tells me he's a little bit frustrated with the "lack of success", and I tell him that success isn't measured in lays, makeouts or numbers. It's measured in the process.

Oz opens another set and I open one of the girls in the set and ask her what she thinks of my dance-moves. I dance stupidly and she laughs awkwardly. She turns away but I just keep talking, keeping her attention on me. 3-5 minute rule! And sure enough after around 3 minutes she's investing into the conversation. We talk stupid shit, and then her friend and her leave to go downstairs. We also bounce down.

We head into the 2nd floor and I open a girl on the right asking her what she thinks of my dancing moves. I dance stupidly and she smiles and nods. I ask her on a scale from 1-10 what she thinks. She says 10, definitely. I say yeah, and she turns away...and I move on.

We head into the 2nd floor and I walk on, and open an Italian chick in a 3-set. I ask her what she thinks of my dancing moves. She laughs and says they're good. I keep talking to her. I guess that she's Spanish, and she says no. I ask her where from and she tells me to guess again. I guess Italian, and she nods and laughs. I ask her name. Let's call her F. I say I know one word in Italian, but I cant remember it. She says vaffanculo, which means "Fuck Off"! I say yes, that's the one and say vaffanculo! She laughs. I keep talking to her and dancing in the silent spots. I ask her who she's here with and she points at the two people behind her. I ask how they know each other, and she says they know each other from yesterday. I laugh and ask if they're best friends. She says no.

We keep talking, and I say I will go to the bar. I leave.

I move downstairs and find J in the bar with his wings. We say hi and I move on. I keep walking around. I find Oz and Snow at the very bottom and tell them that there are more puas in the bar and they're keen on meeting them. I take them upstairs and we find J and his wing in a 2-set. We stand there for a bit when F comes along again. I high-five her and she stays. I keep talking to her, and ask her where she wants to travel to. She says Australia, and I say I wanted to go couch-surfing in Australia a few years ago, then tell her we should fly to Australia tomorrow. She smiles and agrees. I tell her I have a private jet and we should meet tomorrow. She says yes. I tell her I will take her to Vienna if she takes me to Italy. I ask her where exactly in Italy she's from and she says near Torino. I say cool. She says she's hot, and I continue talking, knowing now is the time to bounce around the venue.

I tell her we should go upstairs to the smoking area for fresh air, she hesitates. I say only 2 minutes. She says she has to check with her friend. I tell her to ask. She doesn't, so I tell her to ask again. She doesn't. Then I take over and tell her friend we should all go to the smoking area upstairs. She begins to move, then looks at her friend and they discuss. I already took a few steps forward, leading. But they don't move. I ask what's up, and they say they have two more friends here. I say OK, she should come with me for 2 minutes and I'll bring her back down, only for fresh air. She finally agrees and I lead her up the stairs. Persistence mothefuckers.

We go all the way up and queue up for the smoking area. We continue to small talk, and she begins to ask me questions. When we are finally in the smoking area I tease the shit out of her. She asks me how old I am, I tell her to guess. She guesses 24. She's 24. I say I'm younger. She guesses 22. She asks me how old I would have thought she was, and she then says "younger, right?" I say no, probably around 30. She slaps me playfully, and I say I'm kidding. 31. She slaps me playfully again.

We continue to talk, and I keep grabbing her by her waist. She's looking at me like she wants to get kissed, and I would have, but gf and all. She says she has to go back down to her friends (this is what happens when you don't pull the trigger. Girls want to get kissed, and if you don't the fun is over for them.) I say yeah we should go for a drink. She agrees, I get her number and ask her what her schedule looks like. We set up a Day 2 for Tuesday by Baker Street.

We go back downstairs and part ways.

After that I'm willing to go home. Oz and Snow bounced to another venue with 2 girls, and I bounce home.

Notes: pretty good overall. Could have opened more. Could have stayed in some sets for longer. Had a massive problem with my cough yesterday, as sometimes when I talked I just got a small coughing fit which ruined the micro dynamic. I found it difficult to talk loudly without irritating my throat and coughing.
I want to practice pulling more.

Persistence makes it. It's not that she doesn't like you, she just needs to be LED.


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 Post subject: Re: Tr@veler's Lodge
PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 2:05 pm 
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What a night yesterday, I'm still a little shook up.

I had a SPAM conversation with the gf last night, and we had a talk about HIV tests, I said that I took one yesterday. She asked me when the last time I had sex before I met her was, and I told her the truth and said just a few days ago.

This shocked the shit out of her, making her passive aggressive. It brought back feelings from the VERY beginning of our relationship where things were shaky between us. I could tell that I hurt her badly with this information, and to be fair it wasn't my fault, however the fear of loss kicked in big time, and I figured out how much I love this girl. We have a deep bond and a shaky situation is something I have yet to learn to handle properly. I feel I have handled the relationship pretty well so far, however last night I freaked the fuck out. I knew something was wrong, that it shocked her but she gave me the age old "I'm fine". I knew she wasn't and she gave hints that she wasn't in her behavior, but her words kept saying I shouldn't feel bad.

Anyway today I got a text from her saying that she was indeed hurt by it, and that she doesn't really know why because it is in the past and isn't anything serious. We had a small text interaction, and she said it is probably because there was such little time between my last fuck and her.

At this point one thing I have learned is to give the girl the option of having space, instead of trying to convince or something, to tell her that you are ok if she needs to take her time to think about things. This is powerful stuff. And staying CALM is also a great asset, which yesterday I was to an extent, but was still very afraid of losing her.

Anyway I told her today that I cannot change my past, only my future, and that it is up to her whether she can accept it or not. She sent back a very long message via SPAM saying that I should stop worrying and that it won't get between us, and that it is something she needs to sort out for herself in her own head. I admire this girl for her maturity, the fact that she, too, knows how to play the game properly, and how to handle another person and a relationship.

Another thing that is a great asset in handling a girl in a relationship is to encourage open talks about feelings, no matter what they may be. Too many times have I seen the mistake of the guy getting mad at the girl because of her behavior. This is the wrong way to handle a girl, and indeed a person. Getting mad will do absolutely nothing, apart from set the relationship a few steps back. Staying calm and helping her find a solution to her problem, which may even be YOU, is the best way forward, at least so far. One of the main reasons she is so into me, is because I care for her, like a father in a way, and she feels secure with me. She has also recently lost her father, which may make the experience even stronger. I have told her multiple times that I am there for her whenever she needs me, not in a needy way, but in a genuine way, expecting nothing in return.

Anyway, that's all for now.


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 Post subject: Re: Tr@veler's Lodge
PostPosted: Sun Jun 01, 2014 5:23 pm 
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Location: London
An idea that came up to me recently and that I will expand on is this idea of Engagement with the Girl.

I was looking back at my teen years when I just didn't get girls. I asked myself today why the fuck that was. Why did I not get any girls? I was literally the guy who would have crushes on girls and watch them date and get into relationships with other guys. I was never part of the "cool kids" if you want to call them that. I was never part of the social extroverted group, always part of the introverted nerdy group. However recently I have come to the belief that it is not really YOU that gets the girl. It is not personal. It is not because of WHO YOU ARE that the girl likes you. It is not because you have a nice home, have potential for the future, have a car, can drive, have had multiple girls in the past, or even because you have a 6 pack that the girl likes you. So why, then, did I not get girls if it's not YOU that gets the girl? Why couldn't a girl date someone who was a bit nerdy, who had family issues, who had severe social problems, who had severe anxiety problems, who played videogames? After all, if it isn't about ME, then what is it about?

It is about my ENGAGEMENT with them. Or lack thereof. Really, I'm still kind of fucking nerdy in some ways, not to the extent I was back then. And I mean, recently I've been drinking more than I should have, haven't been going to the gym, smoked a fair bit of weed...not really GREAT potential for a boyfriend. So surely these aren't such "attractive" qualities. I have gone through severe depression as well, several times. However, I find myself having had a few girls and a girlfriend now. What the fuck has changed?

What has changed is my ENGAGEMENT with girls. I am talking to them, and having fun with them. And I am having fun in social interactions. Shit look how nerdy I am talking about social interactions and shit. Who does that? But see, it's not MY PERSONALITY that gets the girl, no matter how hard I want to believe it. It is my ENGAGEMENT with her. That is the hard fucking truth for all of you who want to believe the girl loves you for YOU. She does, to an extent. But she only loves you for you if you ENGAGE with her.

The one thing the guys that got girls in my high-school did and I didn't was they were social, went out, chatted to the girls, were FRIENDS with them, but also provided them with a lot of emotions. They were fun to be around. And guess what? I wasn't. I just wasn't. Don't ask me why, there are several reasons why. But the simple fact remains, I just didn't engage with girls.

Now what does "engagement" mean? Let's look at the dictionary:

engagement

to occupy the attention or efforts of (a person or persons): He engaged her in conversation.

to attract and hold fast: The novel engaged her attention and interest.

Engagement means to grab someone's attention, sure. But how do you do that? How do you grab someone's attention?

You do it by being engaged yourself. YOU have to be engaged in that person. It is a sign of interest
, however the real deal here is that engaging in another person engages them in you.

So how, then do you become engaged in another person, or in other people? You become interested in that person, and you show that interest. Note how I say show not tell. Showing, an action, is always more effective than telling, words. This simple fact means that the first step to sleeping with women is to be engaged with them. This also applies for friendships.

Wow what nerdy fucking shit, huh? Luckily it's not me that will get the girl. It is my engagement with her.


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 Post subject: Re: Tr@veler's Lodge
PostPosted: Fri Jun 06, 2014 1:53 pm 
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Joined: Sun Aug 14, 2011 10:22 am
Posts: 1200
Location: London
All girls want to be loved.

It is the truth. No matter how tough a girl plays.

My girlfriend right now used to be a slut. Plain and simple. In the beginning it didn't bother me as my feelings for her weren't that strong, but over the course of being with her for a month now ("being" with her...I'm in London, she's in Vienna), I thought more and more about her sexual "adventures" per se before she met me. In the beginning we were both quite explicit in our retellings of our sexual histories. She has slept with the same amount of guys that I have slept with girls, plus she's had lesbian sex.

After a while this REALLY got to me, deep down in my subconscious, the more I fell in love with her. I guess it's the old madonona-whore complex, however knowing your gf sucked off some dude at his place at 10.30am because she wanted a "good fuck" is really not a pleasing image. Not at all.

So I've been dealing with this issue for about 2 weeks now, and it's gotten quite bad recently, where I think about her fucking other dudes a lot. Apparently this is a very common issue amongst men, as I've researched it, and I'm talking to my therapist about it. There were times when I was thinking I can't handle it anymore and I have to end it with her, knowing she was such a slut in the past. Indeed she slept with me in 2.5 hours of meeting her, so...yeah.

I thought a lot about this entire situation. She seems to be a very confident girl. Talks openly about sex, and her attitude is "hard" I guess you could call it. So on the outside she is a very strong person, an extremely strong frame, broken down only by me at times. I think she felt good about her number, and indeed felt good that she madeout with a lot of guys in the club. I guess she would be the slut in the club every PUA seeks. She drinks heavily when she goes out and enjoys going up to guys and making out with them, and once in a while taking them home. She is an aggressor.

It was extremely difficult for me to comprehend why a girl would behave like that. After all, all we hear about in PUA is that it is difficult to sleep with girls. Girls have anti-slut defense and LMR and all that stuff. Not my girl. She has no anti-slut defense, gave me pretty much no LMR, had no bitch shield or anything. It got me thinking.

She claims she just "likes to have a lot of sex", she told me she "loves sex" and stuff. Cool shit. She definitely does. But I want to go a little deeper here in trying to understand why my girlfriend was such a slut before me. Why she slept around so much. A girl who has no anti-slut defense has no fear of being called a slut. In one way this may seem empowering to women, it may seem like "yeah, I can fuck whomever I want", but really that is just a mask. It is a mask to hide an underlying issue within the girl herself.

Really it comes down to self-respect and valuing yourself as a person. Unfortunately the "double-standard" that men are high value when they have sex with quite a few women and women are "low-value" if they do the same vice versa has truth to it. If a woman fucks a lot of guys it's not that SHE herself loses value as a person, but her sexual market value does. The reason we have this double standard in the first place is because guys value girls less sexually if they've been around. It's hardwired into us. Go into google and search "my girlfriend used to be a slut" and you'll see endless posts of dudes uncomfortable with their girlfriend's sexual history. On the other hand, if a girl restricts her sexual activity to guys she deems "worthy" then her sexual value goes up in men's minds, because she is "harder to get", and so we see her as a prize and value her and respect her more.

Vice versa, a girl values a guy she can "tie down", one that she can "make a keeper", and a guy who sleeps around a lot is harder to tie down than someone who waits for the perfect girl to come along. Therefore a man's sexual value goes up if he sleeps around, purely psychologically. Of course this has nothing to do with any REAL value, but it does have to do with PERCEIVED value. And unfortunately we all have a psyche.

However there is also another aspect to this. A girl who sleep around a lot, well, at least my girlfriend, may think she is empowering herself when she seeks out sex, when she feels like she has the sexual power over a man, however this is not really true. There is a reason why she feels empowered. She does not feel empowered in any other aspect.

A girl with no anti-slut defense does not respect her own body and self image as much as a girl who does have ASD. And I am pretty sure my girlfriend has dated some real losers back in her day. Like real losers. Since she seeks out pure pleasure a high value man isn't really the deciding factor. The deciding factor is "does this guy want to fuck?" My girlfriend jumped around from guy to guy until she met me. She felt very confident talking about it all, however I could tell that she was never happy with these guys. She puts absolutely no value on sex, which I guess in some areas is a good thing, however in other areas it definitely isn't. She is very desperate for sex as well. I'm sure she can't go for more than a couple months without fucking someone.

However the one thing she really never truly valued was a long-term relationship. She had a ltr when she was 16, for 3 years, when the guy broke up with her, then wanted her back. No doubt this must have hurt her. After that she went into the big city of Vienna and started messing around. She went through 7 guys without ever getting into a ltr in 2 years, which I guess is not that much, however never truly looking for a relationship. But here's the catch. Secretly she was. As is every girl. Every girl that "sleeps around" really is just looking to be loved. They use sex to get to that person as quickly as possible, to build a connection as fast as possible, and when that doesn't work out they look for the next one. They may not know it consciously, but it sure is there subconsciously. Every girl who claims she just wants "no strings attached" sex, really is looking for something deeper. Because it is hard-wired. They want to "have fun" but really, the want to be loved. This attitude of sleeping around can come from a variety of factors, and many times it's because the girl doesn't value herself. She sleeps with every guy she's interested in because she's tired of waiting for the right one to come around. However at the same time she's sacrificing her own sexual value.

What's interesting as well is that these girls don't think they can just naturally attract a high value guy. The go out and seek them out. They seek out pleasure, and they seek out sex. Therefore they think of themselves as unworthy, or low value. My girlfriend has jokingly called herself a "cheap bitch", but really that's what she thinks of herself deep down inside. On the outside she's all confident, but deep down she definitely isn't. For some reason she doesn't value herself very highly, but she tries to act like she does.

How do I know this? It's very difficult to see from her behavior, because she is feisty and hardened by life, so she seems to be in complete control. But really she's impulsive, drinks a lot when she goes out, tries to take control of everything which I don't let her, and thinks she's high value because she's an "empowered" woman who can get sex easily. And then I come along and she falls in love with me. What exactly did I do that made her fall in love so deeply and so quickly? She told me she loved me after 1 month of meeting each other, remember.

All I really did was firstly have sex with her, and secondly stay the night cuddling, caressing her. It seems like other guys just never did this. I was quite a fatherly figure in many ways. She values me extremely highly, having forgiven me lying straight to her face (which I am not planning to do ever again btw), and thus shows extremely low self-respect. I mean let's face it, here I am, a guy who lied to her and has the potential to lie to her again, and she still is with me. Any sane, self-respecting woman would think "I can do better" and piss off. Not her. She clung to me like there's no tomorrow, just because I exuded some behaviors that others just didn't. If the second guy she fucked would have had similar behavioral traits to me, she would have stuck with him. Simple as that.

She thought she was an empowered woman because she slept so easily with guys, being able to fuck whomever she wants, but this was just a replacement good feeling. The real good feeling, the one that every girl searches for, and indeed every one of you guys, is love. Being loved is the deep search of every person. This isn't new. But just know that if you ever fall in love with a girl who behaved slutty in the past, there is a deeper issue going on. Don't be intimidated by them. Have sympathy with them. They are just on the lookout like you and me. And they probably don't respect themselves highly either. One of the only reasons we PUAs sleep so quickly with girls is because we know that is the quickest and most efficient way to hook them. Why do we want to hook them? To see if they are potential for a long-term girlfriend ultimately.

And even you guys who think that youre into pua because you wanna be the best. Remember why you got into this in the first place. That's the real reason you're doing it.

Girls are just the same. They're just humans, searching for love. Therefore the madonna-whore complex is really broken down now. We want an angel who is a slut in the bedroom, but only with us. Men cannot process the fact that their girlfriend slept around before them, because it is such a horrid thing to visualize. You love this person so much, and there they are in your mind, cheating on you in the past. But instead of getting mad at them, have sympathy for them. They've been hurt. I don't know if my girlfriend has been hurt badly, but she would be devastated if I broke up with her. She never believed in such fairy-tale love until she met me. And I have sympathy for her because she never felt what real love feels like. She's never been loved in her life, and she was constantly on the search, sub-consciously.

So make sure you think about this sort of stuff deeply before you do anything foolhardy. I've been dealing with this issue for the past two weeks, trying to get over my girlfriend's past. But really, I see it as a very low-value trait in a girl who sleeps around a lot. She's not working hard for it, just receiving pleasure. And she's seeking that pleasure because she's unhappy with her life, and most likely she's unhappy because she isn't loved, or doesn't feel loved. No matter how hard a person is, no matter how hard you are, if you are not loved and do not love someone yourself, you are not truly happy. It's the hard truth.


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 Post subject: Re: Tr@veler's Lodge
PostPosted: Sat Jun 07, 2014 8:39 am 
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Joined: Sun Mar 31, 2013 12:11 pm
Posts: 361
What's up, Tr@v. Good post. I'm traveling the road right now so I don't have time to fully explain everything, but this situation sounds exactly like a situation I was in three years ago. I was with a girl for a little less than two years. I lived with her even! She was a slut before me, at the age of 19. I'm telling you, from personal experience, most likely you will not ever get over those feelings of her prior "sluttiness". I think, her prior "sluttiness" plus the facts that she lives so far and that you have PUA skills means you should walk on this one. It is an extremely difficult situation to get over, and, honestly, I think most guys never do. That girl is attracted to you because you stayed and cuddled her after fucking her. Think about that. It means, to her, you're not that special. You're just The One who happened to stay over and invest a little. She's unknowingly a spider, and she's (unknowingly) trying to trap you in her web. Don't be that fly who gets caught. You're a fucking player, bro. I know that, having read your FRs. You can get girls who are just as hot, who can connect on the same levels, who have every quality you see in her--girls who also lack her past. You mentioned as well how you think her past is low-value. Do you want a girl who's low-value? I agree that many PUAs seek love as the end result of having fun and running game, but, if they develop game enough, they should seek love from extremely high-quality girls. I think you have to be careful because if you find yourself having a hard time walking away from any one girl in particular, you may be looking at a case of oneitis. Very, very bad. Oneitis is NEVER good or fun. Save yourself the heartache, the extra stress, the gloomy thoughts of your girlfriend's past and walk. (But keep her on the side for F-closing when you two are in close proximity.) I think lastly that you have to be careful with girlfriends in general. As a young dude, unless you're seeking marriage, don't get too caught up in a relationship to lose yourself. Have fun. Save yourself any stress.

Of course these are just my opinions. You have the true knowledge to know what's right in your situation. Let me know what you think.


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 Post subject: Re: Tr@veler's Lodge
PostPosted: Sat Jun 07, 2014 9:33 am 
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Joined: Sun Aug 14, 2011 10:22 am
Posts: 1200
Location: London
Quote:
What's up, Tr@v. Good post. I'm traveling the road right now so I don't have time to fully explain everything, but this situation sounds exactly like a situation I was in three years ago. I was with a girl for a little less than two years. I lived with her even! She was a slut before me, at the age of 19. I'm telling you, from personal experience, most likely you will not ever get over those feelings of her prior "sluttiness". I think, her prior "sluttiness" plus the facts that she lives so far and that you have PUA skills means you should walk on this one. It is an extremely difficult situation to get over, and, honestly, I think most guys never do. That girl is attracted to you because you stayed and cuddled her after fucking her. Think about that. It means, to her, you're not that special. You're just The One who happened to stay over and invest a little. She's unknowingly a spider, and she's (unknowingly) trying to trap you in her web. Don't be that fly who gets caught. You're a fucking player, bro. I know that, having read your FRs. You can get girls who are just as hot, who can connect on the same levels, who have every quality you see in her--girls who also lack her past. You mentioned as well how you think her past is low-value. Do you want a girl who's low-value? I agree that many PUAs seek love as the end result of having fun and running game, but, if they develop game enough, they should seek love from extremely high-quality girls. I think you have to be careful because if you find yourself having a hard time walking away from any one girl in particular, you may be looking at a case of oneitis. Very, very bad. Oneitis is NEVER good or fun. Save yourself the heartache, the extra stress, the gloomy thoughts of your girlfriend's past and walk. (But keep her on the side for F-closing when you two are in close proximity.) I think lastly that you have to be careful with girlfriends in general. As a young dude, unless you're seeking marriage, don't get too caught up in a relationship to lose yourself. Have fun. Save yourself any stress.

Of course these are just my opinions. You have the true knowledge to know what's right in your situation. Let me know what you think.
Thanks for the reply vp. The matter of the fact is that there are attributes to this girl that are definitely high-value. Objectively, a girl who sleeps around isn't necessarily "low-value." She just fucks a number of dudes. She could be extremely helpful, caring, loving, determined, ambitious. It is only in the area of sex and relationships that she is seen as "low-value." And indeed, mainly by men.

Whilst she has this one negative trait about her, "negative" trait, she has many positive traits about her. She does love me, deeply. She has shown true commitment until now. It is definitely not easy to do long-distance, however I am spending the summer with her in Vienna. She is waiting for me. When I am at hers, she cares for me, in both a gf type of way and a motherly type of way. She studies the same things I do, and we do indeed have an incredible connection, one that happens only a few times a year, if at all.

To dump her for her past is immature in my opinion. I am working hard on getting over it somehow. I'm searching for ways, because there are benefits to being in a relationship with her for me. For one the sex is incredible, and I can play out many fantasies with her, something that I value a lot. Secondly she helps me in my work, and puts effort into it. Thirdly I have never been in a relationship before so this is definitely a learning experience for me. I am starting to understand that it will probably not be possible to change my view on her past, so what I am trying to do now is to not think about it anymore. I know the potential that she has and I am giving her one chance only before I walk. With one chance I mean her kissing someone or cheating on me, I am treating both equally. I do not think she would cheat on me, however the kissing part I have to talk about with her when I am back in Vienna, as it is a true concern of mine.

I feel like if I am able to focus on myself more than I focus on her, I have a good chance of looking past her past, because she is actually a wonderful person. A wonderful person with a whorish side to her, for sure, but at the moment she is only whorish with me. I'll PM you to have a private discussion on this.


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 Post subject: Re: Tr@veler's Lodge
PostPosted: Mon Jun 09, 2014 9:45 am 
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Joined: Sun Aug 14, 2011 10:22 am
Posts: 1200
Location: London
It may seem like I have left the game. I haven't. I went through some serious deep shit soul searching, fuck. Turns out while I love this girl, I love the game, and the game is my way forward in life. I will become the best I can be in the game, given enough time. Know that. I am now trying to figure out how to balance my relationship with game. A relationship is supposed to support your way forward in life, not hold it back. Right now, this relationship is holding me back in my life goals, in quite a few ways. We will see how it develops over the summer.

I had a huge discussion with my girlfriend yesterday, and I told her about all of my issues and worries running through my head. I told her it is hard for me to trust her, and she tried very hard to convince me that she is trustworthy. I believe her at this point. She has been extremely committed, and she is a very strong woman who makes conscious decisions. I get the sense from her that her promiscuous past was not because of weakness, but because of a strength that she possesses. And her entering this relationship is also a choice she made. I have been in and out of whether I want this relationship or not. However I cannot abandon game, ever. I have worked hard at it, and it is something I must continue to the end.

Looking into the future without game is scary to me. Game gives me the sense of potential, of being a master, of being congruent. Without it I do not really know who I am or what to do. It is a part of my life. As vp said, I'm a player now. Guess that shit be true.


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 Post subject: Re: Tr@veler's Lodge
PostPosted: Tue Jun 17, 2014 4:13 am 
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Joined: Fri Jul 19, 2013 3:29 am
Posts: 187
Hey Trav.

I've been off the boards for awhile but I got caught up on your stuff. I really liked your post about your theory of "engagement" and how it is what actually attracts women. I have thought about this concept a lot myself.

I also read about your relationship stuff. I don't know if you are familiar with Mark Manson (author of Models) but I'll drop you some links to his articles. The guy is one of my biggest influences.

http://markmanson.net/a-correct-monogamy (tl;dr: If a relationship doesn't incite personal growth, you should typically end it)

http://markmanson.net/the-madonnawhore-complex (tl;dr: The madonna-whore complex goes both ways)

http://markmanson.net/emotional-needs-part-3 (tl;dr: Sit down and break down your emotions. If you continue to ask "Why" you feel a certain way, you will eventually get to the root cause. I read that you have been seeing a therapist. A therapist's job is to ask these "why" questions. You are probably doing a good job of this.

I'd read the other two articles Mark Manson wrote on emotional needs in dating as well.

You can't change the past. You can't change your girlfriend. The only thing you can do at the end of the day is manage your own emotions. If the cost of monogamy with her outweighs the benefits, then move on. Just keep in mind that this insecurity is something that you will have to come to terms with over time. It can only be cured within yourself, not your partner.

_________________
Game doesn't exist.


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 Post subject: Re: Tr@veler's Lodge
PostPosted: Tue Jun 17, 2014 3:45 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jan 27, 2014 3:11 am
Posts: 21
Enso ftw. Adding value


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