HOW DO YOU STOP BEING THE NICE GUY TOWARD WOMAN?



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PostPosted: Sat Jul 09, 2011 4:37 am 
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I can't shake that nice guy attitude off because I've been doing it for so long and it feels awkward doing anything else. So what i'm asking is how do you develop an attitude where you are attractive and in your experience how long does it take to attract woman over naturals if your super committed and a little bit better looking than the natural?


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 09, 2011 5:31 am 
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As fast as you put time and energy into it.

And, looks don't matter to women. Oh, they'll notice because it's something to chit-chat with their friends while out, but it doesn't mean jack shiat on a deep level.

Here's the #1 rule: Do Not Be More Interested In Any Woman More Than She Is In You. If you find you're trying to get approval, check yourself, and back off. This is stuff young boys are told to do and it works really good while we're young...it's good to learn to be nice first.

Being "nice" as in giving compliments, buying drinks, apologizing if she looks irritated, etc... all violate this rule.

The vast majority of what turns women off on a deep level that's not obvious at first violates that rule.

You can easily turn on a large portion of the female population on a deep level you can't see clearly yet by just NOT violating that rule. No gimmicks, lines, or methods....the chill guy who seems to be vaguely amused when interacting with women is MUCH more interesting to women than a "nice" guy.

Guys who are being really "nice", from the female perspective, are broadcasting on a deep level "mommy do you love me, please don't leave me, look what I made for you, look what I got you" etc.... IT'S ICKY TO WOMEN!

Most MP3 players these days have voice recorders. Go out and talk to girls while recording yourself. Get a few hours of stuff and then sit down and listen to it. You'll be amazed at how whiny/needy/pleasing you sound when you hear yourself out of the situation. It's good for ya and you can take notes to change behaviors that violate the #1 rule.

By going very extreme with this you'll see what I mean. Then, once you have it down really well, you can back off a bit and find your own "sweet spot" as far as the nice factor. You already have one extreme mastered, so go master the other extreme and then you will have the flexibility to move around between them according to the situation. Women LOVE this sort of flexibility of personality and it keeps them guessing as well as interested.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 5:49 am 
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Dude is right


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 7:30 pm 
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Guys who are being really "nice", from the female perspective, are broadcasting on a deep level "mommy do you love me, please don't leave me, look what I made for you, look what I got you" etc.... IT'S ICKY TO WOMEN!
I never thought about it that way but its just sparked a nerve in my brain! Thanks for sharing this and the rest of the post- its opened my eyes.

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PostPosted: Wed Nov 16, 2011 12:04 pm 
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Quote:

Here's the #1 rule: Do Not Be More Interested In Any Woman More Than She Is In You. If you find you're trying to get approval, check yourself, and back off. This is stuff young boys are told to do and it works really good while we're young...it's good to learn to be nice first.

Being "nice" as in giving compliments, buying drinks, apologizing if she looks irritated, etc... all violate this rule.

The vast majority of what turns women off on a deep level that's not obvious at first violates that rule.

You can easily turn on a large portion of the female population on a deep level you can't see clearly yet by just NOT violating that rule. No gimmicks, lines, or methods....the chill guy who seems to be vaguely amused when interacting with women is MUCH more interesting to women than a "nice" guy.
Don't know about you guys, but have you ever read a post on here where you read it and then think about your life and realise that the post is absolutely bang on?

I'm sat here thinking of my most successful relationships (friendships as well) with women, and that 1st rule you put up is bang on. When you're not the one always putting more effort in etc. etc. and it's a balanced relationship/friendship/set up whatever, things always work out loads better.

And that last line I've quoted is absolutely 100% bang on. It's something I have probably subconsciously done at times now that I think back, but reading your post has really just cleared it in my mind. More focussed on that. Cheers "Yeah", good post mate!


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 16, 2011 2:41 pm 
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Don't know about you guys, but have you ever read a post on here where you read it and then think about your life and realise that the post is absolutely bang on?

I'm sat here thinking of my most successful relationships (friendships as well) with women, and that 1st rule you put up is bang on. When you're not the one always putting more effort in etc. etc. and it's a balanced relationship/friendship/set up whatever, things always work out loads better.

And that last line I've quoted is absolutely 100% bang on. It's something I have probably subconsciously done at times now that I think back, but reading your post has really just cleared it in my mind. More focussed on that. Cheers "Yeah", good post mate!
Yup yup yup. People can learn all the game they want,, and study a bunch of products, but that game will ALL be crippled (though they can get laid a lot, keeping the girls is a different story) if they don't come to the deep down realization (AH HAH moment) which gets the unconscious to understand (unlearn a good little boy quality!) that women want to be with the valuable guy AND that anything he does that communicates that he's less valuable (that's what they are trying to convey with "he's needy") trigger MOM qualities/emotions/role in a woman which can be ok A LITTLE BIT (your best friend died or similar) so don't panic but too much over time and she can't help but lose attraction. Women cannot stop this process.

Understanding this on a deep level (again, an AH HAH moment) and paying attention to women's complaints about men in light of it causes you to understand women in general 100x+ MORE THAN THEY DO!!!!

For instance, people biatch about women biatching about how guys act when they're sick with the flu or whatever illness but they rarely say or know why, they just say it irritates them.

Well, what's centrally going on with the woman is that when a guy acts like he's totally down for the count and helpless, he's behaving like he's not valuable AND she's forced into a situation where she feels unconscious pressure to start babying him which temporarily steers the relationship towards MOM --> CHILD. Steer clear of any ROLE dynamic that even slightly smells of MOM --> CHILD.

Solution: Stick with the #1 rule as best as possible. Behave as close to "it aint no thing" by behaving that way and say something like "i appreciate you making things easier for me when I'm not feeling well, i really like that quality in you" < --- reframe the illness as "no biggie" AND keep the "you're my girl" frame AND "pay for" her being a good wife/girlfriend at the same time AND lets her know she's a winner (women do read that much AND more into little things like that). Thus, she's nurturing in a good girlfriend/wife way and you still keep your value.

THIS IS WHAT WOMEN WANT ABOVE ALL ELSE....BEING WITH THE (from the feminine perspective) VALUABLE MAN WHO ALWAYS KEEPS THAT FRAME!

Another way I've heard it said is that women do not want to host the best party in town, they want to be on the A-list and at the best part in town....BE THAT PARTY!

Related to this is the fact that you have to let her know she's doing well and this is where when women say "little things matter" comes into play.....in light of the #1 rule, extravagant gestures bug them but they (on a deep, long term level) like smaller things because they don't tip the VALUE balance. This is why let's say you're out somewhere and you happen to be near the stationary section of a store and you remember she mentioned she needs a new notepad or something and you purchase it for a few dollars and casually mention you were in that section and was thinking of her, SHE'LL BE THRILLED. You've made yourself more emotionally valuable and raised her feeling of value at the same time so the balance is kept and you both win.

(for special occasions, you SHOULD violate the rule, like xmas, anniversary, if she's ill, etc... ie: don't be a dick!)

OTOH, if you clearly start going out of your way and buying her a bunch of stuff all the time it violates the rule and after a while she'll leave for another guy AND SHE CAN'T HELP IT. IT'S THE WAY THEY'RE WIRED. This is mostly why a guy who gives a girl everything she wants will lose the girl. He's blatantly violating the rule and the woman cannot be blamed, she's wired that way. (a woman's hierarchy of needs is a factor as well in this, but that's a very different topic)

A complete course spanning a dozen CDs only focused on my #1 rule would be enough for ANY man to be extremely magnetically attractive to women. In fact, I would suggest that men do as I do when I'm studying a course.....I've internalized a "how does this relate to conveying high value to women on a deep level" thought process so that whatever I'm being told always gets evaluated regarding that.

Keep the #1 rule consciously in mind until your unconscious internalizes it. Violations of the rule should be extremely rare and for well thought out reasons.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 16, 2011 10:38 pm 
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Nothing wrong with being a nice guy. However, being too much of a mr nice guy or being too much of a jerk are both bad.

You should aim for qualities of both - be polite, kind, generous, caring, romantic etc. from the nice guy's side, but also be confident, assertive, fun, a bit cocky, etc from the jerky side.

However avioid being needy, clingy and desperate, and a people-pleaser from the nice-guy side, but at the same time don't be arrogant or a dick (swearing/causing fights etc.) from the jerky side.

It's all about balance. Who cares if some women like the jerky kind of guy? They'll end up in a shitty house with 4 kids and no prospects after a string of bad relationships with jerky guys, and they'll wish they went for the nicer guy. I don't mean that you should worry about their problems, try and help them with everything or people-please, but it's actually good to be polite, charming and kind (not just to women you like, but to most people - yet if someone is a dick to you, reciprocate and dont try to be nice to them or please them).

So just aim for the best of both worlds, and try to fit in between the two extremes. That's what I'm doing just now and it seems to work - I'm confident, C&F, assertive, will stick up for myself and others etc., but also romantic, sweet, caring, kind, generous and nice. I can't stop thinking about this exact kind of sh*t so I felt I had to post . . .

Anyone have any more thoughts on this kind of jerk/nice-guy balance, as I would love to hear them please as I am interested in what women feel about this?


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 26, 2011 4:30 pm 
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Excellent post, I'm actually looking to balance the nice guy / jerk thing and this has a lot of good reading


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 28, 2011 6:43 am 
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The advice given is great BUT, you need to also realize there is NOTHING WRONG with being a nice guy IF and ONLY IF your behavior is not validating or seeking approval.

I will pay for some dates if the girl truly deserves it. It's a nice gesture, and I'm not doing it to win her over, I'm doing it because I'm nice.

I will compliment girls if I actually find something I like about them. I see way too many chodes out there throwing compliments that are not authentic. And girls can see through that.

The point is you don't need to be a jerk to get a girl. You can get girls by being nice. But to do that you need to not be needy, and not seek approval.


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 28, 2011 7:48 am 
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ok here is a break down, I dis-agree with the above, looks certainly do matter to a fairly large extent with most women, you do not need to stop being a nice guy, it is more important that you have a strong will independant of others that prevents you from being manipulated rather then being rude or friendly, you also need to not get neediness and nice confused, they are two different things, you see usually the problem that is the root of being unsuccessful, is being a pussy, it is not so much about being friendly, or being rude, being a dickhead, or being awesome, it is about the action you take, are you that guy that never tells girls he thinks they are hot?, never touches them?, never trys to get them alone?, never goes for the makeout? but is good looking enough that women try to hang around him, it seems like they are interested at first? but then poof all of a sudden welcome to the friend zone? oh, that is so and so, he is a really nice guy!, if this sounds like you, the problem has nothing to do with you being ''nice'' it has to do with asd and congruence and you being congruently non sexual, aka a giant pussy, girls don't escalate they resist, escalation is your job as a man, DO YOUR FUCKIN JOB


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2011 4:02 am 
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I feel where you're coming from. Read No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover - recommended for all. Currently reading it. Best fucking book ever.


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