Quote:
Quote:
Because you seek validation from hot girls. The girls you don't care about are girls whos' opinions about you won't matter.
You want the hotter girls to like you because it's going to feed your ego and you will feel more confident. You therefore become nervous because you're scared of fucking up and you feel as if you NEED this.
This is very deeply rooted and isn't something one can admit to himself. Again, the ego is the only thing preventing you from success.
Or I could be completely off and wrong. I'm just saying that the ^above reasons were the reasons for why I failed with hot chicks and felt that I couldn't game them as well.
When, in reality, there is absolutely no difference between them. Girls are girls.
What a great point. Seeking validation is a sure fire path to a lonely night. Its not easy to turn down that ego. Any tips?
The only thing I can think of it to feed it and continue to feed it until it becomes less of a detriment. Allow you to embody your ego, have an ego that does not need validation...instead create the ego that is clearly validated. TO me that turns ego into character. Character that adds charisma.
I totally agree with u Panda...I like taking positives from negatives whenever possible.
Ego isn't necessarily bad. We all have it. The main difference is how you choose to embrace it. Good ego is the kind of ego that isn't DEPENDENT on validation. If you feel that you MUST have validation to feed your ego - your success rate with women and everything else in life will come crashing down faster than a meteorite. This is because your dependence on validation will cause the mindset of 'I MUST have this and if I fail, my ego will be torn to pieces'. This ultimately leads to a FEAR of failing.
If you fear to fail and you go enter a battle - you will more than likely fail. Because you're scared of engaging your enemy and you're scared of every little step you take due to the risk of failure. You therefore won't fight as good and you will be weak throughout the battle. Your mind will become a greater enemy than the enemy itself.
This is why nobody can tell you 'mix some rootber with pepsi and you will create a magic potion that permanently destroys the bad ego'. Like mentioned earlier, it's all deeply rooted. It's a bad mindset which can only be changed with time and commitment.
So ask yourself - do I feel the need for validation to feed my ego or not? If you do, you can start breaking this down and ask yourself questions such as 'why? why do i need this so desperately? to make people like me? to feel good about myself? will this actually be beneficial to me or damage me even more?'
And most importantly - 'what do i need to do to in order to change my mindset?'.
As an example, this is what I personally did:
I told myself 'OK . . . I constantly feel the need to get validation, so I can feed my ego, so that people will like me. But the problem is . . . the more I need the validation, the more I push for it. The more I push, the more I fail because I either
a) Freeze up in conversations and fear to escalate
b) I become needy
So how do I erase my constant need to feed my ego?'
The solution I found: 'I will kill my ego and start fresh. I will not only STOP feeding it - I will also hack it down with an axe. I will HURT it if necessary.'
So I started doing things I would usually NEVER do, because these things involve actions that literally can hurt my ego if they go wrong.
One of the things I did was I would start to be MUCH more honest with people. Example: I was sitting at a bar with some girl. In the middle of the conversation, she noticed I had an uncomfortable look on my face. 'What's wrong? You seem kinda off', she asked.
So I told her what was wrong. 'I got a random boner out of nowhere and my pants are pressing down really hard on my private parts.'
You should have seen the look on her face, lol. And I would be this honest with almost anything and with almost anybody.
Another thing that I did was that I sat down and asked myself: 'What are some of the BIGGEST things I have chosen NOT to do in life, because of my limiting beliefs and fears?'. I listed the things . . . and then I DID them.
Example: I sent e-mails to all the girls I've had oneitis on - and I told them how I used to feel back then.
I didn't do this so I would GAIN anything from it (because that would be validation seeking). The one and only reason I did these things to myself was to show my ego that I am in charge. Not it.
You let your ego take over your mind and you will never truly become independent. Failures will start stacking up and you will feel worse with time because nothing will go your way anymore.