How to only attract girl I LIKE?



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PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2011 7:14 pm 
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I tend to attract girls I'm not interested in at all in- it's like a curse. Because I don't care about them, I say what I want and act laid back. But when I'm by a girl that I like I tend to get quieter, watch what I say, and act all stupid. It's the HB10s that I'm having trouble approaching and being myself- how can I get over this??


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2011 8:30 pm 
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yh what's basically happening is that what you're doing to the girls you don't want to attract is what you should be doing to the hb10s

you just got to calm down and relax, not get too excited. I have the same problems myself at times

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PostPosted: Wed Aug 17, 2011 9:07 pm 
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same problem happens to me all the time, from the moment i want a girl, i ruin it. the girls i don't want, want me :p...


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2011 12:47 pm 
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With the girls we like, we tend to think 'oh, i gotta bring out the big guns now. This is no child's play anymore'. Therefore, we start screwing up. Because we don't know what the hell is supposed to be done. What are the big guns? Silence arises, we get stifled and we appear extremely nervous.

What you gotta do is to quit focusing on how to bring out your a-game, because this girl is no different from any other.

What do you think is gonna get you the girl? Your new and untested 'big guns' or the shit that you've been doing on every other girl you 'don't care about' - which has WORKED?

Focus on the stuff that WORKS rather than trying to pull off something unrealistic. She's just another girl.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 18, 2011 10:34 pm 
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With the girls we like, we tend to think 'oh, i gotta bring out the big guns now. This is no child's play anymore'. Therefore, we start screwing up. Because we don't know what the hell is supposed to be done. What are the big guns? Silence arises, we get stifled and we appear extremely nervous.

What you gotta do is to quit focusing on how to bring out your a-game, because this girl is no different from any other.

What do you think is gonna get you the girl? Your new and untested 'big guns' or the shit that you've been doing on every other girl you 'don't care about' - which has WORKED?

Focus on the stuff that WORKS rather than trying to pull off something unrealistic. She's just another girl.
It's so stupid and I hate it. I feel hot when I sit next to them and I don't know HOW to be natural everything I do backfires. I'm cool, but me trying to be cool makes me look uncool. There's so many hot girls in college everywhere I look so this is super hard for me.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2011 6:52 am 
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Because you seek validation from hot girls. The girls you don't care about are girls whos' opinions about you won't matter.

You want the hotter girls to like you because it's going to feed your ego and you will feel more confident. You therefore become nervous because you're scared of fucking up and you feel as if you NEED this.

This is very deeply rooted and isn't something one can admit to himself. Again, the ego is the only thing preventing you from success.

Or I could be completely off and wrong. I'm just saying that the ^above reasons were the reasons for why I failed with hot chicks and felt that I couldn't game them as well.

When, in reality, there is absolutely no difference between them. Girls are girls.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2011 6:26 pm 
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Because you seek validation from hot girls. The girls you don't care about are girls whos' opinions about you won't matter.

You want the hotter girls to like you because it's going to feed your ego and you will feel more confident. You therefore become nervous because you're scared of fucking up and you feel as if you NEED this.

This is very deeply rooted and isn't something one can admit to himself. Again, the ego is the only thing preventing you from success.

Or I could be completely off and wrong. I'm just saying that the ^above reasons were the reasons for why I failed with hot chicks and felt that I couldn't game them as well.

When, in reality, there is absolutely no difference between them. Girls are girls.
yea, i really do think that's my problem, and i'm aware of it.
But i wanne as nature as possible, like i do with the girls that i don't want at all, but do you have any tip on how i can remain calm with the hot girls?

thanks


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2011 7:16 pm 
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It's hard my mind goes racing 100mph thinking of the next thing to say and adjusting the way I'm sitting. Argh, it's frustrating.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2011 9:50 pm 
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I tend to attract girls I'm not interested in at all in- it's like a curse. Because I don't care about them, I say what I want and act laid back. But when I'm by a girl that I like I tend to get quieter, watch what I say, and act all stupid. It's the HB10s that I'm having trouble approaching and being myself- how can I get over this??
You just answered your own question. When you don't care, you do well. When you DO care, you DON'T do well. So....stop caring so much!

Remember - YOU are the catch, not them.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 20, 2011 1:01 pm 
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Quote:
Quote:
Because you seek validation from hot girls. The girls you don't care about are girls whos' opinions about you won't matter.

You want the hotter girls to like you because it's going to feed your ego and you will feel more confident. You therefore become nervous because you're scared of fucking up and you feel as if you NEED this.

This is very deeply rooted and isn't something one can admit to himself. Again, the ego is the only thing preventing you from success.

Or I could be completely off and wrong. I'm just saying that the ^above reasons were the reasons for why I failed with hot chicks and felt that I couldn't game them as well.

When, in reality, there is absolutely no difference between them. Girls are girls.
yea, i really do think that's my problem, and i'm aware of it.
But i wanne as nature as possible, like i do with the girls that i don't want at all, but do you have any tip on how i can remain calm with the hot girls?

thanks
The problem is, there is nothing that NEEDS to be done. You already know this. You do it to girls you don't 'care about' all the time. So you HAVE it in you already.

You're not doing anything wrong physically. Your mind is just blocking you from doing the very same thing to the hotter girls. There's nothing that I or anybody else can say that's going to change that mindset of yours. You need to get in to the belief that hotter girls are no different from other girls. They're not supernatural or special. It's only difficult because you make it difficult.

You need to start believing this. And you need to understand that it does not matter whether or not they will reject you. It shouldn't be affecting you to the point that you literally FEAR them.

If they reject you, they reject you because they can sense your weakness and they can sense your fears. All humans can do this. So if you get rejected, it's because you either said something really retarded (in which case, you simply won't do it the next time - problem solved) or you are still afraid of them.

The more of them you talk to, the less you will care. Because you will realize that you can talk to hot girls any time and that the opinion of 1 hot girl is now irrelevant to you.

So my tip would be to jump right into the action. For every hot girl you talk to, the easier it gets and your fear starts fading away. You don't have to hit on them necessarily, but just talking to them is going to start 'healing' you.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 20, 2011 8:52 pm 
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Because you seek validation from hot girls. The girls you don't care about are girls whos' opinions about you won't matter.

You want the hotter girls to like you because it's going to feed your ego and you will feel more confident. You therefore become nervous because you're scared of fucking up and you feel as if you NEED this.

This is very deeply rooted and isn't something one can admit to himself. Again, the ego is the only thing preventing you from success.

Or I could be completely off and wrong. I'm just saying that the ^above reasons were the reasons for why I failed with hot chicks and felt that I couldn't game them as well.

When, in reality, there is absolutely no difference between them. Girls are girls.
yea, i really do think that's my problem, and i'm aware of it.
But i wanne as nature as possible, like i do with the girls that i don't want at all, but do you have any tip on how i can remain calm with the hot girls?

thanks
The problem is, there is nothing that NEEDS to be done. You already know this. You do it to girls you don't 'care about' all the time. So you HAVE it in you already.

You're not doing anything wrong physically. Your mind is just blocking you from doing the very same thing to the hotter girls. There's nothing that I or anybody else can say that's going to change that mindset of yours. You need to get in to the belief that hotter girls are no different from other girls. They're not supernatural or special. It's only difficult because you make it difficult.

You need to start believing this. And you need to understand that it does not matter whether or not they will reject you. It shouldn't be affecting you to the point that you literally FEAR them.

If they reject you, they reject you because they can sense your weakness and they can sense your fears. All humans can do this. So if you get rejected, it's because you either said something really retarded (in which case, you simply won't do it the next time - problem solved) or you are still afraid of them.

The more of them you talk to, the less you will care. Because you will realize that you can talk to hot girls any time and that the opinion of 1 hot girl is now irrelevant to you.

So my tip would be to jump right into the action. For every hot girl you talk to, the easier it gets and your fear starts fading away. You don't have to hit on them necessarily, but just talking to them is going to start 'healing' you.
Thanks little panda, as soon as my exams are done, i will go out and talk to the HB10's as if they are HB0 :)


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 3:10 am 
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Quote:
Because you seek validation from hot girls. The girls you don't care about are girls whos' opinions about you won't matter.

You want the hotter girls to like you because it's going to feed your ego and you will feel more confident. You therefore become nervous because you're scared of fucking up and you feel as if you NEED this.

This is very deeply rooted and isn't something one can admit to himself. Again, the ego is the only thing preventing you from success.

Or I could be completely off and wrong. I'm just saying that the ^above reasons were the reasons for why I failed with hot chicks and felt that I couldn't game them as well.

When, in reality, there is absolutely no difference between them. Girls are girls.
What a great point. Seeking validation is a sure fire path to a lonely night. Its not easy to turn down that ego. Any tips?

The only thing I can think of it to feed it and continue to feed it until it becomes less of a detriment. Allow you to embody your ego, have an ego that does not need validation...instead create the ego that is clearly validated. TO me that turns ego into character. Character that adds charisma.

I totally agree with u Panda...I like taking positives from negatives whenever possible.


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2011 10:33 am 
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Quote:
Quote:
Because you seek validation from hot girls. The girls you don't care about are girls whos' opinions about you won't matter.

You want the hotter girls to like you because it's going to feed your ego and you will feel more confident. You therefore become nervous because you're scared of fucking up and you feel as if you NEED this.

This is very deeply rooted and isn't something one can admit to himself. Again, the ego is the only thing preventing you from success.

Or I could be completely off and wrong. I'm just saying that the ^above reasons were the reasons for why I failed with hot chicks and felt that I couldn't game them as well.

When, in reality, there is absolutely no difference between them. Girls are girls.
What a great point. Seeking validation is a sure fire path to a lonely night. Its not easy to turn down that ego. Any tips?

The only thing I can think of it to feed it and continue to feed it until it becomes less of a detriment. Allow you to embody your ego, have an ego that does not need validation...instead create the ego that is clearly validated. TO me that turns ego into character. Character that adds charisma.

I totally agree with u Panda...I like taking positives from negatives whenever possible.
Ego isn't necessarily bad. We all have it. The main difference is how you choose to embrace it. Good ego is the kind of ego that isn't DEPENDENT on validation. If you feel that you MUST have validation to feed your ego - your success rate with women and everything else in life will come crashing down faster than a meteorite. This is because your dependence on validation will cause the mindset of 'I MUST have this and if I fail, my ego will be torn to pieces'. This ultimately leads to a FEAR of failing.

If you fear to fail and you go enter a battle - you will more than likely fail. Because you're scared of engaging your enemy and you're scared of every little step you take due to the risk of failure. You therefore won't fight as good and you will be weak throughout the battle. Your mind will become a greater enemy than the enemy itself.

This is why nobody can tell you 'mix some rootber with pepsi and you will create a magic potion that permanently destroys the bad ego'. Like mentioned earlier, it's all deeply rooted. It's a bad mindset which can only be changed with time and commitment.

So ask yourself - do I feel the need for validation to feed my ego or not? If you do, you can start breaking this down and ask yourself questions such as 'why? why do i need this so desperately? to make people like me? to feel good about myself? will this actually be beneficial to me or damage me even more?'

And most importantly - 'what do i need to do to in order to change my mindset?'.

As an example, this is what I personally did:

I told myself 'OK . . . I constantly feel the need to get validation, so I can feed my ego, so that people will like me. But the problem is . . . the more I need the validation, the more I push for it. The more I push, the more I fail because I either

a) Freeze up in conversations and fear to escalate
b) I become needy

So how do I erase my constant need to feed my ego?'

The solution I found: 'I will kill my ego and start fresh. I will not only STOP feeding it - I will also hack it down with an axe. I will HURT it if necessary.'

So I started doing things I would usually NEVER do, because these things involve actions that literally can hurt my ego if they go wrong.

One of the things I did was I would start to be MUCH more honest with people. Example: I was sitting at a bar with some girl. In the middle of the conversation, she noticed I had an uncomfortable look on my face. 'What's wrong? You seem kinda off', she asked.

So I told her what was wrong. 'I got a random boner out of nowhere and my pants are pressing down really hard on my private parts.'

You should have seen the look on her face, lol. And I would be this honest with almost anything and with almost anybody.

Another thing that I did was that I sat down and asked myself: 'What are some of the BIGGEST things I have chosen NOT to do in life, because of my limiting beliefs and fears?'. I listed the things . . . and then I DID them.

Example: I sent e-mails to all the girls I've had oneitis on - and I told them how I used to feel back then.

I didn't do this so I would GAIN anything from it (because that would be validation seeking). The one and only reason I did these things to myself was to show my ego that I am in charge. Not it.

You let your ego take over your mind and you will never truly become independent. Failures will start stacking up and you will feel worse with time because nothing will go your way anymore.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 30, 2011 2:34 am 
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I tend to attract girls I'm not interested in at all in- it's like a curse. Because I don't care about them, I say what I want and act laid back. But when I'm by a girl that I like I tend to get quieter, watch what I say, and act all stupid. It's the HB10s that I'm having trouble approaching and being myself- how can I get over this??
i think the best thing to do is drink a little alcohol before you get into the situation. I noticed when i drink im more calm and my conversations go on forever if i want to. Also its much easier to approach anyone. Its just something to try and not a good solution if you always need alcohol then.


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