I'm new to the forum. Nice to meet you! Need some advice on my situation if you don't mind!
I'm a regular at this bar and I took a shine to one of the bar staff (in a pub/restaurant). She's flirty, popular with customers and I'm under no illusion it's part of her job to act friendly, but at times it did seem to massively exceed that. I once said to a friend ages ago "She's nice!"
and she overheard me. Since then, she's been flirting with me on and off ever since, but I've seen her with a guy away from her work, so go figure!
Anyway, this is what I mainly want feedback on:-
Last week I saw her off duty, but drinking at her bar. My male friend and I just happened to sit on a free table that was next to hers. Instantly when I sat down, she's checking out some other guy's backside and took a call from what was probably her boyfriend "Love you!", etc.
I didn't react except joked to my friend, "well, suppose I could always go for something younger!". It was a throw away comment, no malice and not even intended for her. Yet I think she overheard me, since I heard her mutter later under her breath "Younger! You're older than me!", which I am - but by only 6 years.
Jesus christ, dude. That's a lot of detail for a man who's never asked the woman out.
What I'd like your opinion on, because it's worrying me, was this a terrible thing to say or would it show I'm not falling for her stuff? Because not gonna lie, she's controlling my blood pressure whether I like it or not.
She probably doesn't even care TBH I'm reading too much into it no doubt!!
I want you to take a step back, and try to look at yourself, and examine this post in a different pair of shoes. You're using a lot of exclamation points, acting like a nervous teenage girl, and relaying rather useless details that don't mean anything.
Now, take a look from her perspective. She doesn't care about any of this shit, lol. she's a hired gun who interacts with dozens of guys floored by her looks, every day.
Men tend to get caught on these tiny details and then get dumped or nexted for being neurotic, because women have moved on from these details, and are better at living in the moment.
This woman is probably very attractive, with excellent people skills. This is why she was hired. She knows the power she has. she knows when men act weak, and melt in front of her. And she doesn't respect it at all.
She does respect men who get to the point, who ask her out *right away*, who know what they want and who aren't afraid to lead.
The frame you've set so far is incredibly weak, especially to a hired gun who is paid for her social prowess.
I fuck/have fucked a lot of hired guns. Their number one complaint is about men they call "stare guys". These are the regulars who come in week after week, and just ogle them without saying anything, or having the balls to ask them out. These men just kind of keep on existing in some pussy-paralysis, unable to be congruent with their desires and straight up ask the hired gun out.
Contrast this with the guy who comes in that night, sees her for the first time and orders a drink:
Him: hey, what's your name?
Her: Jess. You?
Him (with a grin): Wiz. By the way, I have a friend with your name. Seems every woman has it these days.
Her: Oh really?
Right away, you're teasing. Right away, you're not the cowering, mealy-mouthed nice guy. And right away, you have the princess's attention. Alarm bells are going off in her head: "not like the other guys. bad boy. kind of a dick.".
You: I still like it.
Her: Well, that's great (probably in a snotty tone, haha)
At this point she's going to be walking around the bar, doing her job. If she's sneaking looks at you, you're in. next time she comes up to your side of the bar:
you: Hey, I'm celebrating some cool news tonight. Let's grab a beer after your shift."
No fear, man. Go for what you want.
You sound like a nice guy. And that's the problem. you're going in there every time, trying to play things exactly right, to look for the magic words or a magic button that will have this woman come up to you and beg for you to take her home.
If you see a woman who blows you away, there is no "master plan" of twelve dimensional chess. You simply act like a man, talk to her, and ask her out that first night.
The longer you linger, week after week, the longer you stare and do nothing, the faster you get put into the friend zone or creepy zone.