| I’ve been thinking about writing a post for the last few months, but by now things have got to the point where I really need your help guys. For the last 2-3 weeks I’ve had mood some swings like a 13 year old girl hitting puberty, yet I’m a 32 y/o grown up man with 30+ f-closes, who unit now believed to have a solid inner and outer game. My inner game might be falling apart now as I’m struggling between 2 women…
Girl ‘A’ is a HB8, I was cheating my (now) exGF with for 6 months, has the most amazing personality I’ve met, is my current GF, but has a lethal disease.
Girl X is my exGF who I spent 6 years with, lived together for 5 years, who went from HB9 a bit downhill, we built a home together, were planning marriage, wanted to have a child with me, and I dumped her 1 month ago as I got fed up with her shit and seeing her slowly getting out of shape and loosing herself in drinking, and I thought I would be better off without her.
Let me explain them:
Girl A,
32 y/o now, I met 10 years ago and was one of the hottest girls I ever met, absolute stunner back than. Me being 22 at that time, did play my cards right and managed to end up with a hand job but no day2. This March, 6 months ago I hit her up on facebook and decided to meet again after a decade. We ended up having an amazing night, huge chemistry, amazing sex, cheated on Girl A (currently exGF) with her, and her personality simply left me amazed. The more shit that happens to you the better your personality will develop… yet you cannot get any better than a person (her) who thought was going to die of cancer was dumped by her long term boyfriend before her last surgery and lives her life to the fullest for the last 4 years. She is as wise as your grandma and has a body of a hot 32/yo (apart from the scars) has an absolute positve menthalithy appretiates every moment of her life, full of joy, and by now madly in love with me. Yet, she lets me have my space, great at communication and shows a perfect example how one should live his/her life. She was amazing as a lover I thought that upgrading her to GF and dumping my ex would be a great idea. But having her as a lover and having her as a full time GF turned out to be quite different. Cancer left her body having to live with a nephrostomy tube, and some scars but has developed the most amazing personality ever. She cares for me more than my mom - to the level that she almost reads my mind - and is a hot sexual beast at the same time. She doesn't know how much time she has left (do WE know?!) and loves and lives every moment of her life - truly amazing to spend time with her. When she wakes up at 4am and decides to give me a blowjob just because she felt like it makes me wonder if she is overcompensating or is truly being a woman not giving a fuck and enjoying herself. She plans the rest of her life with me. She cannot have a child due to her surgeries but does not want to have one either. I never lied to her (why would i have, she was only my lover), she knows more about me now than girl X I spent 6 years with. I even told her I loved her (she told me that weeks before that).
Girl X,
does not know that I was cheating on her, she still misses me one month after i broke up with her. I rented a flat and moved away from her 1 month ago to live alone. She is a highly educated, socially savvy 33 y/o girl who was smoking hot when I hooked up with her 6 years ago, but gained quite some weight over the last few years which affects her sexuality even. I used to make her come each time we had sex and she was a crazy squirter, but now she would want to have sex like twice a month and would not squirt anymore. She says she does not feel comfortable in her body anymore. She used to go to the gym but quit over a year ago. In her free time she had wine and was watching watherver series on her laptop recently. The first 3-4 years of our relationship we would sleep naked have sex all the time - she would just get wet by me kissing her. And before I dumped her she was rejecting sex most of the time and was pushing me to have a child, yet having a wine or two almost every day. For the last one year I was feeling more and more distant from her and did cheat on her with 2 girls (first one was pretty bad sex, second was amazing, who I kept as a lover first, now is my girlfriend: Girl ‘A’). The biggest problems with her were her drinking habits, her not supporting me and that I thought we should be having more sex. At the same time she s such a good company, I would spend the rest of my life with her, so much like me, and wants to have my child (at least a month ago she still wanted). Now, after the breakup she acts all happy, says that I did the best thing for both of us, started getting into shape, stopped drinking completely, and decided to go for the job she always wanted… I kinda made her become everything I wanted her to be (again) just by dumping her… not sure if I want her back now or we would just be suffering again after some time.
The bottom line is: I don’t understand myself… Do I want a child or not? What will I regret more? Who should I be with: A, X or none of them?! How do I collect my inner game and stop being indecisive? What to do now and how do I find out what I want?
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"You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take."
Wayne Gretzky
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CHAT
