Should i tell my EX not to contact me anymore



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PostPosted: Tue Jan 25, 2011 11:23 pm 
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My ex broke up with me without any good reason, but she really wanted to stay friends.
I still like her and would like to get back with her, but in NO case i want to be her friend, just cause i like her too much.

It isn't that she is talking to me every day, not at all, but eventually she reaches out time to time to hang out, or even one day she send me a message to go on a 3-day trip with her "and lets ask some other people" (clearly indicating friend-zone i guess..)

Any time she searches contact, or will search contact I know it will be hard to ignore her.

Therefore i was intending to write her something in the lines of: "please choose what you want. hang out some times with intentions of trying to go back together, or just nothing, but in that case we don't talk at all and wish you all the best luck with your life".

I just want to FORGET her. And as long as she's around i can't. So she needs to dissapear. If she isn't reaching out with intentions apart from friendship i would like her to leave me alone completely.

Should i tell her clearly and be open and honest? I gave her 2 times a clear signal with the choice, but she gave me very vague answers. Maybe it wasn't clear enough.
maybe add that i'm about to see someone else and it wouldnt be honest for me and the girl if she stays around? (which is true too..)


I could of course delete her from my facebook, etc. But i think it's too rude to do. We always got along well.

thanks a lot.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 26, 2011 12:56 am 
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Delete, delete, if you want to get over her cut off all contact, and lay down the law man. Just tell her exactly how you feel about her stringing you along.

Seems to me she's lonely and misses you, but doesn't want a relationship, but still wants you around. Maybe for validation of herself. She is unsure of what she wants to do. If you truly want to get over her and rid the pain of the breakup you have to stop communicating with her, or else the pain will linger, because you still have that hope that you will get back together, and you are not fully committing and accepting you two are done.

Good luck man


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 26, 2011 2:38 am 
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I'm gonna give you the advice that i wish i followed when i was in your exact same situation.

cut her off man, she's trying to play you. She wants to feel like she can control you...and girls love it. If i were you i would delete her number, and whenever she texts you, don't reply.

Good luck, i know its hard but trust me i was in the same boat as you, and now i regret talking back to her.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 26, 2011 2:47 am 
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Maybe for validation of herself. She is unsure of what she wants to do
Exactly.

The reason why girls insist on "staying friends" after a break up is because they need self-affirmation after a break up. They want you to keep giving them attention, they want you to keep chasing them, they want you to have a hard time getting over them, they want to stay on your mind, they want to monopolize your consciousness. You must deny them this at all costs.

You are right, you need to go no-contact, but you CANNOT tell her not to contact you. This is OVERTLY communicating that you want to go no-contact, it will simply make you regress into betadom and possibly cultivate emotional resentment in her. If she KNOWS you are intentionally ignoring her, the spell is broken.

Next time she texts you, ignore it. When she calls you, ignore it. If you bump into her and she asks why you've been ignoring her calls tell her "Sorry, I was busy with a lot of stuff, haven't had time to text and call and stuff." If she texts you consistently, respond to half of them in a brief and witty way but never send concurrent messages.

As far as getting over her, I have a 3 step process.

1. Control your thoughts, don't let them linger on her. As hard as it may seem, FORCEFULLY make yourself think about other things. You have a world to conquer - women should not delay your dreams. The more you train your mind to stop lingering on negative thoughts, the easier your life will be.

2. Fuck other hotter women. Seriously, busting into a girl hotter than your girlfriend is like assaulting your Oneitis with a SWAT team.

3. Invest in another girl. The reason why we hang onto lost loves for so long is because we have emotionally invested so deeply in them. A zealous christian wouldn't renounce his faith even in the presence of 20 hindu gods and would instead rationalize it as "God is testing me." The time, emotions, money, and other mental/physical resources we invest in girls we "love" create an attachment difficult to get over. Invest in ANOTHER girl to counter-act this emotional investment. Best case scenario, you have a new girlfriend and you can fix the mistakes you made in your last relationship. Worst case scenario, at-least it's not the same girl.

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 26, 2011 3:53 am 
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Hakuna has a very valid point. Its as simple as that. But if it gets too hard just take her off from ur life. I did that to a girl once and I communicated that. Now come to think of it, I should have followed Hakuna's advice.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 26, 2011 7:44 am 
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No need to delete her out of anything.

Just don't talk to her. Ignore her completely. If, however, she becomes a pain in the ass over facebook and whatnot - delete her, but keep ignoring her.

Don't say a word to her - at all. I don't care how tempting she makes it seem.

If you want her back, this will driver her crazy.
If you want to forget her, this will help you do so.

Win-win. Boom.

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 26, 2011 12:21 pm 
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No need to delete her out of anything.

Just don't talk to her. Ignore her completely. If, however, she becomes a pain in the ass over facebook and whatnot - delete her, but keep ignoring her.
+1

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 26, 2011 5:21 pm 
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Fuck other hotter women. Seriously, busting into a girl hotter than your girlfriend is like assaulting your Oneitis with a SWAT team.
I love this analogy bro. Too many times after we spend some time with one girl we become too attached to them. Once there are other girls present in your life, that original girl does not seem as important anymore.

So do not delude yourself when you have oneitis, fight it!

Oneitis is a virus on our emotions; the cure is a dosage of another HB.

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 26, 2011 10:11 pm 
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She expects her ideal boyfriend to have some qualities which you seem to lack-not your fault.She split up with you because you don't have them,but now her mind is trying to see in you these qualities(there is a conflict between reality and past investment).Don't worry,if you fake anything you won't stay constant.Probably you enlarge the gap between her ideal boyfriend and you when you ask her shit like
Quote:
please choose what you want
There is nothing you can do on short term to have her.


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 27, 2011 3:14 am 
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Obviously she wants to keep you around but most likely to protect her ego!

If you feel it's too hard to stick around, then let her go because it's not going to get better, only worse for you. Regardless of whether you get along or not...it's going to be just a friends thing while you want more...if she doesn't want that and you do...then the best thing to do is what is right for you...NOT HER.

If you truly want to get over her...you have to let her go completely...fb and all.

You can't move one if there is contact. Trust me, sticking around will only prolong the inevitable.

Im sorry about this and I know it sucks but do what is right for you, not her.
Things will get better, you just got to get through this rough part. Ends to a relationship especially when ended abruptly are difficult but know, it's because one person was not happy...it's better than her faking those feelings, that would not be fair to you. Learn from this. Good Luck.

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 28, 2011 11:16 pm 
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This. I just went through this myself with an ex girlfriend of nearly 2 years. It's hard as hell at first, and it still gets to me at times, but I feel like I've had more personal growth in the past 2 to 3 weeks of not responding to any of her messages or attempts to get to me than I have when I was with her.

And don't mistake yourself, that's what it is. She wants validation and to manipulate you. Over the past 4 or 5 days, she hasn't even attempted to contact me.

At first you'll feel jealous, wonder what's going on, etc. As time passes you become self empowered, and I felt like I was being held back. I feel much happier. I really believe at some point you will feel better off and that you wouldn't take her back if you had the chance.

Also, keep in mind, if you were half the man she fell for when you first started dating she's going to come around and see it one way or the other. She will likely do anything to fill that void that you no longer fill, whether it's with other dudes, excessive partying, etc. It's all for validation, though.

Good luck!
Quote:
No need to delete her out of anything.

Just don't talk to her. Ignore her completely. If, however, she becomes a pain in the ass over facebook and whatnot - delete her, but keep ignoring her.

Don't say a word to her - at all. I don't care how tempting she makes it seem.

If you want her back, this will driver her crazy.
If you want to forget her, this will help you do so.

Win-win. Boom.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Feb 11, 2011 8:27 pm 
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Guys can I just say this is the best thread I've ever read!

This is exactly whats happening to me. Unfortunately its taken me 4 months and a massive dent in confidence to realise. I met my ex when I started reading about pick-up.

I started again 3 weeks ago and deleted my ex off facebook. She wanted to meet up today and I told her yes she then cancelled and tried to find out if I was going out tonight. Normally I would have said no and been straight round there but getting back into pick-up thought pattern made me say no I'm busy and she didn't reply.

After reading this she's manipulating me she wants to feel better about herself and its not about that! I'm a much better man that the one she met and for the first time going out tonight I feel as cheesy as it sounds like a new person!


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 Post subject: i love this post!!!
PostPosted: Sat Jul 16, 2011 6:41 pm 
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im going through the same thing...i just broke up..and iv deleted her on fb, numbers,texts...(still tryna get the pics of the laptop..lol)
but i feel like im coming around..just all the advice on this page is awsome guys!!

timlaw hope erything worked out with u mate....

i read that meeting new girls and fuking em doesnt realy help..any words of advice on that??looking for validation is correct..i know shes fb flirting with another guy now..and texting him aswell...which is all good with me..haha i have no idea why..i guess im getting over her..just not fully there yet...

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 16, 2011 7:44 pm 
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Yeah. Don't delete her out of your life. Just ignore her.


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 16, 2011 8:39 pm 
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i have deleted all my previous ex-gfs after breaking up ... it didn't matter if i dumped them or they dumping me , because i cared for them anyway and it always ended up them manipulating me emotionally.

i still have some issues regarding one girl .. i had to cut her out of my life - i deleted everything because she was really being rude... trying to put me down because she couldn't control every conversation and the relationship....

but actually today i feel kind of regret.. i had no emotional connection to her , i just PU her and kept her as a HB 10 trophy. i totally took her for granted, instead of making a better person of her i totally failed by not taking her serious at all.

i thought how i feel instead of really feeling emotions towards her....

im not being a wuss here because 90 % of the girls i have met i don't even want to talk to anymore .. im only saying that you maybe at one point in your life want to apologize to her because you had a flaw.

don't talk to her... if you really care about her you ignore her because talking doesn't make it easy.

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