Pregnant girlfriend

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 Post subject: Pregnant girlfriend
PostPosted: Tue Nov 27, 2018 12:42 pm 
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Joined: Tue Nov 27, 2018 11:11 am
Posts: 1
Background story

So, I've been living a poly or single lifestyle for the past 10 years. Had a couple of MLTR's, but mostly just being single and meeting many girls. It's always suited me best cause I always liked being on my own and could never stick to one girl.
Recently though I started a mono relationship with a girl I've been seeing for over a year, it just felt right. Scared the shit out of me though and still does.
I'd say that I've been and others would probably describe me as a typical alpha male.

A big key point is that I'm in my early 30's and she in her early 20's so It's 10 years between us.

Her geting pregnant

We just found out a couple of weeks ago she was pregnant even though she's been on birth control pills. I thought I'd be freaked out about it, but I was kind of happy for some reason.
We went to the doctors for the ultra sound but didnt book an apointment for the abortion cause she/we weren't sure what we wanted.

She stoped drinking alcohol as soon as she found out, but the past 2 weeks i feel she has been leaning more towards not wanting it and me the opposite direction.
I hate not being in control over the situation and maybe thats why I want it for some weird reason, but I feel I'm loosing my Alpha frame. I've been picking her up from work when she's been working after midnight cause I don't want her riding the subway home alone at night, I've been caring more that she eats enough and stuff like that.
I've felt all along that I've been pushing too much towards keeping it, almost feeling stupid about it cause I don't recognize myself.

The talk

We kind of have avoided the topic for the past few weeks, but last night we had the talk about what to do, I was kinda caught of guard with the question.
She said that she has divided thoughts about it, that her body wants to have the baby with me, but her mind is saying that she has to pause her life for this and I don't, that she's gona be alone with the kid, and that she wants it to be just me and her to travel and explore/do stuff just the two of us before. She also pointed out other stuff like she feels she needs a more stable economy and educate herself properly first.

I told her that I understand, but that she is only seeing it from a negative point of view and said we can do all that stuff too. I do really understand her point of view, I kind of share it too but I just can't keep my fucking emotions out of it now.

I also said what I felt about not being able to control the situation. She knows this, cause thats pretty much the dynamic of our relationship she asks me what to do.

She also said a couple of times that she does want this baby but she is terrified of all the stuff above and started to cry so I soothed her a bit.

After this I was pretty hurt and stuck with a lot of thoughts rushing through my head.
I always get quiet and distanced when I get stuck in my head and she sensed this and there was weird bad feeling stuck in the air.

She said then that she still isn't sure and we don't have to decide now.


I really don't know what to do, I feel kind of lost.
I know she is right in some ways but I don't totally agree and feel I'm out of control and it's driving me crazy.
I'm also scared that I've lost my alpha male frame in her eyes forever behaving like this and that the relationship would be destroyed afterwards if she has an abortion.

I'd be happy for some advice. Thanks!

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