How to get her to open up her past?



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PostPosted: Mon Nov 12, 2018 7:13 pm 
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Joined: Sun Feb 28, 2010 4:29 pm
Posts: 20
Location: Singapore
Hey guys,

This is a bit of a technical one but I am getting increasingly frustrated with this problem.

So I've known my current girlfriend for about 3 months now. Usually it is a good time when we go out, drinking and partying and meeting new people all the time together. She is clearly interested in me and we spend a lot time together alone too. Everything seems fine and dandy - except she doesn't really open up much?

I usually lead a conversation by opening up with personal experiences and stories, allowing whoever I'm talking to jump in. But in this case, she remains quiet and reserved. Now, it has festered up to a point where she's questioning if I even know her? She wants me to lead the conversation on getting to know her - but I just can't seem to find a topic to segway or question to ask appropriately in my empty brain.

Here are the premises:
1) Me opening up with stories of my past experiences is met either with "I don't want to know your past relationships" or a rather blank stare.
2) I cannot follow the lines of "What do you feel?", "What is your opinion on this?", "What do you want in your life?" because these are non-specific questions and do not warrant a proper answer.
3) I must lead the conversation - she refuses to lead it cuz it is too much effort.

I know it seems like she's difficult - but her actions prove otherwise, she's putting in quite a bit of effort to make this work too but I just can't seem to get past this rapport and interpersonal relationship gap because we have very different cultural backgrounds too. Any advice would be nice or if you guys have any materials to recommend in terms of how to approach difficult conversations meaningfully and make it fun. It would be really helpful!


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