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Shall I confess she is my first gf? I'm 40 years old.
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Author:  dixan [ Tue Jul 04, 2017 2:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Shall I confess she is my first gf? I'm 40 years old.

I would like to ask you advice, I'm a real beginner with girls and just started my very first relationship. I don't want to ruin it at all.

I'm 40 and couldn't manage to have a gf before. Actually I have university degree, I'm nice and intelligent, have my own flat and car, whatever could be attractive for a girls, but I've been always quite shy and unlucky with girls.

Now a girl of 45 has picked me via online dating site, she wanted to meet me at once. She finds me very attractive and she shows it clearly. Our second date was 8 hours long of walking and talking and kissing and at the end we finished off in my bed. That night it was only petting and next morning we had sex.

Now we are planning our third date tomorrow. We have declared a relationship. She is really nuts about me, telling me she is thinking about me all the day. I like her so much as well and I want to keep her and not to ruin this. Although this situation is totally new for me, sometimes I can't really believe that this is happening to me. :roll:

I need your advice in a very important question.
Shall I confess her that actually she is my first relationship?

I'm really afraid this information would frighten her away, but I don't want to lie her as well.
She already asked me about my previous relationships multiple times but so far I've been telling her it's too early to discuss about this topic.
Anyhow I can't keep this as a secret for a long time, since many of my friends and relatives know well I never had a girlfriend and once I introduce her to them it will not be a secret anymore.

What do you suggest me to do? Shall I share this information with her? If yes, when and how shall I do it?

Author:  Slick_uk [ Tue Jul 04, 2017 3:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Shall I confess she is my first gf? I'm 40 years old.

The most striking thing in this post is that you've declared yourself in a relationship after 3 dates. Adding that to your lack of relationship experience, diving in too soon may be a flag to her. There's no point hiding it if it's something you are going to pursue properly with her as it will come out/show eventually. However, maybe word it so that you've been busy with your career etc, dated but never found the right person etc

Author:  JackZero [ Tue Jul 04, 2017 4:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Shall I confess she is my first gf? I'm 40 years old.

No need to tell her unless she asks.

Author:  dixan [ Tue Jul 04, 2017 5:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Shall I confess she is my first gf? I'm 40 years old.

Quote:
The most striking thing in this post is that you've declared yourself in a relationship after 3 dates. Adding that to your lack of relationship experience, diving in too soon may be a flag to her.
Actually she is the one pushing it forward.
At the end of our first date she told me how much she likes me and she is open to start a relationship with me and she asked me if I feel the same. I was more careful and told her I like her but I need to spend some more time with her to get know her better before I could reply.

After the second date and the first sex we had she started to call me "my love" and asked me if I'm also thinking about this as a serious relationship. This pace is little quick for me, but she is pushing it so hard.
Quote:
However, maybe word it so that you've been busy with your career etc, dated but never found the right person etc
That's a great advice, I will follow it surely!
Quote:
No need to tell her unless she asks.
She already asked me multiple times. She told me the stories of all her longer previous relationships without asking for it and now she is telling me it's my turn to tell about mines.

Author:  JackZero [ Tue Jul 04, 2017 5:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Shall I confess she is my first gf? I'm 40 years old.

Quote:
She already asked me multiple times. She told me the stories of all her longer previous relationships without asking for it and now she is telling me it's my turn to tell about mines.
May as well be honest, right? Even if this is your first girlfriend, if she left you over something like this is she really worth it?

Author:  dixan [ Tue Jul 04, 2017 6:23 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Shall I confess she is my first gf? I'm 40 years old.

Quote:
Quote:
She already asked me multiple times. She told me the stories of all her longer previous relationships without asking for it and now she is telling me it's my turn to tell about mines.
May as well be honest, right? Even if this is your first girlfriend, if she left you over something like this is she really worth it?
Not really worth it, you are right. :roll:

Author:  Slick_uk [ Tue Jul 04, 2017 9:25 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Shall I confess she is my first gf? I'm 40 years old.

Quote:
Quote:
The most striking thing in this post is that you've declared yourself in a relationship after 3 dates. Adding that to your lack of relationship experience, diving in too soon may be a flag to her.
Actually she is the one pushing it forward.
At the end of our first date she told me how much she likes me and she is open to start a relationship with me and she asked me if I feel the same. I was more careful and told her I like her but I need to spend some more time with her to get know her better before I could reply.

After the second date and the first sex we had she started to call me "my love" and asked me if I'm also thinking about this as a serious relationship. This pace is little quick for me, but she is pushing it so hard.
Quote:
However, maybe word it so that you've been busy with your career etc, dated but never found the right person etc
That's a great advice, I will follow it surely!
Quote:
No need to tell her unless she asks.
She already asked me multiple times. She told me the stories of all her longer previous relationships without asking for it and now she is telling me it's my turn to tell about mines.
Easy come, easy go. Seems a bit odd for a girl to be pushing things that quickly, and I'd be wary of it myself. Many here would advocate you adhere to the 2 month dating rule (I didn't personally, but I understand why it is so important to others)

Author:  puaninja [ Wed Jul 05, 2017 6:00 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Shall I confess she is my first gf? I'm 40 years old.

There is a certain way to reveal vulnerabilities to a woman. The best way is to get her feeling compromised too. Ask her if she has anything hiding that she is uncomfortable or scared to talk about, skeletons in the closet and whatnot. She'll have something, and then tell her that she won't believe it but you want to be honest and upfront and tell her because you dislike lying and deceiving. Then tell her.

Women love honesty.And they also like seeing the vulnerable side of a man. But don't be too value lowering with it. Say your peace and then go back to being the man she thinks is so cool.

Author:  R.C [ Wed Jul 05, 2017 10:24 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Shall I confess she is my first gf? I'm 40 years old.

If you don't make a big deal out of it, neither will she.

Be honest.

Author:  dixan [ Thu Jul 06, 2017 10:06 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Shall I confess she is my first gf? I'm 40 years old.

Many thanks for all the replies!

Last night I told her when she started asking me again.

I tried to speak about this as a natural, low priority thing, nothing serious.
First she seemed to be a kind of happily surprised asking me if she is really my first relationship, like this position would be a special honor for her.
Then she asked me how it was possible and I told her about being busy with studies, career and many dates without founding the right one, which is actually true.

I did not observe any change in her behavior with me even later, so I think it went very well. :P

Author:  R.C [ Thu Jul 06, 2017 11:03 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Shall I confess she is my first gf? I'm 40 years old.

Glad to hear it.

Author:  oceanx [ Fri Jul 07, 2017 5:19 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Shall I confess she is my first gf? I'm 40 years old.

Quote:
Then she asked me how it was possible and I told her about being busy with studies, career and many dates without founding the right one, which is actually true.
If you're gonna come clean, this is the best way to do it, especially the bolded part.

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