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Anyway so she goes on holiday, we hardly speak (quite unusual not to speak all day) when we did speak it was like she didn't want to really but she tells me she's been out drinking every night and spending all the time with the lesbian (similar age group, roommates) and tells me she snogged her In a club as a dare.
I tell my gf's this, if these kinds of situations ever pop up:
"I don't want to date a floozy. So if you want to go out drinking a lot at bars, we can change our exclusivity to an open relationship."
But I establish these boundaries EARLY, and if my line is crossed, they fucking know it. but you have to pick and choose your battles. Be very clear and consistent in your boundaries....and then shut the fuck up about it, because then it makes you look too negative. Women aren'tdumb, you don't need to harp on things. Draw your boundary, then get back to the fun, chill guy.
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She is slim and and attractive but a bit naive and impressionable also can be a bit wild when drunk.
Most 20-somethings.
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When she gets back she's being off with me on txt but also talking bad about her best mate (she never has in 5years) , we arrange to meet up for a quick the next night to chat.
This is weird. Why just chat? No passion left?
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We chat for 30min and she is txting then says she's in a hurry and going to her friends for a bit around 9pm tells me where it is (it's the lesbians flat but I didnt know yet), i drive past at 1am and her car is still there, I tried to ring her no answer.
It sounds like you asked her for the address. Why would she volunteer the exact location?
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The next day I wake up and she has txt me saying she was asleep, I asked where and she said home (lying because her car was at lesbian friend flat) i said I drove past yours and you car wasn't there ( i hadn't done really) she lies and says her mum was out in the car lol so I tell her I seen it at the flat, she then admits she stayed there till 3am but I wasn't bothered I just didn't know why she was lying because it was very out of character for her to be doing something like this, I then realise the flat is the lesbians flat from holiday when she tells me her name again!
Probably partying her ass off, still on the drinking binge, maybe some X or coke involved. Whether she had sex or not, only she knows.
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We talk and she ask me to her text her the next day when I'm up to try arrange meeting up,
It doesn't sound like you two are/were even in a relationship, honestly. This is coming off as you two just being fuck buddies. This is not how two people behave in an exclusive relationship.
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i txt the next day and she ignores all day (very unlike her, she asked me to txt her to arrange meeting up and we always do like this) i tried 2 ring her at tea time and no answer and I drive past the lesbians flat and her car is there but at the back this time around 11pm.
Ugh, that sucks.
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She Rings me the next day and says she's very confused and doesn't know what's going on in her head and wanted time alone (although she wasn't alone) , And wants to meet up and talk about things so we do, she tells me nothing is going on but she likes spending time with the girl but the girl wants a relationship with her but my gf is saying she's just a very good friend (she just met her a week ago) and nothing is happening but doesn't want to hurt her feelings by not going to see her, I tell her she is disrespecting me saying she's home lying etc she agrees and says sorry.
Her: I need time alone.
You: Cool, let me know when you feel better.
Then go about your purpose and meet other women.
Then you walk the fuck away. The biggest mistake men make with women is not giving them space and being clingy.
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When we was talking Her phone got a msg and it was the girl I saw the name so i asked if it was her and she said no it wasn't and grabbed her phone away.
So you took her phone from her while she was holding it?
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I then leave the room for a few minutes and when I come back her attitude is totally changed and she is saying she needs to be single to sort her head out etc and be alone for to think but she also tells me she will be going to see her new friend.
You became emotionally-uncentered, and she wanted to bail, hard. Women are not attracted by tantrums. Always keep your cool.
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All the time we talk she tells me she hasn't done anything sexual at all just the dare snog on holiday.
Why do you keep harping on it? Make your point and move on.
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I dropped her off home and by chance 30minutes later I see her drive past with the lesbian girl. I ring her and ask where she is and she says at home lol, I tell her iv just seen her and i never want to speak to her again for lying, big argument on the phone (she was with the girl at the time) and that's it.
This is so needy and neurotic. She just broke up with you, and you're asking her where she is?
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I really don't have a clue what is happening, she is acting so out of character (bad mouthing friends, drinking every night at her new friends cus she stressed, ignoring phone and lying etc)
I can tell you exactly what happened.
You became incredibly controlling and uncentered, probably caused by anxiety over her holiday. You hounded her, over-contacted her, and pushed her away. She sounds immature, so she responded by fooling around with another woman, or at least emotionally bonding with another women with perhaps sexual intentions.
Your continued over-contact, controlling behavior and neediness ultimately caused her to dump you.
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I really don't know what to do, I want to leave my gf and never speak to her again but I obviously care for her and I'm worried this could not be a healthy friendship/possible relationship for her,
Walk away. Stop contacting her. She'll probably come back. You two have a long history.
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I want to tell her sister all about this (don't know her to well but have met and spoke) because only I know and hopefully she can speak to her about it, do you think i should?
This is so fucking needy and neurotic. did your ex-gf become a meth-addicted prostitute? No? Then there's no need to tell her family anything.