Neo,
I miss your replies, and I can't argue with you, you're right. I took all of your advice, I truly did. I not only sought out a respected person within this forum (R.C) who actually became a friend of mine, I paid him money, we spoke, he gave good advice, we SPAM, SPAM, he went on holiday, never messaged me again... Not only was I confused because 1) Him and I have similar personalities and actually got along. He told me we would continue when we are back after his holiday. SPAM'd, Emailed, no reply. That's his prerogative. However, I did feel I was making progress with him and he just vanished, for what reason, I do not know. Additionally, while talking to R.C, I was talking to a therapist. I would take 100 euros with me and drive 20 minutes down the road to a therapist and talk about all my issues. I journaled every reflection and wrote them in a thread here, which Chief shut down.
I know I sound like a 'freak' here, but R.C can attest, I am a normal dude, with lots of potential, who just loses my way sometimes. So I went on anti-depressants, I worked out all summer, I trained really hard, I went back to school and everyone saw a change in me, they were surprised. I killed it this year in soccer, was the face of the school, met a super hot girl (who is very much like my ex yes), and we fucked a lot and I did meet her whilst she had a boyfriend.
I remember telling myself, 'Do not fall for this chick', what did I do... I fell for her. But it wasn't a snap of the fingers.. we chilled, we went on walks, we ran together, she never slapped me, fucking bit me, talked down to me, we got along. We had amazing sex, and she would sleep over and find any reason to see me. I thought, wow, a hot girl, who is sporty, likes soccer as much as me, is putting in this effort, ending her two-year relationship for me, I should give it a try. She wants to be with me.
I don't know if she is a shitty woman, I dont know if my ex before was a shitty woman. But I know something is wrong with me. I feel like I have now damaged this girl and she is going to go on the cock carousel and enjoy the many dicks college has to offer. It makes me sick.
The worst part is, even though she said it's over and she needs space from me a few days ago after having sex, she messaged me two days ago and we have been talking. She says she just wants to be friends, and I said, so what I am like other guys to you now, and she replied saying, no I don't fuck other friends...
I've never 'ghosted' a chick before. I have never just, deleted and got rid of a girl before. That's not me, but i feel like i should? I don't know what reason I have to do it now, maybe i should politely tell her where I am at, but talking to her is killing me. Its bittersweet, i want to talk to her, but the casual friendly talk where she is witty and knows she has me feels like I am getting played with. She offered to see me today, and i turned her down, she wanted to fuck.. the truth is I am out of america now, she doesnt even know. I left because I felt so down that I was losing my appetite and sleep from all this.
It cant be her, it has to be me, i am the common denominator here.
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