Hey guys, thanks in advance for all your support since 2013, when i discovered the forum. Think it's my first topic tho.

Well, I met this girl on facebook, some months ago, she was a former worker at my last job. She was in a relationship, ok, nothing happened. In December 30th, 2016, we talked and started to see each other. Things got very fast: kisses, sex, she knows my family, I met her friends, not family yet, we made plans, travel scheduled, public affection, I knew her job, friends, cooked to her, etc etc.

Problem is: she's hurt from past relationships. And me, well, I spent 9 years with a girl and kept a "neverending story" with this girl for 3 more years. Now it's over ok.

But I'm needy as hell, I'm working on it. I go to a shrink since 2015 and had already a lot of improvements. I'm a better person because of this therapy and because of forums like this.

The problem: everything was going just fine until last wednesday, she sent me a message saying she was going out with a friend, grab a beer or two and talk about life. She asked me if I had problems with this: I said "No".

Well... She was supposed to meet him at 8PM. She got home around 2AM. She's a very direct and sincere girl, I can feel it. But I just went nuts... I couldn't control myself and sent a message:

Me: "Having a good time?"
She: "Yep. Going home"

It was around midnight. She didn't answer and then I sent another message... Damn, I was so stupid that I feel shy topost it here, but it's okay:

ME: "You know, I don't wanna bother you, but I just wanted to know if everything is alright."

She didn't answer, only viewed the message. Then I called...twice... Second time she answered and said she was going home.

When she got home I asked to call her, she said everybody was sleeping, I said I was just worred about her (that's a lie! I know!), that's why I tried to contact her.

She didn't want to talk, went to sleep.

Next day she was very cold, and said I shouldn't do that.

Late, on the same day (yesterday), I asked her out, to have a coffee. She first said she wanted to go to the gym, then she said:

"Honestly, yesterday made me afraid. Lot of calls, messages, assumptions because it was late. I didn't do nothing! Only went to see a friend that I didn't meet in ages... I got scared, really. So today I prefer to stay by myself..."

I apologized, said I didn't want to hurt her feelings, recognized my error and understood her need of space.

She said:
"Ok, relax, I just need my space."

I said OK, and we didn't talk since then. We used to talk everyday, a lot... Now it's just silence.

Is this reversible, guys?
I'm thinking on keep the silence until sunday, and then try to ask her out or something. Would you do the same?

BTW, further informations:
I'm 29 yo, she's 25. She's hot, a lot of guys would die to bang her. I'm a nice guy, good looking but a bit overweight (I was really fat, but not anymore). I have a good job. I think we like each other (we even said I love you each other, she did it). Sex was going fine. She said we would start an "official" relationship in a matter of time, things were going very well and then... this... Fuck.

Thanks, guys.

You met this chick 3 weeks ago? Banging?

Yep, almost 4 weeks. We started to bang on week 2.

Give her the space she's asking for and wait for her to contact you. Show her that you can be secure.

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Thanks man, I will ask you as I usually ask myself: "But what if she keep the whole time with the bad feeling? Wouldn't be better to try to meet her and bring a new good feeling for her to keep?"

No. You're only wanting to bring her a new good feeling because you are insecure. If you are trying to make up for what you did from a place of insecurity, it will only come across as insecure. Show her that you can be secure enough to give her the space that she's asking for and then IF she wants to see you again, then give her the good feeling.

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Not when you'er feeling insecure it isn't.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

10/10 man, I needed to read this.
Thanks.

That's you OP.

I hope you understand how stupid that kind of behavior is.

That being said, it may or may not be irreversible. But here's what's for certain.
If you deny her request for space, and contact her in any way, and rationalize any bullshit excuse to do so, the only thing you will accomplish is confirm her fears are correct.

Think about it. You acted out of desperation and insecurity. Now she wants some space. You refusing to abide is another action derived of desperation. Whether it's because you want to "give her a good feeling", whether "you're afraid she'll dump you", whatever it is, it stems from desperation.
On the other hand, if you do not contact her until she contacts you, that will send the message that maybe indeed it was a momentary slip. You will have demonstrated that you are in control of your emotions (or at the very least regained it), and that your life can have meaning even without her in it.

That's the only thing that will maybe have her come back. Contact her again and she's gone.

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I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

That’s Gold, man. Thanks, you exactly described me!
It's a kind of a drug, you know? When I start to like someone I become this junky and do this kind of childish stuffs. It's a constant struggle.

You can work on that.

Women love to feel desired, but hate to feel needed.

_________________
I know my place. It's me on top of the world.

My in depth texting & dating guide.
There's no such thing as shit-tests.
How to keep a girl.

Better still, learn to be a secure person for yourself (examine what that looks like) rather than doing so to "show" her (which is simply insecurity creeping in the back door).

So you had a need for security that wasn't met with any reassurance on her end. Your thinking then stirred you up further, and you'd reacted out of that energy. It had a negative polarizing force like two ends of a magnet, and she felt a bit overwhelmed, and insecure towards you.

It goes without saying that had you'd kept the secure front you'd be seeing her now. The reality is you reacted out of a scarcity mindset which begs the question how are you going to deal with this the next time it happens (and it will)?

This is the forest for the trees - whether things workout w her or not are trivial by comparison as this behavior will continue with a new person unless that person is extremely needy and checking-in with you at all hours of the day.

How long has she been "silent" for?

Not even a whole day, my friend.

I understand that I need to improve this. It is my last big challenge... I was poor, fixed it. I was Fat, so I lost 72kg. Got fired, so I went to a huge company and even hired my former boss, now he works for me. I did great things... I am good in making people follow me, I even teach people how to speak publicly... but this... This is my goddamn Achilles' heel.

Thanks for the support guys.

The thing is, the night she went out isn't the real issue. Dont get me wrong, it was needy as hell and smothering, but the issue is
You 2 moved super fast, doing couple things and being way too invested too quickly. Your needy actions spring from not taking it slow, so any change is going to freak you out. For eg, this happens alot. Guy meets girl and they move too quickly. Talk everyday. See each other all the time. Start planning trips and introducing to family early in. Throwing the word "love" out. Things are "great." One day, chick thinks to herself, "wow, things are moving quickly." She gets scared, realizes she doesnt really know you and you her. "How can he act like this so soon?" Turns her off. Makes her second guess whether the "connection" is real. She decides she's going to pull back. Maybe not text as much. Guy, who is used to speaking everyday, realizes she didnt text good morning today. He gets needy and overtexts, searching for the affection that was there. Girl gets more turned off and says "you didnt give me space today, I was ok, but it was this thing you did today." NO. The WHOLE situation is NEEDY. Not just today. It's just that at some point, she realized you were needy. And it probably was before you texted her last night.

I say this, because you're thinking it was just one mistake. No, you made several mistakes, this was just the one she chose to pull back. When after 2 weeks of sex and 4 months of dating, you're planning the future with a chick, she's going to come out of the trance and realize "he likes me way too much." Last night was just another sign of that. If she texts you tomorrow, youre thinking "ok now things can go back to the everyday talking/lets pick out our kids names" thing. THAT's the problem. The only way this COULD work out for you, is if you realize both of you over invested, and you both need to step back. If youre thinking "wow, I shouldnt be planning trips with a chick so soon" Good. If you're thinking "wow, I wish she came back so we can go on that trip" BAD. YOU have to do as she did and realize things are at an unrealistic/crazy place. YOU have to realize this girl is not your wife. If you continue thinking that things are great/healthy and this fuckup was the only thing to fix, then youve already lost.

She was "scared" from you calling, because she already wanted space. A chick who hasnt realized things are moving too fast, wouldve continued to text you even when she's out because she's still in puppy dog love mode. And she's right, you too should step back. The issue is, you shouldve realized it first. Now, you're in the worse position.