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Hey guys, thanks in advance for all your support since 2013, when i discovered the forum. Think it's my first topic tho.
Well, I met this girl on facebook, some months ago, she was a former worker at my last job. She was in a relationship, ok, nothing happened. In December 30th, 2016, we talked and started to see each other. Things got very fast: kisses, sex, she knows my family, I met her friends, not family yet, we made plans, travel scheduled, public affection, I knew her job, friends, cooked to her, etc etc.
Problem is: she's hurt from past relationships. And me, well, I spent 9 years with a girl and kept a "neverending story" with this girl for 3 more years. Now it's over ok.
But I'm needy as hell, I'm working on it. I go to a shrink since 2015 and had already a lot of improvements. I'm a better person because of this therapy and because of forums like this.
The problem: everything was going just fine until last wednesday, she sent me a message saying she was going out with a friend, grab a beer or two and talk about life. She asked me if I had problems with this: I said "No".
Well... She was supposed to meet him at 8PM. She got home around 2AM. She's a very direct and sincere girl, I can feel it. But I just went nuts... I couldn't control myself and sent a message:
Me: "Having a good time?"
She: "Yep. Going home"
It was around midnight. She didn't answer and then I sent another message... Damn, I was so stupid that I feel shy topost it here, but it's okay:
ME: "You know, I don't wanna bother you, but I just wanted to know if everything is alright."
She didn't answer, only viewed the message. Then I called...twice... Second time she answered and said she was going home.
When she got home I asked to call her, she said everybody was sleeping, I said I was just worred about her (that's a lie! I know!), that's why I tried to contact her.
She didn't want to talk, went to sleep.
Next day she was very cold, and said I shouldn't do that.
Late, on the same day (yesterday), I asked her out, to have a coffee. She first said she wanted to go to the gym, then she said:
"Honestly, yesterday made me afraid. Lot of calls, messages, assumptions because it was late. I didn't do nothing! Only went to see a friend that I didn't meet in ages... I got scared, really. So today I prefer to stay by myself..."
I apologized, said I didn't want to hurt her feelings, recognized my error and understood her need of space.
She said:
"Ok, relax, I just need my space."
I said OK, and we didn't talk since then. We used to talk everyday, a lot... Now it's just silence.
Is this reversible, guys?
I'm thinking on keep the silence until sunday, and then try to ask her out or something. Would you do the same?
BTW, further informations:
I'm 29 yo, she's 25. She's hot, a lot of guys would die to bang her. I'm a nice guy, good looking but a bit overweight (I was really fat, but not anymore). I have a good job. I think we like each other (we even said I love you each other, she did it). Sex was going fine. She said we would start an "official" relationship in a matter of time, things were going very well and then... this... Fuck.
Thanks, guys.
So you had a need for security that wasn't met with any reassurance on her end. Your thinking then stirred you up further, and you'd reacted out of that energy. It had a negative polarizing force like two ends of a magnet, and she felt a bit overwhelmed, and insecure towards you.
It goes without saying that had you'd kept the secure front you'd be seeing her now. The reality is you reacted out of a scarcity mindset which begs the question how are you going to deal with this the next time it happens (and it will)?
This is the forest for the trees - whether things workout w her or not are trivial by comparison as this behavior will continue with a new person unless that person is extremely needy and checking-in with you at all hours of the day.
How long has she been "silent" for?