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Hey guys,
I've been reading the forum for a while but only now I managed to make an account. Anyway, I'll get over the "thank you, the forum is amazing" part, because you see stuff like this daily.
Now, to my problem. I've been dating this girl for almost 3 months and things seemed to be perfect. I've been looking for a girl like her in a while and now I finally met her. Basically, she's just like me, liking almost the same things.
A month ago, I was noticing she was a bit cold, not being that communicative as she was. I thought she was only tired or had some family issues, dunno. I even asked her what was wrong and she said she was fine, nothing important. A few days after,
she told me that she had a serious relationship a year ago and she was still in the past, thinking at that and other nonsense. Ok, got it. We didn't talked for a few days, until one day she approached me on facebook. A bit of fluff talk, nothing important. And she kept talking with me, with her initiating the contact. It was obvious, she wanted me to get back with her again. After a few days, I invited her to my place, cooked something and everything went just fine. We couldn't do nothing, as my roommate was in the other room, but she gave me one awesome bj.
So everything seemed just like it was before. We went to some friends of mine to watch the game, went bowling, and so on. We were a happy couple again. Last week, I went to her place and spent the night there. She had to go to school in the morning and I kept sleeping until she came back . Anyway, since then, she started again acting cold, bitchy sometimes and she's again not that communicative. I even asked her again...Is something wrong with you? No, I just need to sleep and I think I'm a bit sick.
I might be a bit too emotionally attached to her and she's ok. Or maybe she wants to break up again. I have no idea what's happening with her. I want to have a serious talk with her about this, but this weekend we're both in our hometowns. ( We go to college in the same city). I want talk with her face to face, as last time we talked about this on facebook.
I can't stand this, with her acting like this and not knowing why. So here comes my question: how to deal with this situation? Should I ask here where is this relationship going or it might be just a phase she's going through?
Looking forward to reading your advice!
PS: Sorry if I made some mistakes, English is not my first language and I might got some expressions wrong.
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It sounds as though she's witholding (not sharing something with you) and your intuition is telling you something is off (which may or may not have anything to do with you). Whenever you pull away a bit from her, she pursues and it feels wonderful, but the moment is fleeting once your ego is satiated and she begins acting aloof/distant again.
Whatever is going on with her, it doesn't sound like she's being very forthcoming. You won't gain any ground by pushing at her, she'll likely only become further entrenched in whatever it is that's creating the disturbance. It may be helpful for you to examine how all of this is making you feel, rather than focusing on her. If you're experiencing more anguish for merely a momentary feeling of relief, then maybe its best to leave well enough alone.
The way I see it, you have a few options:
1) Maintain relations with her, but ACCEPT that whatever she's going through she is not willing to share so therefore leave it alone.
2) Cut ties with her, but under the pretense that some proximity may be good for the two of you (I don't generally recommend this as it isn't really working toward anything, but if she's not willing to discuss things with you, how are you guys going to work past things?). If you follow through with this option, make a concerted effort to stand by it and not fold after a few days because you miss her. Realize that like the addict, you will have cravings to see her but that when either one of you cave, you get right back into this mess all over again. Be honest with yourself, above all else.
I think some space would be good for you to reflect on things because things are sounding a bit emotionally intense for the two of you right now.