Hey all

So I've been dating this lovely girl for nearly 4 months now and we are moving in together (yes im aware that its fairly soon, but when things are right, they're right).

The problem I have is a personal one. I don't know how to cheer up my girl when she's in a bad mood (sad/angry). If I try to make a cute joke it sometimes pisses her off even more because she's 'not in the mood for jokes'. Obviously women would rather have sympathy and affection from a man rather than solutions to their problems, but I can't help but feel useless if I can't make my woman smile when she's down. Now I usually stay with her, don't say anything and give her hugs and do as she asks.

Any suggestions on how to cheer women up without getting murdered?

_________________
C.R.

Hold up their budy! moving in after 4 months? this is a HORRIBLE! idea!!!! Listen man I know you think you love this girl, and you feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside but 4 months is hardly long enough to know if you even love a girl let alone move in with her! This is going to cause all kinds of problems between the two of you, mark my words.

I wish you the best of luck but you are making a very emotional decision! why the rush? once you move in with a girl there is no turning back, most of the time if you move out its over and you two are done. Why risk something that is good?

I second that. The honeymoon phase is nearly over (based on an average of 5-6 months for most people) and things won't seem quite as nice to you at that point. Although, that's none of my business so I'll just answer your question instead of getting deeper into this discussion.

When a girl is in a bad mood, oftentimes making jokes makes them feel like you are mocking them. Emotions such as anger or sadness are the body's way of naturally releasing this negative energy. By trying to make her laugh, it's causing an inconsistency in her mind that sparks confusion at an emotional level. This will have negative effects.

Women also typically do not want you to solve the problem or offer solutions. Instead, they want you to understand how they feel and comfort them with the sole fact that you are there for them. Pull her in, tell her you understand how she must feel etc, then kiss her on the forehead. When she gets over the severe negative emotions, that's when you can make a joke or take her somewhere fun to cheer her up.

Snarg hit it on the head: Empathy is huge. Men understand the world logically (99% of the time) and women have the tendency to relate to things with more emotion. Emotion ≠ Logic... I promise it is not a linear logic, most of the time. Maybe try listening to what she's specifically upset about and relate to it as if you were in her shoes. Let her know you understand how she feels (if you understand) and say that you understand how shitty that can feel (if you get it)... if you don't, then really try focusing on what she's saying and at least be supportive to her (be very specific with what you're supporting).

I hope that helps (I've been in a relationship for over 20 months now and think I know a thing or two about what your going through)

_________________
Manipulation is such a strong word... I prefer persuasion.

i understand your reaction concerning the relationship in general, so here's some background info:

i've known this girl for over a year now, so we are not total strangers. yes, i do believe i love her. when we got together she lived in a different country and we did long distance for a month and a bit before we decided that we would like to spend more time together.

does this change your opinion or do you still think it's all going a bit fast? i'm asking so i can make my own educated opinion, i'm not trying to change your minds here, i appreciate your concern.

As for the mood thing, i understand. I just thought there might be more to it because you hear girls saying how guys always make them laugh even when theyre in a shit mood, but i'll take your advice for it. Thanks a lot! Appreciate it

_________________
C.R.

Be careful telling a girl "I understand how you feel". She feels her circumstances are unique and, while you have the best intentions, she may feel you're undermining her in saying that.

If at all possible, don't say anything. Your presence alone is sufficient.

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"