So tonight i was alone with my girl, tonight is our 9 months together, but i had some shit on my mind , and i thought i'd ask her...

I asked if she still missed her ex, she said no , i said "man you guys must have been perfect together for you to miss him like that", just to see her reaction , to my surprise she said "yes we were honestly"... which led me to then ask how she would react if she came back, she said " i dont know", then she started talking about she doesnt know how im going to be in the future and she has to observe.. i told her " good thing i asked you these questions", guess your not as perfect and special as i thought you were"...

It really pissed me off big time for her to not be able to answer if she would stay loyal if her ex was to come back, she would make stupid remarks like "what if he was gonna kill himself if i didnt go back to him", and "i cant tell the future". She constantly says were perfect together and she loves mIe so much, but then i ask her a simple question like this and she cant even give me a fuckin answer...

Anyways the night ended with her saying "dont trust me if you dont want to", and left my car.... Her being so emotionally unstable causes me to worry some times whether im making the right choice of being with her. Overall we're great together and all we do is laugh and have fun, the vibe is pure love, but these little shits piss me off.

Its going to be our 9 months in an hour, and i dont know if i should text her just ignore what happened ? or apologize( which i think i probably should do), and lastly am i wrong for asking these kinds of questions?

Wait a second... YOU are calling HER emotionally unstable??

You just pulled a total insecure needy little bitch move by asking her ridiculous questions about her ex, and you think SHE is the emotionally unstable one?

She was right to say "don't trust me if you don't want to" and leave your car. That's what anyone with self-respect would have done.

Normally my posts are more eloquent and understanding, but in this case you seem to be living in some confined bubble in which you fail to see your own faults and blame others for your actions. YOU are the one who caused "these little shits" that pissed you off. You caused it, and then got mad at her and called her emotionally unstable. My mind is blown.

Yes, you were wrong. Yes, you should apologize. And you also need to work on your self-concept, big time.

haha your right, but it still find it fucked up that she couldnt just say hes nobody to me now and ill be there no matter what... i thought that was the strength of our love... it kinda shook me up when she couldnt even answer me and it wasnt even supposed to go that far. Like she wants me when im successful and not when im not all the way there yet. I texted a cocky funny text and apologized for the stupid questions.... but damn this goes to show not to fully invest your love in somebody, no matter how sweet or innocent they may seem... damn shame

It's not fucked up that you didn't get the answer you wanted. She was honest with you. Congratulations, you have an honest girlfriend.

Go read through the threads in the relationships forum and see how many needy guys are whining about "she said she loved me and would be with me forever!" Just because they say something, it doesn't mean it's going to happen. Your girlfriend is correct, you never know what it is going to happen or how feelings are going to change or what the future holds. She didn't bullshit you by making you any naive promises.

It sounds to me like she is losing interest in you, and having doubts, most likely due to needy and insecure behavior from you, such as asking about her ex and then going emo bitch mode when you don't like the truth.

Furthermore, cocky-funny is not the way to apologize in this instance. She is angry, and for good reason. It's OK for a man to apologize when he is in the wrong. She doesn't want you to apologize for what you did, she wants you to apologize for how you made her feel.
For example: "I'm sorry I made you feel like I didn't trust you. I realize you were just answering my stupid questions honestly, and you didn't deserve to be treated the way I treated you."

alright i fucked up lol, but easy with the bullshit, just yesterday she was telling me how good i am and how much she loves me, and going posting shit all over facebook... she aint losing interest but if i continue to fuck up she will

sidnne is right but i will be the understanding side.

as an alpha dude which i hope you are. you ask purposeful questions.
you see people are kind of sneaky. you often hear this "people say things they don't mean" they are talking about sub context and purpose.

imagine the question"do I look fat?"
unless you are in the entertainment industry and you have to send your models on the catwalk and she asks you this. you tell her to go throw up.

but if you are not in this context. it is most likely a question to get validation because shes expecting a certain answer and shes not open to the other answer.

"putting yourself down", makes you comfortable because you fit better into a beta male state. like one of my new guys said "I've never had a girlfriend" out of the blue to a girl. she might as well said ok im going to find an alpha man. avoid this!

try to imagine the purpose and sub context and where the person is coming from.

I'm with Sidnne on this one.

You asked a loaded question without being prepared for an honest answer.

The question I have to ask is this. What did you expect to gain or lose from the questions you asked. I don't want to judge, but from your post it sounds like you were questions like this out of insecurity. If that's the case, why are you insecure, and if you have good reasons for being so, why not just end the relationship without all the drama?

The reason I am so hard on you is that women want you to lead the relationship. They want to know you are confident and secure in where the relationship is, and where it is going. Asking questions like you did does nothing except show a lack of confidence in the state of the relationship and/or it's future.

The reason i asked is because shes got quite a bit on me age wise, and im in the process of starting university and getting a better job.... and wanted to see if she truly had the patience for me. Her ex was already done school and working... i was trying to see how big of a difference it makes to her because shes in the stage of life where shes gotta settle down and have kids, where as im just starting the process.

Shes been calling me hubby again and said something about kids, so this chick is all over the place... i think shes just in the moment and i have to not think so much of the future.

And honestly i dont want to let her go, not because i dont think i can get another girl, but because i see these sluts and bitches these days, that only care about nothing but to have fun. The loyalty and that lady-ness that i look for in a girl is hard to find.

- 9 months is not very long if her ex relationship was 1 year+

- Don't ask questions you if there's a chance you might not like the answer

- Never EVER bring up an ex

Based on everything you're saying, it seems to me like you're riding the roller coaster right now.

In the beginning of a relationship, both partners' interest and investment is high, rising, and matched. But, right around the 8-month mark is when one of the partner's interest level kind of plateaus, or no longer matches the other partner's. It doesn't necessarily decrease, it could just simply not be rising at the same rate as the other partner's interest anymore. When this happens, the partner whose interest is higher, senses the difference in interest and often becomes insecure about the relationship.

In your case, it sounds as though your girlfriend's interest has plateaued, while yours has remained high. As a result, you have become insecure about the relationship and her feelings for you. This causes you to act out in needy ways, such as asking her about her ex, and requiring more of her attention. You are depending on her to validate the relationship for you. When you don't get the attention that you need from her, then it makes you wonder if she still wants to be with you, and you dip down on the roller coaster. When she gives you attention and affection, by calling you hubby and talking about kids, then it makes you feel like your relationship is strong and she still has strong feelings for you after all; you are then on a peak of the roller coaster.

Meanwhile, she is on the roller coaster, too. When you act like a man and display masculine qualities, her feelings for you and attraction toward you are high; she feels good about the relationship and calls you hubby and talks about kids. When you act needy, her feelings and attraction for you dip; she wonders about the relationship and becomes a little distant.

Right now, your mood is dependent on the amount of attention you receive from her. She has the power in the relationship. If you continue like that, you will end up pushing her away. You need to regain control, regain your confidence, and rebuild her attraction for you.

honestly man i feel a little exhausted from all the ups and downs..... investing so much time and energy for something i dont even know is permanent.... what would be the best way to regain the things you said?

what you said is spot on man, this is my second serious relationship, but my longest... im an emotional person, i can be dominant and alpha as fuck but at the same time im too caring.... shes far more experienced than me as shes 8 years older and had a 8 year relationship before... i dont know where to go from here

I know exactly how you feel. I've been there. I speak from experience.

Remember who you were when you first started dating. You were calm, cool, confident, dominant. She was probably more into you than you were into her. Chances are, she wanted to be around you at times when you wanted some time to yourself. You have to get back to being that guy again. That was the guy who attracted her and who she fell for. You need to start putting yourself first and learn to value yourself more than you value her. She doesn't want a puppy dog, she wants a man; she wants you to be a man.

It's all a matter of changing your mindset and the way your mind works. This is all "inner game" stuff and you can get a lot of information by reading the Inner Game sections of the forum. Learn about confidence, masculinity, self-concept, etc. Unfortunately, there is no quick fix; it's a process and it takes time and practice.

I'm going to suggest you get a copy of "On Being A Man Who Naturally Attracts Women" by David DeAngelo, as a good place to start. Then read all of the books he mentions in that program, such as "Iron John;" "King, Warrior, Magician, Lover;" "Fire in the Belly;" "No More Mr Nice Guy;" "How To Be A No Limit Person" etc.

If you want to change yourself, you first have to learn about yourself and why you are the way you are.

hah if she wants the old me then i guess she wants an aggresive pot head that doesnt give 2 fucks about her.... fuckin females man, all this fuckin work :@