Trust is a bitch



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 Post subject: Trust is a bitch
PostPosted: Thu Oct 11, 2012 10:17 pm 
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It's a long story. This is just a bit of background, you can skip to past the line for the important bit.

There's the girl, known as Naomi, who I met at a concert. I used the game on her, and even so, we really connected. At the end I could see how much she was in love with me... "you're perfect" she would say, staring into my eyes... I took her bracelet, said I would think about her every time I looked at it. I gave her my guitar pick for the same reason.

So, I played it cool and didn't text her for 3 days. When I did we kicked off very well, somehow we got married on facebook as a joke... We met up again next week, each bringing a friend (these friends, for me Danny, for her Kiera, were also at the concert, kind of connected). But Danny sucks at girls. He is a real AFC. Anyway, we went to the cinema. All i did was kiss her. It was amazing. Said our goodbyes again...

The next saturday I travelled to her town. Eh, I missed the train. I kept her waiting for 3 hours. When I got there we didn't do much, sat in the park and kissed, talked, and really did a lot of kissing. I remember waiting in the train station for an hour with her. We cuddled in the corner. It was dark, and it just felt... perfect. I was starting to really fall for her. But still, this wasn't a relationship we had decided. We were both clear we could see other people.

So far so good. Next saturday she came up to my house. I was hungover, I had lost her braclet, she was annoyed, but pffft. She gave me another. Then, we lay in my bed and kissed and didn't have sex yet. We were going to take it slow... and then she said it. 'I love you'.

Now, I've never been in this situation before. It felt bizzare. I was scared. I said it back. I think I meant it. Then the next saturday I was hungover again. She lent me money. But she was acting strange. Pushy. This other girl invited me out to a party, so after hanging with her at her friends house (with Danny, in Kiera's house) I went to this party. Now, Kiera was pushing Danny away. It was obvious. Naomi told me. I was scared she was going to do the same.

end of background
___________________________________________________________________

So at this party, I went back to a girls house, stayed the night, and suprising had 4 hours of LMR (more like LHR lololol) before I got anywhere. But I did. I went home and told my German PUA guy... but I had left my facebook logged on in Kiera's house. Fucking OOOOOUUUUUCCCCCHHHH. Kiera photoshopped everything I had said, sent it to Naomi. OOOOUUUCCCHHH.

Even though we weren't technically 'in a relationship' I shouldn't have done that. She is so depressed. It's unreal. People are littering her facebook wall with messages 'cheer up naomi blah blah blah you're beautiful you'll find a better guy some day gibbber gabber'

What the fuck do I do? I skipped school, got the train up to her town, saw her after school, give her flowers, apologised... but this was the day after it happened. She could barely look at me. We talked and she said 'You've got ONE chance' I was overjoyed and went to check train times. on my way back her friends (kiera etc.) came over and said for me to fuck off, i don't deserve a second chance. I was heartbroken. I went over to her and I told her don't worry, time will fix this etc.

On the way home on the train I was feeling shite. Then I got a text. One of her friends had her phone and was telling me not to give up. To text her everynight and let her know I'm thinking of her

Her brother told me not to give up. Unfortunately I took all this shit the wrong way and tried to win her friends over, and her, by messaging her too much. Not extremely too much, but just a tad much.

Kiera told me to fuck off or she would get the police (clear overreaction)
I lost many friends (Don't text my girlfriend anymore)

And worst of all... Naomi... She seemed fine sometimes, I was talking to her and it was almost like before on the phone... but no. She can't forgive me for what I did, apparently.

All I here is 'I loved you so much and every time I look at you I think you're a cunt.'

I need to get her to trust me again.

It has now been 3 weeks since that incident. A few days ago I phoned her, she was in tears saying 'I just want someone who will not have to make a mistake to realise how much they love me'

She hung up crying. I left a voicemail. and haven't spoken since. I removed her from facebook but can still message her, I still have her number. Her friends have told me to stop talking to her.

I know what most of you are thinking. It's beyond repair tbh. Move on.
But I refuse. I can't give up on her. If i could, I wouldn't. At least not yet. Should I try no contact for a while, or what are my options in reality?

As a PUA, she has broken me. I just want to settle down and be with her now, I can't go out much anyway to game because of all my schoolwork. Sorry for the big spill guys, but I'll be beyond jumping over the moon if you can help me out.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Oct 11, 2012 11:02 pm 
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Once you lose someone's trust it is very hard to get it back. But it can be done.

In my freshmen year in high school I went to homecoming after I had gotten dumped by my girlfriend. I hung out with these two girls all night, cuddling them and stuff. But there was one girl I did that with in particular. We were having a great time. Then this guy tells her that I was homophobic (I am NOT homophobic but I gave a really bad joke that offended a few gay people). She like homosexuals so she was really offended by me and wouldn't talk to me for months. I tried saying sorry but got a bunch of nos. She did eventually forgive me and we tried to date. But it didn't really work out and we drifted apart. We remain friendly to each other though.

It takes time to regain trust. You are going to have to work for it.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Oct 12, 2012 6:44 am 
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so I've been told. There must a way to do it though. I don't want us to be hanging out and she never thinking about me the way she used to because of one stupid thing I did. We're only 17 for christ sake, but it will be really hard for her to trust me again.

How can i prove to her she can?

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2012 1:09 pm 
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Well... rather than giving it time, which I think would be a bad idea, I initiated contact by confiding in her 'Hey, I've got no one else to turn to her. I really trust you. Can I talk to you? It's really important... can you keep this between us etc'

She was like 'Yeah' So I started 'My friend is going down a dark path blah blah blah I'm really worried blah blah blah I don't know what to do'

at first she was very unresponsive 'bribe with food'

so i waited a few hours and then changed the subject, slowly delving into normal conversation 'so how have you been keeping anyways blah blah blah'

'fine blah blah blah how are you'

'i've been better'

'why what's wrong'

'blah blah blah confide confide gibber gabber build trust'

eventually i broke and said something like 'I miss you. I know you don't miss me, so I'm not going to lecture you, or beg for your forgiveness. All I'm saying is, I miss you.'

She replied 'we're friends ok' which tbh I took as good, because, well, we weren't so thats a start, right? anyway things were looking pretty up from there. i said goodnight etc. but then I did something a bit rash. I gave her my facebook password. I was like, look, I think you might want to see this, start to trust me again etc.

'why would i even'

word for word i said 'when i was trying to get you back, i guess you can see that i was being genuine. i really did try haha. I don't think you believed me, but there ya go'

no reply for 10 minutes, I sent ':)' and no reply, as expected.

NOW GUYS, from here, I'm considering whether to leave it for a few days, or initiate talking to her again by confiding in her etc.

I don't know whether giving her my facebook password came across as a bit desperate or not, but its meant to gain her trust, it was on facebook that she saw that i was doing things with another girl so that girl is blocked.

What do you think she will do? Should I try talking to her again soon? How long will it be before she trusts me enough get back together?

stay tuned, your comments and suggestions are much appreciated ;)

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2012 5:30 pm 
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still nothing new from above but i'm playing at a gig on friday, her friends will be there. I'm playing a few songs I wrote myself, and one of them is about her, called 'oops' . I'm not going to say 'this is a song I wrote for someone who used to...blah blah blah' NO i won't do that, it's just a normal song, right?

They'll basically pick up on it being about her though. and then she might here that i wrote a song for her and be like 'aaaaaaw' etc. See I don't think this an AFC thing, and it will be romantic but maybe I've been watching to many movies...

what CAN I do to regain trust? I fucking hate trust. Built up over years and gone in an instant. what do you guys think?

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2012 7:08 pm 
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Just for the record, you do not ever lose a girl's bracelet. Also, you didn't really seem too into her when you had her, making her wait and always being hungover around her... And now that you can't have her you want her. Totally normal, that shit really gets to me too. But honestly for her sake leave her alone. She seems like a sweet girl and you're probably just going to hurt her again. If you think otherwise then you need to prove it, but you can't get back with her and continue doing whatever shit you want.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2012 9:24 pm 
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I know what you're thinking but i've thought this through and I really think it's the best solution to just go for it. I would never hurt her again after all this shit, I'm sure of it.

Now, I'm texting her, she tells me 'she doesn't want a boyfriend...

...because she's depressed...

...because she will just be waiting for more disappointment...



I'm getting really close. An approach of telling her 'no no i'll never disappoint you...?' No. I need something better than that. please guys what is the best reply in this situation? There's so many options to go down and a huge chance of me going back to square hell. I need to be careful here

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2012 9:27 pm 
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Hopefully you have learned a valuable lesson from this experience, and the next time a woman grants you access to her most intimate of areas you'll remember that discretion really is the better part of valor.

Your boy,
870

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2012 10:33 pm 
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Her friend phoned me and tells me that all of her friends are trying to get her to give me a second chance and she is the one that is unsure (i thought this was the other way round)

she's depressed. her friend tells me she doesn't like me anymore and i should just move on.

but SHE hasn't told me that, and I know it's probably not true. she's unsure.
I explained this to her friend and she agreed.

So i told her friend to arrange her to meet up with me one more time, face to face, and tell me that. the friend agreed to try, but said if it seemed like it would worsen her depression, all bets are off.

Just so I can have closure. Maybe then I won't be so hung up on her.

As for now... I guess, what have I even become? Look what I have done to this poor girl... a small part of me thinks that I can make it all ok if I have a relationship with her again. Infact I KNOW if she sees me again chemistry will spark... but that doesn't necessarily mean she wants a relationship.

Trust me, I'm going to get back with her. I'm going to make her happy. Because it's what I truly believe. And it will be bloody soon too.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 12:48 am 
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Bad idea. But, fine.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 2:36 am 
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Does anyone know a good way to spy on your girls phone, whereabouts, and who she is talking too?

trust is hard thing to regain, my girl lied to me i broke up with her over it but she came back to me with a list of explanations and apologies a while back and it has stuck with me. I can't figure out if i am over thinking everything or shit has hit the fan. I just need to know if this is real.

I heard spybubble is good anyone use it?

I know everyone says if your thinking about spying or have any doubt then just move on to the next but I really like this girl. Its been a year and a half since we have been dating. We have our arguments and suspicions but when we are next to each other its the most peaceful feeling that I don't want to give up. I will if I have too. I am at the point where I just want to settle with this one but that lie I can't get over. I just need to monitor her for a month to be completely sure.

I have oneitis i know that I have tried the cure(going out and banging as many women as possible) but that hasn't work since I can't really get it up to anyone else. So the only way I will be able to do this is if I break up with her and go thru the motion and then meet someone else. I can't carry this feeling any further either I need to start trusting her or just break up.

I hope someone else here is in a similar situation and may be able to help.

Thanks guys.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 2:53 am 
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Quote:
Does anyone know a good way to spy on your girls phone, whereabouts, and who she is talking too?

If you're serious about this you shouldn't be with her. I dated a really jealous-type guy once and he looked through my phone and got pissed at me for texting a guy that I loved/missed him. That guy was my gay best friend from college. Soooo I dumped his ass, that was just too far. If you can't trust her you shouldn't be with her. And spying on her is just sad.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 6:50 am 
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Spying is going a bit far. Yes, I'm worried that she may see other guys. Infact it would tear me apart inside.

But if my girl really is depressed... she won't move on. she's going through hell right now all because of me. i just want to be there for her.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 12:24 pm 
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@Molly - I agree with u completely, i have the gift/curse of remembering an emotionally charged moment down to every facial expressions. I see that facial expression from when I caught her in a lie, I wasnt even Suspicious then I was actually trying to do something nice for her. 90% of the time things are clear her stories and the day she has had but every ones in a while I see the lieing to cover up facial expression then I ask her more questions and it gets even more obvious its a lie I just wanna know if it because of something she does and doesn't wanna tell me for whatever reason or shes actually cheating.
My dreams are filled with her cheating cause of it. I wasn't like this before. I can't break up with her she cries and shows up at my door. I don't have the guts to see her crying especially if she hasn't done anything wrong.

I feel this is just my problem and I can reassure myself ones and for all and never look back.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Oct 15, 2012 3:29 pm 
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Quote:
Spying is going a bit far. Yes, I'm worried that she may see other guys. Infact it would tear me apart inside.

But if my girl really is depressed... she won't move on. she's going through hell right now all because of me. i just want to be there for her.
Urgh, you're being a white knight. It's patronising, she is more than capable of dealing with her shit on her own, she doesn't need someone with an ulterior motive desperately trying to be there for her.

Just leave her alone and move on. She's not a special snowflake or your one true soulmate.

Also, on the subject of spying, just no... If you feel like doing that then you should absolutely not be in a relationship, if you really feel like you can't trust this person then dump her.


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