I'm not new to the PUA community, I started to participate in it about ten years ago and after a while I became quite decent in the game. After a couple of years women were already showing more interest in me than I thought I would ever get. I had reached a point where virtually every attractive woman I met would show interest in me and in most cases it was relatively easy to keep the interaction advancing. That hasn't changed, women keep showing the same level of interest.

In spite of this, I never get laid. I almost always stop the interaction before we can have proper sex. As soon as the sex window starts to open I do something that makes them run away. I do very mild things, like ignoring them at the wrong time or kissing them in a way that shows I'm not really into it. Usually that's enough to make them feel very frustrated and decide they don't want to see me again.

After hundreds of repetitions of this pattern I eventually acknowledged that all the PUA mastery in the world wasn't going to help me if I didn't want to have sex in the first place. So I kind of "retired" from the game and focused more than ever in my inner game, my efforts to become a better man. After years of therapy, effort and pain it looks like I have managed to understand the root of the problem: My mother sexually abused me when I was a child. On top of that, she heavily manipulated me and twisted my mind at a very deep level to make me emotionally dependent on her and reject everybody else. I have published a summary of that abuse in malesurvivor.org, a website dedicated to survivors of child sexual abuse like myself.

Participating in malesurvivor.org is very helpful because I have met other survivors of sexual abuse who understand very well my pain because they have similar experiences. However, they know nothing about the PUA community and tend to have very poor interactions with women, or none at all, and that makes it difficult to discuss some aspects of the problem with them. I think I can benefit from some help and feedback from the PUA community, specially if there are other men here with similar experiences.