The Relationship
Met this girl at work (restaurant) and ended up starting to see her. We ended up in a very intense relationship, we did loads togther. We had an amazing Christmas, new years and we had the 'best valentines day' of her life. Then we went travelling round India for 5 weeks. Three weeks after getting back she broke up with me. It took me completely by surpise, she was a bit funny for a week before but I put it down to the come down from India. We still had amazing sex all the time right up until it happened. We were togther for 8 months. This happened 5 weeks ago.
Her reasons were as follows:
Somethings missing
I dont love you as much as you deserve
Im confused
I dont know what i want anymore.

Various things have been going through my head about what went wrong. She had mentioned in the past that she felt she walked all over me, which may have been the case sometimes. She was very badly hurt in the past and still isnt over what happened with her ex and with loosing a baby which she still hates herself for. She also wanted kids eventually and it something i avoided in convo, i told her when we broke up that I would have considered kids if we had stayed togther.

The Problem
The problem is I still work with her and its really screwing with my head, I see her once a week and cant ignore her as we have to talk. All I want is her. Im doing my best to get over her. Im seeing other women, taken up Yoga, built a new forge (i used to make knives but gave up for over a year), generally trying to improve myself as much as possible. When she broke up with me she said things like 'your the most amazing person ive ever met' 'you are everything ive wanted' 'maybe we can get back together later if your not seeing anyone' which made it so hard to understand.

Shes been on and off with me since. The first week she was great, flirty, friendly but I texted her after work and told her I miss her. The following weeks shes been cold with moments of warmth and kindness but I can see her tryng to ignore me. I know shes been out partying loads since and am sure she is probably seen other men.

Really I want her back but dont know how to go about it. Ive not contacted her since the week i texted her after work, Im being kind and friendly at work doing my best to not show her that Im hurt but Its not helping. I could used some advice. We had so many profound experiances togther in so many levels i feel gutted its ended.

While I am doing my best to get over her I really want her back and thats what i need your advice for.

Thanks for reading.

My guess is that you simply loved her more than she loved herself, she sounds like she has low self esteem issues.

Either she met someone else or is back with her ex, try to add more details on the fights you had with her.

You seem like a good man, keep doing what you're doing and don't give this girl much thought, since she clearly does not deserve being with you.

Also make sure that the things you're doing now for your own self, like going back to the forge and the Yoga, are done for your own self, and for your own amusement as a person, learn to be happy being single, make sure you're not doing these things to forget her, or that will just eventually backfire.

Thanks, Im doing my very best to get over this. Im looking for other work, Im trying new things, hanging around with new people but because we had such amazing times together (India changed us both, it was like nothing ive ever exeprienced) Im finding it really hard.

The thing is I was needy at first, something which I managed to deal with mostly. Shes older than me (31 and im 24) and a bit of a party animal which im not, we didnt argue about it but she wanted to go out more than we could either afford due to saving for India this changed when we got back and was never a problem after.

She is very hormonal but I never took the bait when she tried to start arguments, just ignored it. Her moods didnt bother me and after she calmed down we would have amazing sex. She mentioned that I dealt with her moods better than anyone else. We didnt have one real fight, I walked out on her in India once when she was being a dick and she said it was the best thing i could have done, that was our worst fight.

She told me secrets she had only told her parents, squirted like she had never done before, said she looked and felt better than she had since her teens.

I think she is still hurting from loosing the child (she aborted it, very complicted) when all she wanted was the child. The boyfriend she terminated it 'for' lives in OZ so she cant have got back with him. She seems to hate herself for what she did for him and him leaving her.

She has told her friends that im an 'incredible person, kind, honest and the nicest man she has met', shes also told them she doesnt know why shes doing this.

She is seriously confusing and I have no idea how to get her back.

I will however do the things I love, make new friends, date new women, carry on working out, grow a huge beard (I made her love beards) and continue being my amazing self.

By the way you describe how you deal with her issues i noticed that it's like, you're living in her world, by making sure she's the one happy the most, and not you.

Does she do things for you as much as you do?

Think about this.

Since i can't really figure her out as a person from just this info, but i can only assume that it's somehow age related, there might be close friends of her who told her there is no future with someone who's a lot younger than you, and these thoughts kept playing in her head, she wants something serious (she mentioned kids), but what she's having with you is not "That" serious, again, age related, but hey, those are just assumptions, any other weird shit can be out there.

A woman of her age is usually looking for a Husband not a boyfriend, which includes character traits of a man ready to take care of her and her children's needs, both mentally and financially.

You make a good point. The thing is India was my idea, it was where i wanted to go however i think in our day to day relationship it was sometimes a bit more about her. I was happy to just chill where as she wanted to go out and do stuff. Looking back on it Id say we did more stuff I wanted to do though.

The age gap was always a big thing for her, her friends said it didnt matter. She even said she didnt think it would be any more than a brief fling. Financialy Im not in a great posistion. We discussed my situation is regards to kids before we went to India and she said that I would have to take over her position at her job, she also mentioned that I could still go travelling and she would care for the kid. There were points, more than once, where she brought up our future, saying things like 'when' we move in togther etc so its making it hard to understand. When she broke up with me she even said I would make an amazing father and an anazing husband.

She gone into a bit of a self destruct mode now. Going out all weekend getting smashed and posting it all over facebook.

I dont know how to deal with it all. In a way I want to call her and talk it out but I know it wont help. In a way i want to stop working the nights shes working but I know it will only let her know im still hurting. Ive thought about just blanking her at work and ignoring everything she says but thats not what im like.

Im stuck.

Anyone got any ideas on how I should handle this? I need to get her attraction back but obviously its going to be very hard as I cant freeze her out and the only time I see her is at work. Really unsure of how to play this out.

we have to figure out what REALLY made her break up with you. all what she said is a complete bullshit and all the girls says that (you are the most amazing person, i will always love you, its not you, its me, blah blah).

did she ever tell you "i love you"? did you?
were you more into her than she was into you?
does she ever meet her ex?

ps-if freezouts are impossible, you can still use the jealousy card, but not directly.

She told me she loves me loads of times, I told her just as much.

She is a very hormonal girl, like no one ive ever met. And before she came on she had very dark moods. My way of dealing with this was to ignore them and be nice, she saw this as her walking over me. She mentioned this and I said 'I love you to bits but you can be a real bitch, im going to let you annoy me because your being a bitch' to which she said 'thats the best way to deal with my moods'.

I may have been a bit needy at first too. I think maybe she did feel as though she walk walking all over me.

She hasnt seen her ex, he lives in Australia. There was no one else invloved in the break up, Im 100% sure of that.

The thing is she is probably out seeing other men, partying etc so its going to be hard to play the jealousy card when shes got a better hand than me. Its going to be hard to play it subtle and bluff.

Thanks for your help guys.

Maybe you were the rebound but it all got too serious for her?

If a girl tells you she feels like she walks all over you you're done for.

No, she didn't just suddenly break up with you she been thinking of how to break up with you for many months she just didn't know how to do it without hurting your feelings. I've seen happen to other guys all the time their too damn nice.
This girl is not going to take you back she's got too many memories of you being a wuss. hard to just turn that around.

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If she was thinking about breaking up with me why did we go to India togther? If that is the reason why we broke up how would I go about changing that?

She told her friends that she doesnt know why shes doing this and that Im perfect, why say this to friends she has no idea im talking to?

Im sure me being a 'doormat' has something to do with it but how do I go about changing her view of this?

Should mention she is posting on facebook all the time how happy she is and how good her weekends are. Could be reading into it too much but it seems really pointed and deliberate.

For example i posted about playing frisbee wih girls then two hours later she posts 'consumed with happiness'. Seems a little like tit for tat.

Ok, update.

Worked with her last weekend. Paid no attention to her whatsoever. Wasnt rude or anything but just didnt really care for her. She started trying to initiate conversation, threw food at me playfully, kissed me goodnight and called me sweat pea. I could tell that me not actually really giving two shits about her really got to her, it was like she could smell it.

Also on the same night a friend of mine and hers who i see very often was outside work and she went over to her and said 'hey blahblah, ive met someone! Anyway at work so got to go'. Even our friend thought it was a blatant attempt at getting to me.

What ive learnt from this is that to move on and stop caring what they are up to will show. Ive been faking it since breaking up but last weeked was the first time ive seen her and actually not felt like talking to her.