What to do about the "cautious" approach


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A Sticking Point or SP is an issue you CONSISTENTLY run into.

It is NOT a point where you get stuck with ONE SPECIFIC GIRL.

A Sticking Point is:
Quote:
I keep getting LMR whenever I bring girls back to my place. This has happened at least 10 times already! What am I doing wrong?


A Sticking Point is NOT:
Quote:
I got LMR with this one girl! What do I do?


IT IS AGAINST THIS BOARD'S RULES TO POST THREADS ABOUT JUST ONE GIRL
If you have not already gone out and practiced enough to have a real Sticking Point from meeting an ABUNDANCE of women, YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO POST HERE.



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PostPosted: Thu May 18, 2017 3:10 pm 
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I think this is a question about trust. I'm going to be honest about myself, I'm a great guy. I'm what a lot of girls are looking for. I value and seek committed LTRs. I am silly and spontaneous but also romantic and dedicated, blah, blah, blah. For a girl that is looking for something meaningful and real, I'm the guy. PUA is really just a means to an end to me as I am more interested in finding my future wife than picking up a new girl every weekend.

BUT, sometimes I run into this wall with girls (yes, multiple). It's like the too good to be true effect. I'm not saying they stop seeing me, but they will want to play it safe and take it slow because they've been tricked by douchey guys before or something. I've been through some hard shit in my life too but I don't hold myself back from happiness. I make up my own rules. My longest and best relationship was with a girl just like me who wasn't afraid to let herself be happy. We didn't hold back for anything when we first got together. Anyway, what do I do about these cautious girls? Obviously if they're too "cautious" I should next them (learned that one the hard way). But what about someone who says that they just want to jump off the deep end with me but they need to be careful because of past experiences?

I've found that you can't "tell" women that you're a good guy and all that. It just doesn't work and I don't like doing that either because I don't think that I should have to qualify myself. I feel like the right person won't have to wonder, but hey, maybe there's something I could do better to create that trust and show who I am right from the get go.


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PostPosted: Thu May 18, 2017 3:40 pm 
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HenryHill wrote:
but they will want to play it safe and take it slow because they've been tricked by douchey guys before or something.
What does this mean? Not having sex? Not getting into an LTR with you?


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PostPosted: Thu May 18, 2017 4:34 pm 
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HenryHill wrote:
I think this is a question about trust. I'm going to be honest about myself, I'm a great guy. I'm what a lot of girls are looking for. I value and seek committed LTRs. I am silly and spontaneous but also romantic and dedicated, blah, blah, blah. For a girl that is looking for something meaningful and real, I'm the guy. PUA is really just a means to an end to me as I am more interested in finding my future wife than picking up a new girl every weekend.

BUT, sometimes I run into this wall with girls (yes, multiple). It's like the too good to be true effect. I'm not saying they stop seeing me, but they will want to play it safe and take it slow because they've been tricked by douchey guys before or something. I've been through some hard shit in my life too but I don't hold myself back from happiness. I make up my own rules. My longest and best relationship was with a girl just like me who wasn't afraid to let herself be happy. We didn't hold back for anything when we first got together. Anyway, what do I do about these cautious girls? Obviously if they're too "cautious" I should next them (learned that one the hard way). But what about someone who says that they just want to jump off the deep end with me but they need to be careful because of past experiences?

I've found that you can't "tell" women that you're a good guy and all that. It just doesn't work and I don't like doing that either because I don't think that I should have to qualify myself. I feel like the right person won't have to wonder, but hey, maybe there's something I could do better to create that trust and show who I am right from the get go.


Sounds like you're struggling with a shitty POF profile or something here. Or you've got NGS [Nice Guy Syndrome].

Most girls ain't that 'cautious'. They are more reactionary. Meaning they react to what you as a man are projecting.

If you're projecting what your saying above, it's going to come off needy and boring as fuck. And they will be extremely cautious about letting you touch the goodies out of fear you'll get all clingy about 8 seconds later.

But if you project that you're a fun, risky, sexual guy, that is only granting a one time opportunity to sit on your dick. Well then they'll likely fuck you stupid and want to be up YOUR ass 24/7.

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PostPosted: Thu May 18, 2017 5:13 pm 
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JackZero wrote:
What does this mean? Not having sex? Not getting into an LTR with you?


It means not going too fast, getting into a LTR and/or having sex. You know, taking it slow.


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PostPosted: Thu May 18, 2017 5:40 pm 
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Heywood Jablowme wrote:
Sounds like you're struggling with a shitty POF profile or something here. Or you've got NGS [Nice Guy Syndrome].

Most girls ain't that 'cautious'. They are more reactionary. Meaning they react to what you as a man are projecting.

If you're projecting what your saying above, it's going to come off needy and boring as fuck. And they will be extremely cautious about letting you touch the goodies out of fear you'll get all clingy about 8 seconds later.

But if you project that you're a fun, risky, sexual guy, that is only granting a one time opportunity to sit on your dick. Well then they'll likely fuck you stupid and want to be up YOUR ass 24/7.


I am someone who has struggled with NGS, but I am getting better at it. When I start to fall back into a bad pattern I correct.

However... It seems like the usual PUA advice is, "guy is being a pussy and could have women laying him left and right if he just got the courage to jump on them", but the world isn't always like that when you're actually out there interacting with women. Especially if you're looking for a real person.

The girl I'm seeing right now likes me A LOT even though I haven't been perfect by PUA standards by any means. Let's put it this way, if the world was a PUA world this girl probably would've peaced out on me after our first date.

But anyway... I'm just projecting a shitty vibe then, even though these girls like me and have told me that they've lost sleep over me, thought about me and told their friends about me?


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PostPosted: Thu May 18, 2017 6:03 pm 
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HenryHill wrote:
But anyway... I'm just projecting a shitty vibe then, even though these girls like me and have told me that they've lost sleep over me, thought about me and told their friends about me?


No you could be projecting a likable vibe, but you're not taking that vibe to the next step. Taking her to Bangtown on the Fuck Truck.

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PostPosted: Thu May 18, 2017 6:52 pm 
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HenryHill wrote:
JackZero wrote:
What does this mean? Not having sex? Not getting into an LTR with you?


It means not going too fast, getting into a LTR and/or having sex. You know, taking it slow.
I think Heywood and I are trying to make the same point. You're acting like a friend that wants more, so for her there is no sense of urgency in getting you. Being romantic are better reminders for the woman that you're already with and not for the one you are trying to get.


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PostPosted: Thu May 18, 2017 6:56 pm 
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Heywood Jablowme wrote:
No you could be projecting a likable vibe, but you're not taking that vibe to the next step. Taking her to Bangtown on the Fuck Truck.


Lol thanks for making me laugh! I think I've definitely showed confidence with the girl I've been seeing. Last time I was at her house she laid all over me and lingered on my lap when she sat up. Maybe she does want the D... I guess I just need to stop being such a fag.

Edit: but again, if that were the case I feel like she would have dipped already.


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PostPosted: Thu May 18, 2017 7:19 pm 
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HenryHill wrote:
Last time I was at her house she laid all over me and lingered on my lap when she sat up. Maybe she does want the D...


That is some REAL fucking Sherlock Holmes shit right there!

Quote:
Edit: but again, if that were the case I feel like she would have dipped already.



She put it out there, now your job is to LEAD HER TO IT!

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PostPosted: Thu May 18, 2017 7:24 pm 
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The fact of the matter is: women are most likely to develop an interest in the guy that's most likely to sleep with them and go. If you're caught in this fantasy that somehow you're the perfect LTR guy because you're serious and not like the rest you're mistaken. The majority of those non serious guys have the girls you're trying to get to trust you and settle down with chasing them left and right, but why?

Because not only is he challenging, he's also realistic. He understands that up until the first 7-12 months you don't really know a girl. So how could he possibly begin projecting long term emotions on someone he does not even know? Someone that's doing the mating dance today because they're interested in him, but will change once they're comfortable. He has the expirience to know better, and the women can trust him easier because he's living in a world that they understand.

When you start projecting heavy romantic feelings onto a girl she begins to ask herself "why". "Why would this guy who appears to have loads of options be interested in me? Especially this soon. He doesn't even know the things about me that are problematic that I know about myself". She then begins to question whether you actually are what you're projecting and will likely conclude not if you keep it up. Women want to obtain the guy that could've of been with anyone, but he choose them. Thats their fantasy. When you just hand them that after 2-5 dates you destroy the fantasy.

Not to mention, the majority of women are willing to sleep with you without being in a relationship. They are also willing to do all the things a girl friend would do without actually being official. So what is it that you as a man gain from a relationship that you don't game from having a woman you're not committed to, that's committed to you? If nothing, why offer commitment for NOTHING in exchange? These are the realistic things women consider all while you're caught in this Hollywood romance fantasy.

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PostPosted: Thu May 18, 2017 10:48 pm 
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Heywood Jablowme wrote:
HenryHill wrote:
Last time I was at her house she laid all over me and lingered on my lap when she sat up. Maybe she does want the D...


That is some REAL fucking Sherlock Holmes shit right there!



Lol, are you saying that I'm stating the obvious?

Eddie Fews wrote:
If nothing, why offer commitment for NOTHING in exchange? These are the realistic things women consider all while you're caught in this Hollywood romance fantasy.


You're probably right. I guess I need to forget everything I know about dating. It's tough though because I get stuck wondering whether or not I should be true to myself or give all that up. Give all that committed, find my wife stuff up. That's hard though because then it's like giving up hope and I guess I would rather learn to wear rejection like a badge than to get cynical and end up like my friends who don't even interact with women.


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PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 12:15 am 
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Eddie Fews wrote:
So how could he possibly begin projecting long term emotions on someone he does not even know?


This is exactly why most women do the dumping, because this organic, patient approach is the behavior of an emotionally-centered person, and of a person with abundance mentality. And most men have no clue. Women are just more developed, and sooner, in this context than men.



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Women want to obtain the guy that could've of been with anyone, but he choose them.



Yes.

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PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 12:29 am 
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why do u want a wife?


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PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 12:41 pm 
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neo87 wrote:
why do u want a wife?


I guess I enjoy the idea of having my own family and not ending up alone. I just don't want to end up as the single guy in his forties who's never been married or had a family or anything.


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PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 1:28 pm 
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HenryHill wrote:
neo87 wrote:
why do u want a wife?


I guess I enjoy the idea of having my own family and not ending up alone. I just don't want to end up as the single guy in his forties who's never been married or had a family or anything.


Marry late, death and divorce are both inevitable.

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