Fear of closing/commiting



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A Sticking Point or SP is an issue you CONSISTENTLY run into.

It is NOT a point where you get stuck with ONE SPECIFIC GIRL.

A Sticking Point is:
Quote:
I keep getting LMR whenever I bring girls back to my place. This has happened at least 10 times already! What am I doing wrong?


A Sticking Point is NOT:
Quote:
I got LMR with this one girl! What do I do?


IT IS AGAINST THIS BOARD'S RULES TO POST THREADS ABOUT JUST ONE GIRL
If you have not already gone out and practiced enough to have a real Sticking Point from meeting an ABUNDANCE of women, YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO POST HERE.



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PostPosted: Sun Nov 27, 2016 9:52 pm 
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so i have a huge problem. i got over my fear of approaching somewhat but i found i have an even bigger problem.

idk what it is. I love chasing, its really fun. but if they say yes to a date then i get extremely nervous because that date could possibly lead to more dates which could lead to something serious. i mean i kinda would like to have a committed gf but whenever i am getting close i kinda back off. When a girl accepts to go on a date my mind automatically goes to what can i do to stop this date from happening. i have litterally made a girl really inconvenienced by a date (Midnight at a trashy bar on a thursday) and she still said yes!

But really its not a girl problem its a people problem. I dont like getting close to people. I wouldnt even say im close to my mom even though i lived with her for 20 years. Ideally i would want a girl that just wanted to be fwb and hang out and casually hook up when we needed to with no strings attached or feelings. But obviously thats nearly impossible

So i need some tips on how to stop sabotaging myself as i get closer and closer not just with girls but people in general


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PostPosted: Sun Nov 27, 2016 10:14 pm 
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It's not impossible to hook up with a girl without being committed to her. She'll eventually give you an ultimatum but that can be delayed and talked around.

The problem is your internal belief system. And you seem like you need to get a few friends. There appears to be something about your life that you're embarrassed to share with others as well. You can deny it all you want, but what reason to really have for not inviting people into your life? Maybe you're just used to being alone, and you like it and it makes you comfortable. So you'll need to decided whether you want to live in that comfort or get outside of your comfort zone and add to your life.

Once you decide this you'll have to stay committed because you have a loner habit which needs to be broken if you decide to pursue a social life.

Also, you can do both. Have time to yourself while socializing with others at different times. Even married people take time out of their days to themselves. You don't become two halves of a whole when you enter a relationship. You maintain your identity and invite her into the parts of your life that you want to share with others.

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Picture my quote by the season... "Limits don't exist if you don't give them reason."

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 29, 2016 4:44 am 
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It sounds like you have social anxiety.


-G

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LEARNING GAME IS LAME!..Right up until the point when you will eventually see a hot girl standing or sitting right in front of you. In that moment..you will wish that you had learned game!


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 03, 2016 9:11 pm 
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Well it's not social anxiety because that would imply he doesn't go out at all. Sounds like the OP has commitment issues or relationship anxiety. FWBs won't work because they aren't maintaining there friendships very well if they are not getting close.

The best advice for this is to remember to think "I am enough". I don't mean, abandon friendships. I mean that you are placing too much emphasis on what these relationships mean in your life. My theory is that deep down you care too much about what people think of you and how they might react. That's why you fantasize about a relationship with no strings attached, you don't want to get hurt. Well the good news is that the adult world consists of lots of high quality individuals, including girls, and they are able to respect your needs and be able to avoid hurting you. When they do, they didn't mean to. When you come across a low quality individual that makes you feel down on purpose and consistently, just remind yourself that "I am enough." and walk away. In this sense you already have the most important part of your life under control, you. That being said, now is the time to add in others. They don't have to be perfect because when they hurt you, your going to refocus on the fact that "I am enough". Also you've learned that there is an abundance of beautiful women out there. Now you need to learn that there is an abundance of high quality women to socialize with.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 05, 2016 4:29 am 
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WT Foxtrot wrote:
Well it's not social anxiety because that would imply he doesn't go out at all. Sounds like the OP has commitment issues or relationship anxiety. FWBs won't work because they aren't maintaining there friendships very well if they are not getting close.


The best advice for this is to remember to think "I am enough". I don't mean, abandon friendships. I mean that you are placing too much emphasis on what these relationships mean in your life. My theory is that deep down you care too much about what people think of you and how they might react. That's why you fantasize about a relationship with no strings attached, you don't want to get hurt. Well the good news is that the adult world consists of lots of high quality individuals, including girls, and they are able to respect your needs and be able to avoid hurting you. When they do, they didn't mean to. When you come across a low quality individual that makes you feel down on purpose and consistently, just remind yourself that "I am enough." and walk away. In this sense you already have the most important part of your life under control, you. That being said, now is the time to add in others. They don't have to be perfect because when they hurt you, your going to refocus on the fact that "I am enough". Also you've learned that there is an abundance of beautiful women out there. Now you need to learn that there is an abundance of high quality women to socialize with.



I just suggested that he might have social anxiety because i did for most of my life, and still do. I've had the same mind frame that he talked about in his post. But i do agree with you that he probably cares too much about what people think about him. That was my problem as well. He will have to do alot of unwiring of those negative beliefs and replace them with the polar opposite positive beliefs, and implement those positive beliefs into real life action, in order to come out of his darkness. That's what i had to do, and it is what i continue to work on Everyday.


-G

_________________
LEARNING GAME IS LAME!..Right up until the point when you will eventually see a hot girl standing or sitting right in front of you. In that moment..you will wish that you had learned game!


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 05, 2016 2:31 pm 
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GFRESH2DEF wrote:
I just suggested that he might have social anxiety because i did for most of my life, and still do. I've had the same mind frame that he talked about in his post. But i do agree with you that he probably cares too much about what people think about him. That was my problem as well. He will have to do alot of unwiring of those negative beliefs and replace them with the polar opposite positive beliefs, and implement those positive beliefs into real life action, in order to come out of his darkness. That's what i had to do, and it is what i continue to work on Everyday.


-G


I was just making a distinction. The two conditions are nearly identical, except for the treatments. You can certainly have both.


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