Understanding approach anxiety and dealing with it



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PostPosted: Mon Aug 14, 2017 9:57 am 
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Most common problem among aspiring men who want to get good with women is approach anxiety.

If asked what does it mean, then a common reply would be, that they have fear to go and approach a random woman.

Well not many has probed deeper into the real fear.

The real fear is not act of approaching, but what happens after the act of approach.

In fact most of the people who believe that they can’t approach, actually can approach easily without any anxiety.

I will prove it to you.

If I give lets say 1000 dollar bill to a man and tell him that if he approaches a pretty looking random woman irrespective of the outcome, then 1000 dollar will belong to him, what do you think will he approach the woman?

Most likely yes.

Why this man is easily able to approach?

Because ego has been validated with a positive outcome and the positive outcome being the incentive of 1000 dollars. How the woman react is not a deciding factor of an outcome, hence question of embarrassment does not even arise.

In the above case ego will only get hurt on not earning the 1000 dollar and it has nothing to do with the woman.

That is why, this idea of giving a wingman 100 dollars and then tearing it, if the man does not approach, does not work.

The man will approach out the fear of losing the money, in which case again ego will be validated just by the act of approaching. How the woman responds won’t matter at all.

This applies to a Pick up artist coach also. He takes out few students who have rarely approach a random woman. He personally approaches few random women with different outcomes. Now for the student it is a big deal what a pick up artist coach is doing and so he applauds the coach. But the coach is being incentivised and so the positive outcome which his ego is looking for is just the act of approaching.

But for the student it is scary, you know why?

For students they are risking embarrassment that will be potentially caused to ego. And this potential embarrassment will depend on the outcome of how the woman respond.

As Johnny Soporno puts it “The only task your ego has is to avoid failure and stop you doing things that can cause embarrassment”.

The only way out of this, is to understand internally that approaching women with risking embarrassment is good in the long run and the only way to learn..


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