Overcoming Approach Anxiety


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 Post subject: approach anxiety
PostPosted: Fri Aug 28, 2009 8:15 pm 
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just think if u ever want to get better. than u have to approach. u want to get better and to improve ur game by approaching more then the fear of not doing it


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 28, 2009 11:00 pm 
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Corey wrote:
Quote:
Rejection is good. If you get rejected, it means you're in the game


.......and thats fucking retarded. How would it be good to get rejected and how would that put you in the "game"?


Obviously you misread the meaning to this quote, dumbass. It's not about getting good at being rejected, it's about approaching women and doing something about it.

Rather than just sitting there and reject yourself without having the women reject you. Yada yada taking risks etc.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 08, 2009 9:17 pm 
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I did the exercise as best I could and as best as I felt comfortable with. I've had social anxiety issues my whole life, but I've still managed to get some good vag in my day. I just want MORE. :P

I was able to muster up the courage to say hi to about 12 people. out of 12, 6 responded positively and even went a little further than hello to "how is your day going?" an HB9 even responded.

I'm still a bit nervous and tense, but at the same time I feel as if it has helped some, not everyone is bad and out to get me like I've always thought. I did this in a grocery store because there are a lot of people yet, busy people who possibly don't have time to chat (cold and frozen stuff).

I'll try to continue this as much as possible between school and recording sessions, but I find the karaoke bar a place for me to really let loose with myself. I rick rolled the whole bar last saturday haha. I did the metal version though and I had the entire place singing along with me, it was a blast and it made me feel a LOT less anxious about stuff, so for myself, I forsee a combination of both types of interaction to succeed and rid myself of this issue

^_^

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 08, 2009 9:37 pm 
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Hello,

I finally came to the conclusion that in reality "approaching is safe- like a walk in the park." no matter how scared I feel, i needed to open my eyes to this truth and so I have shifted how I feel and think.

I now really believe that approaching is safe, I have completely integrated this attitude into my behaviour. This is not to say that there aren't situations I find tricky.last night in a bar, with friends around I felt awkward and uncomfortable to approach, i did anyway using camera opener, but couldn't segway because i felt my mates would have been waiting for me to crash and burn.

It means that I still feel a bite of anxiety but I do it now much better and easier.

Facing your fear is the solution. If it terrifies you, it will always do so, unless you do it and even then it will take time to adjust and work on your inner game.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 10, 2009 11:19 pm 
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Something cool happened yesterday on the bus, I was dressed nice and stuff, had a very relaxed posture and some drunk dude asked me where I was from, he thought I was from L.A.! haha! I'd say thats a good start for my game, if people think I'm not from austin w00t

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2009 9:57 am 
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xfman wrote:
she is a person, And your never going to see her again , is not that big deal man ...


I live in a fairly small town and I know practically everyone so this isn't true for me. Even in the beginning so what I done was head into the city where for some reason I felt more comfortable to approach. Now back at home it's no big deal really although there isn't much talent here to be fair.

In terms of night game a few drinks helps but don't get totally canned or it wont work.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 25, 2009 10:14 am 
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art1stic wrote:
Obviously you misread the meaning to this quote, dumbass. It's not about getting good at being rejected, it's about approaching women and doing something about it.

Rather than just sitting there and reject yourself without having the women reject you. Yada yada taking risks etc.


Exactly think of it like a professional boxer, he had to lose fights to get to where he is just now. His first amateur fight would have been terrifying, but after a few losses he might actually get a win. Then he starts winning regularly and upping his game until he becomes the champion.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 11:12 pm 
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This makes my AA disappear in the clubs and puts me into the GOD MODE!
I walk to the guys and say:
Me: Whoa dudes! I hope you arent leaving yet!?
Men: No
Me: Sweet, thats what im talking about! High fives!
High fives*
Me: Have a nice evening!

If they say yes when i ask if they are leaving-->

Men: Yes
Me: Oh, well have a nice evening! High fives!
High Fives*

I usually open 7-8 sets of guys like this because it completely destroys all the AA i have left in the clubs. Plus, it:
A) Rises your social status
B) Makes you new " friends ". When you see those guys later talking to girls, its easier for you to approach the set because you have " friends " in that set

I guarantee that if do this your AA will vanish like a piece of ash in the wind


[ Johnny B ]

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Fear has a large shadow, but he himself is small. ~Ruth Gendler


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 05, 2009 7:33 pm 
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Before I even started reading PUA info the way I got over my approach anxiety is by telling jokes. Just by telling the joke and listening to the laughter makes the anxiety just melt away and builds comfort. I've only been doing this in the bar scene though.


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 05, 2009 9:28 pm 
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It still shocks me to see how many people want to fight AA.

There are tons of techniques to reduce AA: getting drunk, not thinking about the outcome, having a wing etc. All those techniques are counter productive for me.

Why not embrace AA. It's like an adrenaline kick to me. When I see that sexy HB looking at me I get excited. This is what makes the game fun, and exciting!

Imagine yourself being completely immune to AA. It makes you come across as a creepy robot. What's the fun about gaming girls when it isn't exciting? Do you want to experience the game of pickup like reading page 355 of "Applied Multivariate Statistical Analysis (5th Edition)"? I hope not.

So use your emotions and project them on the girl. Overwhelm her, in a positive way!

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 09, 2009 5:46 pm 
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The way i think of it is, become an interesting John Candy from "Planes, Trains and Automobiles" i've only just started and started doing a few openers the other day, my AA is a lot worse than i thought it was, but it became easier as i opened more, not just with girls, with everyone. it was easy to pretend i'm John Candy's character, and assume that everyone isn't going to be like Steve Martin, :P


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 2:48 am 
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xfman wrote:
xfman wrote:
"There is no woman out of your league... Your the one that is putting her on that place..."


Many or almost all men around the world , have trouble when talking with woman. We feel fear, Anxiety, and of course we all are afraid of rejection.

How can we get rid of AA?
One of the most common tips of how to get rid of this is going out and talking to any person you see around , keep it short and simple , not more than 2 minutes. Go out and talk to the fat guy , the little kid , the mother with three sons, the girl working in the shop , the staff... Just say Hi , give a comment , talk about the climate , talk about anything , just approach.

That is just the beginning, we are getting rid of that fear to talk to a stranger. Next step, approach without having any expectations. Stop thinking about what I'm going to tell her , what if... Just get there and talk but have zero goals, stop thinking what you want to do with the girl, just run an opinion opener.

Another way to help this problem , is by planning , just write a couple of openers and stories, at the beginning you will have to memorize a couple of things , but remember this is just to get rid of the problem , then you will be talking better and with no trouble or fear.

Get rid of that AA (Approach Anxiety)by saying hi to all the woman you see... She is not the big deal , she is a person, And your never going to see her again , is not that big deal man ...


Quote:
"A venusian artist goes into the field night after nigth primarily to improve his calibration and internalize his skill-set. He's not trying to get this one girl or to 'get laid tonight.' Rather, he's practicing with the long-term goal of having a powerful social skill-set...It's like playing a video game: if your man dies, just hit the button and play again."


Don't think of the outcome , if she turn you down , she lost her chance , if you got a number great...

Quote:
Tyler Durden put it in Fight Club, "Let the chips fall where they may." Stop trying to control your outcome with chicks.

So to overcome shyness, force yourself to chat up everybody, no matter who they were... hot chicks, ugly girls, fat tubby women, senior citizens, goofy-looking men, children, families walking their golden retrievers, etc.

Talk about neutral topics with them, nothing to do with picking up and seducing women.



Use the 3 second rule whenever you can. Stop thinking what to say , just go there and say any opener. Thsi rule was made up to avoid hesitations and to gain social proof , but in this case we are talking about NO HESITATIONS , why ? because you start thinking about the possible outcomes and we don't want that , just go there :o

Quote:
So how can you avoid rejection? The answer is: you can't. It isn't the solution to avoid being vulnerable. Rather, the solution is to embrace your vulnerability, to embrace rejection, and let the Field show you what is good and what is bad. Most approach anxiety is a result of imagined rejections, not real ones. Eventually, time in the Field will desensitize you to the emotion of rejection. In a game where you might play five or ten sets every night, losing a few of them here and there never really seems like a big deal.


Realise, rejection is a normal part of life – it’s no big deal – people get rejected for all sorts of things: writers get manuscripts rejected, actors get rejected, rejection is a normal part of job interviews! It’s not rejection that matters, is the way you handle it!


Sean Newman wrote:

Step 1.

You are not to go to any bars or clubs for the next month. At all. You may go to pubs with your friends, but no “sarging.” No bars. Nothing.

What you will do is make changes daily. Here’s how.

Step 2.

For the next month, you will take a 30-minute walk every day. Pick a neighborhood that’s easy to get to from home or work, and go there at about the same time every day. Ideally pick a place you can walk right after work. It can be a street with shops, or a park. But it must be a place where people are about.

When you are on your walk, you nod to yourself and keep repeating under your breath “I’m going to look silly but i’m going to have fun.” Just do it.

Now comes the crucial part. When you walk past a woman, ANY woman, smile, look up at her and say “Hello.” That’s it. Just greet her. She does not have to say anything back. These are the simple steps to get you out of your head.

You have that goal. Now the next thing to look for is a woman, any woman, who is not walking. Do the same thing. Walk up and say “Hello.” Wait until she says “Hello” back, then when she does, introduce yourself. She will then tell you her name, and then you immediately tell her how you take a walk every day and have conversations with friendly-looking people because you’re quite shy, and are learning how to just enjoy small talk and getting to know people.

Do NOT run any routines or anything else. Just have a conversation about how you have trouble having conversations. I want you to be totally honest and sincere. And if she joins the conversation, that’s great. Keep talking. If she has something to do that prevents her from talking, that’s fine as well. Wish her a good day and move on.

In short:

When walking past people, smile and say “Hello” to one person. It does NOT matter if they say Hello back or even look up.
The first woman you see on your walk, stop and greet her with a smile and “Hello.” Then introduce yourself politely and ask her name. When she tells you her name, tell her you like to walk every day and have conversations with friendly-looking people because you are quite shy, and learning how to be social and enjoy small talk.
Once you say that, you are free to go. You do not need to say anything else. But you are also free to stay and talk.
No matter what else happens, make sure you walk for the full 30 minutes.
Get home and keep a checklist of the things you did. One check for walking for 30 minutes. One check for everyone you greeted with a hello. One check for every woman you stopped and chatted with.
When you see you have three checks, celebrate. Go to your favorite pub and watch the game with your buds. Order your favorite food. Give yourself a high-five. Whatever. But make sure you celebrate doing it.
Give me 30 days of this, and you will have a better life. I give you my word.





Hope this help all of you out there having this problem.


XFMAN :D



great stuff bro thnx, really helpfull


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 5:10 pm 
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As a shy person you've not only got AA approaching women, you've got AA approaching everyone, although women, of course, are even harder.
So, in my opinion, in order to be comfortable approaching women, you need to be comfortable approching other people first. That's what I've been doing the last few weeks.

In order to have something to talk about, I use my eyes. What are people wearing, buying, doing, whatever. Whenever I see someone with whom I have something I could talk about, I try to go over and talk to them about it. Most of the times this works fine, sometimes I can't overcome the shyness. If I do put myself out there I get all sorts of reactions, ranging from people being very nice to people looking at me rather suspiciously.

One thing I have learned so far is that when I don't approach I feel like such a loser. And if I do approach, no matter what the outcome, I get a confidence boost, because I overcame the fear. So, if you're shy like me, just go talk to people, 'cause even if it doesn't go so well you still end up better than you were before.

Another thing learned is that as you practice, you get better at it.
First time I forced myself to talk to the girl next in line at a supermarket checkout counter the pitch of my voice was too high on account of being to nervous, I could hardly look her in the eyes, and what not? She was nice but looked at me funny, like trying to figure out what the hell I was up to. Even so, that conversation made my day.
About four weeks have past since then and my confidence is increasingly growing. I'm better at finding things to talk about, I have more trust in peoples responses and, most important, I have more trust in myself.

Get out there! :D


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 1:43 am 
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great material, this will help alot of us


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 27, 2010 12:53 am 
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I'm in high school so not sure how this would work out, with me being a teen and all, but great stuff all in all!


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