I know this is not directly about PUA but i think the following thing influences my (bad) relationship with women too so yeah...
For some reason im not really happy with my life. I cant tell you exactly what it is but im just not happy. If you look at it from outside i actually have no reason not to be happy. I have a great job, i have a nice car, i have enough money (im not rich but comfortable) and i have a great family who loves me and is always there for me. I look good and most people like me. Well...actually there are no reasons not to be happy.
On the other hand... i honestly have to say i have nearly no social contact. Dont get me wrong im not a shy guy who always sits in his dark room and never leaves the house! Its not that! But for some reason many friendships just broke up when i started to work. Many friends moved or i just dont have time. And since then i never met new people, i could relate to or call a real "friend".
The truth is i dont go out AT ALL. After work i come home and just chill. But i need that. Im not the party type. I like being home. And especially after work im tired and exhausted and have no motivation at all to go out.
So basically my life is Work, home, sleep, work and weekend...So as you can see i have nearly no chance to meet new people and most importantly a girl who will finally do more than just "like" me (see my other posts).
And i think the fact that i never ever managed to get a girl really destroys most of my personal inner confidence...i guess. Even though i know im a great guy.
The sad thing is i feel like something is missing. I never do or did crazy, fancy stupid stuff i could tell my grandkids about you know. I never was drunk, i never did drugs and i never did all this crazy things you should do while you´re young! And im only 21! Im not sad at this very moment, because the things i did in the past few years made me happy and were special for me but i feel like i will regret something when i look back when im 50 or some. Regret that i wasnt wild and freaky and just had the badest fun when i was young....Does that make sense to you guys?
I dont know if that is the actual reason for why im unhappy but maybe you can give some advice or tell me your thoughts...
I'm glad that you've spoken up and shared your problem because I can definitely relate to
your situation of desperately searching for your true happiness and the right path to
living your life to the fullest while being the best version of yourself.
Having gone through exactly the same kind of experience where for years I was waking up each
morning very anxious, empty and insecure while desperately wanting to know how to effortlessly
live my true passions and be the best version of myself, I'm now happy to be in the position to
help you find your desired inner peace about this whole matter.
There're two important steps that you should take to get in the right direction of finding your
true happiness and your desired peace of mind:
1. You need to immediately stop doing everything that makes you feel under pressure or feel
forced into doing it, because chances are that what you've been busy with so far in your life
are not the things that you really and truly love and enjoy.
2. You need to invest some time and effort in pinpointing your true passions in life, because
without living your true passions you will definitely stay being extremely unhappy and anxious.
As for identifying your true passions, I'd warmly recommend that you read the bestselling book"The Passion Test: The Effortless Path To Discovering Your Life Purpose"
and Janet Attwood) that hugely enlightened me to the experience of my own breakthrough on
the same matter.
When it comes to knowing what you need to change and why you need to change it in order to
stop being stuck in your anxiety and constantly feeling under pressure with regards to both
improving your relationships with women and reaching your overall true happiness in your every
day life, I'm now going to try to inspire you to start thinking in the right direction of getting
there as soon as possible.
A good way for me to inspire you to start thinking in the right direction is to share with you
one of my favorite Bruce Lee's quotes that says:"We do not become, we simply are."
Chances are that what initially pushed you into that frustrating anxiety around both meeting
women and also being extremely unhappy with your current life situation are most likely the
following two things:
a) trying very hard to become somebody who you are not while desperately trying to
adopt and live by the model of behavior that doesn't really suit your true personality, and
b) getting seduced into believing that picking up an endless number of women just to have
sex with them is really something that you could call part of your true happiness or passion,
while in fact, this very activity is nothing but part of a pure obsession that you don't truly
enjoy and that in the first place you've subconsciously got forced to believe that you should
enjoy no matter what, because somebody taught you that this is the way of how you become
that ideal alpha man.
What I'm trying to point out to you here is that like many other guys including myself who ended up
in the pickup arts community mainly because our self esteem got badly hurt sometime during our early
age and all we're now trying to do is just lift it up or fix it through gaining a kind of sexual gratification
based on sleeping with as many women as possible in our lifetime, you now might be stuck in exactly
the same kind of situation.
Before I go on telling you a little bit of my story, let me ask you a simple question.
Have you ever asked yourself that important "Do I really enjoy it?"
when trying to attract and pick up women?
Asking myself this question was a huge light bulb moment in my life, because it helped me realize
that everything I was doing in the area of attracting and picking up women for years was purely
the result of just acting under the pressure - the unnecessary pressure of constantly forcing myself
into doing what I didn't really love and enjoy at all.
What made me keep forcing myself to boldly approach random women just to pick them up as my
sexual objects was both my initial belief that doing it was part of my true passion and also my
adopted pickup arts conditioning that was constantly pushing me into my sexual advances with
random women just for the sake of not feeling guilty of missing out on any pickup opportunities
when I get back home later.
Guess what. I was wrong when trying to identify my true passion.
All my sexual advances that I was constantly forcing myself into were a pure obsession that
I now like to call my false passion.
My pickup and sex obsession started mainly as the outcome of dating related peer pressure
from my childhood.
I got stuck in this obsession for two reasons:
a) I initially didn't fit in the social circles of my peers because I didn't really like most of
their behaviors, and
b) my inner resistance toward the peer pressure grew so much that I gradually got myself
into thinking of creating my own international playboy lifestyle surrounded by the most
beautiful women that I'd have lots of fun and sex with for the rest of my life.
As a result, my pickup and sex obsession got me stuck in a long-term sexual addiction with
the symptoms of the two most common men's mental disorders known as borderline personality
disorder and narcissistic personality disorder.
Now here's an important thing that I'd really like you to understand.
The situation where you feel anxious and reserved about approaching random women is actually
not a bad thing. Let me explain.
Your approach anxiety is like your guardian angel protecting you from getting stuck in the kind
of obsession I told you about a minute ago. It's there to protect you from getting in the bad habit
of constantly feeling under pressure of having to necessarily approach and pick up random women
wherever you go. It's also there to protect you from being fed up with and feeling guilty of missing
out on the opportunities to approach and pick up women.
Here're two reasons why your approach anxiety is your best friend and why you should not try
to beat it or overcome it in any way:
1) Again, your approach anxiety is there to save you from getting trapped in the situation that
you wouldn't naturally feel comfortable with and wouldn't really enjoy it in a long run. By the way,
I'm saying "in a long run" because most of us when we get stuck in chasing an obsession,
we're seduced to believe that what we're doing is really something that we fully love and enjoy
2) Trying to beat your approach anxiety by getting in the habit of boldly approaching
as many random women in a day as possible is not only a form of validation seeking but
also something that will push you into an endless out-of-control, self destructive and
compulsive sexual behaviors that are characteristic of the behaviors of guys who suffer
from borderline and narcissistic personality disorders.
By the way, I'm neither a psychiatrist nor a psychologist but just a guy like you who got
involved in the pickup community just to learn the game while never thinking of any mental
health dangers as the result of doing it.
Today I'm proud to say that I have a solid knowledge about the two most common men's
mental heath disorders that come purely as the outcome of practising the pua game: borderline
personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder.
As you can guess, I got into the trouble of learning about these mental disorders because my
severe approach anxiety (that I'd never ever experienced before) was getting worse and worse
and making me feel so distressed even at the times I was about to just take a short trip to my
local supermarket to buy something that I really felt I was not only losing my mental health but
also losing my whole self at such a fast speed that was out of my control.
In short, my one year long mental health educational journey got me to learn the 3 main
causes of all my pains and struggles linked with being involved in the game:
a) the first thing that got me in the habit of constantly pushing myself to boldly approach random
women in different social situations was my approach anxiety, because my approach anxiety
subconsciously became my main motivational trigger that was making me boldly approach
random women especially in high-risk social situations.
The more approach anxiety I felt, the more encouraged and motivated I was to approach a
random woman no matter what kind of situation she was in and who she was potentially with
at the time.
b) the second thing that got me in the same unhealthy habit of constantly forcing myself to
boldly approach any random woman that I was sexually attracted to was an abnormal sense
of entitlement. I later realized that I'd absorbed this sense of entitlement and got it to become
part of my personality through the process of learning the game since most pua trainers often
teach guys to feel entitled to freely approach any woman they like.
As the result of my mental health research, I learned that one of the main behavioral traits
of the guys who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder is exactly the same kind of
unhealthy sense of entitlement when boldly approaching random women anywhere they go.
c) the self-destructive habit of constantly forcing myself to boldly approach random women
in dangerous, high-risk situations is one of the main behavioral traits of sociopaths and the
guys who suffer from borderline personality disorder.
In short, the most common symptom of the men suffering from borderline personality disorder
is boldly engaging in dangerous life situations. In terms of dating and picking up women, this
refers to any kind of out-of-control, compulsive sexual behavior where a man often stupidly
exposes himself to an unnecessary risk or danger of getting harmed in one way or another,
because he starts to feel guilty if he doesn't take the challenge of getting himself involved
in such situation.
By the way, what I've just shared with you are also the symptoms of sexual addiction.
So, this is exactly how my initial pickup and sex obsession turned into a long-term sexual
addiction with the symptoms of borderline and narcissistic personality disorders.
And, here's the conclusion I got to after I finally got myself out of this whole trouble.
I got stuck in the vicious circle of anxiety-driven, out-of-control, compulsive sexual behaviors
around meeting women for years purely because of my childhood's hurt self-esteem that I
desperately wanted to lift up by sleeping with as many women in my entire lifetime as possible
just to be able to defiantly show off to my peers how sexually powerful and successful with
women I was.
The bottom line is this: You're very likely to end up both being constantly unhappy with yourself
and getting addicted to doing various unnecessary things that you don't really love and enjoy when
you don't follow and live your true passions which are the things that you actually love and enjoy.
Once you start living closely aligned with your true passions, you'll end up waking up every morning
super excited and fulfilled while having both that important clarity of what your next steps are and
a clear vision of your dream success. As a result, your desired inner peace will naturally fall into
Hope you find this post enlightening and helpful.