For most guys, social shyness and striking up conversations is the hardest part of pick-up. Share your techniques and tactics for overcoming anxiety here.
Fri May 06, 2016 12:58 pm
Ouhhh baby, I had to cover this. I mean, really, who wouldn’t want to know how to stop social anxiety in it’s tracks?
I can’t think of a single person who hasn’t struggled with social anxiety in their lives.
Want me to tell you a secret?
I still get slapped with social anxiety.
Sometimes I get overwhelmed by the crowd.
Sometimes I don’t quite know what to do with myself.
Sometimes I feel like every single pair of eyes is glued to me – even though I know they’re not.
But at least now I know how to deal with it.
What The Hell Is Social Anxiety?
God I hate that feeling.
I’m at a club with friends and everyone is having a good time.
That’s when it happens.
I see a beautiful woman. Classy, stunning, with a smile that makes me melt.
In an instant, I can feel a ball of warm, sexual energy build up just above my crotch and right beneath my belly.
I breathe it in deep and feel it begin to shoot upwards through my body.
But – what’s this?!
Within about 2 or 3 seconds, that energy hits a block.
My mind kicks in and begins feeding me the bullshit story it has my entire life; “She can’t possibly like you. You’re not tall enough. The guy she’s with is probably her boyfriend. This isn’t the right time to talk to her…”
I become far too aware of the monstrous chasm that separates us – one that I would have to cross, like a plank over shark-infested waters, to get to her.
Everyone is going to stare at me. And what if she rejects me?! Then everyone will laugh!
What if I say the wrong thing and she laughs?
My chest tightens and my heart is constrained. My breathing shallows and my knees start to feel weak. I am paralyzed and cannot move…
Listen brother, before you learn how to stop social anxiety in it’s tracks, you need to understand why it’s there.
Why Do I Have Social Anxiety?
“Actions do not cling to me because I am not attached to their results. Those who understand this and practice it live in freedom.” – Bhagavad Gita
I’m going to get right to the point; You have social anxiety because you have a result in mind.
This is an ancient principle that the great spiritual teachers of the past have always known, and yet, even though billions of people around the world are religions, they haven’t fully grasped.
I’ll let you in on some specifics brother…
Remember that scenario above, of me at the club?
I was standing there, with my friends, and the woman I liked was standing over there – and the space in between us is where anxiety arose.
Yep, anxiety arises in the gap between where you are and where you want to be.
Deeper still, in that gap lies something very, very ugly.
Because not only do you want something external, but you want something from her.
You don’t want to share a beautiful experience.
You want her to like you.
You want her to laugh at all your jokes… And touch your arm seductively… And playfully punch you when you say something sexy… You want her to make you feel like the man!
Here’s the kicker though; Your wanting those things is what is actively preventing her from doing all those things… Which is in turn actively building up social anxiety internally.
Yes! You are both your own tormentor and your own saviour!
How To Stop Social Anxiety In It’s tracks!
“When you keep thinking about sense objects, attachment comes. Attachment breeds desire, the lust of possession that burns to anger. Anger clouds judgment – lost is the power to distinguish between what is wise and what is unwise, and your life is utter waste.” – Bhagavad Gita
You want to stop social anxiety? You want to be free? I mean really and truly free?
Then disentangle yourself.
Accept and understand that you need only food, shelter, and air – the rest is a desire.
If it is a selfish desire (otherwise known as neediness) then you will suffer. You will hurt when you don’t get what you want, and if you do get what you want, it is a Trojan horse because you’ll spend the rest of your time trying not to lose it (girlfriend, money, status – whatever).
But pure desire is beautiful. Pure desire is a shared experience. Pure desire is not needed to make you happy.
What I’m saying, in basic terms is this: You suffer because you crave. Let go of craving, just put it out to the Universe, let whatever happen happen and don’t try to force anything, and you will be freed of social anxiety instantly! When you let go of your desire for a specific outcome, you stop social anxiety in it’s tracks!
Now you’re thinking; “If I let go of results, what’s the point of even doing anything in the first place?”
To which I will answer;
“Through selfless service, you will always be fruitful and find the fulfillment of your desires” – Bhagavad Gita
And I know you don’t believe me, so I have to give you some kind of proof (which takes all the fun out of life!) so here goes…
Take your interactions with women for example, or just anyone really; when your only intention is to make them feel special, to make them feel unique, appreciated and interesting, without any thought for personal reward, then you will find yourself invariably surrounded by amazing people at all times.
You know that friend you have who is always smiling, super chilled out and just such a good time to be around? Who doesn’t want to be around someone like that?
So next time you find yourself crippled by social anxiety, just be aware of your desire – is it selfish or selfless? Realize that you are expecting something.
Take a deep breathe, give it all away, leave it up to the universe and focus on how you make others feel.
It will vanish in an instant!
Thu May 12, 2016 10:23 pm
write shorter posts
Sun Jun 12, 2016 12:04 am
Sun Jun 12, 2016 3:03 pm
Isn't this basically about being outcome independent?
Tue Dec 06, 2016 5:47 am
Pat, dude, I have an anxiety disorder. Literally nothing you mentioned will rid me of it. The disorder is not a choice and neither is the oppressive, and perpetual, fear and doubt.
Thu Dec 22, 2016 11:41 pm
Such a great read. Kudos.
Wed Jul 12, 2017 4:12 am
I always hear people say they're shy or they have social anxiety, and then they turn around and say something like "I was in a club with some friends...". And I think really? I wouldn't step foot into a club and I don't have any friends - now that is social anxiety.
Anyway, it was a good post. I guess there are different degrees of social anxiety and mine is way more severe. consider yourself lucky.