The concept of "being a challenge" is a popular concept in dating and seduction. It is widely accepted that you have to be the "guy she has to win". We learn that things that come easy are usually low in value and we tend to value more the things we must work for. This is also true with women. Women that chase us are more likely to sleep with us. Investment is attraction. When you are too direct or better yet, too easy, you have nothing to reward the woman's investment with.
I came up with this crazy and totally counter-intuitive way to increase a woman's attraction by being a challenge and lower the value of the other men she might be dating. I've been interested in this idea of "weeding out competition". Women tend to chase one guy at a time and if she isn't chasing you she is likely chasing someone else. So I came up with the question "You date different guys, right?" to force a frame onto the woman. You'd ask this to break rapport as this is a bit of a disqualifier. That said, a guy who is highly interested in a girl won't ask her this question such that he is hoping that she is dating different guys.
Here is the entire routine. Let me know what you guys think of this. Again, this has not been field tested yet and is simply hypothetical. It however puts to use some well known psychological principles (Preloading, Frame Control, Uncertainty, Ambiguity, Arousal, etc.) :
"Hey super random but I'm curious about something. You date different guys, right?"
"The reason I ask is because I think it's cool when a woman keeps her options open. You know, especially if I'm not quite sure what my intentions with her are. I tend to find that when they are dating different guys they are little more comfortable with me dating other women. And I don't have to worry about them. I know they've got other guys to show them attention. It's nice to know that she has at least one guy friend that can keep her company."
Ideally the girl will want to look high value and will talk about other guys who find her attractive and take her out. You could use further qualification at this point. But let's break this down.
"Hey super random..."
- We preface with this to show social intelligence in that we are getting ready to change the subject, ask a question completely out of context, and break rapport in the process.
"...but I'm curious about something."
- This is too justify why you are changing the subject in which you want to end this curiosity.
"You date different guys, right?"
- Simply put, this is reverse psychology. I know from field experience that when I encourage a girl to talk to or dance with other guys in the club, they just cling to me more. I naturally do this when I've got a bit more abundance. I care less and the girl always starts chasing. She will even begin escalating. I wondered why. I concluded that it is DISQUALIFICATION. I'm clearly not that into her if I'm trying to get her to talk to other guys. This works 100% for me of the time because the girl already has a solid attraction (disclaimer).
- Also, this is ambiguous. Science has demonstrated how reintroducing uncertainty back into the interaction can increase romantic attraction. Relational ambiguities (mixed signals) can cause a spike of attraction do to the arousal they cause. They also make women spend more time thinking about you. I know the science. I need help with the practical application. This is my attempt at this.
"The reason I ask is because I think is important for a girl to keep her options open."
- This tidbit is the explanation. Stanley Milgram's famous New York subway experiment revealed how adding a justification (an explanation) can greatly increase compliance. The idea is that we want to get away with such a harsh break in rapport and we want to sneak in some embedded attraction spikes within the justification. This is just the first bit.
"You know, especially if I still don't know what my intentions with her are yet."
- This disqualification is subtle because it is ambiguous. We close the previous ambiguity by adding in another. This technique is known as an open loop. Open loops add suspense into the conversation and coquette women (credit to SwingCat). Women tend to process communication more from their right brains. In laymen's terms this means that she is processing things emotionally and looking for a deeper meaning. She is try to place meaning on what is being asked. I have used various openers only to get a "Why are you saying or asking this?" kind of look from the girl then once I add in the justification they laugh, comply, and/or show resonance/acceptance. I soon realized how easy it was to BREAK RAPPORT. Simply cutting the LINE + EXPLANATION formula from comfort building in half I have created an open loop (ambiguity). Women are nearly alway asking "Why?" This huge loophole can be exploited and this is how.
- I never mention that I am talking about the woman in which I am speaking to directly so she must wonder, ask me explicitly, or test me to find out if I am indeed talking about her or another girl. This double-edged sword is designed to trigger uncertainty in that she cannot pin point if I am into her or not.
- Again, this further ties into the Uncertainty Principle of Seduction, the principle in which women are more attracted to men who send mixed signals.
"I tend to find that women who date different guys are more comfortable with me dating other women."
- Here I am subtly suggesting that she should and must be comfortable with me dating other women because I am dating other women and thus preselected.
- I also, don't want to come off as a player. By letting her know that I have other women in my life I that I am hoping she is comfortable with that, I will established a little bit more trust and respect with her.
- Blatantly rubbing other women in her face could have negative consequences (i.e., she gets so jealous that she starts pulling away emotionally)
- It isn't enough to disqualify a woman this heavily, you must give her a way out. I talk about this below.
"I know that I don't have to worry about them."
- I am hinting that I do care about her well being and that I am not just some selfish a**hole.
- This sets up the next bit.
"They've got other guys to show them attention."
- This is womanese for "I am not going to chase her and shower her with attention so she should get it from other guys." The other guys, in theory, would become her orbiters.
- This preloads the idea that she will have to get attention from other guys and makes her wonder if you will give her the attention.
"It's nice to know that she has at least one guy friend who can keep her company."
- Notice how I no longer use the word "them" to describe women. I want to direct this more at the girl I am talking to. Also notice that I use the word guy friend again kicking the other guy or guys into the friend zone. This is a blatant attempt to meta-game the other guys she may or may not be dating.
- The idea is to get the girl to come to the conclusion on her own that you are higher value than the other guys that she is dating and she should just be "friends" with them. As she pulls away from the other guys the will try harder to win her over. Why? Because men are logical. Most men think this will work. This "illusion of action" will cause them to chase and over-pursue further lowering her attraction to them. But guess what? She won't turn them down. She will go out with them "as friends" (or at least that is the idea anyway). The more they try and take her out the more she will lose attraction to them and her attraction to you will dramatically increase. Other guys (for the most part) won't be doing anything like this because the average guy does not think like this. He is predictable and isn't very clever.
- It isn't enough to destroy my competition. I want use my competition to further my relationship with a girl. Once practical application of this concept has been field tested by me. I had these two girls I was gaming. One was touching me a lot and both were competing with each other to talk to me. Soon one of them offered to buy the rest of us drinks at the bar. I quickly remembered that she had just told me that she was low on funds and now "all of a sudden" she is so willing to "buy drinks". I knew a shit test was coming. Sure enough we get to the bar and she says "OMG! I left my wallet at home. How am I gonna buy drinks now?" I knew that this was girl code for "Be my hero and buy us drinks." I didn't want to look like a supplicating weak chode so I said "Wow! That sucks. Now you have to find a guy to buy you a drink." The other girl responded, "Well, you're a guy." I came back with, "Yeah, but I'm 'in the know'. You mean to tell me that the two of you can't even get a guy to buy you a drink. Really?" They responded, "Well show us how." So I taught them how to use 'tactile touch' (a touch on the elbow) to make a guy more likely to buy them a drink. I was locked in against a wall when they both started touching me. I showed them how to further flirt to get a guy to buy them a drink. So soon after they were off. That night I learned how powerful and how potentially dangerous qualification techniques can be. Both girls start bringing me drinks that guys are buying them. "Look I got another guy to buy me a drink." Later on one of the girls gets handed a drink by a guy while she's flirting with me. I told her to reward him and spend some time talking to him. "He isn't going to like you flirting with another guy. Go! Go now." She does so and turns around and gives me the "Why are you making me do this look?" Soon I realized that the girls were trying to impress me with these drinks. Could it really be? Could other guys be doing all of the work but I am getting all of the investment? I ended up hooking up with the hotter girl. She leaves the bar with me and throws herself all over me. "Call an Uber. I want to go back to your place so I can hook up with you?" Minutes later she passes out on the sidewalk. I didn't cut her off. She just kept bringing me drinks but she would drink most of it herself. She was wasted. Needless to say I didn't get laid that night. But I did come to realize how frame control can in a sense hijack to investment women are giving other guys.
So that is my huge break down. I mentioned earlier that this would have to be followed up with some escape from the frame. In other words, the girl must be given a price to win you over. This puts the course of the relationship in her control. I specifically like the infamous "double-sided compliment" taught in Kezia's Attraction to Seduction DVD. I have used this numerous times and it never ceases to amaze me with the results it produces. The formula for the technique is a "vague compliment" followed by a "detailed criticism" on something that she can easily change. She must be capable of making this change and she must understand that making this change will cause you to be more attracted to her. In Kezia's DVD she uses something as such (from memory):
"What fragrance is that you are wearing?" [Girl responds] "It's nice. Oh! But do you know what would be really sexy? If you were wearing Cocoa Chanel. I love that fragrance. If you were wearing that right now, I would be all over you. The scent of that is such a turn on for me."
I don't remember the exact words but this is the overall idea. The idea is to use indirect communication to let a woman know that you are "not turned on by her". This can kill a woman's indifference in you. It shows that you have standards and communicates those standards. Any woman who makes these changes is clearly trying to seduce you. She will essentially be buying into the frame that "she is seducing you". I love this technique. I believe this is a good follow up to the above tactic (doesn't have to be immediately after but at some point this should be done) because it declares a price to win you. Other men are looking for a price to pay in order to win girl but you are do the opposite. She has to chase you. She has to make this change in which she will be investing. She then has to make sure that she notice this change. It is important to reward her heavily with explicitness (sexual attraction and escalation) when she does this. She has worked to get you to be sexually aroused by her so give her what she wants. This is great because she feels that she is in control over the pace of the relationship. If you touch her when she does this and start escalating and saying this such as "Why are you doing this to me?" or "This is your fault. I can't keep my hands off you," it's okay because she is the one that turned you on. You can blame it on her. Sexually escalating from this point will not prove problematic.
The reason it is so important to do what I call "setting your price" after disqualifying the woman is because she needs to know what she has to do to move the relationship forward. When the man slows things down women tend to speed things up. Meanwhile, you can qualify her on qualities other than her looks. Reward her by showing her some affiliation (romantic intent) and if she starts to change to match what you find sexy then be sexual with her. Reward her with explicitness.
Anyway guys, this is my post. Let me know what you think. I appreciate any positive or critical feedback.