Revised and better DHV stories!

Stealth7 · Last edited by Stealth7 on Mon Feb 18, 2008 5:11 am; edited 4 times in total

I read a article on [link] about DHV stories and it kinda guided me in the right direction. I need alittle feed back though but thanks for your guys input. Even though it pissed me off in the moment, I know you guys are trying to help me grow.

1) "This reminds me of a time, where my friend that I use to hang out in college and I were going out to a baseball game. My friend was so thrilled and happy to go, I don't really see him that often because I'm really busy at work and arranging meetings and networking for work, but I was happy that I finally got a chance to take him out. He always wanted to go see the [base ball team]! Plus,we made a bet to see who will lose. We betted $500 and a dinner out. In the car driving to the stadium, we stopped at the gas station to fill up. My friend walked in the store and bought some pop. After, I filled the gas-we took off. However, my friend forgot his wallet at the gas station. Okay, no problem I thought and we went back and talked to the cashier about his wallet. He handed it to him and we were off to see the game. It was the tenth inning and the crowd was going crazy. It was a tied ball game. Sweat was pouring out my head, as I clinched my fists hoping that they'll will. The batter swings and misses-STRIKE 1. The batter recomposed himself and swings again and misses-STRIKE 2. I sighed as I couldn't bear it anymore. He was almost out of his seat ready to jump up in excitement when the batter hit the ball all the way down left field and over the homerun wall. I jumped up and said, "Yes!" I was so excited as he complained. I joked around with him saying that losers take the walk! He playfully punched me in the arm as we went out to dinner. He gave me my $100 dollars and we spent the evening hanging out talking about the old times we use to hang out!"

2) "ALot of men don't realize that they must listen to a woman to completely satified their needs and wants! Mostly a man will hear something and have it go out the other ear. For example, if a woman says, "I really like ballet" it means she's really passionate about dancing and being creative. Most men will be like, 'That's cool!" and that's it! As you can tell it's human nature to be selfish at times, however is it okay? Maybe, maybe not! What I think is important is communication in the relationship. This is why there is so many divorces and break ups. The man think everything he got is fine-he picked up the girl and now he doesn'thave to work anymore. I don't believe in that. I believe that a man must constantly be there for comfort and build a more trusting foundation. Without trust you have infidility. Without comfort you have no trust, right? Having good social skills will promote a better understanding for us humans to live in harmony. Without communication there are wars, killing, etc... etc... Communication has the be the key for a good healthy relationship-wouldn't you agree?"

3) "I was walking home one day from school, when this car pulled up besides me. They told me to get in and I was like who in the fuck are you? I didn't recognize the person, nor did I want to get in their car. To me they was just strangers. I don't know if they were just trying to gimme a ride to my home, or aduct me and do some fricking ritual killing o something! I didn't know what! I have more common sense than to get in the car with a some stranger. It was just creepy, you know? Ever get that experience where in the pit of your stomach-something was fucked up! I told them no thanks and kept on walking. I told my mom what happened and what he looked like, Later finding out it was my next door neighbor's son."

If I need some help then guide me in the right direction! Thanks!

Archangel White Rose · Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2008 2:33 am Post subject:

We've gone over this before. When you tell a story you need to have a message or a punch line, something that would make people go AHA! None of your stories have that. The Second one shows the most potential, but it would be better ended if you showed some virtuous quality.

This reminds me of a time I was out with some friends at a plaza, and this guys comes up to us and stand real close to one of my friends and just whispers something in his ear, and we are all like "dude, what the fuck is going on? is he a drug dealer? a beger? maybe some creepy weirdo?"
We then see our friend hand him some money and the guy walks away. So we are all like "dude? what just happened? Did he try to mug you? Was he peddling?" And my friend says "what? That was just my dad and he was short five dollars!"

Now that is how a story is told- lead into it, build the tension and curiosity then end it with a twist or punch line.

mOlis_pir3s · Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2008 2:43 am Post subject:

@ stealth, white rose is right..story #1 would not go well cuz it makes you look like a showoff about money etc.. #2 is kinda...okkkk so what happened next.. #3 i think its ok as long as it relates to something in the conversation..maybe seasonal..if they say that guys are inscensetive to their moms or something.

@white rose..hehe good story dude, got me hooked on for 3 seconds or so Razz

Mister_GQ · Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2008 7:48 am Post subject:

wow...................how is not having enough money when its a smalll ass price like 15, or freakin .25, a DHV? are u serious, lol in these situations u lie, u had way more money than u thought and ended up buying mom a pair of 7 jeans, but they werent her size so u gave them to another girl. not i didnt have enought money...that screams DLV, i think a girl would laugh at u if you said that. please dont use these...

mozyFresh · Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2008 12:27 pm Post subject:

I have to agree with the guys gbove. You need to work on your storytelling. Field test them and see what results you get.
Story 1 is horrible, but got potential for a funny story, but does'nt DHV.
Storey 2 sounds abit bland, i'd drop this one.
Storey 3 is my favourite but it needs a better ending, possibly somethin funny or intresting. Like say you did'nt have to pay after talking to her or something. yeah work on number 3.

Paetar · Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2008 12:29 pm Post subject:

In my opinion, neither is good.

In the first one, you show yourself as an addict (if I'd smoke, I'd quit or at least wouldn't mention it). And, well, it is too depressive, a lot of bad emotions which she has to go through. I think it would be better packing some excitement and unpredictability, like "so I wasn't sure about XXX"

In the second one, you show yourself like total AFC, having one-itis about this one girl, without knowing about her engagement. And it shows you buy presents for your loved ones in cheap stores, of bad quality (your target will probably think that you buy all of your presents in these stores, and that none of them is very good). I think that that's the story which will most likely make girls go "awww...how cute," in a way that leads to LJBF.

In the third one, you show you can't afford items that cost more than 13 dollars. Not cool man.

These are my opinions, that is all I can give you. If it really happened to you, it are good stories, but they make your status go lover, not higher. Add some funny material, re-write it and you'll get some stand-up comic material. No DHV though.

Carpe Diem.

mOlis_pir3s · Posted: Sun Feb 17, 2008 2:45 pm Post subject:

sorry man i agree with ^

too long-no way will a girl be impressed by these
no punchlines (as mentioned before)
all make you look like a cheapass

keep on trying though you'll end up with a good one Smile

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