Was doing well, but messed up again.



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PostPosted: Wed Jun 21, 2017 8:21 am 
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So long story short, a month back I did something stupid which involved taking my GF for granted and losing her trust (it wasn't anything to do with cheating).

I was in bits at the time, but once I regained my calm I didn't beg for her back or anything, but followed some advice and gave her a phone call.
It went well, I told her along the lines "I get that you're feeling hurt, and betrayed right now, and totally understand that you don't even want to give me another chance right now etc." I just showed her I understood how she felt and that I understood why she didn't want to take me back right then.

This seemed to completely change her attitude and she dropped her guard, and we were suddenly on good terms again, but obviously I knew I just had to still wait a while for things to settle and then start meeting up again and rebuilding attraction.

We carried on talking, and it got to the point where she was telling me how much she missed me, and she wanted to meet up.

But this is where I f*cked up again... I wasn't feeling very well, I was irritable and hungover and during our brief meet, I was moody and just not a joy to be around. Later that evening, we spoke on the phone and she was telling me I was moody, and not the person she'd missed, I act like too much of a woman with all these mood swings etc. and shouldn't be offloading all of these emotions onto her, especially since we'd not seen each other for so long.

Despite this, she still is saying things along the lines of us 'not being together at the minute, but that's not to say there won't be a chance in the future.'

But today I've found out she's now deleted all of her social media photos of me, and my heart just sank. We are planning on meeting up later in the week, but I still feel like she's just given up on me for now.

Is there anyway to salvage this?


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 21, 2017 8:35 am 
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Don't go on dates if you don't feel like going on dates.

As far as now goes, move on. If she reaches out, decide what you want to do then. If you want real results don't "act" as if you're fine. Work on actually being fine. Talk to other women, practice your hobbies, actually move on.

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PostPosted: Wed Jun 21, 2017 10:12 am 
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britvic wrote:
I wasn't feeling very well, I was irritable and hungover and during our brief meet, I was moody and just not a joy to be around. Later that evening, we spoke on the phone and she was telling me I was moody, and not the person she'd missed, I act like too much of a woman with all these mood swings etc. and shouldn't be offloading all of these emotions onto her, especially since we'd not seen each other for so long.



These are excuses my friend.

You should have also included what made her lose trust for you in the first place so we could have a greater understanding of the dynamic of the relationship.

Everyone has their days and their times when they're not going to be in the greatest mood and may accidentally let those feelings out on the people around them. However, if your girl is not staying with you because of one slip up it has little to do with the slip up. She simply just doesn't respect you, or is just not taking you as serious as you're taking her. Im sure you do your best every other day, and thus you think its reasonable that you're not afforded one mistake? How long have you guys been together?

Sounds to me like she's just not all that into it; and you're desperate without many other quality options and so you're holding on for dear life. Now she's in the position of power and calling all the shots while you cross your fingers and hopes she calls them your way. Is that really the way you want to live? And do you really want to be with a girl that jumps ship everytime you have an off day? I would hope guys would want a woman thats willing to stick it out, see things through, and ride with them during great times and bad.

Even your subject lines reeks of desperation.. " I was doing sooo good, but then i made one mistake".. Its almost a joke. I'm sure she has good qualities, but you may want to reevaluate what you need for a relationship and why you're with her.

My advice to you though is to not bring it up. When you go hang out with her on whatever day that is, just don't bring it up. Do NOT try to appeal to her sympathetic nature again with the whole "I understand how I made you feel". You played that card already. Its done. Just go hang out, and be yourself, and treat the way you always have. If she misses the old you, stop being this apologetic lapdog and be the old you without apology. Don't ask " Are we still together" or none of that. Just be the old you, hang out, and when its time to go you go, and leave the ball in her court from there.

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PostPosted: Wed Jun 21, 2017 3:04 pm 
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Eddie Fews wrote:

Everyone has their days and their times when they're not going to be in the greatest mood and may accidentally let those feelings out on the people around them. However, if your girl is not staying with you because of one slip up it has little to do with the slip up. She simply just doesn't respect you, or is just not taking you as serious as you're taking her. Im sure you do your best every other day, and thus you think its reasonable that you're not afforded one mistake? How long have you guys been together?

Thanks for the response.

Yeah I get what you're saying but I should've mentioned that this kind of thing isn't really just one slip-up/mistake. One of the reasons our relationship went downhill was because she thought I was acting distant, and similarly acted moody to her, often when she's annoyed me. I guess I'm a little bitch sometimes, and end up just not being a joy to be around sometimes, which then has led her to feeling upset. I know I probably sound a bit pathetic pinning all the blame on myself but tbh, I do keep fucking up hard and making it look like I'm taking her for granted.

She felt it was a really big thing us meeting up after a while, and then when she saw I was acting all aloof and indifferent it just basically reminded her of bad times I guess.

Eddie Fews wrote:
You should have also included what made her lose trust for you in the first place so we could have a greater understanding of the dynamic of the relationship.

I was meant to meet up with her one day, and ended up getting into a state the night before and I woke up with no phone. She has disapproved of aspects of my lifestyle, when going out with friends, occasional drug use etc.

Eddie Fews wrote:
My advice to you though is to not bring it up. When you go hang out with her on whatever day that is, just don't bring it up. Do NOT try to appeal to her sympathetic nature again with the whole "I understand how I made you feel". You played that card already. Its done. Just go hang out, and be yourself, and treat the way you always have. If she misses the old you, stop being this apologetic lapdog and be the old you without apology. Don't ask " Are we still together" or none of that. Just be the old you, hang out, and when its time to go you go, and leave the ball in her court from there.

But I agree with this, this is what I've intended on doing. It's what I should've done the last time we met, but she suddenly sprung the suggestion on me that we meet up after a long weekend, and I wasn't feeling it so I should've just said no. So hopefully when we do see each other this time, it'll be different, but I just feel like it's too late for that now and the damage has been done.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 21, 2017 3:53 pm 
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If you're still going to whine about your worries after you were giving good advice, you're better off cancelling, crawling into fetal position and crying yourself to sleep.

You don't need anymore pats on the back. Could you be fucked already? Sure. But who cares. Go do what I suggested anyway.

If she tries to bring it up just say " I honestly don't wanna talk about that right now. I'm over it. I just wanna chill. " Then once the love is reestablished(if you can manage to do that), you guys can talk about whatever. But if you go in with negative emotions and try to discuss a negative topic, you can kiss it goodbye.

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PostPosted: Wed Jun 21, 2017 5:49 pm 
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I agree with this, this is what I've intended on doing. It's what I should've done the last time we met, but she suddenly sprung the suggestion on me that we meet up after a long weekend, and I wasn't feeling it so I should've just said no.

Especially after she's been spending that weekend being railed by the new guy.

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 22, 2017 6:27 pm 
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britvic wrote:
So long story short, a month back I did something stupid which involved taking my GF for granted and losing her trust (it wasn't anything to do with cheating).

I was in bits at the time, but once I regained my calm I didn't beg for her back or anything, but followed some advice and gave her a phone call.
It went well, I told her along the lines "I get that you're feeling hurt, and betrayed right now, and totally understand that you don't even want to give me another chance right now etc." I just showed her I understood how she felt and that I understood why she didn't want to take me back right then.

This seemed to completely change her attitude and she dropped her guard, and we were suddenly on good terms again, but obviously I knew I just had to still wait a while for things to settle and then start meeting up again and rebuilding attraction.

We carried on talking, and it got to the point where she was telling me how much she missed me, and she wanted to meet up.

But this is where I f*cked up again... I wasn't feeling very well, I was irritable and hungover and during our brief meet, I was moody and just not a joy to be around. Later that evening, we spoke on the phone and she was telling me I was moody, and not the person she'd missed, I act like too much of a woman with all these mood swings etc. and shouldn't be offloading all of these emotions onto her, especially since we'd not seen each other for so long.

Despite this, she still is saying things along the lines of us 'not being together at the minute, but that's not to say there won't be a chance in the future.'

But today I've found out she's now deleted all of her social media photos of me, and my heart just sank. We are planning on meeting up later in the week, but I still feel like she's just given up on me for now.

Is there anyway to salvage this?


You'd given up on yourself a while ago.

Find you.


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