undecisive girlfriend?



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 Post subject: undecisive girlfriend?
PostPosted: Wed Aug 23, 2017 5:30 pm 
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quick question, kinda got me confused about my situation
so i have been with this girl for almost 6 months so far, and she had her issues in the past with her family and is diagnosed with moderate depression, although since she got a job last month she had been improving significantly, but that's not the subject right now
she smokes weed quite often, she told me before august, that august she will smoke weed rarely in august, and will not buy any
when august begun, she still kept doing it often, and bought once and said its one-time only.
then she got her payment from her job, and went on buying some weed, and saying it's supposed to be for a period (as in for two weeks or more)
after 3 days she used it all and planned to buy more the next day
and the loop goes on and on
now, i don't really care how she uses it and how often she uses it, but i noticed that she's quite undecisive and it got me worrying about our future, if it could affect us?
what are your opinions about this?


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 23, 2017 5:38 pm 
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An indecisive and/or procrastinating pot smoker? Who knew!

Why not broach the subject with her staying with yourself (e.g., how you have your concerns around building security in a relationship with her drug use)?

Don't come out of a blaming energy, moreso be inquisitive and create an air of collaboration "can you help me meet this need so i can feel safe in this relationship?" sort of thing. Otherwise things continue and resentment takes hold at which point the relationship will suffer.


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 23, 2017 5:49 pm 
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n2thevoid wrote:
An indecisive and/or procrastinating pot smoker? Who knew!

Why not broach the subject with her staying with yourself (e.g., how you have your concerns around building security in a relationship with her drug use)?

Don't come out of a blaming energy, moreso be inquisitive and create an air of collaboration "can you help me meet this need so i can feel safe in this relationship?" sort of thing. Otherwise things continue and resentment takes hold at which point the relationship will suffer.

thanks for the advice, but lately we were working on fixing things in our relationship and we're fresh out of a long talk and i didn't really think about it during the talk, but rather after, and i don't think it's appropriate to bring this up right now..
what are your thoughts about this?


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 24, 2017 1:25 am 
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fakaxapro wrote:
n2thevoid wrote:
An indecisive and/or procrastinating pot smoker? Who knew!

Why not broach the subject with her staying with yourself (e.g., how you have your concerns around building security in a relationship with her drug use)?

Don't come out of a blaming energy, moreso be inquisitive and create an air of collaboration "can you help me meet this need so i can feel safe in this relationship?" sort of thing. Otherwise things continue and resentment takes hold at which point the relationship will suffer.

thanks for the advice, but lately we were working on fixing things in our relationship and we're fresh out of a long talk and i didn't really think about it during the talk, but rather after, and i don't think it's appropriate to bring this up right now..
what are your thoughts about this?


A relationship is a partnership of sorts, a 'collaborative' narrative the two of you are co-authoring.

If you're fearful of speaking your needs in a relationship, what type of a narrative are you creating moving forward with this other person?

If you've already had a long talk, by all means give things some space to cool down if you need to do so in order to come out of the 'right' energy. The only caveat to this is if you go silent on your needs indefinitely awaiting that 'perfect moment' to bring it up.

On a separate note, I am curious as to what does "fixing things" look like to the two of you?


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 25, 2017 9:41 am 
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How old is she? How old are you? A woman who spends her day smoking weed isn't a woman of high value IMO and a guy who tolerates this and tip toes around this is of less value.

Give her a nudge but as mentioned, don't do it in an accusatory way. I'd also say to work on your own inner game, not my place to say if you should be in this relationship, but it sounds draining to me.

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 25, 2017 3:56 pm 
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Slick_uk wrote:
How old is she? How old are you? A woman who spends her day smoking weed isn't a woman of high value IMO and a guy who tolerates this and tip toes around this is of less value.

Give her a nudge but as mentioned, don't do it in an accusatory way. I'd also say to work on your own inner game, not my place to say if you should be in this relationship, but it sounds draining to me.

im 16 and she's 17, and she smokes it usually after work/on off days
thanks for the advice


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 25, 2017 6:14 pm 
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fakaxapro wrote:
im 16 and she's 17, and she smokes it usually after work/on off days
thanks for the advice

Nothing to worry about here. Nature will take it's coarse.

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 26, 2017 7:39 pm 
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Heywood Jablowme wrote:
fakaxapro wrote:
im 16 and she's 17, and she smokes it usually after work/on off days
thanks for the advice

Nothing to worry about here. Nature will take it's coarse.


Ah you're both young. Isn't the end of the world bro

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 27, 2017 4:46 pm 
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Slick_uk wrote:
Heywood Jablowme wrote:
fakaxapro wrote:
im 16 and she's 17, and she smokes it usually after work/on off days
thanks for the advice

Nothing to worry about here. Nature will take it's coarse.


Ah you're both young. Isn't the end of the world bro

i expected this type of response when i posted our ages :D
anyways, my main goal from this relationship is obviously to have fun, but secondly is to learn - and thats why i turned to this forum, to get some answers and see other points of view - so i would still like to hear your opinions about this, disregarding the age


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