Trying to recover after being after being a drunken arsehole


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 04, 2017 9:02 pm 
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Hey lads,

Saturday night I went out after not eating and not sleeping the night before. While waiting for my girlfriend to finish work I ended up getting the most intoxicated Ive ever been and was an absolute arsehole to a guy who was being a dick to me earlier in the night and my girlfriend witnessed this. She ended up saying something to me and I replied by insulting her and telling her we were going home. On the way home a cop told me to get off the street and I ended up being a smart arse to him and almost got arrested.

Nothing like this has ever happened with this girl, or ever in my life to be honest, so she was completely shocked and disgusted to see me act this way and Ive done a lot of damage to us.

Come today, it has been a couple days since the event. weve gone out for 1 dinner before I flew away to work where it was pleasant and I sincerely apologized and told her how disgusted I was with myself. she was a bit standoffish and was on her phone a lot, and even pulled back when I went to kiss her the first couple times but then let me later in the night. She says she is still coming on the holiday we have booked in 2 weeks at this stage which if I get her there it will be fine, Im sure of it, but Im away at work for another 12 days so she is left at home stewing on this until then.

I basically want your advice on how to best recover from this. Im trying to give her a little space, Ive spoken to her once on the phone yesterday and we've sent a few small insignificant texts back and forth but think maybe I should not talk to her for a day or two!? I also dont think I should send flowers or get her anything because Ive told her before I will only ever get her flowers when we are happy together for no reason. A little bit of game is needed here I think and this is one area Im not to sure how to go about it.

Thanks guys


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 04, 2017 9:55 pm 
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How about just shutting up about it instead of wallowing in pity and self-loathing?

She's probably moved on.

Cut back on the drinking and be the positive, chill guy.

The best way to settle an issue is to be your best the next day, and then the next day after that. Whining and moping about an incident in the past is not that.

you can be the guy who fucked up once, but who's being awesome day to day, or you can be the guy who fucked up, who is also the weird neurotic guy.

Your choice.

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 04, 2017 10:50 pm 
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Do whatever it is that you were doing before this happened (i.e go back to normal). You've apologised, it would appear she is moving on from it but punishing you a little, which is working. No need to bring it up really, so long as it doesn't happen again. Don't make it into something bigger than it needs to be and enjoy your holiday together.

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 05, 2017 10:30 am 
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There's 2 ways to apologize. One is being apologetic, and the other is being responsible.

Simply tell her that you know you acted like a fucking idiot, that it was an isolated event, and that you don't blame her for taking some distance.

That's it. No pity, no flowers, no "making it up to her". Take responsibility for your actions and understand that some damage was done. From that point it's her job to to decide whether she can get over it, or not.

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 05, 2017 12:45 pm 
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Thats pretty much exactly what Ive done. Now im just giving her a little breathing space and it appears to have paid off because she has been initiating contact today.

I underplayed the severity of the situation I guess. I was convinced she was walking out for good.


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 05, 2017 1:54 pm 
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spiggins1 wrote:
Thats pretty much exactly what Ive done. Now im just giving her a little breathing space and it appears to have paid off because she has been initiating contact today.

I underplayed the severity of the situation I guess. I was convinced she was walking out for good.


I can promise you that if you had sent flowers, she would have.

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 05, 2017 4:03 pm 
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Better to keep your mouth shut and seem a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 10, 2017 12:11 am 
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Time heals all, fix your behavior instead of worrying about past behavior, fix future behavior so it doesn't happen again. When someone considers who you are, they don't think oh yeah, one time they did this weird thing way out of character, no, everyone makes mistakes, it's when you repeat bad behavior that it becomes clear that it is a part of who you are. Simply don't let that happen.

Don't perpetuate your shortcomings and highlight them by asking for them to be excused as if they are implicit to your identity, simply improve and strengthen who you are.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 10, 2017 1:20 am 
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This is simple.

You've already said your apology, now you are to completely forget about it and go back to behaving normally. If you keep behaving like you did something wrong, she'll keep remembering what you did and it will be recovering from whatever it was more challenging.

Get back to the you that she loved(which is all she wants anyway) and put this situation behind you. If you keep looking back you'll trip going forward.

If she brings it up just say " I've already apologized. I'd rather not harp on it. I just want to enjoy you" and then be like you've always been.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 10, 2017 3:00 pm 
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I fucked up.

She has still been acting distant but it came up again just now on the phone. We talked about it and she mentioned her friends hadnt told her to leave but she has been thinking about it. Then i mentioned some of my friends told me I should leave because she has been too precious but i didnt agree with them and accepted responsibility.

She was pissed. We had a chat after it but she was still pissed when i hubg up and she went to bed.

As i said, its worse because im at work for another 6 days so cant initiate any intimacy with her which really does heal everythibg.

So do i avoid calling her tomorrow night? Or should i call as usual and just be myself. It had been working but she was still being rude and distant on the phone.

We have never had an argument or disagreement before. So she is on the fence about leaving and Im hoping i havent just made her mind up for her.

This is the girl Ive wanted to date gor 10 years and only this year have had the chance. So I need help here.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 10, 2017 3:14 pm 
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Eddie Fews wrote:

If she brings it up just say " I've already apologized. I'd rather not harp on it. I just want to enjoy you" and then be like you've always been.



Did you not get this?

A variation is "Listen, I love you, I've already apologized and so I'm not going to harp on this. I have a lot of work to do and while on the phone I just want to enjoy you and your company. Can we talk about something else? If its still on your mind we'll discuss it when I get home. Arguing over the phone isn't good for either of us. How was your day? "

Or anything of the sort. Getting into shit like that over the phone is a no no. Take the advice you've been given and apply it and you'll see your situation get better. Focus on establishing the love between you two, not fixing an issue. Make your focus to establish the love. Just like usual. Put that shit behind you and stand strong in holding her to do the same; at least until you get back home to her.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 10, 2017 3:51 pm 
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Will do. But right now?

Should i send her a follow up message saying something like, "dont take what my friends said to heart, its not what I think at all". Or similar?


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 10, 2017 3:51 pm 
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Or just let her process it then go back to my normal fun self


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 10, 2017 4:04 pm 
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Curious... What did you say to insult her?

Also don't know why you'd tell her your friends said to break up with her... Thats just a bad move.

Thing is as others have said you gotta move on from it. But also realize that your gf may walk because she's traumatized.. Or because this was the last straw.. Or she's just not interested in general... Or she can't move past it. But you gotta know where you stand on what you did and accept that if she leaves that's her choice.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 10, 2017 4:10 pm 
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"Fuck you cunt".

I didnt tell her my friends said i should leave her facetiously, it kind of just came out after sye mentioned she had though about leaving but her friends didnt say that. I regretted it instantly. Then we spoke for another 10 minutes or so but just as i was about to hang up she mentioned she was still angry my friends would say that. If i can get her to come on holidays it will sort it self out. But she is still stuck with the last memory of me being a terrible one unfortunately so 6 more days to go.


Yeah youre not saying anything I dont already know. But thats not really advice on resolving this, its just saying what Im worried will happen.


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