Trying to recover after being after being a drunken arsehole


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 10, 2017 8:15 pm 
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spiggins1 wrote:
Will do. But right now?

Should i send her a follow up message saying something like, "dont take what my friends said to heart, its not what I think at all". Or similar?



You have to conquer the paranoia and cut the shit bro. The guy you're being now is the very same guy that acted out while drunk. This is just a different variation of the same thing. Irrational behavior.

Under normal circumstances would you send that text? So why send it now? Remember who you are and who you were before all of this investment and be that guy. She still loves that guy. Be him. Relax and put this shit completely behind. You don't need a remedy. You need to restablish the love.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 10, 2017 8:30 pm 
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Youre right I am paranoid. For once I actually feel like I have something to lose whereas with other girls I was a lot more complacent.

So Ill stick to our routine. Call every night and just make her laugh.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 10, 2017 8:45 pm 
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Why even have routine calls if she's being difficult to talk to? Do you have other stuff you can talk about? Look forward to and enjoy the holiday with her

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 10, 2017 9:11 pm 
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We havent been talking about this at all. Just talking about light hearted topics. But when id been bringing up future plans she was quite dismissive about any sort of commitment. Not a good sign.

She was also swiping on instagram the whole conversation before i called her out on it and she apologized. But in hindsight i shouldnt have and i just need to let her get away with whatever comes my way for the time being.

She said she doesnt know where shes at so me being away is really not helping.

She did mention sex when qe go on holiday so shes not conpletely shut off just yet. Time will tell I suppose. I might not call tonight. Ill give her 48 hours to herself.

If by sunday shes the same I was thinking of having a beer with her best friend while shes at work and having a chat to him about what happened and apologize to him etc. He has been a big advocate of me and knows what happened so thinking I could get to her through him. Or is that a bad idea?


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 10, 2017 9:20 pm 
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Probably a bad idea having a drink with her best friend. His loyalty lies with her and there's a high chance he'll go back to her with what is said, which will go further to make this a bigger deal than it is. If he's an advocate of you, you don't need to see him for him to stay on your side in this dispute

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 10, 2017 9:26 pm 
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I think the whole point is that he would go back to her with what Ive said. Hes not impressed with what happened but is staying neutral so was thinking if he could see It was an isolated incident and out of character he would push her to forgive me. I actually havent met him in person yet so it would be a pretty bold move.

Im thinking last resort do that if there are benefits in it? Or not.

In the meantime I just have to be patient. Which is torture seeing as Im stuck in an office all day.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 10, 2017 9:32 pm 
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spiggins1 wrote:
She was also swiping on instagram the whole conversation before i called her out on it and she apologized. But in hindsight i shouldnt have and i just need to let her get away with whatever comes my way for the time being.


It sounds like you're having a hard time keeping your emotions centered. Who gives a shit if she's on instagram. Let her enjoy herself.



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If by sunday shes the same I was thinking of having a beer with her best friend while shes at work and having a chat to him about what happened and apologize to him etc. He has been a big advocate of me and knows what happened so thinking I could get to her through him. Or is that a bad idea?



No man, let it fucking go. Good posters gave you solid advice. The fact you're even still contemplating this shit tells me you're just exuding this weird, neurotic vibe when you're with her, and it's making things worse. This is how men get dumped, they fuck up, and then just hang on that negative thing for weeks instead of moving forward and being their best, each day.

Just be fun.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 10, 2017 9:41 pm 
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Im at my best when Im with women in person, Im the fun outgoing chilled guy that doesnt let shit get to him. (I think that came after dating a stripper for so long)

Im overthinking things in this situation because Im at work and cant do anything bit sit on my arse and wait.

You are right though. Ill be patient and give it time.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 10, 2017 10:38 pm 
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This is good practice for learning to control your emotions, which will pay dividends for you with this woman, and future women.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 10, 2017 11:49 pm 
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Few points:

You insulted your gf days ago (originally), and insulted her the other day when you said your friends told you to dump her. So, you've added to the original issue (your drunk behavior) with "his friends dont like me." This new issue isnt whether you dump her or not, its now she has to be in a relationship where her bfs friends think badly of her and wanted him to leave her.

Second, you're super needy. You said you've wanted this chick for 10 years and now she's given you a chance...man that neediness has already doomed your relationship. Forget drunk words and all the other shit, you gotta stop pedesteling this chick to that level. Truth is, if you really were that drunk that you almost got arrested, a chick could move on from that shit as it clearly isnt normal for you. But when a guy sees her as his dream and theyve been together less than a year...yeah...thats prob why she's quick to talk about breaking up now. That neediness prob seeped in a long time ago and this is the outcome of prizing her this hard. First, see her as a chick, not your dream girl.

When you said this:
Quote:
But in hindsight i shouldnt have and i just need to let her get away with whatever comes my way for the time being.


it was completely "pussy" and needy. You're taking whatever you get and willing to accept anything to keep this together. Drop that mentality. As someone already said, you've apologized, if she wants to leave because of what happened, thats her choice. Personally, if it were me and she said she was thinking of leaving, I'd tell her ok, leave. If she's even thinking about whether a completely out of character night means she doesnt want to be with me, she should go.


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 11, 2017 7:35 am 
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neo87 wrote:
if it were me and she said she was thinking of leaving, I'd tell her ok, leave. If she's even thinking about whether a completely out of character night means she doesnt want to be with me, she should go.


This.

Also neo's right about you worshiping this woman. You need to relax.

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 11, 2017 2:55 pm 
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Valid points.

Ive had this girl under my thumb the whole time. And shes hated that I was in control and wouldnt get into a relationship earlier with her.

I wouldnt say I worship her but unfortunately this girl is myself in a female version so shit just clicks like it never has before and I can see the value in that and like it or not, this girl is actually something to lose.

Anyway she replied this morning. She said she thought about what I said last night and I was right and she apologized for dragging it out this long and may have overreacted but that I had still done damage.

Im back in control.


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 11, 2017 4:10 pm 
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So despite all the advice given to you by solid posters, you went ahead and had a Negative Nancy talk with her last night?

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 11, 2017 4:12 pm 
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Probably a bit of confusion. I live in australia. I hadnt spoken to her since I to her since our last discussion and she messaged me out of the blue this morning saying that.


Last edited by spiggins1 on Tue Jul 11, 2017 4:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 11, 2017 4:13 pm 
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spiggins1 wrote:
No. She messaged me this morning saying that.


What did you say to her last night?

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