After Jealousy (Sexual Enlightenment)


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 9:19 pm 
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Damn Hobbit, I see that you're not very open to people having their own opinions these days. Perhaps too much studying those academic psych sources has given you some rigid beliefs based upon theories and beliefs that don't agree with modern anthropological evidence, psychology studies, or the trends of relationships in societies. I urge you to read Why is Sex Fun? by Jared Diamond and Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha, as they both present tons of factual evidence and studies that disagree with lots of what Freud and Darwin theorized and people to took as truth because we didn't have anything better to go off of.

Golden Wolf: I agree with what you've said. The reason I think it's worth confronting beliefs over jealousy, or any other fears/doubts in your mind/your partners mind, is that until we face our subconscious thoughts they tend to be fed just enough to keep alive by the random thoughts that pass through our heads. By bringing the fears out into the light and understanding them fully, then you can be sure that you won't accidentally feed it because you will know when you are thinking thoughts that are linked to it. Many people try to stop thinking negative thoughts through sheer willpower, but it almost never works (when it looks like it is working, usually there's hidden psychological issues developing). The best thing to do is to deal with the issue and make peace with it. Let it know you see it and understand it, but you don't see any reason why you should feed it.

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 19, 2011 8:03 am 
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GoldenWolf wrote:
However, I feel that whenever I do sense a bit of jealousy, its not that I am afraid to lose my partner. It's the fear of being tricked into being with someone who is not worth it.


Wow brother you couldn’t have said it better. I feel the same way. In fact when I was married to my X I often floated the idea of possible having my X wife hook up with another person if she wanted to do it. I gave her that permission, but the feeling of jealousy I have now with my GF is just as Golden Wolf describes. I just want to know if I can trust my GF. If she is worth it. I really enjoyed being single before her, I got laid plenty so it's not like I settled but it bugs me that I really don't know.


It's kind of like this. I am a month shy from being 32. I am not getting any younger and I feel like I am at the peak of my Swingerhood. I feel like my door will shut on me in a few years and it will be more difficult to go to clubs and mingles with the youngins. I just don't want to be that guy so I feel like I can potentially be losing good years of my life to someone that might cheat and lie to me. That fuels my jealousy.

I have already lost my twenties to a woman that kicked me to the curb after ten years and I am really carefully not to let another one take the next few good years away.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 25, 2011 7:09 pm 
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A post I made several months ago related to this subject:

the-ultimate-post-on-why-long-term-monogamy-doesnit-work-vt74982.html

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 15, 2011 4:59 pm 
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BTW, this thread needs bumped because some people REALLY need to read this.

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 31, 2011 1:27 am 
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Rye Lee wrote:

The solution is to realise that no one...NO ONE....one more time? Not a god damned mother fucking single man on this planet is enough for any woman to be entirely satisfied and fulfilled in every single possible way! Ain't a single woman that is enough to fulfill any man entirely either and if you think I'm wrong, you're telling me that men all over this planet have entirely stopped fantasizing about fucking other women, enjoying the warm-fuzzies that they get when a girl flirts with them (even if it's just her job), etc, etc. BULLSHIT!


I just make an account to comment that this is probably one of the best things I have read about relationships.

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 31, 2011 5:08 am 
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Some people would NEVER CHEAT.

*A PUA army comes in and says: - Everyone can shit because there is somewhere a master of seduction who would make her so horny that she would do anything!*

No. I've known firsthand what girls are capable of, and they can cheat, lie, fuck other guys while on the phone with their boyfriends, etc.

Some of them are also completely capable of being faithful in ANY situation, even if a guy comes and successfully creates attraction. In some cases attraction cannot be avoided, but you can avoid to do something about it.

I would NEVER cheat. I say this with all honesty, there isn't a single case scenario where I would ever cheat. If I came home and found Jessica Alba on all fours on my bed I wouldn't even touch her, even if my insides were screaming for it. (I would fap all my life thinking about it though, I guess.)

Morals can be incredibly strong. Just take what people did in the name of faith.

The belief that anyone can cheat on anyone at any given moment is what makes most of the PUA's jealous. The belief that most girls would turn over their boyfriend for a hot ripped guy is what makes AFC's jealous too.

It is also a convenient idea. The PUA business (because it is, first and for all, a business) makes it profitable to believe that ALL women cheat unless you're super duper seductive.

The truth lies somewhere in the middle: Most would, some would never, ever.
People are too complex for anyone to make assumptions like: ALL guys are pigs and ALL women are whores.

Now back to the original point: Monogamy is a beautiful, sometimes hard thing. The desire to fuck another girl than your girlfriend goes away right after you cum. The satisfaction with having a person who's always and only there for you does not. Love is hard and worth it.
The problem is most guys settle for a girl that does not fulfill them.

Also: Cheating is a decision. It is ALWAYS a decision. You don't just wake up and realize your penis is inside someone, or that you have a cock up in your vagina. It is feeling attraction and deciding to act on it, it's always a rational decision, because it lasts more than a second.

You can strike someone in anger, you don't even have to think about it. Now, somewhere along an hour of fucking everyone realizes what they are doing is wrong. They just ignore it so they can say: "It just happened, I'm sorry."

It never just happens. And it won't to many beautiful, great people. There is never an excuse.

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PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2016 7:34 am 
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Interesting discussion. I sides more with monogamy for a long time but since I've been with a girlfriend whose attitude is very much "I do what I want and you can't stop me" then I've considered an open relationship. I would naturally feel hurt by the "betrayal" of someone cheating. However, when I change the rules and it is okay to be with others then I don't see it nearly as bad. Clearly it isn't as much for me about her being with other people than breaking the rules. Another fear of mine is she is doing it and I don't even know about it. However, if we were in an open relationship I don't think I'd care. It's almost as if in an exclusive relationship I constantly feel the need to be the best, have her avoid other men, and control her. Since my girlfriend has set very healthy boundaries with me, I've realized the foolishness in attempting to control her free will. In essence, the only peace of mind comes from accepting that she will do what she wants regardless, and it only hurts me to expect otherwise. An open relationship is more of an excuse to not worry about being betrayed. It has little to do with whether she loves me most. In the end my mind is put to rest when I know the rules in my life are being followed, and making rules about how another person lives their life makes me anxious and uneasy. Therefore I believe there are benefits to being open to the idea of an open relationship. I still believe I have the upper hand in being the mostly exclusive man m.


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