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PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 2:01 am 
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I will try to keep this as concise as possible.

Basically I met a girl a few weeks to a month ago and we have been seeing each other since. The relationship has been physical and we have spent a fair bit of time together.

I saw this as a potential problem and was quite relieved when she went away for a few days to visit friends just last week. I decided to back off and not monopolise her time by constantly texting/calling her, in fact the only time I would text her would be in response to her texting me first, I never called her but merely answered when she called me etc etc. (I would like to point out that I let her know I wasn't just moping around and that I was actually out and about socialising, which I was) She got back a couple days ago (Sunday) and called me within minutes of arriving asking me to drop by. This is where it went downhill...

That night nothing whatsoever happened, I was slightly concerned but just put it down to tiredness which is what she had already hinted at. I made clear to her when she called me that I was more than happy to let her have the night to herself and to make it so she didn't seem pressed into having me around which is why I was baffled.

Yesterday I made plans to head out with my friends and let her know that. She called me in the evening and asked me to come around, I let her know that it would be for only an hour before I headed to town so I stopped by. Again NOTHING happened. I hinted to her that night that I would cook for her tonight and she agreed (but I did feel that she sounded almost reluctant). I didn't call her today under the assumption that she wasn't interested and was going to just let it go but she called me this evening asking when she should drop by.

I cooked for her and we chatted but I just got the feeling that she was being slightly cold on her end, surprise surprise NOTHING happened again.

I did pick her up on her quietness today and she's hinted that something is wrong (in her life not with us as far as i'm aware).

I really don't know where to go on this one. I would opt for taking a step back and leaving her be for a while but we really don't have a lot of time left together right now as she is moving to a place a few hours drive away.

I was thinking to just lay all my cards on the table and ask her exactly where I stand right now instead of just mulling around waiting for something to happen (or not).

I would like to point out that we really have clicked and that although deep down I would prefer to have her in my life as just a friend than not at all, I just wouldn't feel happy with that and I would have to cut all ties with her if that is the way things go even though I know a few weeks to a month down the line I would regret it... Is this selfish or immature of me?

Any thoughts guys?


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 2:57 am 
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Shes moving a few hours away.. have you ever talked about what that means for the two of you? Was there any reason to suspect that things would continue after the move.

It's possible that she's realized that she's moving and doesn't want a ldr. It could explain her withdrawing emotionally. Your right about one thing though, if she's withholding sex and seems withdrawn, somethings up.

Not sure what your best course of action is. Although, if you do have a conversation with her I would suggest being sure of what you want first, and have a plan for how you'd like the conversation and frame to go. Consider a range of possible responses on her end, and you'll be more prepared for whatever she throws at you.


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 3:10 am 
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Quote:
Shes moving a few hours away.. have you ever talked about what that means for the two of you? Was there any reason to suspect that things would continue after the move.
Well that's something right there, my mentality for the whole time I've known her has been to take things one day at a time and I guess I was just going to cross that bridge when I came to it.


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 6:53 am 
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well, if something is wrong in her life (and it isn't the relationship), and you care about her, why would you want to make things worse? Be there to support her; let her know you care. And in the near future, bring up the idea of a long distance relationship. The only thing that conversation could do is: make her happy because you want to continue things, or give her a chance to be open with her feelings and decisions (since she currently isn't doing that).

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2009 3:05 pm 
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Ok cheers for that, I'm going to go ahead and have the chat with her, whichever way things go I will at least know what's what and that will be a weight off my mind.

I do care about her and I would be fully willing to try and make a long distance relationship work if that is what it takes. If it doesn't work then I have at least tried and can move on happy to at least a certain extent.


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 6:38 pm 
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Location: UK, Southwest
I'd like to say cheers for the input guys.

We've decided to call it off but a bad result is better than no result. I think there may have been the possibility of me not having the conversation with her as I've never been comfortable expressing my deepest feelings, that is if it wasn't for your input.

Although it isn't the happy ending I wanted I do have a feeling of relief knowing that we've ended on a high and not dragging a dying relationship out and never talking again.

I shall be out and about again this weekend having a laugh :)

Cheers again guys :wink:


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2009 8:29 pm 
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Glad to see you have some resolution.


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