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PostPosted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 7:31 pm 
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Hey guys, basically this is how things go A LOT.

I'll see her the first time that day and she looks like a mess....sweats/no makeup/hair everywhere....i say "i take it you didn't bother to shower this morning" her: "nah, i didn't have time" (she does this atleast twice/3 times a week).

She's overweight, i gotta keep reminding her that starving yourself isn't the answer and that she just has to eat good food and have motivation to work out....(we part at the gym, b/c i go lift and she does cardio) i have a feeling that she's dogging it though.

She's not assertive, lacks some common sense, and never questions what she hears. I have to constantly remind her that she has rights, she has value, don't believe everything you hear, you gotta stand up for yourself....she constantly does not and then says "yeah....you're right" not in a epiphany kinda way but rather "im just going to keep saying yes until the subject changes".

I'm not sure if this is grounds for me to break up with her, she's not being a bad person, it just feels that she's not living up to my standards and she ALWAYS says she wants to, but i'm not sure how much effort is being put forth in that department. I know she is crazy about me, but i fear that she thinks i'm just going to keep bitching, and stick around. So eat all i want, don't take pride in my appearance or self pride, and you'll stick around.

Should i simply say "if these things don't change, then we can't be together anymore." ? And if i say that, should i set some kind of time frame? I understand this has been HER way of viewing the world/living since birth, so i understand that it's not an instant change, but can you blame me for wanting to walk around with a girl who takes care of herself and wants to look good for others, not just me? The whole "i'm in a relationship, so i can safely not do my hair and still have a guy in my bed" is VERY unattractive....the same would go if i stopped shaving/cutting my pubs/ and letting my gut get fat.

Thanks you all for reading and hopefully i can receive some insightful advice, peace!


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 8:05 pm 
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By giving her an ultimatum that if she does not in fact start taking more
pride in her appearance, then she leaves you with no choice but to break it
off.

And about the her thinking to herself that she's in a relationship and that she
don't need to make herself look good no more because she has a man now
and she can just give up... I would NOT let her think this. If this is in fact how
she is seeing things, I would say it is time to call it quits.

This girl obviously only wanted a man so she could stop with trying to lose
weight and all that other shit. She is obviously lazy and ain't in no hurry to
lose weight for you, or more importantly, herself.

I would have to say it is time to cut and run. If you cannot be with a girl
who wants to better herself, then how in the hell do you expect to better
yourself around her?

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 10, 2009 8:37 pm 
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I'm confused. You say she's crazy about you; I assume that - these issues aside - you must be crazy about her otherwise you'd have broken up already, right? If not, then any response is kind of academic.


Other than that you hit the nail on the head yourself: she's not living up to your standards, so rather than try and change someone who's had a lifetime of conditioning in acting the way she does, why not find someone who does live up to your standards? Long and short of it is, you're not happy - and these seem pretty fundamental problems, as opposed to her leaving the cap off the toothpaste - I'd say you certainly have grounds to break up without feeling guilty about it.

Quote:
She's not assertive, lacks some common sense, and never questions what she hears. I have to constantly remind her that she has rights, she has value, don't believe everything you hear, you gotta stand up for yourself....she constantly does not and then says "yeah....you're right" not in a epiphany kinda way but rather "im just going to keep saying yes until the subject changes".
And a brief observation that people may or may not agree with: people who are intellectually slovenly tend to be slovenly in other areas of their lives...man, without meaning to be rude, how has that not driven you nuts already? Anyway, all the best...hope you figure it out.

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Last edited by Mailer on Wed Feb 11, 2009 3:56 am, edited 2 times in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2009 3:36 am 
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Hey guys, i really appreciate your thoughtful replies.

I'm not sure if i would say that i'm "crazy" about her, b/c physicality is important to me, i'm on a college campus and i see all these tight little bodies with bulging tits and asses and then i look over to my GF, and although she has a BEAUTIFUL face, her body isn't there.

Btw, i'm glad i thought of this, plz help me out with this consideration. Her body isn't there, but i thought that if i give it time b/c she is currently eating A LOT better, no shitty food, and gym 4-5 times a week...in a few months hopefully her body will become much more attractive to me. She's marriage material when it comes to motherly vibe, and she is getting breast implants in a year in a half-2 years(after college) b/c she's always been unhappy with her small breasts.

Do you think it's possible that with these physical changes, everything will be alright and i won't be thinking about everyday what bodies i COULD be having?

She doesn't really read....but she's honest about things. She'll admit to being lazy, or not being assertive/talkative enough, etc. I get her thinking a lot about all her rationalizations/excuses and being conscious of them. She's about to get out of the shower, so i gotta peace....i'm looking forward to anymore advice, thanks again.

btw, she has been lazy intellectually and physically her entire life....but she was never PUSHED, her parents were push overs...i'd feel guilty if i don't give her a chance for change only because the people in charge of shaping her failed. u feel me?


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2009 4:58 am 
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Quote:
Her body isn't there, but i thought that if i give it time b/c she is currently eating A LOT better, no shitty food, and gym 4-5 times a week...in a few months hopefully her body will become much more attractive to me.
If she stays true to going to the gym and does not slack off, then she might
lose around 20 pounds per month ... if she does in fact go to the gym and
work out and is not going over to another one of her friends houses or
whatever.
Quote:
She's marriage material when it comes to motherly vibe,
I guess it is true what they say... guys look for a girl that reminds them
of their mother, and girls look for guys who remind them of their father.
Quote:
and she is getting breast implants in a year in a half-2 years(after college) b/c she's always been unhappy with her small breasts.
Totally off topic but ... congrats to the both of you.
Quote:
Do you think it's possible that with these physical changes, everything will be alright and i won't be thinking about everyday what bodies i COULD be having?
As mentioned above ... it all depends on if she does in fact meet your standards.
We cannot answer this question for you.
Quote:
She doesn't really read....but she's honest about things. She'll admit to being lazy, or not being assertive/talkative enough, etc. I get her thinking a lot about all her rationalizations/excuses and being conscious of them. She's about to get out of the shower, so i gotta peace....i'm looking forward to anymore advice, thanks again.
Are you trying to hook us up with her?
Quote:
btw, she has been lazy intellectually and physically her entire life....but she was never PUSHED, her parents were push overs...i'd feel guilty if i don't give her a chance for change only because the people in charge of shaping her failed. u feel me?
This sounds like this girl comes from a wealthy family... I just might take
her off your hands bro... XD I'm kidding of course...

Seriously though, if she can MOLD herself into the person that you want her
to be, more power to you for having a SLAVE... Treat her well or someone
else will.

_________________
| NLP eBooks etc | SEDUCTION eBooks etc |
| Sexual Decoder System (Yes, that one) **PDFs / Videos** |
I have reviewed A LOT of PUA books, videos, etc. I only upload the ones that have the best information.


Last edited by LEPRECHAUN on Wed Feb 11, 2009 6:06 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2009 5:19 am 
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If you can do better, by all means.

A friend of mine was in a similiar situation. He actually TOLD her that she was fat, needed to hit the gym, etc... (not saying this is the right thing to do, AT ALL). After they broke up, she hit the gym RELIGIOUSLY, and lost all her weight. She got a new man, and pretty much got her life straightened out. My boy then realized what he had lost and never got her back. They are almost hostile with eachother now.

Not saying that will happen to you, but be ready for it.


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2009 5:31 am 
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Quote:
btw, she has been lazy intellectually and physically her entire life....but she was never PUSHED, her parents were push overs...i'd feel guilty if i don't give her a chance for change only because the people in charge of shaping her failed. u feel me?
Why would you want to be with someone so intellectually and emotionally stunted? If it's a purely physical consideration then you're doomed to be unhappy...beauty's transient; without real substance to the realtionship you'll be miserable, even after she's stuffed full of silicone. Big tits and dull conversation...sounds like most Friday nights to me. There's more to it than that. You seem like a smart guy, so why not look for someone that actually challenges you, rather than trying to sculpt the perfect partner out of nothing? There's no such thing as a real life Eliza Doolittle.

You're not her life coach, you're not her therapist, you're not her father. Your feelings of guilt come from being a decent human being, not someone who's in love. Try and seperate these conflicting feelings; find someone worth your time. You'll be doing yourself a huge favour in the long run.

_________________
"Regretting the past, looking forward to the future, while never being satisfied with the present, this is how my life is spent." - Tchaikovsky


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2009 6:08 am 
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Quote:
why not look for someone that actually challenges you, rather than trying to sculpt the perfect partner out of nothing?
There's no such thing as a real life Eliza Doolittle.
Damnit! I wish I would have thought of this one.

This is so true that I had to quote it so people could read it over and over again.

_________________
| NLP eBooks etc | SEDUCTION eBooks etc |
| Sexual Decoder System (Yes, that one) **PDFs / Videos** |
I have reviewed A LOT of PUA books, videos, etc. I only upload the ones that have the best information.


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 12, 2009 9:11 pm 
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hey slyder...


i can probably give you some really good imput here. a number of years ago when i was AFC in a relationship, i was exactly the way you described your gf (even though i'm a dude). I gained weight, got lazy, became complacent, lost motivation, stopped being upbeat, and just didnt' take care of myself. i was too comfortable in the relationship. as i became more and more this way, my gf started to distance herself more and more and started acting like a friend rather than girlfriend. a few times she brought up the idea of going on a break but we never really did. i actually ended up completely breaking it off with her because things go so out of hand, and i hated her for not being in love with me the way she used to be.

after learning PUA i grew so much as a person, and i finally stopped hating her for it. i was finally able to heal because i realized that the things i was doing wrong in that relationship were what caused her to distance herself.

that relationship was my first relationship, and it wasn't her first. Sometimes you'll never know how hot the stove is til you touch it yourself.

the reason my old relationship failed was because only one of the two saw what was going wrong.

here's my advice:

get her to realize what's really happening, and how it is compromising your feelings toward her. if you communicate this properly, and work with her through it, then i think you can salvage it. otherwise, things will naturally take their course and she is gonna be very hurt when you finally break up with her (which you should if she doesn't get her shit together)


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2009 8:46 am 
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thank you all for the GREAT replies....sexcellent, yeah see what you're saying. If she doesnt get her shit together than it wont work, and i know she'll be hurt. But if her laziness supercedes her desire of have me in her life than i;ll have to call it quits.

Thanks again guys.


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