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PostPosted: Sat Nov 19, 2016 3:11 pm 
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Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:04 am
Posts: 33
THE BACKGROUND
I recently met a girl, gamed her and eventually we escalated that into a relationship after 2 months of progressively getting to know eachother. We defined the relationship and it's been a month- She studies abroad - We're in a LDR right now (Coincidence because I'm moving to live in that country she's studying in in around 4 months but there's vacations and I recently visited her. Visit went very good - her perceived value of me raised even higher.)

We connect on deep level and she's clearly very interested in me.
Her affection levels toward me rise and she sends me cute messages all the time now, interracts with me, talks and plans, is opened to me and even goes into sharing intimate thoughts and vulnerabilities people rarely share. Trusts me basically.
I did the relationship talk and set boundaries upon entering the relationship - "Both to have freedom. No weird jealousy from her side. I am communicative and like to talk to other people but I have boundaries and won't cheat."

Enough with the background, I hope it's objective enough - To the problem I am writing this thread and seeking advise from you my fellow friends:
I keep a low base of people whom I follow on instagram. Been observing what she likes for insight and precaution. Been also observing who likes her photos. I haven't shown jealousy by far and I don't intend to if not necessary - even when she has mentioned guys trying to pick her up. I keep aloof usually.

She has a few player-type guys she follows and had been exchanging likes with. Progressively stopped doing it and unfollowed them herself. Which is a good sign, I want to know if I can trust her and stop having sex with other girls myself.

MY PROBLEM
Today I saw a clear interaction with one of them - high value other guy, competitor. Good-looking guy.
They exchanged selfie likes in 10-30min timespan but I don't know who came first. Also saw she double-liked his photo an hour later (or instagram bug because the like went back 2 hours later after a while).

What concerned me is that this dates back - He has a few dirtier "typical player" photos posted on his instagram that I saw she had also liked before (She liked around 50% of what he had posted). Ranging from abs photos to "I am not for everyone" to other photos implying sexual energy. Also a shirtless photo in gym with his little weiner showing in around his pants that she had liked - photo is from 2014.
He's liked a few of her selfies and other challenging-energy photos before. Tracked it easily typing his username on her past photos.

This is a red flag to me and I'm confused about how I should go about this.
I feel jealous because she hasn't cut contact and now knowing the past has made me thinking and turn to you guys for support and guidance.

It got me thinking and I pulled back from texting her after I saw this today and researched it deeper.
What would you do if you were me?


An option is to ignore it.
Another is to ignore it and when she comes back from vacation, to tell her I've been trusting her but I want to check her phone to confirm.
Another option is to talk about it and confront - Not sure if this is the right.
Another option is to tell her she apparently has something going on and tell her I want to slow down my relations to her untill this closes.

TL;DR - Girlfriend shows interest in another player guy and exchange likes. They're from the same city. Discovered they got some history liking eachother selfies and dirty-energy photos. I don't know if they ever met or banged.



Last edited by shadzzz on Sat Nov 19, 2016 3:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Nov 19, 2016 3:25 pm 
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Joined: Sat Jun 20, 2009 1:32 am
Posts: 3904
Quote:
THE BACKGROUND
I recently met a girl, gamed her and eventually we escalated that into a relationship after 2 months of progressively getting to know eachother. We defined the relationship and it's been a month- She studies abroad - We're in a LDR right now (Coincidence because I'm moving to live in that country she's studying in in around 4 months but there's vacations and I recently visited her. Visit went very good - her perceived value of me raised even higher.)

We connect on deep level and she's clearly very interested in me.
Her affection levels toward me rise and she sends me cute messages all the time now, interracts with me, talks and plans, is opened to me and even goes into sharing intimate thoughts and vulnerabilities people rarely share. Trusts me basically.
I did the relationship talk and set boundaries upon entering the relationship - "Both to have freedom. No weird jealousy from her side. I am communicative and like to talk to other people but I have boundaries and won't cheat."

Enough with the background, I hope it's objective enough - To the problem I am writing this thread and seeking advise from you my fellow friends:
I keep a low base of people whom I follow on instagram. Been observing what she likes for insight and precaution. Been also observing who likes her photos. I haven't shown jealousy by far and I don't intend to if not necessary - even when she has mentioned guys trying to pick her up. I keep aloof usually.

She has a few player-type guys she follows and had been exchanging likes with. Progressively stopped doing it and unfollowed them herself. Which is a good sign, I want to know if I can trust her and stop having sex with other girls myself.

MY PROBLEM
Today I saw a clear interaction with one of them - high value other guy, competitor. Good-looking guy.
They exchanged selfie likes in 10-30min timespan but I don't know who came first. Also saw she double-liked his photo an hour later (or instagram bug because the like went back 2 hours later after a while).

What concerned me is that this dates back - He has a few dirtier "typical player" photos posted on his instagram that I saw she had also liked before (She liked around 50% of what he had posted). Ranging from abs photos to "I am not for everyone" to other photos implying sexual energy. Also a shirtless photo in gym with his little weiner showing in around his pants that she had liked - photo is from 2014.
He's liked a few of her selfies and other challenging-energy photos before. Tracked it easily typing his username on her past photos.

This is a red flag to me and I'm confused about how I should go about this.
I feel jealous because she hasn't cut contact and now knowing the past has made me thinking and turn to you guys for support and guidance.

It got me thinking and I pulled back from texting her after I saw this today and researched it deeper.
What would you do if you were me?



TL;DR - Girlfriend shows interest in another player guy and exchange likes. They're from the same city. Discovered they got some history liking eachother selfies and dirty-energy photos. I don't know if they ever met or banged.


did you hack her?


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 19, 2016 3:33 pm 
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Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:04 am
Posts: 33
Quote:
[/b]

did you hack her?[/quote]
What do you mean?


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 19, 2016 4:11 pm 
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Joined: Sat Jun 20, 2009 1:32 am
Posts: 3904
did you sneak into her instgram to find this out?


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 19, 2016 4:22 pm 
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Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2013 9:04 am
Posts: 33
Quote:
did you sneak into her instgram to find this out?
No, I haven't sneaked from her phone or profile ever. She probably doesn't even realize I know it.

As I mentioned, I follow a tight group of friends on instagram and daily check what they have liked in the feed - My profile is not very active or developed and this way I find a lot of interesting stuff that don't show in my news feed.
Seeing her liking his photos raised my interest:
1. I followed up to see whether he likes her posts and photos, aswell, and which ones.
2. Checked his profile and see what she has liked there in the past.
This is how I found about it.

WHAT HAPPENED AFTER:
It is 4 AM. I am going to try to construct this in the best possible way I can in order to contribute to this community and fellow people who might find themselves in such situation.

Today I learned a valuable lesson in life for which I'm very grateful for. I had been looking at this the wrong way the whole time....

I had been thinking of an appropriate way to address my particular issue with my girl. In my OP I had in mind ideas along the lines of dumping, pulling back and acting cold, not addressing it at all in order to not lose frame or value. I'm glad I didn't choose either of those paths.

Dumping or pulling back (acting colder) would only bring negative energy could ultimately end or worsen a relationship that I feel is meaningful to me.
Building up tension within myself could snowball-like effect. Tainted feelings grow into side effects.

This story illustrates it very well:

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.

"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."


I realised, my problem ultimately came from an insecurity of mine. We are all human beings and no one is perfect. We all have distinct flaws in our characters.
I have issues with trust and not only does that sometimes put grounds for relationship problems but also reflects with complications in business and friendly environments. Don't even get me started....
Realising it, trying to eventually overcome my weaknesses and become a better version of myself. This is exactly what PUA foundations are built upon.


15 minutes into a conversation I brought it up without planning it. I was going to ignore for a few days, see if this tendency continues, maybe then do something about it.
However, at the moment I was feeling myself, we were both having fun and were comfortable with eachother so in a calm and non-attacking or threatening tone, I asked her a very simple direct question:
"I saw you exchanged likes with X. What are your relations with him?"

She couldn't believe what came out of my mouth. I can tell she got confused right away. Said she didn't hear me very well.

I repeated it in the exact same voice and same intonation. Adding only "Do you have history with him? I'm interested because I saw you have some other photos of him that you like".

She opened up, felt ashamed and apologized. Explained they had some history with guy x before. Now they're both in relationships and don't keep contact or message eachother.
30-40 seconds into explanations, I transitioned into other theme. Had laughs, had a great rest of conversation.

The problem was truly in me and I believe if I never brought it up, in such non-threatening or possessive way, It could eventually build up in me.
I did not confront her, I confronted my inner problem. And I believe this made me a better man.


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