Quote:
did you sneak into her instgram to find this out?
No, I haven't sneaked from her phone or profile ever. She probably doesn't even realize I know it.
As I mentioned, I follow a tight group of friends on instagram and daily check what they have liked in the feed - My profile is not very active or developed and this way I find a lot of interesting stuff that don't show in my news feed.
Seeing her liking his photos raised my interest:
1. I followed up to see whether he likes her posts and photos, aswell, and which ones.
2. Checked his profile and see what she has liked there in the past.
This is how I found about it.
WHAT HAPPENED AFTER:
It is 4 AM. I am going to try to construct this in the best possible way I can in order to contribute to this community and fellow people who might find themselves in such situation.
Today I learned a valuable lesson in life for which I'm very grateful for. I had been looking at this the wrong way the whole time....
I had been thinking of an appropriate way to address my particular issue with my girl. In my OP I had in mind ideas along the lines of dumping, pulling back and acting cold, not addressing it at all in order to not lose frame or value. I'm glad I didn't choose either of those paths.
Dumping or pulling back (acting colder) would only bring negative energy could ultimately end or worsen a relationship that I feel is meaningful to me.
Building up tension within myself could snowball-like effect. Tainted feelings grow into side effects.
This story illustrates it very well:
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.
"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
I realised, my problem ultimately came from an insecurity of mine. We are all human beings and no one is perfect. We all have distinct flaws in our characters.
I have issues with trust and not only does that sometimes put grounds for relationship problems but also reflects with complications in business and friendly environments. Don't even get me started....
Realising it, trying to eventually overcome my weaknesses and become a better version of myself. This is exactly what PUA foundations are built upon.
15 minutes into a conversation I brought it up without planning it. I was going to ignore for a few days, see if this tendency continues, maybe then do something about it.
However, at the moment I was feeling myself, we were both having fun and were comfortable with eachother so in a calm and non-attacking or threatening tone, I asked her a very simple direct question:
"I saw you exchanged likes with X. What are your relations with him?"
She couldn't believe what came out of my mouth. I can tell she got confused right away. Said she didn't hear me very well.
I repeated it in the exact same voice and same intonation. Adding only "Do you have history with him? I'm interested because I saw you have some other photos of him that you like".
She opened up, felt ashamed and apologized. Explained they had some history with guy x before. Now they're both in relationships and don't keep contact or message eachother.
30-40 seconds into explanations, I transitioned into other theme. Had laughs, had a great rest of conversation.
The problem was truly in me and I believe if I never brought it up, in such non-threatening or possessive way, It could eventually build up in me.
I did not confront her, I confronted my inner problem. And I believe this made me a better man.