Really close and then sudden ''breakup''


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2017 10:06 pm 
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Hey guys,

I was partying like 2 months ago when a (female) friend came to me and said "try to pick up a friend of mine, just for fun". She was only a 6.5, maybe a 7, but I like running routines etc so I just went for it.
We really hit it off, we connected for some reason, even tho I didn't find her very attractive. That same night we all went sleeping at my place and after a lot of push-pulling (at one point I even called her a ho and told her to go home) she ended up sleeping with me.

In the next weeks that followed we chatted ALOT and had sex approximately 2 times a week. The sex was just fantastic. I really believe God made us for the sole purpose to have sex with each other. We also went to a private wellness together and she loved it. On several occasions she told me she started having feelings but I always told her I wasn't looking for a serious relationship.

The 5th week she went skiing. She took one of my shirts (the one she always slept in when she stayed at my place) and sprayed it with my perfume. We continued texting and everything seemed normal. Our friends (even her best friend) were telling me that I should give her a chance and that we would be a great couple etc. so slowly I started to change my mind.

On the day of her return she texted me ''we need to talk''.. boy do I hate those words.
I went to her place and she told me that she wasn't ready for a relationship, that her feelings were not enough for this to work, that she felt she couldn't breath anymore... I was pissed. It was her who had feelings, not me! WTF!
She asked for a hug and started licking my neck and whispering in my ear "you gave me the best sex ever" and shit like that. Then when I told her I was leaving she asked for one last kiss and told me I could still stay the night. Like I said, for some reason I was REALLY pissed and just took off (FML, I should have banged her so hard).

After a couple of days I started texting her, that we should still have the sex because it was so great and that I missed her. She never responded. When I was drunk I sent some voice messages. She never responded. One night she (finally) responded that she really wanted to have sex with me but things got to complicated and she could not act like nothing happened.

I really want things to be like they were in the beginning. I don't need a relationship at all. Right now I feel like I'm obsessed with her, I can't seem to get her out of my mind. And I don't even think she's hot....

Can anyone tell me what the f.. just happened here and how I can get her back?


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2017 10:47 pm 
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crea wrote:
I really believe God made us for the sole purpose to have sex with each other.


We're all made that way, lol.


Quote:
We also went to a private wellness together and she loved it. On several occasions she told me she started having feelings but I always told her I wasn't looking for a serious relationship.


Okay....


Quote:
I went to her place and she told me that she wasn't ready for a relationship, that her feelings were not enough for this to work, that she felt she couldn't breath anymore... I was pissed. It was her who had feelings, not me! WTF!


you smothered her by over-contact. The phone is for meet ups only. PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN and stop texting like a teen girl. Go do man stuff.

Quote:
She asked for a hug and started licking my neck and whispering in my ear "you gave me the best sex ever" and shit like that. Then when I told her I was leaving she asked for one last kiss and told me I could still stay the night. Like I said, for some reason I was REALLY pissed and just took off (FML, I should have banged her so hard).


Emotionally-uncentered.

Girl loved the sex, but you couldn't keep an even emotional keel, thus her erratic behavior.

Quote:
After a couple of days I started texting her, that we should still have the sex because it was so great and that I missed her. She never responded. When I was drunk I sent some voice messages. She never responded. One night she (finally) responded that she really wanted to have sex with me but things got to complicated and she could not act like nothing happened.


Why send so many "plz respond" messages. You were emotionally-uncentered yet again.


Quote:
I really want things to be like they were in the beginning.
Can anyone tell me what the f.. just happened here and how I can get her back?



Pull back. Don't contact her. And if she contacts you, invite her over. Stop barfing your feelings over the phone and text. She is nothing more than a fuck buddy at this point, and you blew it by sending too many emotional Debbie Downer texts. It's still salvageable if you can prove you aren't needy and emotional. Learn the appropriate way to text with new women.

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2017 11:19 pm 
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Thanks for the advice.
What you're saying is not new to me tho, it makes perfect sense. But for some reason after a week I stopped playing my game. Probably because I thought she was a nice girl and that she was not that hot, so nothing bad could happen.

In my head, she completely turned the tables by ending it because there was something missing, while she was the one whispering in my ear that she was developing feelings while I was making her cum for the 3rd time that evening. All I ever wanted with her was sex a couple of times a week and I made that pretty clear from the start. The texts were a bad idea maybe, but still, it was sexting like 1/3 of the time.

Also, what exactly do you mean with emotionally-uncentered?


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2017 11:30 pm 
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crea wrote:
Also, what exactly do you mean with emotionally-uncentered?



Examples of an emotionally-uncentered man:

1. Too much talking. Hyper. Pleaser.
2. Too many texts. contacting her everyday, never letting the text conversations end (she feels obligated to always talk to you), never giving her space for fear of losing her.
3. Angry outbursts.
4. "Are you okay, what's wrong?" questions, indicating neurotic behavior.
5. Checking up on her often.
6. Butt-hurt responses to rejection, or to her not responding: "Fine, I guess I'll ask someone else out", etc.
7. Try-hard gaminess.
8. Spewing emotions and feelings early on.
9. Complaining all the time.
10. Texting while drunk and saying stupid shit.

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2017 11:35 pm 
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Are you sure the sex was good? I mean, you had 5 weeks of sex @ 2 a week and she didnt follow up for banging. Seems to me the girl had feelings for you but blew your head up about the sex. 5 weeks is quick...if this chick really is below your standards and the sex was amazing, she'd at least have given you 3 months before cutting it off. Chick leaving in 5 weeks...


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2017 11:40 pm 
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neo87 wrote:
A Chick leaving in 5 weeks...




Over-contact.

#1 reason most guys are terrible with women here.

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PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2017 11:48 pm 
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Stop being surprised at 2-3 months that girls break things off. It's when the spell wears off and and your actions as a man are actually being taken into account.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2017 11:54 pm 
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Arch Stanton wrote:
neo87 wrote:
A Chick leaving in 5 weeks...




Over-contact.

#1 reason most guys are terrible with women here.


Wait wait wait lol...this girl was a 6.5. So if OP was giving best sex ever, wouldnt he get ALOT more leeway? You always say average chicks will tolerate over contact, neediness etc...but 9's and 10's dont right? And wont truly amazing sex get him more than 5 weeks? I dunno...sounds to me like the sex wasnt amazing. And 2x a week, thats not really a sign that its AMAZING. Chick licking your ear when she's breaking up with you, instead of fucking one last time...nah...Im going with this chick is just stroking egos. Chick leaves for a week and comes back and first thing she does is break up, not get the amazing sex....nah.. I'm sorry OP, but this chick's actions dont match her words. I could quicker assume since she was a 6.5 she pretended it was amazing to keep you for something serious.

Quote:
Stop being surprised at 2-3 months that girls break things off. It's when the spell wears off and and your actions as a man are actually being taken into account.


I agree here...just that from OP, this was 2 months ago they met, the 5th week she left. So they were seeing each other for a month. This is a quick time for the spell to wear off as it usually does, especially if the sex is amazing and she's not that attractive.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2017 11:59 pm 
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neo87 wrote:
Wait wait wait lol...this girl was a 6.5. So if OP was giving best sex ever, wouldnt he get ALOT more leeway?


Yes, but it's not limitless.

Don't underestimate how needy/sappy a guy can be.

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 12:16 am 
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neo87 wrote:
Are you sure the sex was good? I mean, you had 5 weeks of sex @ 2 a week and she didnt follow up for banging. Seems to me the girl had feelings for you but blew your head up about the sex. 5 weeks is quick...if this chick really is below your standards and the sex was amazing, she'd at least have given you 3 months before cutting it off. Chick leaving in 5 weeks...


She texted her best friend that it was the best sex she ever had by far (her friend showed me the message on a drunk night out). When I met her, still at the club, I asked how many orgasms she ever had in 1 night. She said only one and she's been sexually active. I gave her 3 on the 1st night. But I found it amazing as well, don't get me wrong. We really connected sexually.

She's just the type of girl who is really careless. About everything. The type who wants to travel the world and meet alot of people. Nothing wrong with that, but they tend to come and go. But this time I don't want to let go. I really want to be FWB. And I know she wants it too, but something is holding her back.

I will indeed stop texting her and if she does I'll invite her over.

Also, sex two times a week is technically wrong since we fucked about 5 times each time she came over. It was the best we could do since she doesn't live close and she had alot of work during that period (she's a teacher, had to make and assess exams for about 4 classes).

I have alot of girls that I hook up with on a regular basis so I'm not desperate. But I'm that kind of guy who wants what he can't have. I had sex yesterday with some girl, but even during sex I was thinking about her. She really messed me up for some reason.


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 7:22 am 
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crea wrote:
Thanks for the advice.
What you're saying is not new to me tho, it makes perfect sense. But for some reason after a week I stopped playing my game. Probably because I thought she was a nice girl and that she was not that hot, so nothing bad could happen.


This is what happens when "your game" is not who you are, but who you act like.

Something's missing here OP. Either you got all sappy/needy on the texting, either there an ex in the picture that you don't know about, and something happened on that trip.
Jacks' right too, the first 2-3 months are the make or break of relationships because that's the average amount of time people need to really get to know each other. And if your game is an act, that's about the time insecurities start showing up.

Anyway, to me this sound like a rebound.

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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 10:22 am 
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R.C wrote:
Anyway, to me this sound like a rebound.


She hasn't been in a relationship for about 3 years. I ended mine, which lasted 4 years, in January.


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 12:13 pm 
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Arch Stanton wrote:
neo87 wrote:
Wait wait wait lol...this girl was a 6.5. So if OP was giving best sex ever, wouldnt he get ALOT more leeway?


Yes, but it's not limitless.

Don't underestimate how needy/sappy a guy can be.


Yeah but 4 weeks of dating is a short time to be cut loose. And there would be stages, not out of the blue we're done its over. If he were needy, sappy, she'd have told him lets take a step back or some bs, but still kept the dating. This was sudden. Its a short leesh and OP says it himself...he doesnt find her attractive, he is not looking for serious so I doubt he couldve texted her in such a needy/sappy way that 4 weeks it would be over. If he had started this thread with "moment we met it was love at first sight" yeah...he'd prob text some needy shit. But he doesnt sound like that imo.

I agree with RC saying something is missing. This is too quick, even by the 2-3 month rule. Even if OP had sent needy and sappy messages, there would be a point somewhere she would pull back or call it out, but she wouldve continued dating him for another month or so.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 28, 2017 12:42 pm 
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id fall victim to this behavior next the girl, and approach ten others.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 29, 2017 6:51 pm 
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R.C wrote:
crea wrote:
Thanks for the advice.
What you're saying is not new to me tho, it makes perfect sense. But for some reason after a week I stopped playing my game. Probably because I thought she was a nice girl and that she was not that hot, so nothing bad could happen.


This is what happens when "your game" is not who you are, but who you act like.

Something's missing here OP. Either you got all sappy/needy on the texting, either there an ex in the picture that you don't know about, and something happened on that trip.
Jacks' right too, the first 2-3 months are the make or break of relationships because that's the average amount of time people need to really get to know each other. And if your game is an act, that's about the time insecurities start showing up.

Anyway, to me this sound like a rebound.


I was talking to some guys the other day and they seem to come off with the same problem as me. Suppose you meet a girl at the gym or at school or whatever and start talking to her. By the way, all my friends confirmed this. After like 1 month you guys will barely talk anymore because all the routines have been run, you've got no more topics to talk to her with.

I don't know about you, but to me guys are friends because they can literally sit on a table for 2 hour straight without saying a single word without it being awkward. Besides the occasional "look at that chicks ass" "yea id fuck her". Now girls actually require a brain.

So, I confirm what you're saying and I guess I could actually maintain a relationship because I am naturally spontaneous and a bit sarcastic, but remember not everyones a genius.

Think about it - to have a sarcastic witty personality you HAVE to be a pretty inteligent guy. I know some guys who have 0 sarcasm, not because they're nerds, but because they're just not geniuses. So what do THEY do? Saying "oh, you gotta have a witty personality, because then you are never gonna need routines to maintain a girls attention" is bullshit because you have to be smart to have wit.

Thing is, my sarcasm level on a 0 to 10 would be like 4-5...It really depends on the mood, because being funny requires you to think on the conversation and not just think about fucking pussy all the time. How would you suggest this ingraining would work, taking into consideration that making witty comments or whatever requires a good mood and energy level(which is usually low after waking up early, studying and doing everyday bullshit).


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