This is not the usual ex-girlfriend-post or maybe it is:

- 1.5 years ago I met my ex. It was the wildest thing, we were together every day for three months. Had so much fun, fecked all the time, met each others family/friends etc. Then I start having commitment issues, like I use to get in all relationships. When that starts to occur, its like, theres is nothing to do, so 3 weeks after, I left. I know it sounds silly.

- She broke down (I found out later), she was really in love with me. 2 months after, in the meantime we hadnt spoke a single word, we are meeting randomly at the street and the same day, we are kissing and making out
again. She really wants me, telling me reallt often, how much she wants me and thats I know need to take the step further. I was afraid to take the next step (knowing that it went bad the first time). This went on for 4 months, I was hesitant to introduce her to my family/friends, but met some of hers. One day she said: Why am I not going with you to your friends. I said, because we are not boyfriend/girlfriend. She broke down because, she taught we where and she was crazy in love with me. It sat the relationship on break for 3 months.

- The january 2016 we met again and start seeing each other again. At that time I started with a psych, to talk about life issues (the girls doesnt now). It was clear to the psych that I had commitment issues and fear of being in something not 100% perfect. I still didnt told the girl about this, but I was thinking a lot about it.

- So we were seeing again following the usual pattern. She wanted me, but I was still holding back. Often she was saying: "We have to move all in or we cant do this", but there wasnt any conseqences, when I didnt. But at some point we were seeing each other a bit less (like once a week), but still very passionate, when we did.

- 2 months ago she told me, that she found a new guy and if I wanted 100% (relationship), I had to go now, so she could tell the new guy, that it wouldnt work with him. I hesitated again and we still met and did all things.

- 3 weeks ago. We had a date, but she cancelled it the very same day telling me, that she needed time to think, whats was right to her. First I said, cool ok, but then I began to think (with the conversations with my psych in mind) and start to realizing, that she was the best girl and I was a fool not taking the final step.

- I texted (bad, I know, should have went to her door) telling her the things, I could see and how I would change, and it should be her and I. She answerred she was really happy about me wanting to change, but she had been hurt so many times with me and she wasnt sure, I really wanted to change these things now, so she needed more time.

- The I did all the needy stupid things. Texting her a lot about it and even wrote a letter. It wasnt like 1000 messages or anything, but basically it was 5-8 and her answering, that she was happy I wanted to change, but she wasnt sure, she could thrust it.

- One week ago she answerred, that she was with the new guy (the guy that she earlier wanted to leave for me), so "for now it was a bit to late to some degree". Boom. I said I was sad about it and if she wanted meet for coffee. Tried calling her.

- Then she texted me, that she wanted "her and I" out of her life and not contact her again, since it made too much noise in her new relationship. I respected that and deleted her on every platform (fb, text, insta etc.).

- Now one week after, Im feeling really sad. Sad that I didnt took up to her door in the first place and telling her the things. I chose the easy route with the text messages (she even told me several times in the days we were together, that she thinks texts was the easy way and I should man up sometimes and stand in front of her door with flowers saying I want her.

- Right now I have no contact with her for a week and I wont get it, since I deleted her on all platforms. And we now live a bit apart, so we will definately not meet ever.

- I really want her. Should I wait two weeks, then go to her, telling her that I want her (letting her see, I mean it)? Its like my only choice, since we are not in contact and before she moves further on with the new and forgets about me. Im 100% sure that if she could believe what I said (she would chose me). But Ive been and asshole eho couldnt commit a numberous of times.

- Hit me

Your ego is hurt because someone else has her. you don't want her my friend. Your ego got hurt because she is with someone else.
If the other guy would be out of the picture and things go slowly to what they were in the beginning you will lose half of the interest you have right now.
First of all what scares you about commitment? Is it because you cannot say no to other women if they hit on you? Because that's simple. If you manage to say no the first time then you can continue saying no to temptation. It gets easier.
Also I spotted that you have a very wrong mindset about commitment. You don't commit to someone forever and 100% if you won't go through a set of stages. I am scared of commitment too especially if it comes very fast.
A relationship is not really a commitment. It's just an agreement to see if you are compatible. You can break it off any time it doesn't suit your needs. Now proper commitment is engagement, marriage and kids. That's the real deal.
I am not going to give you any advice on how to get her because I don't want her to get hurt.
You also need time on your own to sort out your head.

I think you should stop dating and continue going to your therapist. You'll find another woman in the future and you'll be able to keep her.
This one is gone and for good reason.. and she also should stay gone for her own good.

Hey Maria.

I agree. Im having trouble commiting because Im afraid in staying something thats not 100% right. And no woman is 100% right, I should accept all the small "mistakes"

I really want her, because we are having so much fun, she is so lovely and because my priorities are different right now.

Im, as told before, thinking of going to her place in a couple of weeks (both for me to think it all through and be 100% sure and for her to see, that its not something done in affect) and telling her I want her. Just short. Make her think and see, that I can come out of my shell/text messages and actually show effort and balls (which she longed for so long time).

I get how you think. Commitment is a problem for most of us, if chicks are not meet ing with out demands. Your story same with others, i see no speciality so calm down bro.

I am nit gonna harsh you, cuz from your writing you are feeling it and deal with problems with good manner. But train is gone bro. She found new bf and trying to working
Things on. Just focus to your problems and find out which thing cause this commitment problems. Best you can do is no contact with out hoping she is gonna come to you and accept your apologies.

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Don't go. You are not ready.
Re-read your first phrase. You talk about a woman's "small mistakes". Are you without any mistakes?
Why should a woman want you if you are not 100% perfect and why would she want to commit?
What is it with all that perfectionism? Who asked you to be perfect or to date a perfect person?
There is no perfection around you and people who are trying to find it end up being very sad people, jumping from person to person without getting any satisfaction except from the physical.
No matter the amount of words or advice, you will change when you feel an internal force changing you. Change is a process and a progress. It's not words and it's not a conversation with the therapist... You are the same person as before.
You only did the first step towards the right direction and you asked for help.
You have a long way to go.
You can go back now (of course you are free to do as you like), you might chase her, you might get her back etc At the end, when you will be with her you will still feel that there is a part of perfection that you were seeking that is not there. So you will feel again dissatisfied. So you will leave and she will be left feeling hurt. And most importantly you won't feel fulfilled either.
It's guaranteed that things will develop this way.
Keep up with your sessions with your therapist and when you don't feel that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence then give it a go. Until you get the inner peace you need and you will continue chasing after unicorns and rainbows and you will feel like a bucket without bottom.

She's moving on and you must respect that. You can't MAKE anyone feel any particular way, and you're functioning through such a scarcity mindset.

Right now the only thing you NEED is you. Continue seeing your therapist and respect her wishes she wants no contact instead of disrupting her moving forward.

Move on.

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My in depth texting & dating guide.
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Thanks for share such kind of informative article that helps a lot . i also wrote some articles on Interior Design you can check at http://www.sbid.org
Thanks Again

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It's a pretty classic example. The only difference is that people who generally are those who push away never get pushed away themselves. She finally bit the bullet and made you realize what you had lost. For most people that have commitment issues, the cycle is far more viscous. This girl would have been long gone because those in this attachment-detachment cycle find new partners over and over without recognizing they are the problem. So good job on that one. She flipped your avoidant-dismissive attitude into an anxious-needy one because she played her cards right. You never know what you have till it's gone. But really, everyone has been through this whether in her position or yours. Life will go on.

Attachment styles don't work that way, flipping back and forth.

If in fact he is an anxious type its likely he was putting on an avoidant act (protest behavior) to have her pursue him.

What N2 said

lol I seriously hope you heed the advice Neo and I gave you. At a root level your situation isn't really much different from the Op's.