Long Distance: I need help

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PostPosted: Sat Sep 02, 2017 6:14 am 
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Joined: Sun Jul 20, 2014 7:06 pm
Posts: 28
Location: Philippines
I've been with this girl for more than 2 weeks now but we've known each other for about 2 months. She came here from another city miles away because she stayed with her dad for a while.

Now, she is saying she wants to go back to her city and just visit from time to time because her mom needs her for business and all, and she isn't getting along with her dad anymore.

I don't really believe in long distance relationships but I made a commitment to her before, that I will give it a try if ever we are put in such situation. She does not want me to break up but she says she won't stop me if I want to end our relationship. She said she believes we can make it work and she said she really loves me. I don't want to stop her from leaving because that would be selfish. She said we should focus on our future and she has all this plans. I don't know what to do. Here are my options:

1. End it and move on
2. Try to make long distance work, knowing there are other guys back there.
3. Convince her to stay (this would mean we would have to move in together and i don't think she's up for that)
4. Go back with her to her city ( I would have to leave my job where I just got promoted)

Also, I'm not sure if it matters but I was the first guy she slept with.

Thanks in advance guys, I'll be looking forward to your opinions but I would really prefer option 3.

PostPosted: Tue Sep 05, 2017 8:45 am 
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Joined: Mon Jul 26, 2010 8:32 pm
Posts: 456
Location: North Kent, England
You've been together less than a month. A long distance relationship probably wont work. Even people who have been together years struggle to make it work if they suddenly find themselves long distance.

Her saying "I wont stop you if you want to end it" is basically her saying "I don't think we should be together but I don't want to be the one to make the decision to end it"

End the relationship and move on to someone closer to where you live. You can try to make it work but a majority of the time it'll just end in bitterness, better to end things when there's still respect there.

PostPosted: Tue Sep 05, 2017 8:59 am 
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Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2015 3:06 am
Posts: 2541
The limited amount of time (2 weeks) and all this "love talk" is a red flag to me.

But if it's real, then either you ask her to stay, or you go with her.

If it's not real, none of that will happen.

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 05, 2017 6:10 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jun 27, 2013 8:08 pm
Posts: 5028
Location: New York City
The only thing that made this the slightest bit considerable for me was the fact that the girl is was a virgin prior to you. Correct me if Im incorrect. Foundations are built upon virginities being taken aren't the easy to form outside of that union. Which is one of the reasons 80% of women who waited until marriage to have sex report to being happy with their marriage 10 years later versus only 40% of women who had 2-3 partners prior to marriage.

It all comes down to what you value though man. If you value the girl, stick it out with her, but do so with a well thought out and drawn out plan. Make it concrete. Not just some " one day we'll move in together". Give her something sturdy. A structure. For example: "I'm going to move back home, work this job for 6 more months and save 2000 a month so I put a new payment on a new place for us when I come there or you come here. I want you to save xxx a month". Or whatever.. If you want to stay, give her a plan, and something to look forward. That'll keep her grounded and feeling like she's working toward something sustainable.

And this is all in the event that you feel this girl could genuinely make you happy. If thats not the case, then cut your loses and move on.

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