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 Post subject: GF issues
PostPosted: Sat Apr 16, 2016 4:49 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 25, 2013 7:47 am
Posts: 10
Hi guys,

Hopefully this won't get me banned:I have another post where I ask why my ex gf (and many others!!)broke up with me via text.

It suddenly occurred to me, I'm not sure we have actually broken up - she just texted me: "you know what i want to say" and the phone call the next day, she was very angry, but then she did say she wanted to see me as friends and see how it goes from there.

I'm guessing this is either a breakup, or one of her crazy moods. This time though, shes not texting me aside from a few responding to me apologising.

A bit of background - dated 3 months (four times a week, quite intense, phone calls every night), 2 months together, one month she was on holiday.

She seems angry at me for being "controlling", but in my eyes, asking to hold her hand and cuddle more isn't controlling. I also took her virginity which she was saving, she willing gave that to me. She somehow seems to think i'm a player and chauvinistic. I'm not definitely not women hating - in fact I am a feminist!!

The first thing she did when she arrived in the airport from holiday was text me that message. She also says she's scared of me because I'm an emotional person (i've never hit her, or raised my voice to her - heck the most I've done is been needy like 5/6 times, where I moan about her not treating me with affection or like a bf).

I would like to persuade her to see me in person to break up, so at least I can learn for next time. Alternatively, if we are still together - then I would be even more confused. I have paid for a therapist to help with my moodiness (tbh its quite rare I'm moody but you know, inner game and all that).

I've apologised for my behaviour, blamed some meds I was taking, and also told her about the therapist. She seems to think the meds aren't related.

I guess I should wait and see - but I am curious why she would give me her virginity, but then go on to break up with me? I don't really hold out any hope, but it does occur to me that me jumping to conclusions is probabily a symptom of the lack of communication!

Sorry about the length, just trying to make sense of the situation, and to learn about girl's thinking for the future!

Thanks.

D


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 Post subject: Re: GF issues
PostPosted: Sat Apr 16, 2016 4:54 pm 
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Joined: Sat Jun 20, 2009 1:32 am
Posts: 3904
Quote:
Hi guys,

Hopefully this won't get me banned:I have another post where I ask why my ex gf (and many others!!)broke up with me via text.

It suddenly occurred to me, I'm not sure we have actually broken up - she just texted me: "you know what i want to say" and the phone call the next day, she was very angry, but then she did say she wanted to see me as friends and see how it goes from there.

I'm guessing this is either a breakup, or one of her crazy moods. This time though, shes not texting me aside from a few responding to me apologising.

A bit of background - dated 3 months (four times a week, quite intense, phone calls every night), 2 months together, one month she was on holiday.

She seems angry at me for being "controlling", but in my eyes, asking to hold her hand and cuddle more isn't controlling. I also took her virginity which she was saving, she willing gave that to me. She somehow seems to think i'm a player and chauvinistic. I'm not definitely not women hating - in fact I am a feminist!!

The first thing she did when she arrived in the airport from holiday was text me that message. She also says she's scared of me because I'm an emotional person (i've never hit her, or raised my voice to her - heck the most I've done is been needy like 5/6 times, where I moan about her not treating me with affection or like a bf).

I would like to persuade her to see me in person to break up, so at least I can learn for next time. Alternatively, if we are still together - then I would be even more confused. I have paid for a therapist to help with my moodiness (tbh its quite rare I'm moody but you know, inner game and all that).

I've apologised for my behaviour, blamed some meds I was taking, and also told her about the therapist. She seems to think the meds aren't related.

I guess I should wait and see - but I am curious why she would give me her virginity, but then go on to break up with me? I don't really hold out any hope, but it does occur to me that me jumping to conclusions is probabily a symptom of the lack of communication!

Sorry about the length, just trying to make sense of the situation, and to learn about girl's thinking for the future!

Thanks.

D

Can you not see why the break up w you over text? Really? You want her to talk in person so you can convince her otherwise. Over a 3 month relationship. Its shitty if they break up with you over text...but I cant blame them when they rightfully assume you wont take no in person for an answer.


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 Post subject: Re: GF issues
PostPosted: Sat Apr 16, 2016 5:18 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 26, 2013 6:34 pm
Posts: 3993
Move on. She is, and you'd be well served in doing the same. If you're seeing a therapist you're doing so for your own benefit not to win her back (which you won't anyway). Your behavior sounds quite co-dependent.


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 Post subject: Re: GF issues
PostPosted: Sat Apr 16, 2016 5:41 pm 
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Joined: Sun Oct 20, 2013 3:32 am
Posts: 210
Sounds extremely controlling. You might argue that she has her own free will but quite obviously you don't respect it. She wanted to save her virginity, somehow you took it. It wasn't romantic, it was forced. She now resents you because your needs trump hers. She can't say no to you and set healthy boundaries and you can't let go of your own need to make this relationship the "ideal" relationship in your mind and therefore continue to "improve her" and not just accept her as she is. My advice is to let her do what she wants or she is going to resent you for trying to control her passively.


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 Post subject: Re: GF issues
PostPosted: Sat Apr 16, 2016 6:12 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 26, 2013 6:34 pm
Posts: 3993
Quote:
Sounds extremely controlling. You might argue that she has her own free will but quite obviously you don't respect it. She wanted to save her virginity, somehow you took it. It wasn't romantic, it was forced. She now resents you because your needs trump hers. She can't say no to you and set healthy boundaries and you can't let go of your own need to make this relationship the "ideal" relationship in your mind and therefore continue to "improve her" and not just accept her as she is. My advice is to let her do what she wants or she is going to resent you for trying to control her passively.
Wow, what a jump in logic (re: her virginity).


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 Post subject: Re: GF issues
PostPosted: Sat Apr 16, 2016 6:48 pm 
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Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2016 10:23 pm
Posts: 13
Not enough details to know for sure but just by how you typed this up I will assume that you are in fact controlling. Once you bang someone it isn't like you planted your flag there and now u own her pussy come on man. You may have been the first but you won't be the last. She probably met some dude on holiday who was way better than you and made her realize u sorta suck. It was probably because u were smothering her with calls and texts when she was on vacation. Nothing says relaxing like manipulative texts like "if you care about me you will respond" or " is this how you treat your boyfriends? Sorry I care about you and want to touch you" I would bet money if we could see ur texts u sent her some shit like that. Wanna know what went wrong? You smothered her with affection when you guys were still getting no to know each other. Now she knows u. Typical needy insecure guy trying to play it cool.

You need I give people space to miss you. Try will. Constant contact is boring and frustrating. It's what your mom does to you when your a kid hanging out with your friends. Calling you every hour "when are u coming home? You're bein good right?" Make sense?

You need to be a magnet of attraction. They can try to walk away or hover around you but you pull them back in. Instead you are trying to capture her and out her in a cage for yourself. When she complains you tell her that the cage has plenty of holes to see ten outside world isn't that good enough?

Sorry for the rant and all the analogies but hopefully you get my point. Back off and give her space. When girls are truly attracted they will come back. I'm sure she was if you took her v card but now she's realizing you are not the guy she thought you were. Because I'm willing to bet after you slept with her it was a total flip in behavior. Needy jealous possessive and self important. Best bet now is to move on. If you stop being a weirdo and trying to meet up and demand answers she may reach out later. Not if u keep doing what you're doing


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 Post subject: Re: GF issues
PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2016 1:25 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 25, 2013 7:47 am
Posts: 10
Guys, she was the one who would ring me every night and bombard me with texts. I'm open to me being controlling - but I've never asked her to do anything but show more affection(hugs) . I didn't force her for sex, she was enthusiastic. I have never sent needy texts like that. It was more like random topics and catchup. She would send me hearts and I would send them back. I don't think it's an ideal relationship, and I am not particularly trying to save it, I'm just blindsided and want to know what I did wrong.

If I am controlling, how do I recognise this? As I said, the only thing I asked for is hug and kisses in public.

The personality flip thing, yes maybe, I became more an arse the more she accused me of cheating.

Any more advise? I'm moving on.. Organized a few dates, but would like to learn some thing from this.

You guys welcome to see my texts, I'm open to criticism.

Thanks for responses.

D


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 Post subject: Re: GF issues
PostPosted: Sun Apr 17, 2016 1:51 pm 
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New to MPUA Forum

Joined: Fri Oct 25, 2013 7:47 am
Posts: 10
Quote:
Not enough details to know for sure but just by how you typed this up I will assume that you are in fact controlling. Once you bang someone it isn't like you planted your flag there and now u own her pussy come on man. You may have been the first but you won't be the last. She probably met some dude on holiday who was way better than you and made her realize u sorta suck. It was probably because u were smothering her with calls and texts when she was on vacation. Nothing says relaxing like manipulative texts like "if you care about me you will respond" or " is this how you treat your boyfriends? Sorry I care about you and want to touch you" I would bet money if we could see ur texts u sent her some shit like that. Wanna know what went wrong? You smothered her with affection when you guys were still getting no to know each other. Now she knows u. Typical needy insecure guy trying to play it cool.

You need I give people space to miss you. Try will. Constant contact is boring and frustrating. It's what your mom does to you when your a kid hanging out with your friends. Calling you every hour "when are u coming home? You're bein good right?" Make sense?

You need to be a magnet of attraction. They can try to walk away or hover around you but you pull them back in. Instead you are trying to capture her and out her in a cage for yourself. When she complains you tell her that the cage has plenty of holes to see ten outside world isn't that good enough?

Sorry for the rant and all the analogies but hopefully you get my point. Back off and give her space. When girls are truly attracted they will come back. I'm sure she was if you took her v card but now she's realizing you are not the guy she thought you were. Because I'm willing to bet after you slept with her it was a total flip in behavior. Needy jealous possessive and self important. Best bet now is to move on. If you stop being a weirdo and trying to meet up and demand answers she may reach out later. Not if u keep doing what you're doing
Thanks.. I'll keep that in mind for next time.


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