IDK WHAT TO DO : the girl I have been seeing has a boyfriend


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 14, 2017 4:13 am 
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Ericksson wrote:
UPDATE:
I left vietnam before her . We said good bye by kissing in front of everyone but didn't plan to see each other when we come back home . One day after I left she texted me asking how was my flight etc... Then we started chatting a little bit but she took one week to answer one of my text . She said she was sorry but she got busy and tired when she got home.

Ok no worries I waited 4 days before texting her again and she replied immediately .

Once I got back home, I waited a week before asking her out for a drink . She replied yes but next week , I said yes I let you know then .

The next week I got sick on monday , couldn't get out but I don't let her know that I won't be able to meet her I don't know why .
I saw her on sunday at one of my friend's place and whenever I wanted to talk to her she was putting an end to the conversation like "I can't really talk I'm watching TV right now "

Well she is obviously pissed at me for not letting her know about out date .

How would you turn those situation around guys ?

It would be ok of I have to let her go since I'm seeing another girl at the moment but I prefer not to honestly

Thanks


You asked her out, said that you would let her know the details, then didn't.

She is probably a little confused.

I would call her, lightly apologize for not confirming the details (explain how you were sick) and state that you would like to reschedule.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 15, 2017 12:25 am 
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Ericksson wrote:
Hello everyone , this is my first post here because usually I just read and learn but now I really need advices from you guys . Here is the situation :

I'm 22 years old and I'm on a humanitarian trip with a group of 15 people I didn't really know before . The first day we got to know each other and I noticed this beautiful girl with an amazing body ( 8/10 ) , she was looking at me a lot . By the night , we were making out in a club . The next day I gave her some space , we don't see each other . The day after that when we talk she looks uncomfortable and ignore me a bit , I tried not to care . But on the night we made out again , in front of all of her friends .

Then during 2 weeks we had this rythm : we don't really talk during the day but we make out very hard on the night ( drunk or not ) . I have never experienced that before and i thought it was weird which I told her .

Then one night she told me that she has been seeing another guys for one month and a half , they are still texting but it's not very serious . She then told me that she felt uncomfortable cheating on this guy which explains her behavior during the day , knowing that all the group know the guy she was seeing .

One night , she told me that she doesn't want to kiss me anymore but we end up getting drunk and nearly have sex on the hood of a car .

When she told me that , I said ok do what you want , listen to your emotions , but I don't want to continue like that . Tomorrow we are gonna have a discussion about us .

What should I do ? I do like this girl , losing her wouldn't a big thing but I would like to keep seeing her when we come back home

Edit : I told her I don't give a fuck about this guy and wanted her to be honest with him

Thanks


Not very humanitarian-like of you. The irony made it all too tempting to deny.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 15, 2017 4:18 pm 
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We'll I called her 4 days ago and she didn't return my call


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 15, 2017 5:36 pm 
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Ericksson wrote:
We'll I called her 4 days ago and she didn't return my call

Quote:
the girl I have been seeing has a boyfriend


What part of "has a boyfriend" are you failing to grasp??


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 15, 2017 7:19 pm 
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Ericksson wrote:
We'll I called her 4 days ago and she didn't return my call


Ok, look at it like this.

She cheated on her boyfriend with you.

She is now with him and probably feels guilty. Even if you got with her and she left him, eventually she would do the same to you. If she keeps seeing you, eventually she will be caught out and if he is a big fella, you may receive a visit.

It was a bit of fun, but for your own sanity and health, move on to other women and stop contacting her. Infact just delete her number.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 15, 2017 8:38 pm 
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Messing with a guy or girl in a relationship is just dirty


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 17, 2017 1:36 am 
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damn, and after I gave you props...you start losing your edge...


leave the girl alone. My drama radar is tingling.

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 17, 2017 1:46 am 
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So you had sex, and then she went cold. If it wasn't better than sex with her boyfriend, you'll get nexted.

See other women.

When you give women orgasms, they blow up your phone.

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Last edited by Arch Stanton on Sun Sep 17, 2017 1:48 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 17, 2017 1:47 am 
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Arch Stanton wrote:
So you had sex, and then she went cold. If it wasn't better than sex with her boyfriend, you'll get nexted.

See other women.

Over simplification, distortion, mistruth, uninformed statement.


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 17, 2017 10:09 am 
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n2thevoid wrote:
Messing with a guy or girl in a relationship is just dirty


Agreed.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 22, 2017 10:48 am 
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n2thevoid wrote:
Messing with a guy or girl in a relationship is just dirty


Honestly all is fair in love and war. If you don't know her boyfriend then you owe him nothing. If a girl or guy is going to cheat then they will cheat.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 09, 2017 7:50 am 
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I have such a pet peeve with people saying "messing with someone in a relationship is dirty".

They're in a relationship. If they're in a happy one, you cannot "mess" with them. If you can that's because they want you to.

PUA always preaches to go after what you want. But not unless she met some other guy when you weren't even in the picture?

Anyway that's not an encouragement for this particular situation. This one is over.

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 10, 2017 7:32 pm 
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R.C wrote:
I have such a pet peeve with people saying "messing with someone in a relationship is dirty".

They're in a relationship. If they're in a happy one, you cannot "mess" with them. If you can that's because they want you to.

PUA always preaches to go after what you want. But not unless she met some other guy when you weren't even in the picture?

Anyway that's not an encouragement for this particular situation. This one is over.


Fair point, but this doesn't speak to my reasons labelling it "dirty".

Nobody steals or poaches another in a relationship as though someone was an unwitting participant and had no control/say in the matter.

I use the term "dirty" in the context of pursuing someone who is supposedly committed, and then somehow expecting them to NOT do the same with you. "Dirty" in the sense that engaging this way demonstrates a lack of dignity, integrity, and respect (for the other and for one's self in not ending the relationship prior to seeking outside it).


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 11, 2017 7:00 am 
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n2thevoid wrote:
I use the term "dirty" in the context of pursuing someone who is supposedly committed, and then somehow expecting them to NOT do the same with you. "Dirty" in the sense that engaging this way demonstrates a lack of dignity, integrity, and respect (for the other and for one's self in not ending the relationship prior to seeking outside it).


I think that's a bit of stretched conclusion. People monkey branch. Not all of them, but I'd say most.
There's a difference between pursuing the town slut who's now "committed" to someone, and pursuing a random girl with a boyfriend.

If your relationship goes bad, sure, she might start looking for other options just like she did when you met her. But that doesn't happen overnight. People know when their relationships are dying. They just refuse to accept it. Some become complacent, others are just resistant to change. Either way, if you're prolonging a dying relationship which eventually ends in being cheated on is, in my opinion and to a relatively high degree, that's your own fault.

We all know women break up with you in their mind long before they do it in person. Nobody ever thinks "this is such an amazing man and I want nothing more than to spend my life with him. But hey, once a cheater always a cheater, so, fuck him."

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 11, 2017 8:32 am 
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R.C wrote:
n2thevoid wrote:
I use the term "dirty" in the context of pursuing someone who is supposedly committed, and then somehow expecting them to NOT do the same with you. "Dirty" in the sense that engaging this way demonstrates a lack of dignity, integrity, and respect (for the other and for one's self in not ending the relationship prior to seeking outside it).


I think that's a bit of stretched conclusion. People monkey branch. Not all of them, but I'd say most.
There's a difference between pursuing the town slut who's now "committed" to someone, and pursuing a random girl with a boyfriend.

If your relationship goes bad, sure, she might start looking for other options just like she did when you met her. But that doesn't happen overnight. People know when their relationships are dying. They just refuse to accept it. Some become complacent, others are just resistant to change. Either way, if you're prolonging a dying relationship which eventually ends in being cheated on is, in my opinion and to a relatively high degree, that's your own fault.

We all know women break up with you in their mind long before they do it in person. Nobody ever thinks "this is such an amazing man and I want nothing more than to spend my life with him. But hey, once a cheater always a cheater, so, fuck him."


Sure. And who's to say if the next branch isn't 'the one'. There's no objective right or wrong, it all depends on where your morals stand. For me I don't infringe on someone's relationship as I wouldn't want someone doing that to me - an instance of doing unto others.

It takes takes the person in the relationship to make the decision to cheat, absolutely. Perhaps that person has grieved the relationship short of pulling the plug, maybe not. It's that not knowing that would be an unsettling thought for me. I don't monkey branch, that doesn't mean its right or wrong, its just something I don't condone for myself. If a lingering attachment is there then the relationship is starting out on a shakey note. That said this can happen even if a relationship has ended such as in an on/off/on again situation. It boils down to your personal ethics and values. To each their own.


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