here say or her say



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 Post subject: here say or her say
PostPosted: Sun Jun 25, 2017 7:35 pm 
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it seems that i am having a really hard time getting along with my girlfriends, i take some blame but not all.

we went on a 2 week vacation with a group of ppl on the other side of the planet. well i fucked it up and they hate me now lol, its not a big deal but it really is.

quick back round for you guys. I am a back woods DIY "hill billy"/ nerd I love my tech. (educated red neck) ENTJ.
If I have problem with something i work to understand it research or go talk to ppl who can lead me to enlightenment. don't care for the emotional cry babe my life is hard whining types. I am not a genius I am stubborn its a flaw,(I am not better then anyone complex) very good at listening. Here is where things get strange, my sense of humor is a little dark and i have something to say for everything, and i think i do a good job and adjusting or calibrating to those around me so i don't go over board with in reason. now i live in the city majority demarcate who cares.

so the trip was great but the company sucked man. i was "offensive" to them, i didn't want to split the bill because i didn't have a equal bill mine was all way less so i put in my money what i owned and tip they hated this but i cant let it slide. i don't function this way and my gf knows it, and is fine with it, but not when ppl judge her for it. this went on for a while fuckem i just did my own thing. now my gf is like how are we going to be together if i cant bring you around my friends. they say i was negative but that how i felt about them

two of her biggest sjws hate me now. biggest babies ever always having problems with life things are hard one has drugs and boozs problems , and the other always having high low mood swings top it off with health issues and don't forget "vegan" no big deal , but i don't want to hear about it all the time plant based life this and that oh she dose yoga she must talk to god bullshit. wow TELL ME HOW YOU REALLY FEEL. i just stay quite around them and try not to talk because they might have a melt down.

her gay guy friends get along with me love my jokes and all that crap. at work i get along with everyone even the ones i hate, i got most ppl in tears every morning before we go do our calls. i have moved around alot and never had a problem making friends. now i hit a wall with her friends. and i am having hard time understanding why most of them get along with me but i can tell they are like what did he say omg.


my gf says i don't ask these ppl about themselves or even any questions but that's not true. i am struggling talking to them about what they like or do for fun. my gf says her friends are not like me they have thin skin and judge others to quickly. like we go out to dinner and they talk about what they going to get the next time they go out, omg my head going to fucking explode can we get to the play full jokes with each other. the more i find out about some of them i look at there life choices and shake my head at these hipster fools

how do i get along with easily upset ppl and stay cool and calm and have a good time myself. anyone have this problem? I feel the level 9000 autismo from 4 chan memes


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 Post subject: Re: here say or her say
PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2017 12:30 am 
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What a mess to read... Sounds like the problem is you, not them. I feel for your girlfriend, seems like she is dating a child. Get your shit together and learn how to handle yourself in social situations otherwise she will bounce. Stuff like this is a big deal to more mature, women of quality.

The not too splitting the bill thing is petty. Find some common ground and interests with these people, and if you don't have any, find something interesting and conversation provoking to talk about. Sports, politics, current affairs, television etc... There's plenty to talk about to people you just met. Make the effort.

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 Post subject: Re: here say or her say
PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2017 12:07 pm 
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Slick_uk wrote:
What a mess to read... Sounds like the problem is you, not them. I feel for your girlfriend, seems like she is dating a child. Get your shit together and learn how to handle yourself in social situations otherwise she will bounce. Stuff like this is a big deal to more mature, women of quality.


I disagree.

Vegans, sjws, drug problems, yoga masters, etc. That to me sounds like horrific company.

Not sure what to tell you OP. My only question is why is she hanging out with them and is she like them?

Also put some effort into your posts. It was a straight up challenge to read, let alone comprehend.

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 Post subject: Re: here say or her say
PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2017 1:36 pm 
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You're gonna meet people from all walks of life over time.

I have friends who fall under some of the below categories. I'm nothing like them but they're my friends and I don't judge them for it. The importance of getting along with your girlfriend's friends is very understated IMO

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 Post subject: Re: here say or her say
PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2017 10:38 pm 
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I willfully except that some of this is my own fault for sure defenly some things i would change about trip. i will try to clean my post up. god i am shity when it comes grammar and spelling. also i am really trying to find common ground with her friends and i do well at the beginnings

well the one hippie "drunk coke head pill meth junky feminist sjws" friend was is from her home town (small town).i have to say i saw her coming a mile out with hate for me even before i may have said anything rocky. yo i really keep the cool when i am around her. i know i cant keep my face straight expression for some of the shit she says "my life is always a struggle i have to blow in to a beratherlizer everyday before i go to work and sometimes i dont think my car will start" trashling bitch. friends sense child hood

she got away from the freaks and bible nuts, and moved to the city.

the yoga sjws one well i knida can have a convo with her but its the high low shit mood swings i roll my eyes at the health problems she has "ppl energies effect me" "i am vegan plant based diets" " i have to take vitamins because i have no energy do stuff" snobby sniffle. also feminist she legit swells up and has to go the ER


my gf is a caregiver she trys to make everyone have a great time at her own personal expedience, she also has a higher view of women, which some times ticks me but for the most part unnoticeable. part of the reason is my political views witch they all know because she told them(she dose not shear the same) she should never said anything. you guys have to know who i am talking about..... hate me for it or what ever. its cancer to be labeled this here. i really want to get along with some of her friends but i find that no matter what i say i am just a raciest for no reason or what ever they want to call me. its funny because i am white but i have black dna so much more diversity in me then them. 23 and me lol. her one swjs head will pop when she finds out, she is upset that she wasn't born black to know what its like. now i am ranting rattle snake. the real issue they are her best fiends.

i was talking to my best fiend about this whole thing he has met one of them and pointed out something i know i completely over looked. they like to try to make it just them plans with out anyone because both of get shity about having to hang out with other they don't know or shearing my gfs time. shes at the age where she looking like we will be together if things work for her. I am going read some books about building report or nlp. it kills me because I've never felt like i had a problem with this.


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 Post subject: Re: here say or her say
PostPosted: Mon Jun 26, 2017 11:51 pm 
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Jeez man....I gotta say if you can't take the effort to communicate effectively online...I gotta think you communicate poorly with people in real life. You have people here taking the time to help you with advice and you can't be at least coherent? That makes me think it's more you than them.... you sound like you think you're educated but aren't and prob talk a bunch of crazy shit. Like no offense...whatever politics you may have or views on women...fuck that...learn reading and writing before even trying to communicate your views to these people. You must sound crazy to these ppl. If it really is them more than you...it's your gf who has to understand her friends are crazy and if she wants to be their friend fine...but she can't expect you to make friends with crackheads. And please if you're 23...dump the chick and get an education.


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 Post subject: Re: here say or her say
PostPosted: Tue Jun 27, 2017 7:51 am 
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Vegans are crazy, man.

OP get your grammar and spelling in check. Neo's right on that one. Not knowing how to properly write or simply not putting in the "effort" to do so correctly, and let's be honest, it's really no effort, is a huge turn off. That's not necessarily of relevance here, but it is for the future.

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 Post subject: Re: here say or her say
PostPosted: Tue Jun 27, 2017 8:34 am 
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You should never change the way you are in order to make someone else happy. She is your girlfriend, great. If other people take offense to what you say, that is their problem, not yours unless you are being overly vulgar or outright insulting.

Vegans are militant extremists, worse than al qaida, so everything they say, take it with a grain of salt anyway, they just need a hamburger. The real question is how much do you love your girlfriend and how much of yourself are you willing to compromise in order to become likable to her friends. If most other people react well to you, i'd say that you are not the problem in this situation.

It sounds like you have stumbled upon some hard core SJW nutcases in your GFs friends. If i was in your shoes i would talk to your GF and explain to her that it would be nice to have some of her support when you are in her social circles. If she cant give that to you, it might me worth re-evaluating the relationship as a whole. Do not put yourself in the position of being involved with a girl who is a taker and does not invest back. Not saying thats the case now but worth having in the back of your skull perhaps.


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 Post subject: Re: here say or her say
PostPosted: Wed Jun 28, 2017 12:20 am 
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let me clear some things up. don't get all touchy feels bad man on me here

first off i am disgustingly dyslexic its so bad i even see words where is non when reading, it is so fucking hard to write anything for me. it really does bother the shit out me that i cant communicate like a normal person. collage professors legally by law have to give me notes, or and anything that goes up on the board. i reread all my post, they make sense to me. i am really great full to have ppl here to take the time and put up with my shit ethics. not retared guys just not a normie when it comes to that. excuses sound best to those who make them. if you met me in real life you would never know. i hope you read this in simple jack voice so you can see "my in my head movie"

she's not 23. 23n me lol (30) I was talking about the DNA test, i recommend them pretty cool. (got as a gift for her because i wanted it)she loved it, and now tells everyone about it.

no like i said i am not smarter then anyone. lets not get all brain tumor and insult ppl.

https://www.16personalities.com/esfj-personality this is her personally type and its hella accurate.
i have talked to her about standing sterner with her friends, but she struggles with their judgement of her i love her so much. politics really is a yuge thing when it comes to who you support even if your not for everything the person says. "IT'S A BIG DEAL" they know who you support and block everything you say out as if your a plague. I get dead bolted on simple small talk with them most non threatening stuff ever.

this big trip that just pasted left a wake and is eroding at this relationships hull. a lot of her friends are very sensitive city ppl very politically correct (smug looks) and i want to bring a norm to being around these ppl or she wont bring me around them, or them around me. with out compromising my sanity.


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 Post subject: Re: here say or her say
PostPosted: Wed Jun 28, 2017 8:24 am 
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For all your shitty grammar and diction you're oddly descriptive in an almost poetic sort of way.


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 Post subject: Re: here say or her say
PostPosted: Wed Jun 28, 2017 4:18 pm 
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Apologies for my comments on your grammar etc... I still think however, that if you love your girlfriend, you should try as hard as you can to accept and get on with her friends, so long as they are not actual negative influences on her life or your relationship.

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 Post subject: Re: here say or her say
PostPosted: Wed Jun 28, 2017 5:56 pm 
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Yeah apologies if you have a legit problem like dyslexia.. I'll assume your communication in person is ok. As I said if your gfs friends are druggies who she knows have issues.. She shouldn't be expecting you to get along with these people. She should be understanding. The split the bill thing was uncalibrated but I don't know if you handled it properly or they're blowing it up afterwards. Your girl should understand her friends flaws and not expect you to bend for them. For eg one time a gf wanted me to meet her friends from out of town. So chick sleeps over.. We wake up and her friends suggest brunch. I'm like cool.. They say 11. So gf and I get ready and about to leave. Then she tells me it looks like they'll be about another hour because her friends like to take long getting ready.. So let's kill an hour hanging out. I say no.. If your friends like to waste time that's fine but we're ready now so we're going and I'm not waiting around while your friends play around. She tells her friends we're leaving... Her friends get their act together and arrive on time. That's a chick understanding that you shouldn't have to put up with the bs her friends may do to her.


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 Post subject: Re: here say or her say
PostPosted: Thu Jun 29, 2017 6:23 am 
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neo87 wrote:
Yeah apologies if you have a legit problem like dyslexia.. I'll assume your communication in person is ok. As I said if your gfs friends are druggies who she knows have issues.. She shouldn't be expecting you to get along with these people. She should be understanding. The split the bill thing was uncalibrated but I don't know if you handled it properly or they're blowing it up afterwards. Your girl should understand her friends flaws and not expect you to bend for them. For eg one time a gf wanted me to meet her friends from out of town. So chick sleeps over.. We wake up and her friends suggest brunch. I'm like cool.. They say 11. So gf and I get ready and about to leave. Then she tells me it looks like they'll be about another hour because her friends like to take long getting ready.. So let's kill an hour hanging out. I say no.. If your friends like to waste time that's fine but we're ready now so we're going and I'm not waiting around while your friends play around. She tells her friends we're leaving... Her friends get their act together and arrive on time. That's a chick understanding that you shouldn't have to put up with the bs her friends may do to her.



This.

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 Post subject: Re: here say or her say
PostPosted: Thu Jun 29, 2017 7:26 am 
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neo87 wrote:
Yeah apologies if you have a legit problem like dyslexia.. I'll assume your communication in person is ok. As I said if your gfs friends are druggies who she knows have issues.. She shouldn't be expecting you to get along with these people. She should be understanding. The split the bill thing was uncalibrated but I don't know if you handled it properly or they're blowing it up afterwards. Your girl should understand her friends flaws and not expect you to bend for them. For eg one time a gf wanted me to meet her friends from out of town. So chick sleeps over.. We wake up and her friends suggest brunch. I'm like cool.. They say 11. So gf and I get ready and about to leave. Then she tells me it looks like they'll be about another hour because her friends like to take long getting ready.. So let's kill an hour hanging out. I say no.. If your friends like to waste time that's fine but we're ready now so we're going and I'm not waiting around while your friends play around. She tells her friends we're leaving... Her friends get their act together and arrive on time. That's a chick understanding that you shouldn't have to put up with the bs her friends may do to her.

That's a whole lotta "SHOULDING" Neo.

I'd sooner turn it back to him and his values, rather than shoulding all over another person, or himself.

So rather than "Your girl should understand her friends flaws and not expect you to bend for them", turn it back to him/you with a values or needs statement as autonomy being an important need thats not being met by her actions.

This way he can frame it as a need to her (if he wishes) and if she chooses to not meet this need, and its important to him, he can find someone else who will.

It might sound like a bit of semantics, and I can accept that it is, however it keeps the accountability on the Op AND helps him get in touch with his unmet needs.


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