Girlfriend having a guy best friend weird or no?


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 22, 2017 9:07 pm 
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Hi guys,

Have a new girlfriend for 3 months now, been dating 3 months before i made her my GF so i know her about 6 months total. When we were dating she told me she has this guy best friend who she has for years, i told her at that time i don't believe in guys and girls being best friends because there is always 1 of the 2 who secretly wants more.... hows your personal view on this thought? She said this is bullshit blablabla guys and girls can be best friends...

Now she moved back to her old city where he lives so she spends more time with him now, just sended me some snaps of them drinking in a bar alone... i am a stable guy but this got me a bit jealous and i don't really like my girlfriend drinking with another dude 1v1 regardless if its her best friend, she also has a ring that she got from him years back, all this shit got me in a place i used to be in when i was younger and i don't like the games that are involved.

Do i call her out on it and become the jealous insecure boyfriend or play it cool? My thought is to play it cool but i don't like being disrespected either..

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 22, 2017 9:29 pm 
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Regardless of the appropriateness of the situation, why are you making a girl your girlfriend if her best friend is a guy when you don't believe in that? I personally would believe that the guy wants more than that but at the same time I don't believe that I would have the right to say she can't be friends with people she knew before she met me unless that person is attempting to cause a rift between us.

The problem here is either that you are jealous/insecure or you don't trust your girlfriend. If you believe that you are not jealous/insecure then you need to ask yourself why you are with someone that you can't trust?


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 22, 2017 9:43 pm 
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JackZero wrote:
Regardless of the appropriateness of the situation, why are you making a girl your girlfriend if her best friend is a guy when you don't believe in that? I personally would believe that the guy wants more than that but at the same time I don't believe that I would have the right to say she can't be friends with people she knew before she met me unless that person is attempting to cause a rift between us.

The problem here is either that you are jealous/insecure or you don't trust your girlfriend. If you believe that you are not jealous/insecure then you need to ask yourself why you are with someone that you can't trust?


Yes this is why i dated for 3 months before i made her my gf, her qualities outweigh the fact she has a guy best friend who gave her a ring..... but in the time we were dating/together she never bothered me with him, they call she says and used to chill once in a while because they lived apart 60 minutes but now that she has moved they can chill a lot more often.

For the first time she snaps me them chilling in a bar drinking together,,, believe me iam not insecure and let my girl be free but i don't think if your girl sends you this you would feel happy and secure.

I have never met the dude so no clue what he is like but i will see him on a party this saturday, not feeling like being social with the guy, rather be a bit distant towards him, right approach?

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 22, 2017 9:59 pm 
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Furiox wrote:
JackZero wrote:
Regardless of the appropriateness of the situation, why are you making a girl your girlfriend if her best friend is a guy when you don't believe in that? I personally would believe that the guy wants more than that but at the same time I don't believe that I would have the right to say she can't be friends with people she knew before she met me unless that person is attempting to cause a rift between us.

The problem here is either that you are jealous/insecure or you don't trust your girlfriend. If you believe that you are not jealous/insecure then you need to ask yourself why you are with someone that you can't trust?


Yes this is why i dated for 3 months before i made her my gf, her qualities outweigh the fact she has a guy best friend who gave her a ring..... but in the time we were dating/together she never bothered me with him, they call she says and used to chill once in a while because they lived apart 60 minutes but now that she has moved they can chill a lot more often.

For the first time she snaps me them chilling in a bar drinking together,,, believe me iam not insecure and let my girl be free but i don't think if your girl sends you this you would feel happy and secure.

I have never met the dude so no clue what he is like but i will see him on a party this saturday, not feeling like being social with the guy, rather be a bit distant towards him, right approach?

So you talk about you being secure...does that mean that you don't trust her now?

As for you being distant with the guy...why not get to know him?


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 22, 2017 10:25 pm 
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JackZero wrote:
Furiox wrote:
JackZero wrote:
Regardless of the appropriateness of the situation, why are you making a girl your girlfriend if her best friend is a guy when you don't believe in that? I personally would believe that the guy wants more than that but at the same time I don't believe that I would have the right to say she can't be friends with people she knew before she met me unless that person is attempting to cause a rift between us.

The problem here is either that you are jealous/insecure or you don't trust your girlfriend. If you believe that you are not jealous/insecure then you need to ask yourself why you are with someone that you can't trust?


Yes this is why i dated for 3 months before i made her my gf, her qualities outweigh the fact she has a guy best friend who gave her a ring..... but in the time we were dating/together she never bothered me with him, they call she says and used to chill once in a while because they lived apart 60 minutes but now that she has moved they can chill a lot more often.

For the first time she snaps me them chilling in a bar drinking together,,, believe me iam not insecure and let my girl be free but i don't think if your girl sends you this you would feel happy and secure.

I have never met the dude so no clue what he is like but i will see him on a party this saturday, not feeling like being social with the guy, rather be a bit distant towards him, right approach?

So you talk about you being secure...does that mean that you don't trust her now?

As for you being distant with the guy...why not get to know him?


I trust everyone until proven otherwise, got no reason not to trust her, its me feeling a bit jealous of them drinking and the fact he gave her a ring (who does that if you don't want more than friends i find it all weird and wrong), won't you be?

Because i find it weird for girls and guys to be best friends without 1 another wanting more and i don't feel like putting up a mask when talking to him because he already disrespected me by chilling 1v1 with my girlfriend regardless if their bestfriends.

Turn the table around, me and my "girl" best friend have drinks 1v1 and a few years ago she gave me a ring.. what normal girl would not find this a bit weird? Out of respect for my relationship i would invite her along to meet her first and not sent snapchats showing me and her having drinks.

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 22, 2017 10:33 pm 
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Furiox wrote:
I trust everyone until proven otherwise, got no reason not to trust her, its me feeling a bit jealous of them drinking and the fact he gave her a ring (who does that if you don't want more than friends i find it all weird and wrong), won't you be?

Because i find it weird for girls and guys to be best friends without 1 another wanting more and i don't feel like putting up a mask when talking to him because he already disrespected me by chilling 1v1 with my girlfriend regardless if their bestfriends.

Turn the table around, me and my "girl" best friend have drinks 1v1 and a few years ago she gave me a ring.. what normal girl would not find this a bit weird? Out of respect for my relationship i would invite her along to meet her first and not sent snapchats showing me and her having drinks.
Again, I'm not arguing with you about the friend wanting more. The issue, however, is between you and your girlfriend. If you trust her, then why worry about the other guy? Your girlfriend likely has lots of guys trying to make a move on her and it's her job to reject that. If you trust your girlfriend, that guy isn't a factor and you're making a big deal out of nothing. If you don't trust her, then your concerns are warranted.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 22, 2017 10:36 pm 
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When we were dating she told me she has this guy best friend who she has for years, i told her at that time i don't believe in guys and girls being best friends because there is always 1 of the 2 who secretly wants more.... hows your personal view on this thought?


Personally, I dont care about this type of thing because all that matters is whether I think my girl is the one who secretly wants more. What does it matter if he does? For eg, in college, my gf had a male friend. Now, guy was a typical "nice guy" and hung out with her and her other female friends like one of the girls but wasnt gay. I hung out with him a few times, he was cool, but I could tell from the way he checked my gf out he liked her romantically. Now, I didnt care because I'd be more surprised if my gf at the time could ever have feelings for him, just from the type of guy he was. One day, he tells her he loves her and has for years,she tells him he's a friend, and they werent friends anymore. That's not something for me to worry about whether HE likes her, if it comes out all that matters is how SHE feels. So if I trust my gf, why care about whether he's secretly in love with her?

Yeah, there's a lack of trust or insecurity on your side. If this guy DOES want your gf..how does that affect you? There are so many guys here begging for ways out of the friendzone, this guy could very well be one of them, as opposed to the guy who knew your gf for 10 years, and somehow withing THESE 3 MONTHS, he's gonna finally fuck her. Think of those odds...guy knows your gf for YEARS, somehow in these 3 months, thats when he's gonna get the game to fuck her?

Quote:
Out of respect for my relationship i would invite her along to meet her first and not sent snapchats showing me and her having drinks.


Damn Jack, took my words outta my head with his response.

Quote:
The issue, however, is between you and your girlfriend.


If you have issue with your gf not inviting you, and sending snaps first...thats an issue with HER...not HIM. Dont be a punk and go blame the guy for your gfs actions. Personally, I wont care...but if you take disrespect from this, its your gf who hit send on those snaps.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 22, 2017 11:31 pm 
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Thank you guys for the responses! I guess part of the problem is i don't know their history, he could be her ex, they could off been fuck buddies, i got no idea how they met and what their relationship really is.

So yes if he was trying for years and she never responded like that i would be a lot more cool about it but it could just as much be that she liked him for years... hell i know this girl for 6 months.

Saturday i will meet him and casually ask how they met, if he actually was her ex/fuck buddy i will seriously have to reconsider her to be my girlfriend.

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 23, 2017 2:04 am 
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Furiox wrote:
Thank you guys for the responses! I guess part of the problem is i don't know their history, he could be her ex, they could off been fuck buddies, i got no idea how they met and what their relationship really is.

So yes if he was trying for years and she never responded like that i would be a lot more cool about it but it could just as much be that she liked him for years... hell i know this girl for 6 months.

Saturday i will meet him and casually ask how they met, if he actually was her ex/fuck buddy i will seriously have to reconsider her to be my girlfriend.


If you ask him how they met, how do you think that will reveal anything? "We met at school" or "we met at a party" could be how they met and started dating/having sex. Its not like he'll have to say "oh we met at a party and fucked that night."

This is your gf man, and you dont trust her. If you think your gf, of 6 months or 1 month would place herself in a compromising situation, then she shouldnt be your gf. Again, this is your gf. You should have an idea of what her social circle is. You shouldnt be 6 months in, not knowing the dynamic she has with her friends. You shouldnt be 6 months in, wondering if she's hanging with an ex. If she's your gf, where does she stand on spending time with exs? Where does she stand on what's appropriate and not in a relationship? These are things that you should at least have an idea of before you say "be my gf."

You said before that you are settled and ready for the next step. Well, that means being able to communicate with your gf and know where she stands on certain issues. Making sure you're compatible. Knowing her friends. Knowing whether she would be in a relationship and trying to get with another guy from years ago. When you have an issue, instead of these runaround "let me ask the guy casually" games, you talk to her.

As to the guy girl dynamic, I dont think its that serious. Sure, a guy would probably fuck your gf if she laid down for him. But that doesnt mean he's hanging with her for all these years just for the chance to fuck her. Lol, that always cracks me up when guys think they're girl is that hot for someone to put in years of time for. Most of the time, the guy doesnt care that much. If he's somewhat attractive, he probably has slept with girls on your gfs level and doesnt care to put in so much time to get her. Thats the thing, the attractive guy isnt spending years trying to get your chick, and the unattractive guy who is spending those years, doesnt have a chance.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 23, 2017 10:12 am 
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Well when i ask him how they met and he says they have been dating or have been having sex that will putt me in a place to reconsider this girl to be my girlfriend as i don't want my girlfriend to hangout with a guy she has been intimate with, especially drinking together/smoking weed.

Talking to my girlfriend about it will make me look weak and insecure, drama will arise which is not needed as we have it good. I guess i let it slide for now and keep an eye on it. There is to much evidence guys and girls can't be best friends without one another wanting more, sure there are exceptions but i am talking the majority.

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 23, 2017 12:01 pm 
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Furiox wrote:
Well when i ask him how they met and he says they have been dating or have been having sex that will putt me in a place to reconsider this girl to be my girlfriend as i don't want my girlfriend to hangout with a guy she has been intimate with, especially drinking together/smoking weed.

Talking to my girlfriend about it will make me look weak and insecure, drama will arise which is not needed as we have it good. I guess i let it slide for now and keep an eye on it. There is to much evidence guys and girls can't be best friends without one another wanting more, sure there are exceptions but i am talking the majority.


Yeah, but people dont speak like this. Even if he did sleep with her, he's not going to answer the question that way.

I'd say handle it like an adult, but thats your choice. I think you cant be direct because there is some insecurity and fear here.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 23, 2017 1:09 pm 
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No worries OP, He's just an orbiter, there to be her emotional tampon, buy her things, and be her covert errand boy. He's being baited.

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 23, 2017 2:31 pm 
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Heywood Jablowme wrote:
No worries OP, He's just an orbiter, there to be her emotional tampon, buy her things, and be her covert errand boy. He's being baited.


You are probably right, thanks

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 27, 2017 8:05 am 
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He wants to fuck her. Or she wants to fuck him. Or one party, at some point in time, wanted to fuck the other.
There is no 100% platonic friendship between men and women.

That said, no, it's not weird, but if she thinks their friendship is 100% platonic, she's either immature, unaware or lying.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 27, 2017 9:12 am 
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R.C wrote:
He wants to fuck her. Or she wants to fuck him. Or one party, at some point in time, wanted to fuck the other.
There is no 100% platonic friendship between men and women.

That said, no, it's not weird, but if she thinks their friendship is 100% platonic, she's either immature, unaware or lying.


She said if something was meant to happened it would have happened by now as they know each other 6 years.. She said this after the guy his girlfriend got jealous (he has a girlfriend for 2 months ), i know this because i was driving her home and they called, and talked about how his gf go jealous of them drinking together.

I am still uncertain what to think off it, i also did not meet him at the party last saturday because he couldn't make it, in 2 weeks we got a birthday party where i will see him.

Another side note, ive met some of her friends this saturday but i got wasted (mistake on my end) and didn't really interact with anybody, just did my own thing, walked away and shit, but i checked in from time to time and saw this dude stroking her back, as in petting your dog, i did not see her take his hand away or really be bothered about it, i kept my cool and acted like i did not see it as the guy was seriously not a treat, however i don't like another man touch my girl like that.

Next time i won't drink as much so i can asses things better and confront her about it on the spot as ive learned its her job to take care of guys making a move but if she is not doing that or thinks its okay to let another men touch her like that i will walk up and take his arm away and tell her be careful ;)

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