Girlfriend having a guy best friend weird or no?


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 27, 2017 10:54 am 
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Furiox wrote:
She said if something was meant to happened it would have happened by now as they know each other 6 years


That's a dodgy answer at best.


Furiox wrote:
but if she is not doing that or thinks its okay to let another men touch her like that i will ̶w̶a̶l̶k̶ ̶u̶p̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶a̶k̶e̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶a̶r̶m̶ ̶a̶w̶a̶y̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶e̶l̶l̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶c̶a̶r̶e̶f̶u̶l̶ reevaluate if she should be my girlfriend


There, I fixed that for you.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 27, 2017 10:57 am 
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Thanks R.C.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 27, 2017 11:43 am 
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Dawn OF....why are you so afraid of being honest with this chick? You have a problem with her hanging with a guy alone. You have a problem with a guy rubbing her back. But nothing. No offense but this relationship is probably already over because you've given her your balls a long time ago.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 27, 2017 12:39 pm 
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neo87 wrote:
Dawn OF....why are you so afraid of being honest with this chick? You have a problem with her hanging with a guy alone. You have a problem with a guy rubbing her back. But nothing. No offense but this relationship is probably already over because you've given her your balls a long time ago.


No offense taken Neo, always happy to get advice:

Situation 1: Because she knows her best friend for 6 years and me not even 6 months so telling her i got a problem them hanging out is not a smart move/ shows insecurity on my side, i need more time to figure out their dynamic, need to meet the dude and get my feelings in check before making the decision to talk about it.

Situation 2: Looking back at this i should off come over and take care of the situation by taking his hand away and giving her the look off the fuck you doing and create some drama over it BUTT i was drunk as fuck and talked to another girl that was outside her social circle/ she might have seen this and tried to make me jealous with this dude, he could off been a good "touchy" friend of hers and not some random guy, there is to much detail missing so on our next social events (birthday in 2 weeks/going out after) i will not drink as much and focus on how she acts with other guys, if she does similar things i will do what R.C. said and reconsider her my girlfriend, i remember these feelings from my first girl and i don't like it.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 27, 2017 8:58 pm 
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Furiox wrote:

Situation 1: Because she knows her best friend for 6 years and me not even 6 months so telling her i got a problem them hanging out is not a smart move/ shows insecurity on my side, i need more time to figure out their dynamic, need to meet the dude and get my feelings in check before making the decision to talk about it.


Six months is enough time to set boundaries. Having standards for the people in your life is not an "insecurity".

Quote:
but i checked in from time to time and saw this dude stroking her back, as in petting your dog, i did not see her take his hand away or really be bothered about it, i kept my cool and acted like i did not see it as the guy was seriously not a treat, however i don't like another man touch my girl like that.


Where are your balls?

That moment was perfect for establishing a boundary, hard and fast. You walk up, take his hand off her, and don't say a word.

Your gf sees this, and now it's a mental note that this "friend"(I agree with R.C., this guy is just a pathetic orbiter who wants to bang her) did something that disrespected the relationship.

Invite your gf over tonight, then post-sex, talk to her about how her "friend" disrespected the relationship by inappropriately touching her, and that it's clear his motives are not entirely platonic.

Do this in a calm tone. Don't get angry. Use the words "disrespectful to the relationship". Because it is.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 27, 2017 10:43 pm 
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Thanks Arch, good advice.

I know i fucked up and i need to work on taking action in the moment, i always beat myself up afterwards thinking about the things i should have done. It was indeed a PERFECT moment back then, now if i start about it ( 4 days later), it might be a bit weird as we chilled all day yesterday and i acted like all was good, also like i said i was drunk as fuck as talked to this random girl, gave her a high five my girlfriend said the next morning (i do not recall the things i done/said), i was jokingly about it as if i was trying to get us a free ride home as that girl was driving and stayed sober, i said nothing about the things she did.

Now regardless if i was drunk and talked to a random girl in front of her, him stroking her back and me not seeing her doing anything against it is far worse and i agree i should talk to her about it but fuck man i keep thinking it will make me look insecure/ jealous boyfriend type of thing, the moment is gone and ive learned from it! Good thing is i just know more chances will come when we go out to see what she is like/how she acts towards flirty guys.

Man i hate these jealousy feelings, any tips on how to get rid of them? I try to workout hard and focus on my job but i keep thinking about it, want to really get mad about it but at the other end don't want to fuck things up/looking insecure towards her, it will fuck up our trust, kinda already fucked up my trust in her as WTF she allows guys to do when iam not even there......

As i type all this i keep thinking, coming Saturday we go out again but with my homies this time, don't think much will happen this time, week later we have her slutty friends birthday party and we go out afterwards, same people will come as last Saturday, so i was thinking to wait till then and see how she behaves, if she disrespects me again i will call her out on it big time as it really keeps me up at night, will have max 4 beers so i can see clear what is happening.

Ill keep you guys posted and truthfully thanks for the advice everyone, it helps!

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 27, 2017 11:18 pm 
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Furiox wrote:
Thanks Arch, good advice.

I know i fucked up and i need to work on taking action in the moment, i always beat myself up afterwards thinking about the things i should have done. It was indeed a PERFECT moment back then, now if i start about it ( 4 days later), it might be a bit weird as we chilled all day yesterday and i acted like all was good, also like i said i was drunk as fuck as talked to this random girl, gave her a high five my girlfriend said the next morning (i do not recall the things i done/said), i was jokingly about it as if i was trying to get us a free ride home as that girl was driving and stayed sober, i said nothing about the things she did.

Now regardless if i was drunk and talked to a random girl in front of her, him stroking her back and me not seeing her doing anything against it is far worse and i agree i should talk to her about it but fuck man i keep thinking it will make me look insecure/ jealous boyfriend type of thing, the moment is gone and ive learned from it! Good thing is i just know more chances will come when we go out to see what she is like/how she acts towards flirty guys.

Man i hate these jealousy feelings, any tips on how to get rid of them? I try to workout hard and focus on my job but i keep thinking about it, want to really get mad about it but at the other end don't want to fuck things up/looking insecure towards her, it will fuck up our trust, kinda already fucked up my trust in her as WTF she allows guys to do when iam not even there......

As i type all this i keep thinking, coming Saturday we go out again but with my homies this time, don't think much will happen this time, week later we have her slutty friends birthday party and we go out afterwards, same people will come as last Saturday, so i was thinking to wait till then and see how she behaves, if she disrespects me again i will call her out on it big time as it really keeps me up at night, will have max 4 beers so i can see clear what is happening.

Ill keep you guys posted and truthfully thanks for the advice everyone, it helps!


I swear, I read many of these threads and I cant even blame the chick if she is fucking around. Cause most guys here conduct their shit like boys. You're a grown ass man, this chick is 5 years younger. You have issues with something she does, on 2 occasions, and you're afraid to bring it up because "I may seem insecure" or "I may fuck it up"...all this fearful talk. She wasnt thinking "I shouldnt have this hand rubbing my back because I may seem suspicious" or "I shouldnt go to dinner with this guy because of what Furiox may think." These chicks do what they want, and its so sad to see u guys have to be the ones worried how something appears. And then because you're so afraid of what this teenager may think, you have to scheme and maneuver over the next couple weeks like you're in House of Cards? These chicks dont give a fuck how their actions are taken by you, so why the fuck are you caring how she perceives something? Your relationship is done at that point, the moment you give more of a fuck than she does..its done. As a man, she should be reacting to YOU, not the other way. I dont know if this girl is bad or not, the thing is, you have an issue with her actions, and you're too afraid to say something. You give more of a fuck than she does. You, a grown man, has to now go out and watch your girl like a secret service agent to avoid simply saying "what the fuck" to her right now.

I respect myself more than any chick. If something is bothering me, I say so. I wont be up for nights stressing over something, or even thinking how to approach something like she's paying my bills. Either time to walk or confront it. Again, I cant be mad at these chicks for how they treat you. Yall dont value yourselves.

You care how she perceives your actions
She doesnt care how you perceive her actions

Game over...why would this chick work for you when she doesnt have to?

Your gf isnt you boss, she isnt putting signing your checks, she isnt the last woman on earth. Let your relationship be such that you have what the fuck YOU want, and can say, do what you want with someone who is on the same page who you're not walking on eggshells around. These "relationships" sound like way too much work, and thinking and scheming and fear. What the fuck. If Im losing sleep over a gf, its because she has cancer or was in an accident and Im worried. NOT over her actions and who she may be fucking or whether she may like someone or someone likes her. If I think she MAY like someone, that aint my gf. Yall are wasting too much time and energy over shit and your girl is sleeping soundly because she isnt going to worry herself over you as you do her.

Your girl is an adult. If you saying "this is inappropriate" makes her feel you're insecure...who cares? If she cant see your point of view, why is she your gf? If a rational calm statement sends her running, then she was on her way out. If your this afraid of your chick, she knows it, and she's looking for someone who isnt.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 27, 2017 11:55 pm 
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Thanks again Neo, Please tell me what you think she will say when i confront her about her and best friend meeting up....? My guess is she will say were just friends, don't you trust me? Mad drama arrises.... same with the guy stroking her back, i think she will say i acted like a tool and flirted with another girl in front of her friends, disrespecting the shit out of her and this guy was harmless. Now will this be a smart move on my end? Or will waiting be better till i know more information... all we got is some thoughts, proof is better..

You are right about some things, i do value what she think of my actions because i don't like hurting people and i EXPECT the same from my girlfriend, thing is, in topics is you raise an issue and not talk about the 90% that all is good and your happy with your girlfriend so to outsiders it seems she is a little bitch who runs around fucking my life up which off course is not the case but in this story you can come to that conclusion.

Honestly these last 7 days she did shit(2 times) that pisses me off but the rest was all good and can't complain. Maybe things are shifting or testing me more so its up to me to react to it, i choose my battles and will wait for another occasion when she disrespect me with another man, then i got proof it wasn't a one time thing but she does it regularly and i got a stronger point... instead of talking about it 4 days later, again i was not a saint there, first time meeting her friends, me getting drunk ass fuck, walking away, not being social and talking to a random girl by myself.. in a way this disrespects her to, it could off been her getting back at me so instead of talking about this issue, i think its wise to test how she is going out some more.. as we normally only dated 1v1. Its a whole new game for me to see her going out now and so far i don't like it.

Trust me i will confront her about it when it happens again but i missed my window for now and still not sure what to think of her best friend and her chilling together...

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 28, 2017 12:29 am 
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Quote:
Thanks again Neo, Please tell me what you think she will say when i confront her about her and best friend meeting up


Who cares what she says?

Look, the chicks who will start drama over you stating you dont agree with something are the chicks fucking around on you. If your chick is mature and honest, if nothing is going on, she will acknowledge that she should have introduced you first as you said. As Rc stated:

Quote:
she's either immature, unaware or lying.


So her response will either by immature, unaware or a lie. Now if she's immature, why the fuck is she your girl? If she's unaware, cool...you can say your view and actually get her to accept you're right. If she's lying, why is she your girl?

If when you talk about the back thing, she says she did it because you high fived a chick, ok thats bs.... you know what I cant even finish writing a response. You're asking what to do if your gf gives you drama or bs excuses. Look, if you're girl is so stupid, then why is she your girl?

Quote:
Trust me i will confront her about it when it happens again but i missed my window for now and still not sure what to think of her best friend and her chilling together...


What window? You're a man. Make the fucking window. Everything you said here, you can say to your girl right now. There isnt no window. Something didnt sit right and you're bringing it up.

See, a chick who gves a fuck abt you and the relationship isnt going to start drama and overreact over you stated something bothered you.

SHE IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND. SHE SHOULD NOT WANT TO SEE YOU BOTHERED AND SHOULD BE TRYING TO MAKE YOU AS COMFORTABLE AS POSSIBLE.

A chick who gives a fuck abt you will tell you "No...Jim is like a brother...I can see how that would look weird...I should have invited you to meet him first." A chick who is fucking Jim, or just doesnt give a fuck will tell you "You dont trust me!blah blah blah...we need a break" and then go back to fucking Jim.

Simple, something is bothering you...you should be able to speak calmly with the person you're with. If drama ensues, well then you know she aint gf material. If its about what you did at the party or whatever, have that conversation.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 28, 2017 2:09 am 
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Quote:
Trust me i will confront her about it when it happens again


In my opinion this will not take place if she isn't confronted in a rational mature way about letting a dude stroke her back and going out to dinner or whatever with some dude. Because when it happens again, things won't be 'just right' and it'll be 'next time I'll do it.'

If you do decide to do this, and she rolls her eyes, creates drama and throws it back on you, run.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 28, 2017 11:10 am 
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neo87 wrote:
SHE IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND. SHE SHOULD NOT WANT TO SEE YOU BOTHERED AND SHOULD BE TRYING TO MAKE YOU AS COMFORTABLE AS POSSIBLE.

A chick who gives a fuck abt you will tell you "No...Jim is like a brother...I can see how that would look weird...I should have invited you to meet him first." A chick who is fucking Jim, or just doesnt give a fuck will tell you "You dont trust me!blah blah blah...we need a break" and then go back to fucking Jim.


Don't think any more needs to be added on top of that OP.

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 28, 2017 4:27 pm 
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neo87 wrote:
Furiox wrote:
Thanks Arch, good advice.

I know i fucked up and i need to work on taking action in the moment, i always beat myself up afterwards thinking about the things i should have done. It was indeed a PERFECT moment back then, now if i start about it ( 4 days later), it might be a bit weird as we chilled all day yesterday and i acted like all was good, also like i said i was drunk as fuck as talked to this random girl, gave her a high five my girlfriend said the next morning (i do not recall the things i done/said), i was jokingly about it as if i was trying to get us a free ride home as that girl was driving and stayed sober, i said nothing about the things she did.

Now regardless if i was drunk and talked to a random girl in front of her, him stroking her back and me not seeing her doing anything against it is far worse and i agree i should talk to her about it but fuck man i keep thinking it will make me look insecure/ jealous boyfriend type of thing, the moment is gone and ive learned from it! Good thing is i just know more chances will come when we go out to see what she is like/how she acts towards flirty guys.

Man i hate these jealousy feelings, any tips on how to get rid of them? I try to workout hard and focus on my job but i keep thinking about it, want to really get mad about it but at the other end don't want to fuck things up/looking insecure towards her, it will fuck up our trust, kinda already fucked up my trust in her as WTF she allows guys to do when iam not even there......

As i type all this i keep thinking, coming Saturday we go out again but with my homies this time, don't think much will happen this time, week later we have her slutty friends birthday party and we go out afterwards, same people will come as last Saturday, so i was thinking to wait till then and see how she behaves, if she disrespects me again i will call her out on it big time as it really keeps me up at night, will have max 4 beers so i can see clear what is happening.

Ill keep you guys posted and truthfully thanks for the advice everyone, it helps!


I swear, I read many of these threads and I cant even blame the chick if she is fucking around. Cause most guys here conduct their shit like boys. You're a grown ass man, this chick is 5 years younger. You have issues with something she does, on 2 occasions, and you're afraid to bring it up because "I may seem insecure" or "I may fuck it up"...all this fearful talk. She wasnt thinking "I shouldnt have this hand rubbing my back because I may seem suspicious" or "I shouldnt go to dinner with this guy because of what Furiox may think." These chicks do what they want, and its so sad to see u guys have to be the ones worried how something appears. And then because you're so afraid of what this teenager may think, you have to scheme and maneuver over the next couple weeks like you're in House of Cards? These chicks dont give a fuck how their actions are taken by you, so why the fuck are you caring how she perceives something? Your relationship is done at that point, the moment you give more of a fuck than she does..its done. As a man, she should be reacting to YOU, not the other way. I dont know if this girl is bad or not, the thing is, you have an issue with her actions, and you're too afraid to say something. You give more of a fuck than she does. You, a grown man, has to now go out and watch your girl like a secret service agent to avoid simply saying "what the fuck" to her right now.

I respect myself more than any chick. If something is bothering me, I say so. I wont be up for nights stressing over something, or even thinking how to approach something like she's paying my bills. Either time to walk or confront it. Again, I cant be mad at these chicks for how they treat you. Yall dont value yourselves.

You care how she perceives your actions
She doesnt care how you perceive her actions

Game over...why would this chick work for you when she doesnt have to?

Your gf isnt you boss, she isnt putting signing your checks, she isnt the last woman on earth. Let your relationship be such that you have what the fuck YOU want, and can say, do what you want with someone who is on the same page who you're not walking on eggshells around. These "relationships" sound like way too much work, and thinking and scheming and fear. What the fuck. If Im losing sleep over a gf, its because she has cancer or was in an accident and Im worried. NOT over her actions and who she may be fucking or whether she may like someone or someone likes her. If I think she MAY like someone, that aint my gf. Yall are wasting too much time and energy over shit and your girl is sleeping soundly because she isnt going to worry herself over you as you do her.

Your girl is an adult. If you saying "this is inappropriate" makes her feel you're insecure...who cares? If she cant see your point of view, why is she your gf? If a rational calm statement sends her running, then she was on her way out. If your this afraid of your chick, she knows it, and she's looking for someone who isnt.


Does this also apply for someone you've been dating exclusively a couple of months but haven't had the relationship talk with yet?


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 28, 2017 4:45 pm 
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Furiox wrote:
Thanks again Neo, Please tell me what you think she will say when i confront her about her and best friend meeting up....? My guess is she will say were just friends, don't you trust me? Mad drama arrises.... same with the guy stroking her back, i think she will say i acted like a tool and flirted with another girl in front of her friends, disrespecting the shit out of her and this guy was harmless. Now will this be a smart move on my end? Or will waiting be better till i know more information... all we got is some thoughts, proof is better..

You are right about some things, i do value what she think of my actions because i don't like hurting people and i EXPECT the same from my girlfriend, thing is, in topics is you raise an issue and not talk about the 90% that all is good and your happy with your girlfriend so to outsiders it seems she is a little bitch who runs around fucking my life up which off course is not the case but in this story you can come to that conclusion.

Honestly these last 7 days she did shit(2 times) that pisses me off but the rest was all good and can't complain. Maybe things are shifting or testing me more so its up to me to react to it, i choose my battles and will wait for another occasion when she disrespect me with another man, then i got proof it wasn't a one time thing but she does it regularly and i got a stronger point... instead of talking about it 4 days later, again i was not a saint there, first time meeting her friends, me getting drunk ass fuck, walking away, not being social and talking to a random girl by myself.. in a way this disrespects her to, it could off been her getting back at me so instead of talking about this issue, i think its wise to test how she is going out some more.. as we normally only dated 1v1. Its a whole new game for me to see her going out now and so far i don't like it.

Trust me i will confront her about it when it happens again but i missed my window for now and still not sure what to think of her best friend and her chilling together...


When someone does "shit" that "pisses you off" how you respond says a whole lot more about you than them.

You keep it to yoruself and silently endure? Your own damn fault for not speaking on a need that wasn't being met.


You set a boundary and demonstrate through behavior that sort of thing wont be tolerated (w/o being punitive). Then you restore (or maintain) accountability, integrity, and respect to yourself.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 28, 2017 4:46 pm 
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salasa wrote:
neo87 wrote:
Furiox wrote:
Thanks Arch, good advice.

I know i fucked up and i need to work on taking action in the moment, i always beat myself up afterwards thinking about the things i should have done. It was indeed a PERFECT moment back then, now if i start about it ( 4 days later), it might be a bit weird as we chilled all day yesterday and i acted like all was good, also like i said i was drunk as fuck as talked to this random girl, gave her a high five my girlfriend said the next morning (i do not recall the things i done/said), i was jokingly about it as if i was trying to get us a free ride home as that girl was driving and stayed sober, i said nothing about the things she did.

Now regardless if i was drunk and talked to a random girl in front of her, him stroking her back and me not seeing her doing anything against it is far worse and i agree i should talk to her about it but fuck man i keep thinking it will make me look insecure/ jealous boyfriend type of thing, the moment is gone and ive learned from it! Good thing is i just know more chances will come when we go out to see what she is like/how she acts towards flirty guys.

Man i hate these jealousy feelings, any tips on how to get rid of them? I try to workout hard and focus on my job but i keep thinking about it, want to really get mad about it but at the other end don't want to fuck things up/looking insecure towards her, it will fuck up our trust, kinda already fucked up my trust in her as WTF she allows guys to do when iam not even there......

As i type all this i keep thinking, coming Saturday we go out again but with my homies this time, don't think much will happen this time, week later we have her slutty friends birthday party and we go out afterwards, same people will come as last Saturday, so i was thinking to wait till then and see how she behaves, if she disrespects me again i will call her out on it big time as it really keeps me up at night, will have max 4 beers so i can see clear what is happening.

Ill keep you guys posted and truthfully thanks for the advice everyone, it helps!


I swear, I read many of these threads and I cant even blame the chick if she is fucking around. Cause most guys here conduct their shit like boys. You're a grown ass man, this chick is 5 years younger. You have issues with something she does, on 2 occasions, and you're afraid to bring it up because "I may seem insecure" or "I may fuck it up"...all this fearful talk. She wasnt thinking "I shouldnt have this hand rubbing my back because I may seem suspicious" or "I shouldnt go to dinner with this guy because of what Furiox may think." These chicks do what they want, and its so sad to see u guys have to be the ones worried how something appears. And then because you're so afraid of what this teenager may think, you have to scheme and maneuver over the next couple weeks like you're in House of Cards? These chicks dont give a fuck how their actions are taken by you, so why the fuck are you caring how she perceives something? Your relationship is done at that point, the moment you give more of a fuck than she does..its done. As a man, she should be reacting to YOU, not the other way. I dont know if this girl is bad or not, the thing is, you have an issue with her actions, and you're too afraid to say something. You give more of a fuck than she does. You, a grown man, has to now go out and watch your girl like a secret service agent to avoid simply saying "what the fuck" to her right now.

I respect myself more than any chick. If something is bothering me, I say so. I wont be up for nights stressing over something, or even thinking how to approach something like she's paying my bills. Either time to walk or confront it. Again, I cant be mad at these chicks for how they treat you. Yall dont value yourselves.

You care how she perceives your actions
She doesnt care how you perceive her actions

Game over...why would this chick work for you when she doesnt have to?

Your gf isnt you boss, she isnt putting signing your checks, she isnt the last woman on earth. Let your relationship be such that you have what the fuck YOU want, and can say, do what you want with someone who is on the same page who you're not walking on eggshells around. These "relationships" sound like way too much work, and thinking and scheming and fear. What the fuck. If Im losing sleep over a gf, its because she has cancer or was in an accident and Im worried. NOT over her actions and who she may be fucking or whether she may like someone or someone likes her. If I think she MAY like someone, that aint my gf. Yall are wasting too much time and energy over shit and your girl is sleeping soundly because she isnt going to worry herself over you as you do her.

Your girl is an adult. If you saying "this is inappropriate" makes her feel you're insecure...who cares? If she cant see your point of view, why is she your gf? If a rational calm statement sends her running, then she was on her way out. If your this afraid of your chick, she knows it, and she's looking for someone who isnt.


Does this also apply for someone you've been dating exclusively a couple of months but haven't had the relationship talk with yet?


Self-respect applies all the time 24/7.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 31, 2017 12:27 am 
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Quote:
Does this also apply for someone you've been dating exclusively a couple of months but haven't had the relationship talk with yet?


Whether you're dating a chick for 10 years or 10 minutes, you should never be afraid to say what your standards are or what you expect. Its called screening. Now, Im not for OP telling his chick to stop seeing the friend...my view is to never give ultimatums because she'll just do what she wants. My view is to find women you're compatible with or if they aren't compatible in important areas, keeping them at a certain level ie fwb or something. For eg, the whole "guy petting her back when we're out" thing...if that was me, wasnt even going to move the hand. Its done at that point. Either a) she thinks its ok for guys to rub her back or b) she is going to another guy to get back at me. That shows how she handles problems...she goes to other men. I dont know why guys want to play with chicks, as if when you have a fight she's not the chick who is fucking her ex to feel like she's won. Could be the best friend thing is nothing; but dont be afraid to communicate what you expect EVER or have to wait for some special time to do so. Subliminally, if you do so, you're placing her above yourself, and its already done at that point.


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