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PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2016 4:30 pm 
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Hello, been reading for hours. (easier to skip to part 9 , we were good, bad, good, and now bad again)

1. nearly a year, me and this girl were girl in july..
2. bad at christmas. Asked me if i wanted to be in a relationship..said yes..told me she didnt..said it made her anxious and she cant give me what i want...we went sideways, saw this other guy, wanted to be friends, i froze her out.
3. She came back after a month..10 missed calls a day, texts, crying and letters left at my work locker (works in same building)
4. been great since (3 months but not a lot of sex), she spent a week here, then called ME? clingy on a good bye kiss when she was running late. i am bad at good byes, but she was the one kept coming back everyday to stay at mine...a week? - i NEVER call first, or text first. she always does. ALWAYS.. maybe ings me several times a day every spare moment.

5. She went on holiday a week. Came back COLD
6. had a bday weekend...was "ok"
7. brought all my stuff back....went cold turkey on phone
8. i saw her at work..ignored her..she talked to me..asked about my doctors thing that day..Told her..then told her she let down on the weekend (6) and said shes been rubbish since and called her a liar about what she did. (just to get reaction)

9. She said again "she went cold to show me she is overwhelmed, got anxious and feels anxious about us. and me making plans for things for us to do" <- (she said for my bday to make a plan for a week DAY for us)... She said she appreciates support but feels anxious staying over and stuff. but scared ill just walk away ....and that im giving her an ultimatum ..i guess i kinda am. love her to bits, but try not to pressure her...dont care if we dont fuck daily..some days shes over me, some days im a dick for trying to kiss her...da fuck? stupid bitch messing my head up

on pof , tinder trying to find a lay...:D

going to send her this
Quote:
I hope you felt it was nice to just see me, despite shit. I mainly just wanted to tell you not to be anxious or worry or think about me and the hospital. I didnt tell you because, i don't want you to be thinking of me or worrying or upset and anxious. Take care of yourself x Dont bother messaging me for a while, if its not about wanting to meet, i will just ignore it.
left our convo i was a bit too chatty, she had to work..with "we need to meet soon and finish the conversation"


Last edited by diehard87 on Thu May 19, 2016 4:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2016 4:31 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jan 18, 2013 8:33 pm
Posts: 14
friends suggested text
Quote:
I hope you felt it was nice to just see me, despite shit. I feel that I am being respectful. We've spent lots of time together where we have made out, and havent had sex and I am happy with that. I like spending time with you and don't want to pressure you into anything more. Our feelings get crazy sometimes and I do want you but i can take it or leave it. I understand you feel anxious though, what can I do to help?..oops ...I meanly just wanted to tell you not to be anxious or worry or think about me and what it might be, and the hospital next week. I will tell you what the doctor said, maybe you know.., i just don't want you to be thinking of me until i tell you.
but think its kinda what id like for a bit now, maybe a tad "ill be ur friend" too much?


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PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2016 4:36 pm 
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Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2011 8:36 pm
Posts: 7592
Location: United States
She's fucking other dudes, why bother?

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.


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PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2016 4:41 pm 
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Quote:
She's fucking other dudes, why bother?
i dont know, just that chemical..we have a lot of fun together usually..
She did that once, i left her...she bawled and punished her enough. She saiod it was only inital but was thinking of me and couldnt carry on


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PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2016 5:01 pm 
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Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2011 8:36 pm
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Location: United States
Quote:
Quote:
She's fucking other dudes, why bother?
i dont know, just that chemical..we have a lot of fun together usually..
She did that once, i left her...she bawled and punished her enough. She saiod it was only inital but was thinking of me and couldnt carry on
Ask if she's DTF. If not. Move on.

_________________
They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.


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PostPosted: Fri May 20, 2016 8:03 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 26, 2013 6:34 pm
Posts: 3993
"went cold to show me she is overwhelmed, got anxious and feels anxious about us. and me making plans for things for us to do"

Question is do you want to continue with somebody who communicates so passive aggressively?

If you do by all means continue. Certainly she's having difficulty being transparent with you about her needs, you're likely contributing to the pattern too with your own punishment patterns.

Punishment never works and it only serves to undermine any chance of developing healthy bonds. You're both acting destructive towards each other, and from an outside observer perspective that is likely contributing to her pattern of unease in continuing with this relationship.

Unless the two you can have an honest discussion about needs (and meeting them), first connecting at an emotional / feelings level, there's no hope for any healthy reconciliation.

In the end you maybe better off seeking a relationship with someone who has a healthier, more Secure attachment style.


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PostPosted: Sun May 22, 2016 9:10 am 
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Joined: Fri Jan 18, 2013 8:33 pm
Posts: 14
Quote:
"went cold to show me she is overwhelmed, got anxious and feels anxious about us. and me making plans for things for us to do"

Question is do you want to continue with somebody who communicates so passive aggressively?

If you do by all means continue. Certainly she's having difficulty being transparent with you about her needs, you're likely contributing to the pattern too with your own punishment patterns.

Punishment never works and it only serves to undermine any chance of developing healthy bonds. You're both acting destructive towards each other, and from an outside observer perspective that is likely contributing to her pattern of unease in continuing with this relationship.

Unless the two you can have an honest discussion about needs (and meeting them), first connecting at an emotional / feelings level, there's no hope for any healthy reconciliation.

In the end you maybe better off seeking a relationship with someone who has a healthier, more Secure attachment style.
Interesting insight, thank you very much for the reply.
Though i am unsure, because her destruction started before i ever did anything top punish, thats my response.

We had agreed to meet the last time we talked, she just text asking to meet. Ill let her know my plans and see if they fit, and maybe meet today and ..i have no idea what to say...but, ill see if i can think of something to discuss at an emotional / feelings level without sounding pushy and without sounding a just friend


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PostPosted: Sun May 22, 2016 4:52 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 26, 2013 6:34 pm
Posts: 3993
Quote:
Quote:
"went cold to show me she is overwhelmed, got anxious and feels anxious about us. and me making plans for things for us to do"

Question is do you want to continue with somebody who communicates so passive aggressively?

If you do by all means continue. Certainly she's having difficulty being transparent with you about her needs, you're likely contributing to the pattern too with your own punishment patterns.

Punishment never works and it only serves to undermine any chance of developing healthy bonds. You're both acting destructive towards each other, and from an outside observer perspective that is likely contributing to her pattern of unease in continuing with this relationship.

Unless the two you can have an honest discussion about needs (and meeting them), first connecting at an emotional / feelings level, there's no hope for any healthy reconciliation.

In the end you maybe better off seeking a relationship with someone who has a healthier, more Secure attachment style.
Interesting insight, thank you very much for the reply.
Though i am unsure, because her destruction started before i ever did anything top punish, thats my response.

We had agreed to meet the last time we talked, she just text asking to meet. Ill let her know my plans and see if they fit, and maybe meet today and ..i have no idea what to say...but, ill see if i can think of something to discuss at an emotional / feelings level without sounding pushy and without sounding a just friend

If you're trying to connect to what's alive in someone, you can't preplan, that defeats the whole purpose. You're with them, present in the moment, and whatever unfolds your task is just to remain connected to how they're feeling (and you as well).


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