Girl I'm dating wants to move to different city



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PostPosted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 4:51 pm 
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I've been dating this girl exclusively for a couple of months now and everything has been going well except for the fact we both live together with our parents for the moment. I just bought a house but I still need to wait about 6 months before the previous owner leaves it and she moved back in with her parents while looking for an appartment.

The problem is she wants to hire something in the city where she studied and where most of her friends live while at the moment we both live in the same city, so I'd much rather have her hire something here. ( and also the city where I work and just bought something ). She works in a different city altogether so there's no benefit for her work.

She asked me what I think about it and I told her I wouldn't stop her from moving there if that's what she really wants but I raised my concerns that it would probably create some distance between us, especially if we want it to become something more serious. She's really stressed out about this because she wants to move out so we can have more privacy together (which I also want) but she doesn't want to rent anything in our current city (which I would prefer) because her parents live her and she'd rather save money then.


She told me if we have a future together she wouldn't mind moving back but at the moment she wants to move to the city where all her friends are.

At the moment we see eachother about 4 times a week, whenever she's meeting friends she drives to the other city (it's a 30 minute ride)


I'm just wondering: am I being insecure here or are my concerns legit? (both of her ex'es live there aswell along with some guys who hit on her all the time, it's not something I'm too worried about but I keep it in the back of my mind)


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 7:19 pm 
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salasa wrote:
I've been dating this girl exclusively for a couple of months now and everything has been going well except for the fact we both live together with our parents for the moment. I just bought a house but I still need to wait about 6 months before the previous owner leaves it and she moved back in with her parents while looking for an appartment.

The problem is she wants to hire something in the city where she studied and where most of her friends live while at the moment we both live in the same city, so I'd much rather have her hire something here. ( and also the city where I work and just bought something ). She works in a different city altogether so there's no benefit for her work.

She asked me what I think about it and I told her I wouldn't stop her from moving there if that's what she really wants but I raised my concerns that it would probably create some distance between us, especially if we want it to become something more serious. She's really stressed out about this because she wants to move out so we can have more privacy together (which I also want) but she doesn't want to rent anything in our current city (which I would prefer) because her parents live her and she'd rather save money then.


She told me if we have a future together she wouldn't mind moving back but at the moment she wants to move to the city where all her friends are.

At the moment we see eachother about 4 times a week, whenever she's meeting friends she drives to the other city (it's a 30 minute ride)


I'm just wondering: am I being insecure here or are my concerns legit? (both of her ex'es live there aswell along with some guys who hit on her all the time, it's not something I'm too worried about but I keep it in the back of my mind)


As its only been two months you have to make a decision.
If you're not happy with the distance this soon then if it were me I would amicably end it, but keep in touch.

From personal experience, long distance and other commitments mean the relationship just fades anyway and from the sound of it she doesn't really want to put the investment in, so move on in my opinion would be the best course of action.

If you go your own ways on good terms, you could be dating other women while you visit eachother from time to time. Think of it as a positive.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 8:39 pm 
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I don't see what the big deal is.

If the relationship is strong, it will survive. I also wouldn't consider 30 minutes away a long distance relationship.

However, if you want her to stay with you in the suburbs, assert yourself. Lead her. don't ask for permission, lay out what it is you want.

If you're okay with her moving to the city, set something up so she stays with you on her days off. "Hey, I think you'd have fun in the city, it sounds cool. but I'd like you to stay at the new house on your days off. I can come up and visit on other days, too."

Again, 30 minutes is not some massive obstacle to a relationship. Anything over two hours drive is long distance, IMHO.

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 28, 2017 8:55 pm 
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30 Minutes!! I feel your pain. That's like a whole episode of The Office.

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PostPosted: Wed Aug 30, 2017 11:09 am 
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30 minutes is nothing

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PostPosted: Wed Aug 30, 2017 11:49 am 
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Slick_uk wrote:
30 minutes is nothing



Seems (almost) everyone agrees on that so I'll change my attitude about it then :)

Thanks for the input!


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