Girl chose another guy over me.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 03, 2017 5:45 am 
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Hey dudes, first timer here making a post but have been a reader/lurker on and off for some time on many different pua forums. I guess this is more of a vent/story and wondering if any of you felt the same way I have about someone, regardless of banging/dating/gaming many girls at the same time. This is gonna be kinda long as i just wanna fill in details so if anyone reads this and does respond much appreciated guys.

Brief background:
-I'm 28 y/o work from home. Mostly been doing online game and easy day game in the past (by easy day game i mean parties/social events where you know a friend of a friend just to clarify.). I've done night/day game before, very little volume but quite fun whenever I've done it regardless of failing or not. Not a pro by any means at any of this.

-Met this girl via online. Super amazing, dope girl who I vibed with from the get go through texting. Lots of flirty, joking around and tons of same interests (movies, music, games, humor, same month of bday). We were even going to a wedding in August in the same week but different weddings and I joked how I'll be a single man going to this wedding and she was a maid of honor/bridesmaid and i could hook up with her.

-Gonna fast forward a bit to where she's asked me if i wanted to hang out sometime after a few days of texting (when i say few days i mean every other night for a bit, sometimes instant back n forth texting and sometimes i'd wait 30min-hr to respond or just respond in morning) i said maybe ill check my schedule and we do end up meeting. We meet up at a bar, hop to 2 other bars and things go great.

End of the night plan was to walk her back to the train, we almost get there and she pulls me to make out for a while, we do that and talk. I tell her im leaving to vegas the next day for a week and that night was pretty dope. she texts me after the date "thanks for hanging out, nerd" etc.



Fast forward - she texts me when im in vegas good luck and have fun (im playing poker there but also party a bit) we text once or twice in vegas where i just show her a pic of me playing poker, we talk for about 20-30min thru text and i say ive gotta go i have a long night ahead of me.

-I get back into town few days later, i randomly text her but don't say im back. we have a pretty great banter with texting, it really comes easy and natural. Usually it's tougher with girls as you guys know but sometimes it just clicks. She asks me if im finally in town, i say yes. We decide to meet up few days later where she comes back to my place.
-I cook for us, we watch a bit of netflix, make out and sex. I made sure to read up on articles and refresh myself on everything, she really thinks im a great kisser and i go down on her, we bang and cuddle/kiss more. she has a early flight so i walk her back to the train, i tell her get home safe she says she'll text me.


Now - she doesnt text me that night so i just text her in the morning have a safe flight and dont forget your tarot reading card ( on our first date, i pretended to be a palm reader and read her hand about the life lines of love, life, career etc). Me texting her is a possible mistake but i thought it was fine. I'd say about 4 days go by (she mentioned shell be doing bridesmaid stuff or whatever for the wedding fri/sat) so we don't talk about 3-4 days, i end up texting a pic/video of me at this super sick water park on sunday). F close date was Tues BTW.

-I don't get a reply and i'm bummed. I'm talking to other girls online, im talking to a couple starbucks girls, grocery girls but obv my mind is stuck on her as i dig her much more then any other girl. i text her finally again on tues and im sure i messed this message up - but at this point i was a bit hurt to be honest.

I say something like : can we be honest for a min? i had a great time with you, etc but im stumped to why we stopped talking (my guess BTW was either the sex (i made sure to please her/foreplay for 30-45 min, the sex itself lasted much less but it wasn't bad, im a fit guy but i was being paranoid or it was another dude in the picture)

-she replies that shes being an ass and put me on the back burner, she met a guy at the same time as me and she doesnt know how to go about this, she has anxiety that shes met 2 great guys and potentially might have to let one go. she apologizes for being a coward and not telling me anything, i dont deserve this etc. you guys get the picture. she mentioned she was falling hard for this guy, i guess i thought we were getting along crazy well, like nothing i've had in a quite long time with girls - relationships and one night stands.

All i replied to this was basically that shes a great girl, she should follow her heart and do what makes her happy. she replied with a paragraph how she feels the same about me, she enjoyed everything with me and this is a hard choice for her etc.


I guess, I'm wondering if anyones ever met someone where you had a great connection. Everything was great and you possibly could see it going long term down the road even if this was just 2-3 weeks. This is probably just a vent but It just hurts, i know ill be fine, i know i need to see more girls but i still think about it. She left the last message, i've been NC with her but i guess hoping in the back of my mind she changed her mind about all this and msged me again. I really liked her.
That's all, thanks for reading.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 03, 2017 6:06 am 
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snowbinabox wrote:
so i walk her back to the train, i tell her get home safe she says she'll text me.



Quote:
Now - she doesnt text me that night so i just text her in the morning have a safe flight



Stop doing this. Girls aren't retarded, fragile flowers. They know how to drive and get home, and how airports work. You don't know this girl, yet you're acting like her boyfriend.

And you didn't text her in the a.m. to wish her a safe flight, you texted her because you were insecure about her not texting you the previous night.

Women can smell this.


Quote:
and dont forget your tarot reading card ( on our first date, i pretended to be a palm reader and read her hand about the life lines of love, life, career etc).



Ugh. The "stay safe" lines and now a throwback to tiny detail she probably doesn't care about.


Needy text. And a morning one too, which makes it look like you don't have a job.



Quote:
Me texting her is a possible mistake but i thought it was fine. I'd say about 4 days go by (she mentioned shell be doing bridesmaid stuff or whatever for the wedding fri/sat) so we don't talk about 3-4 days, i end up texting a pic/video of me at this super sick water park on sunday). F close date was Tues BTW.




So a woman doesn't return your needy text, and then you send her a selfie? I have literally walked away from women for this kind of shit.




Quote:
I say something like : can we be honest for a min? i had a great time with you, etc but im stumped to why we stopped talking (my guess BTW was either the sex (i made sure to please her/foreplay for 30-45 min, the sex itself lasted much less but it wasn't bad, im a fit guy but i was being paranoid or it was another dude in the picture)



You just walked off Logic Plank and took a dive into The Neurotic Sea. There is no reason to act this way...it's emotionally-uncentered.


Quote:
-she replies that shes being an ass and put me on the back burner, she met a guy at the same time as me and she doesnt know how to go about this, she has anxiety that shes met 2 great guys and potentially might have to let one go. she apologizes for being a coward and not telling me anything, i dont deserve this etc. you guys get the picture.



She doesn't owe you anything, you're not in an exclusive relationship.


Quote:
All i replied to this was basically that shes a great girl, she should follow her heart and do what makes her happy. she replied with a paragraph how she feels the same about me, she enjoyed everything with me and this is a hard choice for her etc.


Her choice was made. She ignored you texts, and fucked another guy.

Sucks.

Quote:
I guess, I'm wondering if anyones ever met someone where you had a great connection. Everything was great and you possibly could see it going long term down the road even if this was just 2-3 weeks.



Soooo needy. 2-3 weeks and it's already long term talk?

And how is it "great" if she ignored you and fucks another guy? how is that a great connection?



Quote:
This is probably just a vent but It just hurts, i know ill be fine, i know i need to see more girls but i still think about it. She left the last message, i've been NC with her but i guess hoping in the back of my mind she changed her mind about all this and msged me again. I really liked her.
That's all, thanks for reading.


Sucks, bro. Such is the social game. 9's and 10's will give you one chance usually to blow their minds in bed, and to not be needy.

You may have failed both.

I noticed that you spent a lot of time yapping over text, and less time inviting her over for sex, and to have conversations with her in person.

A lot of guys use their phones and text with women like they're "playing a fish", but it's fucking nonsense. Men win in person.

you had her, then talked her out of her attraction via over-texting.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 03, 2017 7:29 am 
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Op you may have made a few mistakes here and there (cut the good morning texts out), but other than that she pretty much laid it there for you. She fell for the other guy.

It happens. This isn't really your fault.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 03, 2017 10:43 am 
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Shit happens man even if you did not do too much wrong.

Just move on and don't glorify the connection you had because it was not as strong as you thought if she chose the other guy.

On the bright side you at least got to smash and this is not a situation where you invested in a girl who fucked another guy while you got nothing :D


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 03, 2017 11:53 am 
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I don't even think the morning text or the "im a bit butthurt" text were too major of a mistake to be honest. If you have such great chemistry with someone you're entitled to know why she seemingly just cut you off like that. Eventually you did find out and understandably it hurt. You're only human.

My man, this is just one of those random cases of "shit happens." You'll prolly feel shitty for a while but since you seem to be doing great otherwise that too will pass. What matters is that you didnt turn into a clingy cunt and that despite everything else you had some cool experienced with this girl and obviously she with you as well. Make sure the memories remain positive.

All the best!

SGC_Dame


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 03, 2017 4:24 pm 
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You know its easy to go on the "you were needy" bus, but all-in-all I can't fault you for your approach and how you handled things. You took initiative, sure maybe you could have handled a few things differently but I don't think it pushed this girl away, her heart was just with someone else. You have the recipe for building success. It just wasn't meant to be with this one.


Shit happens sometimes, and this just wasn't in the cards at least at this point in time. Of course u'll be better than ok, she felt like your kryptonite for a brief moment, it happens to the best of us. Dust yourself off and move forward!


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 03, 2017 5:16 pm 
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SGC_Dame wrote:
I don't even think the morning text or the "im a bit butthurt" text were too major of a mistake to be honest. If you have such great chemistry with someone you're entitled to know why she seemingly just cut you off like that. Eventually you did find out and understandably it hurt. You're only human.

My man, this is just one of those random cases of "shit happens." You'll prolly feel shitty for a while but since you seem to be doing great otherwise that too will pass. What matters is that you didnt turn into a clingy cunt and that despite everything else you had some cool experienced with this girl and obviously she with you as well. Make sure the memories remain positive.

All the best!

SGC_Dame


On the whole I agree with this. It might have been a bit of overkill to send the selfies and whatever and I'd personally save the habitual "good morning/goodnight" messages for when you're exclusive.

This seems like a "just one of those things" situation, but at least she was honest with you eventually

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 03, 2017 7:00 pm 
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I'd disagree.

He was veering into Stage Five Clinger territory (a phrase used very commonly amongst women) and she fucked another guy.

There's something to be said for the man who backs off after sex, and gives a woman space. I do this every time, and it works like magic. It says "sex is no big deal to me, and I have options", and any woman will begin to lose her shit over this emotionally-centered behavior versus 99% of men who blow up their phones like horny little puppies who never get laid and MUST have more.

All socially valuable women who are single have orbiters. Some they want to fuck, some they only have emotional connections with, some they think are eye candy and like to toy around with, some who are ex-boyfriends. You have to give a new woman space to choose you organically. This is why bedroom skills are so important. Let passion and hot fun do most of the talking for you. When you do this, and give space, she will let her orbiters fade.

And even if she did still fuck the other guy, he could've afforded her the space to choose him down the road. instead, he sent a desperate, Debbie Downer, emotionally-uncentered text (entirely inappropriate so soon in the courtship) which forced her to make a choice. If he's already having "the talk" two weeks in, imagine how needy and uncentered he will be in months if she chooses to go into a relationship. I run from women like this.

She didn't owe him a thing....not even an explanation. That's one thing that guys don't fucking get at all about hot women early in courtship/hooking up. Men need to understand the orbiter situation. Women aren't nuns, or princesses.

When a woman pulls back, let her, and go talk to other women.

Had the OP played it cool, she might've hit him up in a week to come over. And he could show up much better than previously.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 03, 2017 7:27 pm 
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Arch Stanton wrote:
He was veering into Stage Five Clinger territory (a phrase used very commonly amongst women) and she fucked another guy.
I don't see it this way. As a matter of fact, the OP didn't do that much wrong. He had sex with her and didn't blow up her phone. He didn't hear from her after a text and asked her what was up with her and she gave him the answer. There was another guy in the picture and she made a decision without telling him and this is a normal thing for women. They will cut you off and hope you get the hint. It can be debated if he should or shouldn't have got an explanation, but that's neither here nor there because he would be in the exact same position without knowing what was going on. If he didn't, you're response would likely have been something like:

Translation: You weren't dominant enough in bed and I found a more dominant guy.

and then tell the OP to wait for her to contact him.

The reality of the situation was that this was a no win for the OP. If she were more into him then she would have responded to his "have a nice trip" text and there would be no discussion of being clingy because that is not particularly needy or clingy.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 03, 2017 7:57 pm 
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JackZero wrote:
I don't see it this way. As a matter of fact, the OP didn't do that much wrong. He had sex with her and didn't blow up her phone.



He double (maybe triple) texted her, with one of the texts being a fucking video selfie at a children's park, lol.

This is weak-ass behavior early on and not attractive at all.


Quote:
He didn't hear from her after a text and asked her what was up with her and she gave him the answer.



There was no need for this. He had sex with her once, has known her for two weeks, then lost his shit and had a Debbie Downer talk.


Quote:
There was another guy in the picture and she made a decision without telling him and this is a normal thing for women.


There is always another guy in the picture with hot, single women early on. You show up in the bedroom, give her space, remain emotionally-centered, and she gradually kicks those guys to the curb.

He tried to speed boost the situation with a "talk". He got needy and insecure. It was only 3-4 days, and he just became emotionally-uncentered.

3-4 days of no contact is nothing early on. You have to be patient with socially valuable women.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 03, 2017 8:26 pm 
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Arch Stanton wrote:
He double (maybe triple) texted her, with one of the texts being a fucking video selfie at a children's park, lol.

This is weak-ass behavior early on and not attractive at all.
First, don't be an ass by saying that he was at a children's park when he clearly he said he was at a water park. That type of shit is fun and he's just showing her that he's doing some fun shit. Besides, that was 4 days after not being in contact. That's a far cry from double (maybe triple) texting.
Arch Stanton wrote:
There was no need for this. He had sex with her once, has known her for two weeks, then lost his shit and had a Debbie Downer talk.
At this point it didn't matter...Debbie Downer or not, she had already made up her mind that she chose another dude.
Arch Stanton wrote:
There is always another guy in the picture with hot, single women early on. You show up in the bedroom, give her space, remain emotionally-centered, and she gradually kicks those guys to the curb.

He tried to speed boost the situation with a "talk". He got needy and insecure. It was only 3-4 days, and he just became emotionally-uncentered.

3-4 days of no contact is nothing early on. You have to be patient with socially valuable women.
If you don't have much of a personality, then yes I agree with you. It's probably better to let her come to you after sex. If you have a personality that women like outside of the bedroom then this is rarely a problem. When a woman meets a well rounded, socially valuable man she'll want to lock him in. She'll burn a sick day the next day just so she can be with you again.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 03, 2017 8:46 pm 
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Girl chose another guy over me.

Don’t Consider Your Loss. Think Of It As Their Loss
Accept The Fact You Have No Control Over Outcomes.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 03, 2017 9:05 pm 
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Quote:
First, don't be an ass by saying that he was at a children's park when he clearly he said he was at a water park. That type of shit is fun



Water slides are for children.



Quote:
Besides, that was 4 days after not being in contact. That's a far cry from double (maybe triple) texting.


double/triple texting is double/triple texting regardless of time span.



Quote:
At this point it didn't matter...Debbie Downer or not, she had already made up her mind that she chose another dude.



This was not established. socially valuable women have orbiters they date and or/fuck. They may not hit you up for a week, two weeks, a month. These orbiters fade as a dominant man emerges.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 03, 2017 9:46 pm 
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Arch Stanton wrote:
Water slides are for children.
I guess that's a matter of opinion. Maybe it's an like that where you live but where I live, women work out and those are great places for them to show off. It's definitely not just for kids.
ImageImage
Arch Stanton wrote:
double/triple texting is double/triple texting regardless of time span.
Agree to disagree.
Arch Stanton wrote:
This was not established. socially valuable women have orbiters they date and or/fuck. They may not hit you up for a week, two weeks, a month. These orbiters fade as a dominant man emerges.
Guys that they are having dates or sex with aren't orbiters. Those guys have a chance. Orbiters are the guys that call/text but the woman doesn't see him as a sexual option. Orbiters wouldn't be considered "dominant" over a guy she's dating and/or having sex with. So that isn't even an issue. She dated two guys and settled for one. That's all we know...that's all the info we have.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 03, 2017 10:14 pm 
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Lol there's nothing wrong with water parks, they're fun...

OP, don't beat yourself up about this one. Take it as a lesson learnt to not double/triple text going forward. It never ends well. On to the next one.

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