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PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2017 9:11 am 
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Update:

I was out having drinks last night and she was also out at a party. Someone at the party showed her pictures of me on instagram from last night of me partying with some girls. She messaged me asking "who the fuck are those girls in your instagram". I simply responded with "you'll see me tonight". She responded "ohh really? When/where?". She texted a few times after that but clearly had drank a lot.

I ignore the texts for a little then called and asked where she was. She said going home (in an angry tone), so I said I'm coming over sometime later that night and hung up.

So I went over after I'd finished at the bar. She was in a bad mood crying because she had a big argument with her friend that night. She started accusing me (angrily) of fucking other girls and said we never actually broke up. I didn't acknowledge or deny but said she's "got it all wrong". I then cut her off and kissed her. She didn't hesitate. It killed all the tension immediately but was not a long kiss.

We talked and I told her I'd considered the relationship over after the date we were meant to meet up. She opened up more then usual about the relationship and said I didn't show her enough emotion and was too serious sometimes. She also said I rarely show i care or think about her because I don't text/call her much.

She wanted to start again and "date". She said she didn't want to see other people, just to get things back to how they were (which I think is bs). I told her I'd be at a party on Saturday and that she could come (as a date). I made it clear this meant we're not together and i could be seeing other girls. She didn't know how to respond to that.

Didn't get further than kissing. She was too intoxicated and emotional about her friend and the situation that every time I tried to escalate she'd keep asking questions. I was also very intoxicated and definelty wouldn't have been at my best. Stayed the night but left earlier the next day instead of staying like I usually would.

I went to kiss her in the morning but she hesitated saying we should take it slow. So as I was walking out I hugged her but didn't go in for a kiss. She looked confused and grabbed onto me to come in for the kiss. Confusing! Any idea why girls do this? Is this a test?

If she does come on Saturday I'll be sure to pull out some techniques. There will be a lot of good looking girls with me at the party (I know them all well) so I'm going to make her work to get my attention and prove she wants to be with me. This will be it. If the night doesn't go well I'm walking away. My feelings for her have dropped a lot since the break.
I think we talked a little too much last night so I'm not going to say much on Friday. Just actions. She has been texting me a few times today.

She mentioned I don't show enough emotion. I know this is kind of true because other girls have said it to me as well. Does anyone have any tips on how much emotion to show and in what ways? I've read a lot about creating "emotional roller coasters" but clearly isn't something I'm good at yet!


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2017 9:52 am 
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Quote:
She mentioned I don't show enough emotion. I know this is kind of true because other girls have said it to me as well. Does anyone have any tips on how much emotion to show and in what ways? I've read a lot about creating "emotional roller coasters" but clearly isn't something I'm good at yet!

I've had this complaint. What they mean is "show vulnerability occasionally". It's really the final piece of the puzzle for maintaining a relationship with a women who is smart, and a 9 or a 10 in looks.

Tell her a story from your past that impacts you, a secret. Smile more. Make sure you dabble these things into the mix of great sex and fun hang outs. I'd say around 4-7%. Ask her deep questions in there, too. Not just everyday stuff.

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 01, 2017 6:56 am 
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Quote:
Quote:
She mentioned I don't show enough emotion. I know this is kind of true because other girls have said it to me as well. Does anyone have any tips on how much emotion to show and in what ways? I've read a lot about creating "emotional roller coasters" but clearly isn't something I'm good at yet!

I've had this complaint. What they mean is "show vulnerability occasionally". It's really the final piece of the puzzle for maintaining a relationship with a women who is smart, and a 9 or a 10 in looks.

Tell her a story from your past that impacts you, a secret. Smile more. Make sure you dabble these things into the mix of great sex and fun hang outs. I'd say around 4-7%. Ask her deep questions in there, too. Not just everyday stuff.
Good advice! I think I've tried too hard to maintain an unshakable frame ("Alpha") that's not affected by any emotion. Although I smile a lot and am very touchy, I need to change it up. She has opened up a lot more about her life and the things that impacted it more than I have!


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 01, 2017 1:07 pm 
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This sounds bipolar:
Quote:
She mentioned I don't show enough emotion. I know this is kind of true because other girls have said it to me as well. Does anyone have any tips on how much emotion to show and in what ways? I've read a lot about creating "emotional roller coasters" but clearly isn't something I'm good at yet!
Quote:
She was extremely intimate at the the start, crazy clingy and attached but it quickly changed! Why? I think because i started to show some more emotion. Things like hugging her more often then i did before, being overly touchy, noticing her more etc. At the start i didn't really care as much - she was the one chasing. But as i became comfortable i started being less 'alpha'. I thought i could let my guard down a little but that wasn't a good idea! However, that's only part of the issue here, there's a lot more to this!
Quote:
By show more emotion I mean the things I mentioned. But also as an example we'd talk more about our feelings (the serious talks). When we're out as a group my focus would be on her more than others and having fun. Early on I did none of this but as soon as I started I could feel attraction dropping.
Quote:
I want to give it another try but do things differently, more on my terms.
This is not "your" terms. This is you trying to fit into a box to keep this chick. First, you were going to show less emotions....now you're going to show more. You're not SOLID. You're reacting to her. All of this so far, has amounted to essentially saying "she sets the tone and rules for the relationship. I shouldnt have been so emotional, its too early...wait, I need to show more emotions because thats what she said."

OP, I told you she wont contact you when she said. I told you she'd say lets go slow. Told you she'd chase when you posted something that would make her jealous. Your actions are dictated by her and you're stuck in this reactionary cycle. You are setting up the same scenario that got you the chick; ie she chases. Thing is, she chased in the beginning. What are you going to do when that wears off again? If your feelings are less, why are you running to see her. I look forward to the updates, but this is heading down the same road as many other threads here. Despite what you tell her, she gets more evidence that she has you and you will move, and change your actions for her.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 01, 2017 5:17 pm 
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Not read all the posts, and I don't know you so I'll give you the benefit of doubt, but when reading a few of your posts the first word that comes to mind is: asshole.

She hasn't her shit figured out. She asked for something, now she realizes that's not what she wanted. She's overwhelmed by emotions she obviously hasn't any control over. Meanwhile you're using "techniques," avoid addressing her concerns, play her like a broken toy without any actual purpose since you say that your interest in her has faded.

So why don't you first figure out what YOU want to do with her. If you don't feel anything for her, and no matter how much you want to kiss or fuck her, you should at least make it clear to her, if anything because of the emotional shit her head is wrapped around right now. If you want to be with her, she's expressed the same want, so you guys go back there. If you reach the same point at in your first post, just say that it's not working and cut clean.

And for Christ's sake, drop the techniques. Just drop them. Techniques are good for seduction, but relationships are way past that shit, and from what you describe of yourself you're just being a manipulative asshole.

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 01, 2017 5:25 pm 
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Quote:
Update:

I was out having drinks last night and she was also out at a party. Someone at the party showed her pictures of me on instagram from last night of me partying with some girls. She messaged me asking "who the fuck are those girls in your instagram". I simply responded with "you'll see me tonight". She responded "ohh really? When/where?". She texted a few times after that but clearly had drank a lot.

I ignore the texts for a little then called and asked where she was. She said going home (in an angry tone), so I said I'm coming over sometime later that night and hung up.

So I went over after I'd finished at the bar. She was in a bad mood crying because she had a big argument with her friend that night. She started accusing me (angrily) of fucking other girls and said we never actually broke up. I didn't acknowledge or deny but said she's "got it all wrong". I then cut her off and kissed her. She didn't hesitate. It killed all the tension immediately but was not a long kiss.

We talked and I told her I'd considered the relationship over after the date we were meant to meet up. She opened up more then usual about the relationship and said I didn't show her enough emotion and was too serious sometimes. She also said I rarely show i care or think about her because I don't text/call her much.

She wanted to start again and "date". She said she didn't want to see other people, just to get things back to how they were (which I think is bs). I told her I'd be at a party on Saturday and that she could come (as a date). I made it clear this meant we're not together and i could be seeing other girls. She didn't know how to respond to that.

Didn't get further than kissing. She was too intoxicated and emotional about her friend and the situation that every time I tried to escalate she'd keep asking questions. I was also very intoxicated and definelty wouldn't have been at my best. Stayed the night but left earlier the next day instead of staying like I usually would.

I went to kiss her in the morning but she hesitated saying we should take it slow. So as I was walking out I hugged her but didn't go in for a kiss. She looked confused and grabbed onto me to come in for the kiss. Confusing! Any idea why girls do this? Is this a test?

If she does come on Saturday I'll be sure to pull out some techniques. There will be a lot of good looking girls with me at the party (I know them all well) so I'm going to make her work to get my attention and prove she wants to be with me. This will be it. If the night doesn't go well I'm walking away. My feelings for her have dropped a lot since the break.
I think we talked a little too much last night so I'm not going to say much on Friday. Just actions. She has been texting me a few times today.

She mentioned I don't show enough emotion. I know this is kind of true because other girls have said it to me as well. Does anyone have any tips on how much emotion to show and in what ways? I've read a lot about creating "emotional roller coasters" but clearly isn't something I'm good at yet!
Move on. It obviously didn't work out, nor will it now, 100%. Take it from a relationship therapist.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 02, 2017 10:26 am 
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Neo87: I think I'm confusing emotion and neediness.
I was too serious (unemotional) in that I tried too hard not to react to anything. Maintained my frame and never opened up much. She used the word "robotic".

Neediness was because I would be too touchy, sometimes stay over at her place too long, try to kiss her too often and smile a lot. Not extreme, but still a little more than I'd like.

What I need to work on is the balance between the two. This isn't new for me, this lack of emotion stuff has come up in past relationships.

She was "shocked at how quickly I'd moved on" following last weeks events. She knows now my feelings have dropped. Others also know and have told her. I was happy to walk out of her house without kissing her goodbye and she quickly grabbed me and pulled me back. As it stands right now, if she said she wanted to be my girlfriend I would not go back. Too many red flags at this stage. I needed the time off to realise this. Taking it slow is the right approach. We're now just "dating" so in the meantime I will be seeing other girls.

I still want to be with her but I'm not setting myself up for failure again. If we get serious, it will be on my terms.

Stoliar: I'm not being an asshole, I'm trying to avoid being used. I want to be with her but she's different than the girls I've been with before (hence why I've come here for advice).

N2thevoid: Easier said than done. The break was great in helping me take hold of my feelings for her. If I can get the sex right (which I'm confident I can next time I see her) then things should get better for both of us. That's the major missing ingredient. This next meet up will be my last effort - if it doesn't go well I can say I tried and it didn't work.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 02, 2017 5:04 pm 
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Quote:
Stoliar: I'm not being an asshole, I'm trying to avoid being used. I want to be with her but she's different than the girls I've been with before (hence why I've come here for advice).
Then if she's trying to use you that's a red flag to me. I would never want to be with a girl who's playing power games (no problem with seduction games, as long as the intent is good).

Still if you want to step into that zone I'd make sure that you think beforehand what are your boundaries, what you will tolerate and what you won't, and that each time she crosses those boundaries you calmly yet firmly let her know. Show her that mutual respect is the first principle holding a relationship to you (which it should), and if she's not gonna abide then you don't want to have anything to do with her.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 03, 2017 6:08 am 
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I haven't read all the posts but this girl sounds like a headache...I know this type and it rarely works. She doesn't sound very mature/stable. I'd move on to someone more down to earth and not so dramatic. Personal opinion, although I don't really know her obviously.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 06, 2017 6:59 am 
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Stoliar: It started off that way. At the start I didn't really hold onto my standards/boundaries and just went with the flow. Where it landed me is where I'm at now.

Mjm1014: I agree. To me she was worth some effort because of how well we got along and how similar our minds were. I felt very comfortable with her. But I didn't anticipate her changing this fast and neither did anyone else who knows her.


Update: So Saturday rolled around and of course she didn't show up. She had work late that night so it was difficult. She texted me that she was sorry and was "scarred"....was a bit confused by this but probably another red flag.

I just responded saying 'that's okay' and asked her to drop off my bike to my house the next day. The next day she comes by and drops it off. She was in a rush and couldn't stay, but asked if she'd see me soon. I responded "maybe" and she looked taken back. She then suddenly jumped at me and hugged me tightly but I didn't hug back half as hard as she did.

As she left she mentioned she still had some of my clothes at her house (which I don't recall leaving or missing anything). Probably a tactic to try and string me along.

I'm now back with a fwb and also casually dating another girl. I'm not planning on getting back with this girl anytime soon if ever and will just go back into nc and doing my thing. If anything I'm learning a lot from this experience!


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 06, 2017 8:58 am 
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Quote:
Stoliar: It started off that way. At the start I didn't really hold onto my standards/boundaries and just went with the flow. Where it landed me is where I'm at now.

Mjm1014: I agree. To me she was worth some effort because of how well we got along and how similar our minds were. I felt very comfortable with her. But I didn't anticipate her changing this fast and neither did anyone else who knows her.


Update: So Saturday rolled around and of course she didn't show up. She had work late that night so it was difficult. She texted me that she was sorry and was "scarred"....was a bit confused by this but probably another red flag.

I just responded saying 'that's okay' and asked her to drop off my bike to my house the next day. The next day she comes by and drops it off. She was in a rush and couldn't stay, but asked if she'd see me soon. I responded "maybe" and she looked taken back. She then suddenly jumped at me and hugged me tightly but I didn't hug back half as hard as she did.

As she left she mentioned she still had some of my clothes at her house (which I don't recall leaving or missing anything). Probably a tactic to try and string me along.

I'm now back with a fwb and also casually dating another girl. I'm not planning on getting back with this girl anytime soon if ever and will just go back into nc and doing my thing. If anything I'm learning a lot from this experience!
Wow you really showed her.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 06, 2017 9:56 am 
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Quote:
Wow you really showed her.

haha.


OP, I think you're looking at all of this way, way too seriously. You view her as "the enemy". Treat her the way you are treating your current FWB. Simply hang out and hook up. No talks, no negativity. She's just another girl to bang right now.

When she tells you that you left clothes at her place, go get them, and then pin her to the wall and start making out. You're trying to play this game. But there doesn't seem to be another player.

I've been here before where I built a girl up in my head who was being difficult or who hurt me, and made her into some power for force that she wasn't. She was just another girl, perhaps confused.

And if it works out into something else, bonus.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 06, 2017 11:51 pm 
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I need to learn this! The way I treat my fwb or any girl I casually date is perfect. The way I treated her before we became serious awesome.

It's becoming easier with time to treat her like that (because attachment is fading) but still occasionally slip up!

Your advice so far has been awesome Arch! There is a friends party this weekend we're both invited to so another opportunity. She won't be my focus for the night as there are many other girls there i know and want to game. I might bring a female friend along as well.
Hopefully I can come back here and post that I fucked her brains out, it was amazing and I've dropped all the seriousness with her and we're just having fun. Or I'll do the shirt pickup and see where that leads.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 14, 2017 4:24 am 
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Update:

So not much has changed but thought I'd give an update. We've crossed paths a couple of times this week.

At the start of the week I asked her to give me feedback on a video I made (I'd mentioned it when we last met so she was expecting it). I'd asked multiple people for feedback. She texted back a day later with an enormous wall of text with her feedback. It was clearly well thought out and took a lot of time to write. Was a bit surprised as I expected a one line answer not 50.

A few days later while I was at work (I work at a bar occasionally) she came in with a friend (who also works with me) during the day. I was starting my shift, saw them and went over to say hello. Talked more to her friend then her. I was working on some things and as she walked past me she poked my ass but I didn't really respond. When she was leaving she stopped to say bye. There was very strong eye contact (kind of sexual) but the interaction was short.

Yesterday I went out to dinner with a female friend. As we walked in to get food, the venue was busy. I stepped out to the outdoor area, looked around and it so happens she was there again with her friend. We went over to say hello and talked (we all know each other). She randomly asked me if I was going to a mutual friends birthday later (which she was maybe going to but couldn't due to work) and I said yes. That's all we talked. My female friend who I had dinner with knows her well but they don't get along/ like each other. I stopped talking to my female friend while I was with my ex but now we're back to hanging out. She said my ex gave her the most intense dirty look when she saw her walk in with me.

Still on "no contact" from my end. It's hard to avoid her completely and there is a weird tension every time she's around. I still would like to hookup with her again and that's my goal.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 14, 2017 4:30 am 
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Quote:
This sounds bipolar:
Quote:
She mentioned I don't show enough emotion. I know this is kind of true because other girls have said it to me as well. Does anyone have any tips on how much emotion to show and in what ways? I've read a lot about creating "emotional roller coasters" but clearly isn't something I'm good at yet!
Quote:
She was extremely intimate at the the start, crazy clingy and attached but it quickly changed! Why? I think because i started to show some more emotion. Things like hugging her more often then i did before, being overly touchy, noticing her more etc. At the start i didn't really care as much - she was the one chasing. But as i became comfortable i started being less 'alpha'. I thought i could let my guard down a little but that wasn't a good idea! However, that's only part of the issue here, there's a lot more to this!
Quote:
By show more emotion I mean the things I mentioned. But also as an example we'd talk more about our feelings (the serious talks). When we're out as a group my focus would be on her more than others and having fun. Early on I did none of this but as soon as I started I could feel attraction dropping.
Quote:
I want to give it another try but do things differently, more on my terms.
This is not "your" terms. This is you trying to fit into a box to keep this chick. First, you were going to show less emotions....now you're going to show more. You're not SOLID. You're reacting to her. All of this so far, has amounted to essentially saying "she sets the tone and rules for the relationship. I shouldnt have been so emotional, its too early...wait, I need to show more emotions because thats what she said."

OP, I told you she wont contact you when she said. I told you she'd say lets go slow. Told you she'd chase when you posted something that would make her jealous. Your actions are dictated by her and you're stuck in this reactionary cycle. You are setting up the same scenario that got you the chick; ie she chases. Thing is, she chased in the beginning. What are you going to do when that wears off again? If your feelings are less, why are you running to see her. I look forward to the updates, but this is heading down the same road as many other threads here. Despite what you tell her, she gets more evidence that she has you and you will move, and change your actions for her.
Spot on. Couldn't have put it better myself.


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