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 Post subject: Advice needed
PostPosted: Fri Sep 29, 2017 3:10 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 20, 2016 6:51 am
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Hi guys,

So I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a few months now. It's kind of a long distance relationship, there's no issue with that for both of us. We're both students at different schools and we try to see each other whenever we can.

So a few days ago we were just talking on the phone just talking and asking each other questions. At some point it got sexual and she asked if i would ever consider doing a one night stand if i wasnt in a relationship cause i was a virign until i was with her. She revealed to me that she's had a one night stand before. I knew she about her sexual past with her ex but it really started to bother me for the past few days. During that call she asked if it bothered me. I lied and said no. She told me that she's super loyal and stuff and hope it doesn't change the way I look at her.

For some reason it really bothers me. I don't know why. During that call she also reassured me that sex with me was the best she's ever had. Whether this is true or not my mind keeps thinking about her one night stand/stands. I try not to think about it. Today she called me asking if things were okay. She felt that things felt different the past few days between us. It's true, I'm not texting her as much or putting much emotion in the texts.

I feel really bad about this, I can kinda tell she's feeling down about things between us.


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 Post subject: Re: Advice needed
PostPosted: Fri Sep 29, 2017 3:23 am 
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The Grand Puba
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Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2014 11:17 pm
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Location: Los Angeles
Since it's in her past, why does it concern you? Is it that you are judging her?

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 Post subject: Re: Advice needed
PostPosted: Fri Sep 29, 2017 3:32 am 
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I know it's her past. I guess I am judging her. I know i shouldnt be judging her but images of another guy keeps popping up in my head. It makes me wonder if it's at a bar or at a sorority party. She likes to go out time to time with her friends/roommates. It gets me worried when she's drunk and guys might start hitting on her.
Im afraid of getting needy again. That's what ruined my last relationship. Now I'm messing things up by not being my normal self. Idk man. What should i do? When i try to focus on other things like working out and studying she feels that something's not right between us. Idk how to get it out of my head.


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 Post subject: Re: Advice needed
PostPosted: Fri Sep 29, 2017 3:45 am 
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The Grand Puba
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Location: Los Angeles
Quote:
I know it's her past. I guess I am judging her. I know i shouldnt be judging her but images of another guy keeps popping up in my head. It makes me wonder if it's at a bar or at a sorority party. She likes to go out time to time with her friends/roommates. It gets me worried when she's drunk and guys might start hitting on her.
Im afraid of getting needy again. That's what ruined my last relationship. Now I'm messing things up by not being my normal self. Idk man. What should i do? When i try to focus on other things like working out and studying she feels that something's not right between us. Idk how to get it out of my head.
Understand that each time she goes out guys are hitting on her. The moment she gets out of class the guys are hitting on her. You can't stop it from happening. If you can't handle that idea then you shouldn't be in a relationship with her.

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 Post subject: Re: Advice needed
PostPosted: Sat Sep 30, 2017 7:06 am 
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Joined: Sat Jul 11, 2009 10:48 am
Posts: 844
"No I love you, babe, we both trust each other".
While pretending it is not happening. Sorry, ignorance is bliss, bro.


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 Post subject: Re: Advice needed
PostPosted: Sat Sep 30, 2017 7:30 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2015 3:06 am
Posts: 2540
Quote:
So a few days ago we were just talking on the phone just talking and asking each other questions. At some point it got sexual and she asked if i would ever consider doing a one night stand if i wasnt in a relationship cause i was a virign until i was with her. She revealed to me that she's had a one night stand before. I knew she about her sexual past with her ex but it really started to bother me for the past few days. During that call she asked if it bothered me. I lied and said no. She told me that she's super loyal and stuff and hope it doesn't change the way I look at her.

I don't see what the problem is, except for the fact you're in a LDR. I'd make it an open one, personally.
Quote:
For some reason it really bothers me. I don't know why.
Because you are brainwashed by the puritanical bullshit that still exists across many countries. We all were/are. A nipple during the Super Bowl causes world War III, but you can show people being stabbed on CSI: Omaha.


Also, she's not with you, and you're talking about sex, which is kind of frustrating for a guy. Probably a bunch of different emotions: turned on, jealous, shocked at realizing your princess was not a princess, etc.

Consider it a lesson in growing up and learning that women like sex just as much as guys, and aren't these fairy tale princesses of innocence.

Quote:
During that call she also reassured me that sex with me was the best she's ever had.
Jesus, man. I really hope you didn't egg this on, seeking this kind of validation. It's weak as fuck and if you do it enough she'll lose attraction for you.

Quote:
Whether this is true or not my mind keeps thinking about her one night stand/stands.
Yeah, because it's hot, lol! There are few things hotter than thinking about a girl you care about acting like a porn star, and having pleasure. It's great.

Quote:
I try not to think about it. Today she called me asking if things were okay. She felt that things felt different the past few days between us. It's true, I'm not texting her as much or putting much emotion in the texts.

I feel really bad about this, I can kinda tell she's feeling down about things between us.

You're acting emotionally-uncentered, like a moody bitch. Your girl sounds cool. Get your shit together and be the fun, chill guy, and realize your woman is not a princess, but a horn dog like you.

Take these insecurities you've been feeling, and flip them into sex talk with her, or talk about your fantasies. Turn the negative energy into a positive, mind-opening experience.

This is one of those "evolve" moments where a person moves beyond most people in terms of self-awareness and social/emotional intelligence.

You can be the confused, bummed out guy who lets his feelings control him, or you can channel your emotions into positivity, educate yourself, evolve, and grow.

your choice. ;)

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 Post subject: Re: Advice needed
PostPosted: Sun Oct 01, 2017 6:45 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 20, 2016 6:51 am
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Thank you both for responding. Im doing/feeling a lot better now. Yeah, the next day I just decided to my thoughts ruin my relationship and just set things back straight. :)


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