Here's a sneak peak at an un-edited chapter of my forthcoming free ebook that will be available in a few weeks!
Life took me down some crazy paths and my work was delayed, but I will eventually get this ebook done for you guys!
What is it? It's a long and awkward thing to say, so why can't we just call it something simple that turns into a catchy and easy to say acronym like AA? Well if that's your thing, then fine, call it AAE or even AE (Approach Excitement), but for god's sake stop calling it approach "anxiety" because that isn't what it is and it's fucking with your head. Seriously.
Anyone familiar with me is aware of my passion for language and the importance that words carry. If you're at all familiar with the basics of NLP, then you should understand where this focus comes from and if you're not familiar, then you're gonna learn some really important concepts by reading this.
Anthony Robbins wrote:
Many entertainers, for example, right before they go onstage, get a feeling of tension in their stomachs. Their breathing changes, their pulse races and they begin to perspire. Some consider this to be a natural part of the preparation to perform, while others see it as evidence that they will fail. These sensations, which Carly Simon called "stage fright", kept her from performing live for years. Bruce Springsteen, on the other hand, gets the same kind of tension in his stomach, only he labels these feelings "excitement"! . . . He can't wait to get onstage. For Bruce Springsteen, tension in his stomach is an ally; for Carly Simon it's an enemy.
This concept is thoroughly backed up by all the foundation principles of NLP and is what inspired an entire chapter in Awaken the Giant Within (where that quote was taken from) on what Robbins calls Transformational Vocabulary. In other words, precisely what I've been telling people for ages . . .
Words have power
By giving a new label to something you dramatically change the effect it has on people psychologically, yourself included. This is explained by Robbins in detail through the telling of an anecdote about an instance causing extreme anger in his CEO, who used words such as "enraged and "furious"; anger in Robbins, who used words like "angry" and "upset"; and his friend, who was hardly moved by the situation, used "a bit annoyed" and "peeved" to describe their feelings.
One might say that the words a person uses are merely the result of the person's feelings towards the situation and that paying attention to the words we use is silly or even something that people do just to sound smarter than other people (we all know someone like that, right). In order to test this theory Robbins began using the words "annoyed" and "peeved" (which he thought was the "stupidest word he'd ever heard" at the time of the previous incident) to describe his feelings of anger and upset from then on. He began to notice that being "peeved" caused emotions of much less intensity than when he said he was "angry", especially when he added modifiers such as "a bit" or "slightly". Soon he didn't
get angry anymore. He would automatically view himself as only being a bit annoyed when something typically would have greatly upset him!
This is easily explained with science and biology, it isn't just "feel good wishful thinking bullshit" as some people like to claim! Our brains have formed neural-pathways to concepts - connections in your brain between emotions - to which we link (or anchor) specific words. When you feel a specific way you will describe it using those specific words that you have linked to that feeling, just like you have linked words to the concepts of certain colours like blue or red; those words only have those meanings because you gave them that definition by linking them to those specific
concepts. By changing the words that you use to describe an experience you will change how you experience it.
Anthony Robbins wrote:
"The words we attach to our experience become our experience."
"Selecting words that empower you is critical."
Another thing about these neuro-associations is that the more often you establish that connection, the stronger that association becomes. The more often you feel happy, the easier it is to be happy and the same goes for other emotions. The more often you use a word while feeling a certain way, the more you will feel that way when you say that word.
What this means in regards to approach "anxiety" and Approach Anticipation Excitement:
Now that you understand the foundation principles that come into play, you can understand the concept fully.
The pickup community is rife with acronyms and those acronyms become linked to concepts that are supposed to help people improve their understanding of how attracting the opposite sex works, as well as create a "secret" language for them to use in order to feel special, secret and superior. These words become anchors for concepts even more strongly than regular words and because they are used so frequently.
Approach "anxiety" is a term that is used incredibly frequently and so for most people it has powerful feelings associated to it, feelings that are almost identical to how Anthony Robbins described the feeling of "stage fright". Many people that have had to perform on stage or in front of a group of people knows the same feeling occurs then as well. Just like Bruce Springsteen however, you can choose to label that feeling excitement, because it certainly isn't anxiety!
If you have ever had a panic attack aka an anxiety attack, you are familiar with what anxiety is and you know for a fact that it isn't the feeling you get before talking to a girl! Anxiety is an extreme concept that words don't even do justice to. Anxiety is what happens when you are completely paralyzed with fear and the certainty that no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, things are going to turn out badly. If that was the case, then you wouldn't even think about talking to a girl, you wouldn't have the feeling of indecision because you'd know that you couldn't do it. That's NOT how you feel though!
You know that talking to a girl is not only possible, but that you've done it before, as have billions and trillions of men before you. You know that the stuff you are learning is all based upon the experience of real guys that once had trouble talking to girls and now are very very good at it, so you know
that you're capable of it to. The feelings that you get before the approach aren't really anxiety, they're excitement over the possibility of something great happening! You're imagining the possibility that you're going to attract that girl you are attracted to and your body is doing exactly what it's designed to do and it's getting you ready!
Before you run a race you'll probably feel the exact same things in your body, the adrenaline rush, the queasiness in your stomach, the light-headedness; all just symptoms of your body gearing up for you to run as fast as you can and perform your best. Your body does similar things before you speak in front of a group of people so that your mind is alert and ready. Pickup is just a performance art, just like acting or singing, there's a reason why they're called pickup artists
. Your body gears up just before you begin talking to the group in order to help prepare you and assist you to perform your best so that you can get through the initial few seconds, after which that feeling goes away.
You probably also notice that once you do perform any uncomfortable feelings go away and you're left feeling great! Same thing happens right after you start talking to a group of people or get that number or kiss from the girl you approached! Once you push yourself to approach, after the initial 3 seconds all those unpleasant feelings go away and you're left feeling amazing; those first 3 seconds you felt so juiced up were just because your body had you prepared to respond in case she threw you a curveball.
Like I said, all it is, is excitement. You know something amazing is a possibility, so you know
it isn't anxiety, because with anxiety you can't even conceive of anything good occurring. Your body knows something amazing is a possibility, so it gets you pumped up to handle the situation, that way it doesn't matter if she throws you a "shit test", your brain is on overdrive and can handle anything she comes up with! Your body is doing you a favour and all because you're excited!
Now, you can continue to call those feelings of discomfort "anxiety" even though you know
they aren't. The problem with doing that is that every time you say you have "approach anxiety", you only strengthen the negative associations you feel. The more you say it, the more those uncomfortable feelings you experience feel like anxiety and end up holding you back from talking to all those guys and girls you really want to. The more you use that term, the worse it will get.
So change the words you use to describe that feeling and you'll change how
you feel! You know your body is doing you a favour and getting excited in order to help you perform your best, so THANK your body! Appreciate that feeling and revel in it rather than running from it and fearing it. If you appreciate that feeling and call it what it really is - excitement - your words have power and you will feel excited and eager to talk to those people rather than afraid!
Wouldn't you rather be excited and eager to talk to the guy or girl that you've been drooling over all night?
Wouldn't that be a million times better that being afraid and reluctant to go over there? Wouldn't you feel amazing, confident and sexy, knowing that because you feel that way you are pumped and ready to handle any situation and that you're going to bring fun, excitement and happiness to that person and anyone they're hanging out with? I know I do when I think of it like that! I know that when I DO think of it like that, people can't get enough of me and everyone loves to be around me. I know
that if you use these words to describe how you feel you'll start to feel the same way and get the same results!
Remember what happened with Tony Robbins started changing the words he used when he felt angry; pretty soon he no longer felt "angry", he just felt "a bit peeved". By saying you merely have "Approach Anticipation Excitement" or Approach Excitement for short, you'll have a positive outlook on things, you'll be much more resourceful and you'll FEEL excited and eager. No more feeling uncomfortable, no more hesitation, no more excuses, just freedom to experience all the fun and excitement that life has to offer!
Now anyone that is still not sure whether this isn't all just some silly idea, I suggest you take a look around at some products that pickup instructors offer people. At LEAST half of the products on the market are geared towards helping people overcome their "approach anxiety".
That's a hell of a lot of material on one concept! Why so much? Simple, the more people talk about it, the more people focus on it and getting rid of it, the more products are created in order to help "fix" it, which only enforces those neuro-pathways we talked about earlier.
The more you focus on the problem, the bigger the problem gets. That's why people say, "think of the solution, not the problem" because if you think of the problem that's all you'll see, but if you think of the solution that's what you'll get. I had a student that claimed to have read "everything ever written about 'approach anxiety,'" it shouldn't be surprising to discover that he had developed such a massive discomfort that it had become anxiety. That only caused him to read more and more material on the subject, which only made things worse; it was a never ending cycle feeding upon itself. Seems like an amazing marketing technique to me.
If you want people to buy your product they have to have a need for your product, it's simple business planning. If you want to really improve your business you make people think that they need your product because only your product can fulfill that need. The more those companies tell you that you have anxiety over approaching people the more it builds and the more you feel the need to buy their product in order to overcome that problem. By simply realising that you don't actually have anxiety, you are just excited
, you no longer need to worry about "fixing" the problem, because you can realise that it isn't a problem, it's a gift that your body is giving you.
Free yourself from your fears and whatever may be holding you back because now you know the truth, now you know all those times you thought something was wrong because you got all jittery, your body was actually trying to help you. Now that you know that you never have to be afraid of approaching another person EVER!
You can do anything because you know you've got Approach Excitement (or AE for you acronym junkies
) and your body and mind are ready for it![/b]