I'm not blurring any lines, I'm trying to understand. Never in my life have I met a guy that has multiple women that flake after months of dating and then just disappearing.

Look dude, women flake and nobody likes it. I don't like it but it happens to me too. The difference is how you handle it and anger and having to say something to them about it is weak. A girl flakes on me, it's the last time she hears from me. I've had relationships that have lasted for years end, so why should I get angry over women that are merely dates especially when I can just about guarantee that there is always going to be the next girl?

You're here and people can see that your communication style is confrontational. You're defensive on a forum full of strangers. If someone were to ask me if I believed that you have a problem with women sticking around, I'd definitely believe it because you are adversarial. If you're putting that type of negativity out towards women then you should understand why you're having the problems that you are having with women.

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Getting flakes is not a big deal. I always have other plans, but as I am normally spinning a few plates, it's easy to just say "No worries, let me know when you want to rearrange" and then that's the last message you send, move on. If she hits you up in a month, great, if not nothing lost.

Girls flake for many reasons. Some are listed below
Ex boyfriend (or getting back with an ex)
More exciting plans - many women will put dates at the back of the queue if something more interesting turns up (I have done this when on the fence if better options occur).
Lack of comfort building - What are you saying to these women when approaching, what are you texting them? Have you made her feel comfortable with you?
Genuine excuse - yes these do happen.

Just by sending one simple text after a flake as shown above, 50% of the time, they will hit you up after a few weeks IF you refrain from any contact, but keep the door open.

From what I read, if you are not very attractive, you are going to have to comfort build more and leave a lasting impression before setting up a date. This will reduce the amount of flakes you get. Read RCs texting guide as well.

Here's a question, you a plan a date with an average woman. But wait for it, your ideal match comes along and can only manage a date on the same night as a date already planned, as she is in demand. You are not going to tell the first girl the truth are you, your going to want to leave the door open, so you make up some excuse and flake, and go with the better option.

Women will do exactly the same to you. But that date may fail and she will hit you up to re-arrange.

As for flakes, simple rule for me, one flake and it's down to them to rearrange and set time and place. If they do, and then flake again, it's then delete no, ignore and a hard next.

But you have to get your mindset right.

I like this Pilgrim.

Let's say you have a great first date with a girl. The day of your second date you get:

"Hey Rob, I'm sorry but I'm afraid I'm going to have to cancel tonight. I was up way too late celebrating the election and partied too hard. And by the way, I don't know if I should be telling you this, but I just got started on my period; I'm in really rough shape! If we could plan another time, that would be great."

You respond in no way shape or form.

You text her three weeks later. She responds: "Yeah, I told you that I couldn't make it and let you know why but when I didn't hear back from you I simply moved on."

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LMAO...now I understand why you are so upset. My fault for thinking that it was your fault.

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Being really offended or even sad when a chick flakes, is pedestalling women in a way. Like, honestly a chick cant really waste your time unless you're dressed and at a venue specifically to go on a date with her and she no shows. If a chick makes a plan with you, and before you even get ready, she flakes with a legit or false reason, whats the matter? If you dont go on a date your night is a waste? What does that say about how you spend your time? If a chick flakes on me, I'll do something else. It may involve another woman, it may involve friends, it may involve taking care of something. If you have nothing going on in life besides dates, then yeah it'll suck when you dont get a date, but thats your fault for making dates and women the only thing you can do. I'd just do something else even if its by myself, I have shit I could do. I was supposed to go to a friend's thing with some other friends and we didnt end up going because of poor planning. Was my night wasted? No, I did something else.

I know some may disagree, but I dont agree with the whole "text only for meetups" thing. Thats probably why alot of guys still get legit flakes. Personally, if Im interested in a chick, we're communicating beyond just in person. A text here, there, a tease there, a joke, something serious, I dunno. But if we have a date a few days away, I'm in decent enough contact with the chick to know how the vibe is going and whats going on in her life. So whereby a guy who follows the whole "text only to set the date up" thing, doesnt know anything, when he hears the chick say the morning of the date "sorry my sister just flew into town" and doesnt know if she's lying or not, I know 2 days ago she was talking about how her sister was supposed to come to day after the date and she prob just came early. The "text only for meetups" guy, just thinks he's getting a bs story and distances himself from the chick when its sincere, I have a better idea that things are still good and dont overthink it.

Thanks for the benefit of a doubt queerbait

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Lol...so angry.

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Neo, you are preaching the absolute antithesis of the Corey Wayne stuff that I spoke out against a while back. Basically this guy contended that a phone should be used for one thing: setting up dates. While Corey does have a lot to teach that is of value, I find his views on contact with women a little unrealistic.

Here we are in complete agreement. I believe that keeping in touch with a woman every day or every other day leading up to a date that is scheduled two weeks out is certainly not needy; in fact all you are doing is keeping yourself on her radar so that "her sister doesn't fly into town" the day of your date when she hasn't heard from you in 5 days.

The gist of his argument is that if you are always around and available to text a girl right back or are texting with a girl several times throughout the week, she will assume that you are simply too available, and that must mean that other girls aren't chasing yaou, therefore you must not be much of a catch.

I shit you not, that is the reasoning; but it is reasonably sound logic because the more scarce you make yourself, the more the girls do tend to kind of reach out... Is that wrong?

The number one Hazard is though, no joke, never allow yourself to be too available. Don't be ready on the other end of the line ready to take her call within the minute all day everyday. That does send a message that other chicks aren't chasing you and if they aren't... Why aren't they... Which leads to... You're probably not much of a catch. I've seen it play out in real life over and over and over. I'm with you on the sting on the radar thing so that the sister doesn't fly into town on the night of your date, but you got to be careful.

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Here you're taking it in a needy direction. I dont stay in touch to keep myself on the radar; I keep in touch because if we had chemistry we would naturally be enjoying that chemistry and vibe even when we're not in the same room. I'm talking to her, because if I dont even like talking to her why would I meet up with her?
Always around and keeping in touch are 2 very different things. I can keep in touch with a chick and it take hours for me to reply to a message. The thing is, many guys who are insecure need to portray that they are a catch NOT by what they DO, but what they DON'T. So instead of being to have a conversation and let THAT convey you're a catch, they AVOID talking so calls ASSUME they're a catch. Its insecure. No girl thinks wow this guy can communicate with me easily and in a non needy manner, no other chick would want this! You can take a chick on a great date; she knows you can do great dates. Fuck a chick well, she knows you can fuck well. You can be good at what you actually DO, vs being good and NOT doing something to let her assume you're good at the opposite.

And yeah, Jcak is right. Chick cancelled a date, for what sounds legit, or at least she making an effort and you ignored that and wondered why she moved on. Thats on you. You have bitterness, insecurity and anger and you really need to work on those BEYOND women, to know how to interact with them in an adult manner.

After the flake you simply go "Hey that's cool, let me know when you are free", and that's it. She let you down so it's down to her to hit you up with an alternative arrangement. May never happen but the door is always left open, but you're too busy to chase.

My point was you don't reach out at all, until she reaches out to you. If she hasn't responded, she's probably seeing someone else, except you have other options so no need to text her in 3 weeks or at all. She may even hit you up in 6 months of no contact. You've not read my post properly.

No I'm not. Of course I'm vibing with the girl and enjoy our interactions. The fact that I find them worthwhile is implied. Of course I only want to go out with girls I'm interested in, and not just for dating's sake. Your need to make a distinction between staying on the radar and having chemistry with a girl, thereby wanting to be on her radar, is neither here nor there.
You are guilty of misrepresentation.

Nowhere have I expressed bitterness towards women. I merely came here to discuss how I've learned how to deal with cancellations, rejections, and other flakes, in a healthy manner, which appears to have fallen on deaf ears. You are projecting.

Wait, what's this? pua-lounge/rejection-anger-put-therapy- ... l#p1001940

I'm also interested in, whenever I can, promoting circumstances and an environment where I, and other guys, don't get bent out of shape when they learn the girl they were supposed to see in two hours has to cancel to provide moral support to her coworker's neighbor because little scruffy got hit by a car.

You are correct on one point at least though: A girl cancelling on you shouldn't mean you now have nothing to do that night. That's just plain "having a life" coordination. Some guys need to work on that more than others.

The only issue with me in that territory is that I live in a very "guest list/RSVP"-oriented city, where events are heavily booked, and if you duck out of something for a date, and she cancels on you within the hour, you don't get your spot back.

If all of my friends who're in town that Saturday are going on a party boat cruise, and I've declined so I can see this girl who later cancels, I don't get back in.

Does that mean absolutely that there can be nothing for me to possibly do that night? In theory, no. Sure, I could go out to bars solo and just do some old fashioned cold approaching, but in reality, a confluence of events like that will probably most likely just put me on the couch in front of Netflix that night.

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Of course I have. I read what you wrote, as it was written.

Not writing back to a same-day cancellation and cutting contact and giving a cheerful reply, followed by cutting contact are virtually the same thing: You're putting it on her to reach out with further interest, as she cancelled on you.

She's the one who has cancelled on you same-day. She knows the gravity of that and knows what she's doing.

Cheerful reply to her same-day cancellation or not, if she's interested, she'll come-a-knocking later. If not, she cancelled on you because she's not interested, dude. Hang it up and move on.

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Wait, what's this? Name calling. The need to prove a point. This an angry response from a guy that claims that he's learned how to deal with cancellations, rejections, and other flakes, in a healthy manner.

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bit·ter·ness
ˈbidərnəs/Submit
noun
1.
sharpness of taste; lack of sweetness.
"the lime juice imparts a slight bitterness"
synonyms: sharpness, acidity, acridity, tartness, sourness, harshness; More
2.
anger and disappointment at being treated unfairly; resentment.
"he expressed bitterness over his dismissal without notice"


That's to your bitterness point.

As to the radar thing... Approach well. Communicate well. If you do just those 2 things you don't have to worry about staying on a chicks radar. She doesn't have another guy who approached her in the supermarket as I did. She doesn't have a guy who flirts with her like I do. I'm not worried about her forgetting me. As I said if you do the thing you do right she'll know you're a catch and she'll want to see you.

That wasn't bitterness. That was me having fun dishing it back because I had already decided this was a girl I wasn't interested in. I was also prodding her to think twice next time she tries to treat a guy like that.

Remember, I mentioned that part of my recovery was learning that some of these girls are of a quality that I'm not interested in if they treat people like that.

Your bitterness point is therefore moot.

Your radar point is repetitive, but I agree with it.

I don't agree however, with your contention that only insecure men show value by *not* doing things.

That girl who picked a time and place and when I wrote trying to confirm and she let the texts sit before texting "I've been without my phone and I'm no longer available"......that date could've been secured by NOT texting her as fewer texts would have conveyed higher value.

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