jealousy


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 Post subject: Re: jealousy
PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2017 8:33 am 
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but i have to lt it sink in... n may i ask yall, what is the root cause of jelousy any way. In the experience of reference, "beyond lightyears" of wise knowledge..?

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 Post subject: Re: jealousy
PostPosted: Fri Feb 24, 2017 8:39 am 
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Exept for the ugly part..?

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 Post subject: Re: jealousy
PostPosted: Fri Feb 24, 2017 1:33 pm 
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You should tell her if you are not comfortable with something she does. There is no need to hide something from someone you like.

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 Post subject: Re: jealousy
PostPosted: Fri Feb 24, 2017 2:08 pm 
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Jealousy is healthy and can be justified depending on the circumstance. If it's a serious commitment then you need to point it out clearly were her boundaries lie and what you're uncomfortable with. Just be careful on how you tell her.


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 Post subject: Re: jealousy
PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2017 12:33 pm 
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csmooth wrote:
Jealousy is healthy and can be justified depending on the circumstance. If it's a serious commitment then you need to point it out clearly were her boundaries lie and what you're uncomfortable with. Just be careful on how you tell her.


Jealousy is not healthy.

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 Post subject: Re: jealousy
PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2017 3:12 pm 
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neo87 wrote:
You'd have to be more specific and give examples. For e.g. You could be talking about being "jealous" that your gf is sleeping over at her exs place. That's more boundaries. Or you could be talking about you're "jealous" your gf talks more to her friend than you. That's more insecurities



Hope no one minds I chip in with an example of my own (happened some time ago), but what about this:

In the morning I call with a girl I've been dating (nothing official but we only sleep with eachother) and we arrange to meet up during the afternoon to go for a walk when I'm back from the gym. I called her when I got back but she wasn't feeling that good anymore and wanted to stay at home. I said sure no problem and went out with some friends instead.

Later that day she texts me what I'm doing and tells me she's at a winebar with another guy who asked her to go out for a drink (a guy she has been trying to make me jealous with before). I replied with ' Haha seriously?' and then stopped replying to her texts. (she said: What? Am I not allowed? followed by random texts telling me she was home and asking me what I'm doing). Eventuelly she called me asking me why I wasn't answering anymore and if I was upset.


I'm not sure what best response here would have been but I simply told her I didn't mind if she went out for drinks with someone else but that it was disrespectful how she handled it, telling me she wants to stay at home but going out with someone else instead.


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 Post subject: Re: jealousy
PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2017 4:24 pm 
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Jealousy can come from two things as far as I see it: insecurity, like people have said above (you're afraid that that dude she's talking to will seduce her and take her away from you), and breaking the rules that define your relationship (you defined your relationship as "I'm the only one she has sex with, or hold hands with, or watches porn with" but she turns out to do one of these things with another guy).

As for insecurity, you gotta realize that the reasons of your insecurity will never go away. Even if you've been married for 10 years and she's been telling you she loves you everyday, there's always a possible scenario where she can start loving or desiring someone else, and eventually leave you. But clinging on that insecurity is like going to see a movie and be pissed all along because you're afraid the next scene is going to be the last. Rather, you should enjoy the moment, nurture it, and accept the end if it comes.

Regarding the rules aspect of relationship: it feels great when your girl is giving you something and you know you're the only one on Earth who has right to it right now. But the trade-off is that, in order to get that exclusivity that defines your relationship, you gotta ask your partner to restrain her freedom (she's not gonna have sex with other guys, she's not gonna go on holidays with other guys, she's not gotta go out of the house, etc.). It's up to both of you to discuss and see what trade-off you're comfortable with. That's my answer to OP's question.

One last thing: if a girl disrespects you, like in Salasa's post, if she lies to you, if she's being secretive, that's not jealousy that you should feel, but, if anything, contempt. I don't want to have anything to do with someone who's not good at interacting with her fellow humans, so I'd just wave goodbye. Also, any attempt to making me jealous would be wasted on me, as I can't recall ever feeling that.

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 Post subject: Re: jealousy
PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2017 6:20 pm 
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Da wrote:
DJ_Z wrote:
csmooth wrote:
Jealousy is healthy and can be justified depending on the circumstance. If it's a serious commitment then you need to point it out clearly were her boundaries lie and what you're uncomfortable with. Just be careful on how you tell her.


Jealousy is not healthy.


It's human, though.


Doesn't mean it is good or that you shouldn't process it in a healthy way...like realizing it is irrational and changing your perspective

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 Post subject: Re: jealousy
PostPosted: Wed Mar 01, 2017 2:19 am 
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Nothing in this thread so far is jealousy. There's a difference between being a jealous, insecure guy and a guy who just has common sense.

Quote:
well let's say your girlfriend is texting a lot with a guy from work. This hasn't happened to me, but let's work on the basis it has.
It went from nothing, but they are texting quite a lot and she isn't keen on letting you see the messages.


This is your chick acting suspiciously. Jealousy would be if your chick is texting a guy from work,acting normal, yet you still are worrying what she's texting about. If your chick suddenly is texting some guy, and you see her hiding her phone all of a sudden, its common sense something is amidst.

Quote:
ok, let me take this one step further...

You then hear she slept overnight at this guy's place as the office went out late and she couldn't get home.
Is that an issue?


Again, this is a chick doing something many would consider inappropriate.

Quote:
In the morning I call with a girl I've been dating (nothing official but we only sleep with eachother) and we arrange to meet up during the afternoon to go for a walk when I'm back from the gym. I called her when I got back but she wasn't feeling that good anymore and wanted to stay at home. I said sure no problem and went out with some friends instead.

Later that day she texts me what I'm doing and tells me she's at a winebar with another guy who asked her to go out for a drink (a guy she has been trying to make me jealous with before). I replied with ' Haha seriously?' and then stopped replying to her texts. (she said: What? Am I not allowed? followed by random texts telling me she was home and asking me what I'm doing). Eventuelly she called me asking me why I wasn't answering anymore and if I was upset.


This is a chick playing games and being dishonest. Jealousy would be, if you were fucking a chick with no relationship, and you actually were wondering if she were out with another guy or what she talks to other guys about. This is just a game player.


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